Transmissions from the Bunker: Chemical Warfare
Chemical Warfare:
Mustard gas. Anthrax. Estrogen. Seren gas. Every one of these chemicals is a danger to the world. While many of these can be prevented by the use of gas masks or bio-hazard suits, one of these deadly chemicals is virtually unstoppable. Commonly unnoticed until a virulent outburst sends males diving for cover, studies have shown there are definite warning signs that can help in the prevention of Estrogen Related Destruction, or ERD.
Men, ERD has claimed the lives and testicles of many of our brave comrades. But don't be fooled. ERD is not only a loud, violent outpouring; it is a silent poison that works ceaselessly to undermine our foundations. This condition is found in the female of the species, but its effects seem to have been honed over the centuries to make men's lives acutely hellish. The following are warning signs of impending doom under the first guise of ERD, the violent one:
These bouts of ERD can be mitigated by the addition of other substances into the effected environment. The following, in field tests, have been proved effective.
A final warning. ERD can also act like a poison. It is a mind-altering chemical that causes irrational behavior, impaired judgment, partial amnesia and a host of other ailments. This is administered through the female in a contamination sequence that is commonly known as "flirting". Be wary of this coy killer, men. It will have you by the balls before you can blink.
While the UN has yet to recognize the dangers of estrogen and the courts at the Hague have not yet banned its use, estrogen remains a terrible threat and must be caught early and neutralized before the spread of ERD.
-The Last Bastion, signing off
Mustard gas. Anthrax. Estrogen. Seren gas. Every one of these chemicals is a danger to the world. While many of these can be prevented by the use of gas masks or bio-hazard suits, one of these deadly chemicals is virtually unstoppable. Commonly unnoticed until a virulent outburst sends males diving for cover, studies have shown there are definite warning signs that can help in the prevention of Estrogen Related Destruction, or ERD.
Men, ERD has claimed the lives and testicles of many of our brave comrades. But don't be fooled. ERD is not only a loud, violent outpouring; it is a silent poison that works ceaselessly to undermine our foundations. This condition is found in the female of the species, but its effects seem to have been honed over the centuries to make men's lives acutely hellish. The following are warning signs of impending doom under the first guise of ERD, the violent one:
- Headaches
- Cramps
- Mentioning the phrase "time of the month"
- Odd products from the "Feminine Needs" aisle of the pharmacy used
- Breathing
- None of the above
These bouts of ERD can be mitigated by the addition of other substances into the effected environment. The following, in field tests, have been proved effective.
- Precious metals
- Chocolates
- Small, stuffed animals with hearts somehow involved
- Flowers
- Abject apologies for whatever offense of yours was the sole cause of this event that was so not her fault.
A final warning. ERD can also act like a poison. It is a mind-altering chemical that causes irrational behavior, impaired judgment, partial amnesia and a host of other ailments. This is administered through the female in a contamination sequence that is commonly known as "flirting". Be wary of this coy killer, men. It will have you by the balls before you can blink.
While the UN has yet to recognize the dangers of estrogen and the courts at the Hague have not yet banned its use, estrogen remains a terrible threat and must be caught early and neutralized before the spread of ERD.
-The Last Bastion, signing off