Ode to Mike
I was reading through some fortunes from a fortune telling site thing recently and some of them made me think of my good friend Mike. So I decided that I would take all these wonderful fortunes and section them off and post them in my life journal for my buddy to read. I've made three sections so it'll be easy for him to come back and find his favorite ones, the sections are as follows: Things we have or would say to Mike, How Mike sucks at life and finally Love & Health.
Things would have or would say to Mike:
None of your dreams Will ever come true. ...Especially that one with the truck full of cheerleaders. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?
All life is suffering, punctuated by brief moments of happiness. I predict yours will be no different. Actually, it will be worse. HA HA!
You spread joy and laughter everywhere you go. uh...they're laughing WITH you, I promise.....
The grass is always greener on the other side. On your side, however, it will always be brown and trampled and covered in dog crap
If at first you don't succeed ...take the fucking hint
Fortune is smiling on you. Or maybe that's death, I forget
I see good things in the future. For other people.
Your team will lose. That's what you get for beleiving in anything
A new opportunity will present itself. Don't worry, you'll blow it again, for sure. Way to go, asshole.
How Mike Sucks at life:
Live in the now, ...and savor the hardships you brought upon yourself by not planning ahead. dumbfuck
Your present plans are going to succeed. er....fail. I meant fail.
You are talented in many ways. Like breathing, eating, and crapping. That's about it
Try something different You'll like the results. It'll liven up your pathetic life
The current week will bring you much happiness. Enjoy it. it's all downhill afterwards
You have a strong, noble and interesting character.....wait... ...wrong person. Uh, next?
In the future, I see adventure and excitement ......just not for you
You will make a wise business deal. and then a stupid one. and live in the gutter for the rest of your life
Love & Health:
You'll get some tonight. how the fuck YOU managed that, I don't know.... I guess some people REALLY need money...
Stop kidding yourself; It's because you're so goddamn ugly.
A suprise treat awaits you. ...Suprise! it IS herpes after all
I KNOW you're not getting any. Have you considered that god's trying to phase your line out?
Soon, you will make a new friend. His name is Jack. Jack Daniels. He will become your best and only friend
I predict excellent health. For a while. Then, you'll get Ebola. and herpes and have 3 heart attacks.
And finally............
You'll soon meet the love of your life. Just kidding. There's no-one out there for you. You'll die alone, and rats will eat you
Remember mike... We love you.
Things would have or would say to Mike:
None of your dreams Will ever come true. ...Especially that one with the truck full of cheerleaders. Seriously, what the hell were you thinking?
All life is suffering, punctuated by brief moments of happiness. I predict yours will be no different. Actually, it will be worse. HA HA!
You spread joy and laughter everywhere you go. uh...they're laughing WITH you, I promise.....
The grass is always greener on the other side. On your side, however, it will always be brown and trampled and covered in dog crap
If at first you don't succeed ...take the fucking hint
Fortune is smiling on you. Or maybe that's death, I forget
I see good things in the future. For other people.
Your team will lose. That's what you get for beleiving in anything
A new opportunity will present itself. Don't worry, you'll blow it again, for sure. Way to go, asshole.
How Mike Sucks at life:
Live in the now, ...and savor the hardships you brought upon yourself by not planning ahead. dumbfuck
Your present plans are going to succeed. er....fail. I meant fail.
You are talented in many ways. Like breathing, eating, and crapping. That's about it
Try something different You'll like the results. It'll liven up your pathetic life
The current week will bring you much happiness. Enjoy it. it's all downhill afterwards
You have a strong, noble and interesting character.....wait... ...wrong person. Uh, next?
In the future, I see adventure and excitement ......just not for you
You will make a wise business deal. and then a stupid one. and live in the gutter for the rest of your life
Love & Health:
You'll get some tonight. how the fuck YOU managed that, I don't know.... I guess some people REALLY need money...
Stop kidding yourself; It's because you're so goddamn ugly.
A suprise treat awaits you. ...Suprise! it IS herpes after all
I KNOW you're not getting any. Have you considered that god's trying to phase your line out?
Soon, you will make a new friend. His name is Jack. Jack Daniels. He will become your best and only friend
I predict excellent health. For a while. Then, you'll get Ebola. and herpes and have 3 heart attacks.
And finally............
You'll soon meet the love of your life. Just kidding. There's no-one out there for you. You'll die alone, and rats will eat you
Remember mike... We love you.