What about Shmee?
Had lunch with the mom today. She had a lot to say about my lack of care for myself. I never spend money on me. I don't look like I'm taken care of. I realized how I get this super guilty feeling when I spend money on myself. I don't know why. The money's going somewhere and I dont' know where. I HAVE TO START TAKING CARE OF ME! There should be no guilt in that.
I own NOTHING. Really, nothing. August spends money on things he likes. He buys video games, he buys weed or books. Last week he bought himself a new pipe and Final Fantasy 12. He tried to get me to spend money on things I might enjoy doing. He even bought me a couple of games that he thought I might like. I played Frogger and Harvest Moon for a week and that was that. He tried to get me back into painting and bought me acrylics and a couple of brushes. I started a painting and it's still not done. I gotta stop being so lazy. I'm Always tired from work and lacking interest in anything else. I'm BORING!
I always need to justify self spending for some reason. Here's a justification from my mom: You WORK HARD. That's so true. All I do is work. Everything else in my life is so neglected. Friends, family, health, personal growth. I need to be more well rounded. Work is draining my life away.
When I get back home I want to do the following:
1) Put aside at LEAST $100 per paycheck. As Paulo suggested, it should be MY money. Apart from the shared accounts with the hubby. MY savings. I'll get excited at watching it grow. And it doesn't have to be for anything in particular. Just save.
2) I'm going to get my carpet cleaned. I know that sounds like it's not for me but it has a lot to do with the stress at home. I want the place to look good so I can relax.
3) I want to start spending money on myself without feeling guilty. I want to buy space for myself. There's a bedroom in my apartment that's suppose to be for me. I haven't done anything to it. It has a pile of rolled up tarp from camping and milk crates stacked in the corner. I'm gonna turn that to my room for real this time - I don't even have a space for makeup, pictures, jewelry, bags and stuff that I don't yet own. I don't want to get superficial and become part of the mass comsumption society but I want to be able to look and feel good when I go out. It would be nice to look good for August too. P.S. I only own 2 bras. YEAH! I KNOW.
4) I want to enjoy the perks of being a woman. If I don't take care of me who will? PLUS as mom pointed out, I don't have kids yet. There will be a time when I can't do this for myself anymore. I should take care of myself now. I don't need a $500 gucci bag...but a $40 one from the Bay might not be so bad =P
5) I can't let myself go. I never get haircuts, I own one kind of shampoo, one bottle of lotion, no face cleaners, I don't own a watch. I shave once a month (if even). It might be nice to treat myself to a manicure sometimes... where else would that $35 go anyway? Really, it wouldn't hurt. I know these things can get superficial and I don't need them...but still, it doesn't hurt.
6) I need to kick in some managerial skills at home. If I don't take care of my home, nobody will. I'm lucky to have august to do things around the house. I just need to be more assertive with things that need to get done. How were we out of toilet paper for almost a week? That's not cool.
7) I gotta take care of August. I want that to be my job. Make sure he's eating properly and taking his calcium pills. He has problems with his wrist and knees that I NEVER think about. He tries to take care of me but I make it hard for him. He tried to get me to take my vitamin supplements but Shit they were the size of horse pills. But he cares like that. He made me Greens plus for work everyday so I wouldn't be so tired after work. He makes sure I eat during my break so don't get drained. I don't even ask him if he's eaten unless I'm hungry and looking for food. Man, I suck.
8) I have to actually do this. I've been through these kind of thoughts before and here I still am.
I own NOTHING. Really, nothing. August spends money on things he likes. He buys video games, he buys weed or books. Last week he bought himself a new pipe and Final Fantasy 12. He tried to get me to spend money on things I might enjoy doing. He even bought me a couple of games that he thought I might like. I played Frogger and Harvest Moon for a week and that was that. He tried to get me back into painting and bought me acrylics and a couple of brushes. I started a painting and it's still not done. I gotta stop being so lazy. I'm Always tired from work and lacking interest in anything else. I'm BORING!
I always need to justify self spending for some reason. Here's a justification from my mom: You WORK HARD. That's so true. All I do is work. Everything else in my life is so neglected. Friends, family, health, personal growth. I need to be more well rounded. Work is draining my life away.
When I get back home I want to do the following:
1) Put aside at LEAST $100 per paycheck. As Paulo suggested, it should be MY money. Apart from the shared accounts with the hubby. MY savings. I'll get excited at watching it grow. And it doesn't have to be for anything in particular. Just save.
2) I'm going to get my carpet cleaned. I know that sounds like it's not for me but it has a lot to do with the stress at home. I want the place to look good so I can relax.
3) I want to start spending money on myself without feeling guilty. I want to buy space for myself. There's a bedroom in my apartment that's suppose to be for me. I haven't done anything to it. It has a pile of rolled up tarp from camping and milk crates stacked in the corner. I'm gonna turn that to my room for real this time - I don't even have a space for makeup, pictures, jewelry, bags and stuff that I don't yet own. I don't want to get superficial and become part of the mass comsumption society but I want to be able to look and feel good when I go out. It would be nice to look good for August too. P.S. I only own 2 bras. YEAH! I KNOW.
4) I want to enjoy the perks of being a woman. If I don't take care of me who will? PLUS as mom pointed out, I don't have kids yet. There will be a time when I can't do this for myself anymore. I should take care of myself now. I don't need a $500 gucci bag...but a $40 one from the Bay might not be so bad =P
5) I can't let myself go. I never get haircuts, I own one kind of shampoo, one bottle of lotion, no face cleaners, I don't own a watch. I shave once a month (if even). It might be nice to treat myself to a manicure sometimes... where else would that $35 go anyway? Really, it wouldn't hurt. I know these things can get superficial and I don't need them...but still, it doesn't hurt.
6) I need to kick in some managerial skills at home. If I don't take care of my home, nobody will. I'm lucky to have august to do things around the house. I just need to be more assertive with things that need to get done. How were we out of toilet paper for almost a week? That's not cool.
7) I gotta take care of August. I want that to be my job. Make sure he's eating properly and taking his calcium pills. He has problems with his wrist and knees that I NEVER think about. He tries to take care of me but I make it hard for him. He tried to get me to take my vitamin supplements but Shit they were the size of horse pills. But he cares like that. He made me Greens plus for work everyday so I wouldn't be so tired after work. He makes sure I eat during my break so don't get drained. I don't even ask him if he's eaten unless I'm hungry and looking for food. Man, I suck.
8) I have to actually do this. I've been through these kind of thoughts before and here I still am.