I'm back...I guess...for now
Wow, I can't believe it's been so damn long since I've written on here. I'm back, I think, I mean I really want to get back in the habit of writing a bit just for myself, just for documentation, just for fun. It seems like all I ever write anymore is copy for others and now, for school (again...yay!).
So, yes, I am back in school, back at OSU. I love that school and I think I've really settled (almost, pretty sure) on what I want to do when I grow up. I'm going back for my masters in education. I'm going to teach high school english, which I think I am pretty suited to and will keep me from having to work a desk job and allow me to spend the summers with the kiddos hopefully taking them on all sorts of wonderful road trips. Anyway, this is the plan for now, and as we all know, the best laid plans can turn to shit pretty quick. I'm cool with that too.
On other fronts, as far as the writing thing goes, the other reason I am back to blogging is that I am starting on a new writing project just for me. I've embraced that idea that nothing may ever come of it, I've accepted that it could be a complete waste of time in the grand universal scheme of things, I've accepted that it could be complete shit, and I am charging, or maybe just limping, kvetching, or crawling, forward. This is a new day for me. I have difficulty investing time in things that are mine and require my creative energy. Mostly this is because I cannot turn off my mother's voice in my head, and I love my mom by the way but she had the nastiest habit of completely discouraging and undermining my creative efforts as a child. She was very concerned that I was going to be crushed when I finished a project and nothing would come of it. I was often told that it was lovely that I did such things but, really, they would get me no where. Add that to my knack for severe internal self-critism and generally it makes for not a lot of work getting done.
But my idea is this, I have been working with 13 and 14 year old girls for the last year through my church. These girls are the sort that you stay away from at the mall because you are almost positive they are itching to kick your ass, and to be fair, they probably are. But somehow, in spite of my own very uncool white girl thing I have happening, over the last year, they've become my girls and I feel a great deal of motherly protectiveness over them. The upshot to this is that I now have a posse and if I ever felt the urge to go and get myself into some trouble, I'd have back up. The downside to this is that I have had to watch how completely walked over and ignored they are. People generally brush them off as "bad girls" and I expect that they will get very little attention until they begin to have babies which will start around 15. But they are kids and I want to tell their story. It's nothing profound or insightful, I'm not going to have some brilliant take on the whole situation. I just want to write down their lives, in their words. I guess I just sort of realized that I had access to a group that is generally pretty unheard and I like to write stuff down so really it's probably a good fit.
So this blogging is for me to keep track of my progress and write about what's happening with it and with life. On here I write pretty quickly with little regard for style or grammar and all that jazz so if you find yourself (as in if I find MYSELF) reading this and thinking, "what a crock, this girl wants to write, she's totally fooling herself." Remember that these are generally written in the few minutes I have off from kid stuff and house stuff and school stuff, so chill. Again, the above was more for the me in the future who might read over this and begin to hate it and want redo it all.
So, yes, I am back in school, back at OSU. I love that school and I think I've really settled (almost, pretty sure) on what I want to do when I grow up. I'm going back for my masters in education. I'm going to teach high school english, which I think I am pretty suited to and will keep me from having to work a desk job and allow me to spend the summers with the kiddos hopefully taking them on all sorts of wonderful road trips. Anyway, this is the plan for now, and as we all know, the best laid plans can turn to shit pretty quick. I'm cool with that too.
On other fronts, as far as the writing thing goes, the other reason I am back to blogging is that I am starting on a new writing project just for me. I've embraced that idea that nothing may ever come of it, I've accepted that it could be a complete waste of time in the grand universal scheme of things, I've accepted that it could be complete shit, and I am charging, or maybe just limping, kvetching, or crawling, forward. This is a new day for me. I have difficulty investing time in things that are mine and require my creative energy. Mostly this is because I cannot turn off my mother's voice in my head, and I love my mom by the way but she had the nastiest habit of completely discouraging and undermining my creative efforts as a child. She was very concerned that I was going to be crushed when I finished a project and nothing would come of it. I was often told that it was lovely that I did such things but, really, they would get me no where. Add that to my knack for severe internal self-critism and generally it makes for not a lot of work getting done.
But my idea is this, I have been working with 13 and 14 year old girls for the last year through my church. These girls are the sort that you stay away from at the mall because you are almost positive they are itching to kick your ass, and to be fair, they probably are. But somehow, in spite of my own very uncool white girl thing I have happening, over the last year, they've become my girls and I feel a great deal of motherly protectiveness over them. The upshot to this is that I now have a posse and if I ever felt the urge to go and get myself into some trouble, I'd have back up. The downside to this is that I have had to watch how completely walked over and ignored they are. People generally brush them off as "bad girls" and I expect that they will get very little attention until they begin to have babies which will start around 15. But they are kids and I want to tell their story. It's nothing profound or insightful, I'm not going to have some brilliant take on the whole situation. I just want to write down their lives, in their words. I guess I just sort of realized that I had access to a group that is generally pretty unheard and I like to write stuff down so really it's probably a good fit.
So this blogging is for me to keep track of my progress and write about what's happening with it and with life. On here I write pretty quickly with little regard for style or grammar and all that jazz so if you find yourself (as in if I find MYSELF) reading this and thinking, "what a crock, this girl wants to write, she's totally fooling herself." Remember that these are generally written in the few minutes I have off from kid stuff and house stuff and school stuff, so chill. Again, the above was more for the me in the future who might read over this and begin to hate it and want redo it all.