My confession.
This is my confession.
You are about to learn a secret. A secret that may or may not be common knowledge. It's been obsolete for a year.
It may not mean as much for you as I think it does; it may not be as important as I think it is. I'm sorry I didn't tell you if this is brand new. It's already been built up too much. I'm going to tell you this with a straight face, and a neutral mind. React to it how you will.
Well, it's winter again. Only this time, I'm not plowing my way through an un-shovelled walkway to our little brick house in Riverdale. This time there isn't a skating rink a block from my house, and my best friend does not live within walking distance from me.
This time, there isn't a path to the river, or stairs down the hill: places to spend those precious, rare yet consistent hours in which to sneak off and have a cigarette. It's winter again, and as I breathe in the frosty air, I am reminded of the days when I would always have a cigarette in the make-shift pack I made because I couldn't buy my own smokes.
It was around this time last year, Jimmi was swearing to me that he would have me smoking by midterms. I denied it until I was blue in the face. But lo and behold, young and impressionable as I was, I relented. I was curious, what else can I say? It kind of disturbs me though, that even now, a year later, I'm still feeling it. I used to tell myself that because I only had very limited moments that I could grab a quick smoke, I had to force myself to smoke when I could, not when I wanted to, and that in turn gave me control over the cravings. Of course it's easy to resist them, because I don't have any cigarettes on hand anymore. When Jimmi quit, I had no way of getting them anymore, so I kind of had to quit at the same time. Today though, at the bus-stop, I had this thought that I could ask someone for one... but I don't want to start up again. To be under such control by these things, the thought disgusts me. I will not be a slave to them.
Let's keep in mind that this was fleeting, and I have no intention to start smoking again. I guess that's all, for that secret, anyway. Judge me if you will, but thanks for listening.
You are about to learn a secret. A secret that may or may not be common knowledge. It's been obsolete for a year.
It may not mean as much for you as I think it does; it may not be as important as I think it is. I'm sorry I didn't tell you if this is brand new. It's already been built up too much. I'm going to tell you this with a straight face, and a neutral mind. React to it how you will.
Well, it's winter again. Only this time, I'm not plowing my way through an un-shovelled walkway to our little brick house in Riverdale. This time there isn't a skating rink a block from my house, and my best friend does not live within walking distance from me.
This time, there isn't a path to the river, or stairs down the hill: places to spend those precious, rare yet consistent hours in which to sneak off and have a cigarette. It's winter again, and as I breathe in the frosty air, I am reminded of the days when I would always have a cigarette in the make-shift pack I made because I couldn't buy my own smokes.
It was around this time last year, Jimmi was swearing to me that he would have me smoking by midterms. I denied it until I was blue in the face. But lo and behold, young and impressionable as I was, I relented. I was curious, what else can I say? It kind of disturbs me though, that even now, a year later, I'm still feeling it. I used to tell myself that because I only had very limited moments that I could grab a quick smoke, I had to force myself to smoke when I could, not when I wanted to, and that in turn gave me control over the cravings. Of course it's easy to resist them, because I don't have any cigarettes on hand anymore. When Jimmi quit, I had no way of getting them anymore, so I kind of had to quit at the same time. Today though, at the bus-stop, I had this thought that I could ask someone for one... but I don't want to start up again. To be under such control by these things, the thought disgusts me. I will not be a slave to them.
Let's keep in mind that this was fleeting, and I have no intention to start smoking again. I guess that's all, for that secret, anyway. Judge me if you will, but thanks for listening.