i don't hate you. it sounds, however, as if you are hating yourself. i've gone through that & still experience moments where i can't stand the sight of myself, so i can empathize with you.
the important thing is to talk it out with people -- to try to understand it, to become aware when you allow yourself to be treated in certain ways & why & when/why you treat others so, and to try to work through it.
No...I'm not seeing anyone right now, though I know I should be.
Basically it started with a feeling of hopelessness and frustration, like she didn't care about me the way I wanted her to, and never would. When I felt like she thought I was stupid and weird and demented. Whenever she said something that made me feel stupid, I'd have to make a huge deal out of it, never let anything go. I couldn't be satisfied until I'd made her feel bad too. Like everyone has to share in my misery. That's how I was feeling when I'd act that way. I would feel jealous and angry and sad, like life was so unfair and would always be. I'd make her feel bad about her celeb crushes, like saying "eww, she's gross, how can you like her" and making her feel weird, guilty, bad about it.
ok I know that's way too much info to put on your journal, but there it is.
I know I should be in therapy...I know I should. :(
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the important thing is to talk it out with people -- to try to understand it, to become aware when you allow yourself to be treated in certain ways & why & when/why you treat others so, and to try to work through it.
are you seeing a counselor?
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Basically it started with a feeling of hopelessness and frustration, like she didn't care about me the way I wanted her to, and never would. When I felt like she thought I was stupid and weird and demented. Whenever she said something that made me feel stupid, I'd have to make a huge deal out of it, never let anything go. I couldn't be satisfied until I'd made her feel bad too. Like everyone has to share in my misery. That's how I was feeling when I'd act that way. I would feel jealous and angry and sad, like life was so unfair and would always be. I'd make her feel bad about her celeb crushes, like saying "eww, she's gross, how can you like her" and making her feel weird, guilty, bad about it.
ok I know that's way too much info to put on your journal, but there it is.
I know I should be in therapy...I know I should. :(
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or maybe you could join a group at school?
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