FIC: Once Upon a Gustav, PG-13, Bill/Tom, Gustav/Georg, 1/2
Title: Once Upon a Gustav
Author: ???
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Gustav/Georg
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fairy tale violence, one sort-of death (he gets better…), crack
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything associated with this story, and I’m making no profit from it.
Summary: Gustav doesn’t believe in any of that magic fairy tale nonsense.
FQF Prompt: Gustav/Anyone in the band, AU: Fairy tales are full of beauties and charming princes, but what happens when the hero is a no-nonsense, down-to-earth kind of guy like Gustav? How does he handle Snow Bill - with a kiss or the Heimlich maneuver and a stern lecture about eating fruit from strangers? Does he give Tompunzel a mandatory haircut after he gets him a ladder to escape from the tower? And what exactly woke Sleeping Georg? (You can pick any fairy tale you like.) - submitted by zeph317toho
Author's notes: I apologize in advance to lovers of fairy tales for every single one I mauled and slaughtered here. Many, many huge thanks to the wonderful and amazing fyredancer for pulling beta duty for me. You are the best!
Once upon a time, there was a young man. One particular Friday morning, just after sunrise, found him walking the road away from the manor house he had lived in with his stepfather and two stepbrothers. When he’d crested the small hill that gave him the best view of the house, he paused for a moment and adjusted the straps of the heavy bag he wore on his back.
Then he was almost knocked over by a gust of blue-tinted wind that blew past him in a flurry, ruffling his short hair and making his ragged tunic flap. The young man grumbled and hitched his pack back up onto his shoulders. The whirling wind paused partway down the hill then came flying back, making him wonder what was wrong with the atmospheric conditions around here, and if there were such a thing as localized tornadoes.
“Oh, it’s you,” the wind breathed out before it solidified into a pretty blonde woman wearing a blue dress and iridescent wings on her back. “You are Gustav, right?”
Gustav sighed. “Maybe.”
The winged woman waited a moment but when she realized he wasn’t going to add anything, she put on a big smile and reached out to grasp his hands. “Well, hello, Gustav, darling. I’m Natalie, your fairy godmother.”
Gustav thought about all of his beloved late mother’s lessons on acting like a gentleman, so he tried to pull his hands free as gently as possible. “Hello. Nice to meet you. Take care.”
As Gustav turned to leave, Natalie grabbed his shoulder with a far firmer grasp than Gustav thought she’d have.
“Just a minute, mister. I said, I am your fairy godmother, and I’m here to make your wishes come true.” Natalie must have used some magic to spin him back around to face her, and Gustav sighed again when she whipped out a short stick of wood.
“Please don’t point that at me,” Gustav said.
“But, darling, it’s my magic wand. How else are we going to get you in tip-top shape for the prince’s ball tonight?” Natalie started to hum something that Gustav tried his best to block out.
“I’m not going to the ball tonight,” he said as Natalie fluttered around him.
“Yes, I know, but you are now!” she smiled and her wings fluttered so hard her feet left the ground for a moment. “Now, I’ll just need to gather up some small animals and woodland creatures and get them to help you with all your work. It won’t do to infuriate your wicked stepfather today. Then we’ll whip you up the most perfect outfit for the ball - I’m thinking powder-blue tunic and matching hose, maybe some of those glass slippers that are all the rage this season in Paris - and then I’ll just need a pumpkin-”
Gustav clamped a hand over her mouth before she could finish her plans.
“No, ma’am, actually, I’m not going to the ball,” Gustav took his hand off Natalie’s mouth when she’d finally silenced. She opened her mouth again and he hurried to say, “I’m not going to the ball because I’m not going back home again. I’ve saved up enough money, and I’m leaving the house right now.”
“But, Gustav, darling, why would you want to run away? You could go to the ball, win the prince, find your One True Love and live happily ever-”
Natalie looked even more displeased when Gustav interrupted again. “No, I don’t want that. I’m done with all of it. I want to live my own life, away from my crazy, lazy family. I don’t want to obey them or a live out a fairy tale or find my fortune. I am my own man, and I will make my own way in the world.”
“Gustav, that’s not the way the world-”
“I’m sorry, thank you for your time, but I’m done with it. I’m out of here.”
“Gustav, dear,” Fairy Natalie’s voice was as steely as the invisible band that tightened around Gustav so he couldn’t take another step. The magic then pulled him slowly face-to-face with his fairy godmother. “I really must insist you let me take care of this. We need to get you ready for the ball so your wicked stepfather and two foolish stepbrothers will never know what hit them.”
“Too late,” Gustav said, as deadpan as ever as he looked down the hill and across the field to the house he’d left.
“What?” Natalie followed his gaze then frowned at the noises that were carrying the whole way to them.
A voice was yelling, “Oh my god, Dad! Someone cut all the crotches out of my tights! I can’t wear any of these! Gustav, I know it was you because you do all the laundry, you son of a-”
“Dad! There’s a huge pile of horse manure in my room! That’s unacceptable! I haven’t mucked out my own horses in years; not since I started making Gustav do it, that little -”
The final roar of “What is the meaning of this? GUSTAV!” made even Natalie flinch a little. She bit her lip and looked over at the young man in question. “What did you…”
Gustav sighed. “They’ll all be rushing down to the kitchen to see if I have their breakfasts ready.”
A trio of “GUSTAV!” screams agreed with him.
“Now they’ll be yelling and looking everywhere for me.”
More shouts and the noise of doors slamming followed, and one young man wearing only a long tunic dashed into the courtyard for a quick glance around before rushing back inside.
“Now, stepfather will get the bright idea to check the ovens, the ones I’ve had to fire every day, the ones I’ve had to use to make their meals all these years. And in three - two - one…”
The pop was strangely muted even at that distance, but Natalie’s eyes widened. Then the loud boom caught up with it, spurting a mushroom cloud of black smoke out of the chimney just as all the doors blew off the house and the windows shattered.
When Natalie gaped at the sight, her hold on the magic weakened and Gustav slipped free. He took one last glance at his blackened, rather crispy-looking stepfather and stepbrothers wobbling out into the courtyard, coughing and sputtering for air, and then he ran.
He was almost to the trees when Natalie started yelling for him, but he didn’t stop; he didn’t even look back. He just ran to freedom.
Too bad his route took him straight into the middle of the Enchanted Forest.
The first day wasn’t bad. He had the glorious memory of his revenge to keep him moving along briskly, as well as most of the edible food from his stepfather’s kitchen. Even the growing shadows at the corners of his vision and rustling noises weren’t enough to keep a small smile off his lips.
He camped that night with a light heart that wasn’t disturbed at all by the movement and murmuring voices just outside the bright circle of his firelight. When Gustav woke in the morning to find a fawn, still in spots, nosing through his pack along with a baby skunk and a rabbit, he couldn’t even manage proper anger. Instead he shooed them away over their protests and told them to go find their mothers. Then he had to console the sobbing fawn while feeding it some dry bread crusts, earning him nothing but furious glares from the other two.
Once they’d ambled off, Gustav made a breakfast from the food that wasn’t strewn all over the forest floor thanks to the animals, then hefted his much lighter pack. It seemed that he was going to have to find a village much sooner than he’d planned. Although he’d always heard things about the Enchanted Forest, his stepfather would just wrinkle his nose and say that city folk didn’t mess with those people.
Gustav started off, a little unsure of where the nearest village would be, but heartened when he found a fast-moving river around midday. He followed it until night fell and he once again made camp. Once he’d eaten and stoked up the fire, he took out his most valued possession, a small silver locket that had belonged to his mother.
Gustav had loved curling up on his mother’s lap by the fire on cold evenings and listening to her stories about the forest and its creatures. When she’d remarried, thinking she’d give him a father and brothers, Gustav had tried to get them interested in the stories she told. He showed the two younger boys his prize drum that had been passed down from his own father, and even let them play with it using his father’s good drumsticks. But, the boys wanted nothing but to ride their ponies and beat each other with sticks they called swords and pretend they were princes. His stepfather seemed to dote on his mother but spared no time for the young boy when he had businesses to take care of and little enough free time to spend with his own children.
His mother consoled him, stroking his blond curls away from his face as he cried, and told him that someday his One True Love would come and he’d live happily ever after, just the way she’d always envisioned it. When Gustav would rub his wet nose into her apron and say that he’d rather go on adventures or play the drums in a tavern band, she’d hug him tighter and say that maybe his Happily Ever After would include someone that could make that happen, too. And it would be magical.
So Gustav had believed in magic, right up until the winter his mother had become sick with a terrible fever and passed away. After that, his stepfather grew colder, his stepbrothers more obnoxious, and before he really realized it, Gustav was living in the kitchen where he could be by himself and make plans to leave the entire kingdom forever. No more stepfather, no more taking care of spoiled stepbrothers and no more stinking magic.
He woke up to low-hanging gray clouds that reflected his mood. It only got worse when he came upon a village along the riverbank, and after a confused and rather frightening night, he found out that rats were actually attracted to his drumming. Thanks to his muscle stamina, a borrowed bass drum, the innkeeper’s little boy and all his rowdy friends, the rats had followed the racket they made out of town and straight into a murky pond where they all drowned. The village was thrilled to be free of vermin, so Gustav left with a small bag of silver and enough supplies that the good people were able to salvage from their food supplies. It was enough to keep him until he reached a larger village, he was sure, if he took a short-cut through the deepest part of the enchanted wood.
It was going well - he’d only seen two unicorns, an ogre and a troll - until he heard a strange noise coming from the east. He debated going to investigate when the noise turned into more of a wail. He started closer to hear louder heartbroken sobbing.
Gustav was just thinking that he should probably leave it alone when he came into a small clearing that contained a cottage and a small mob of tiny men, all teary-eyed and crying loudly. Before he could creep back into the forest, one of the men spotted him and called out.
The others turned and started running toward him, their mourning seemingly forgotten as they charged.
“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?” Gustav yelled and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. The short men - his stepfather would have called them dwarves, but his mother had taught him to call them little people - circled him and cut off his escape to the forest.
“Did you do this?” one said, poking a finger toward his stomach.
“How dare you come back!” Another yelled and pushed his lower back.
“Why did you take him away from us?” A third kicked at his knee.
“What are you talking about? I’ve never been here before in my life! What’s the matter with you little menaces?” Gustav had enough and grabbed the head of the one who was taking a swing with a closed fist. His longer arms gave him the advantage to hold the little person at a distance while he cursed and swung at Gustav’s stomach.
One of the taller men, whose head might have come up to Gustav’s chest, stepped forward. “Ho, stranger. What are you doing in these woods? There is foul treachery afoot today in the Enchanted Forest.”
Gustav had to parse that sentence for a moment but answered, “I have no idea. I was just on my way through the forest when I heard your caterwauling and came to see what was wrong. It seems like I came at a bad time.”
“Yes, that you did,” the taller little person agreed. He motioned for the other men to step back. “Tell us, traveler, have you seen any suspicious folk in these parts today? Did you sense magic most vile?”
Gustav didn’t have to think for more than an instant. “No.”
The man sighed, the others echoing the sound. Gustav tried to get a count of how many of them surrounded him and he thought six, maybe eight, he couldn’t really tell because they kept moving around. It was a little unnerving.
“What happened?” he finally asked when it seemed like they weren’t going to attack him again.
“Someone, a sorcerer of greatest might or a jealous enchantress full of bile, has murdered our most fair beloved,” the little man choked and sobbed. That started a chorus of sobs, some outright blubbering and several of the men crying on each others’ shoulders.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Gustav said. The mourning went on around him, and he really didn’t know what to do other than offer his sympathies, as his mother had taught him. He knew what it was like to lose someone he loved. “May I pay my respects?”
“Yes, of course,” the one he’d designated the leader said. The ring of men led him toward the cottage where Gustav could see something that looked like a long box made of cloudy-colored rock. When he got close enough, he tried to knock on it to determine what it was made of, but the leader saw the movement.
“It’s solid quartz we mined ourselves,” the man said. “We thought that only its beauty was close enough to the immeasurable splendor of our lost, our most fabulous, our most exquisite-”
When the man broke down again and dug out a large handkerchief to blow his nose, Gustav stepped up to the makeshift coffin, took off his hat and peered down. Through the blur of the lid, he could only see a pale, oval face outlined with long black hair. He bent his head for a moment of silence then squinted and turned back to the men.
“Uh, I think this guy’s still alive,” he said.
The lamenting stopped dead. “What?” five, six or seven voices yelled in unison.
“I said, I think he’s still alive. If you look really close, there’s a fog on the quartz above his nose and mouth, like he’s still breathing.”
Gustav was pushed aside by a slew of little bodies, some of whom had to stand on tiptoe to check out what he claimed.
“I think he’s right!” “I told you he wasn’t gone!” “I told you not to screw it shut!” “I told you to check if his heart was beating!”
The taller man drew back at the accusation. “What do you think I am, a doctor? I’m just a miner! It didn’t look like he was breathing, and it’s all your faults that we’ve gone and put him in a coffin!”
The shouting got louder, some shoving followed and Gustav stepped in. “Hey, hey!” he yelled until he got their attention. “Don’t you think you should open the coffin and check on him?”
“Yes!” “Yes, we must open it!” “Get the sledgehammers!”
Several ran off to get their mining tools, and Gustav had to ask, “When did this happen?”
“Sometime this afternoon. We came back from the mine, but our glorious Snow Bill was not waiting for us as usual. We found him slumped over in his favorite chair in the sun, a basket of apples spilled next to him, one fallen from his hand with one perfect bite taken from its rosy flesh,” the leader said, and Gustav could tell he was working himself up to get into the story. “We know it must have been poisoned by someone powerful, a sorcerer jealous of his extraordinary and amazing beauty. So embittered by the fact that no one in the land could possibly be as lovely as Snow Bill, with his skin as white as snow, his lips red as blood, his hair black as ebony -”
“Except for when he dyed it blond.” “ Yeah, and that time he made it gray.” “He always wanted it to be red.”
A bone-jarring crash rang out as the first hammer struck the quartz coffin. Gustav winced and the leader yelled out, “Be careful with that! You just want to crack the lid - not crush Bill!” He went over to bellow directions as the little people took turns swinging the sledgehammers at strategic seams in the quartz of the lid. Gustav watched until it began to crack, then he lent a hand at prying the cracks apart to get the lid off without the huge pieces falling inside.
As soon as it was opened, the little men all reached in to touch the body inside, bickering about what to do next. Gustav rolled his eyes and made his way through to the boy’s head. Ignoring their questions and arguments, Gustav slipped his hand under the shoulders and gently cradling the head with his other hand, pulled him into a sitting position.
“Please be careful with Bill!” “You mustn’t hurt him!” “Please, is Bill really still alive?”
Gustav cupped his hand under Bill’s nose and swore he felt breath. He wondered if… with the hand not holding Bill up, he opened Bill’s mouth and poked inside.
“How dare you!” “You mustn’t touch Bill there!” “You’re not worthy to touch his perfect lips!”
Gustav gave a little nod to himself and maneuvered Bill’s body as best he could, putting Bill’s back against his chest. Bill’s head flopped against his shoulder, but Gustav got both his arms around the boy’s chest, then gave a mighty heave.
A choir of voices screamed out against him, but Gustav did it again. And again. And on the fourth heave, Bill’s head fell forward and Gustav saw something fall out of his mouth. Then Bill pulled in a long, shuddering breath Gustav could feel through his thin chest, and coughed.
“He’s alive!” “It’s true, Bill is alive!” “Oh my goodness!” And two little men had to attend to a third who had fainted in sheer ecstasy.
Gustav still held the boy with strong arms around his chest as Bill coughed and rubbed at his mouth. Then Bill seemed to realize someone was holding him and craned his neck around to look at Gustav.
“You! You saved me. My prince,” he croaked out before coughing again.
“Can you get us some water?” Gustav called out. He let the boy go as Bill started to pull away, still gasping in deep breaths.
“Get me out of here,” Bill said, and Gustav helped him over the edge of quartz box to sit on the ground. “Ugh, that felt totally like a coffin.”
Gustav cleared his throat. “Well, actually-”
“You’re not saying those idiots thought I was… oh shit,” the look on Bill’s face as he shuddered almost made Gustav laugh.
“So, what happened?”
“Here, Bill!” “Drink this, you’ll feel so much better!” “Are you really okay? Can we do anything else for you?”
Bill gave a half-grimace, half-smile to the little man who brought him a cup of water then waved his hand. “I’m fine, now, and I have this brave prince to thank for that!”
Many pairs of eyes glared at Gustav and he felt compelled to say, “Well, actually-”
“Yes, I always knew someday my prince would come! And now he’s here, the dashing, the charming Prince … what did you say your name was?”
“Gustav.”
“Prince Gustav,” Bill sighed, and then reached a hand up to him.
Gustav wasn’t sure if he were supposed to kiss it or what, so he grasped it firmly and lifted Bill to his feet. Bill made an oomph noise that he wasn’t expecting.
“You know, I’m not really a-”
“Gustav dear, can you help me into the cottage? I need to gather my things,” Bill looked down at him with large eyes, still watering from his coughing spell, and Gustav thought that a fawn could have taken lessons in doe eyes from this kid.
The crowd of men followed them, all rushing in trying to touch Bill and asking him over and over what had happened. Bill smiled vaguely at them all until they were all standing inside the cottage watching Bill grab a sack and throw clothes, jewelry and what looked like a lot of hair-styling tools into it.
“Bill, please tell us what happened!” the leader of the little men implored him just as Bill dug out another pair of shoes from under a bed. Bill slumped to sit on the bed and shake his head. “It was a sorcerer, wasn’t it?” the man pressed. “You were given an apple by a witch, one who caught up to you from your dark, mysterious past that you never talk about, and she poisoned you in revenge!”
Bill’s eyes darted from the man to Gustav and back again. Gustav had never seen such a shifty look in his life. “Yes, that was it, that’s what happened exactly, David,” Bill said. “Now, where did I leave my boots?”
The little men were sighing and still clustered around Bill when Gustav cleared his throat for attention. Bill raised an eyebrow at him; Gustav crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you tell us what really happened, Bill?”
“Um, yes, well, I think he summed it up perfectly,” Bill said.
“Really? And your little swoon had nothing to do with that great big bite of apple that was stuck in your throat and you just coughed up. You didn’t choke?”
Bill’s hand motion to him was cut off by the renewed wailing of the men.
“Bill, how many times have we told you to chew your food?” “Bill, you know you aren’t supposed to take such big bites - we warned you you would choke!” “I thought you were allergic to apples!” “You always eat like a pig!”
When Bill whipped his head to glare at whoever had piped up that last comment, Gustav thought he’d better make his escape. He cleared his throat and said, “All’s well that ends well. You take care now,” but he only made it a step before long, thin fingers that felt of the claw-like grip of death clamped down on his arm.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Bill demanded.
“I’m leaving?” Gustav wanted to pry Bill’s fingers off, but his knuckles were already white from the effort Bill was putting into the hold.
“You aren’t leaving without me,” Bill let go long enough to stand up and smooth down his black tunic. It was promptly wrinkled when he was tackled back onto the bed by four of the little men.
“You can’t leave us!” “Don’t go, Bill!” “We need you!” “I love you!”
“Prince Gustav! A little help!” Bill’s voice wheezed out from under the hugs of the men.
“I’m not actually a … oh screw it,” Gustav grabbed the back of the shirts of two of them and hauled them off Bill.
“Let us go!” “We need Bill!” “Biiiiiiiiiiill!”
Bill scrambled to his feet again and snatched his bag. “Let’s get out of here now!”
“Now just wait one minute,” David said. “Bill, why are you so eager to leave us? Haven’t we taken good care of you?”
“Well, sure,” Bill said, looking down at all the teary eyes peering up at him. “But, surely you always knew this day would come. It’s been a wonderful few months staying here with you, and I appreciate you taking me in and letting me hide out, but really, my destiny awaits. I always knew a big, strong prince would come and whisk me away, so I thank you for letting me stay until he arrived to save me.” Bill glanced at Gustav. “Or something. And now, we must away to our Happily Ever After!”
Bill made a dramatic gesture and swept out of the cottage. Gustav resisted the urge to roll his eyes at all the awe that inspired in the little men. They followed Bill outside where he was looking around.
“Where’s your horse, gallant prince?”
“I don’t have a horse,” Gustav said when he realized Bill was talking to him.
“You don’t have a …” Bill pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “How are we supposed to ride off into the sunset without a horse?”
Gustav shrugged. “I’m walking.”
“Of course you are,” Bill said as he moved closer to Gustav and slung his arm through his. “Thank you all for everything you’ve done. I’ll never forget you all! Take care! Don’t work too hard in the mines!” Bill started pulling Gustav toward the forest as he waved at the little men still trying to console each other.
“Where are you going?” Gustav let himself be pulled since Bill was going in the right general direction.
“Anywhere out of here,” Bill hissed then raised his voice to yell, “I’ll miss you! Good luck with everything!” Then he turned back to Gustav. “Come on, let’s high-tail it out of here before they find out I made off with last week’s haul of gems from that mine.”
Gustav watched him hurry into the forest as quickly as he could under the burden of his pack of clothes and accessories. Gustav picked up his own bag and let Bill lead for a while. It didn’t take long before Bill was sweating and cursing under the weight of his pack so he caught up while Bill sat down.
“What is your deal?” Gustav finally asked. At Bill’s blank stare, he clarified. “I just can’t figure out how you came to be living with that group of guys and then why you were so eager to get out of there.”
Bill fidgeted for a minute. “Let’s just say I had some trouble with a queen and a huntsman and maybe me being a little too beautiful and taking some attention from her at court. But, I mean, come on. I can’t help looking this good,” Bill flipped his hair off his shoulder. “I had to lay low for a while, and these guys were all happy at first with the big smiles and pats on the heads. But, then...” Bill shuddered.
Gustav frowned. “They seemed nice, if a little over-eager. What was so bad?”
“They expected me to clean the house!” Bill wailed. “And do laundry! Cook the food! I’m telling you, if I have to make one more meatloaf, I’m swearing off meat forever! And do you know what housework does to your nails? It was terrible! Not to mention the whole they-put-me-in-a-coffin-and-thought-I-was-dead thing when I wasn’t dead!” Bill shivered. “It’s a good thing that quartz was too big to bury or I would have been dead, for real. What were they thinking!”
“I don’t think that’s very -”
“I don’t really care what you think,” Bill whirled on him. “You’re not even a real prince, are you?”
“Not even close,” Gustav agreed.
Bill huffed and threw himself on his back. “I should have known it. You aren’t very charming. You’re probably not even a count or a lord or something titled.”
“No,” Gustav agreed again.
“So where do we go from here?” Bill lifted onto his elbows, and Gustav tried not to make eye contact.
“I don’t know where you’re going, but I’m getting out of the Enchanted Forest and making my own life. I’m tired of all this magical destiny kind of stuff,” Gustav said.
Bill bounced to his feet. “That sounds good to me! I’m going with you!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am! Gustav, you wouldn’t just turn me loose all on my own right after a near-death experience, would you?” Bill’s eyes took on that pleading quality that Gustav knew would haunt him the rest of his life.
“You got better,” Gustav pointed out.
Bill stomped his foot. “That’s not the point. You saved me from choking and from those dwarves, so you are going to help me get out of this forest. Now, lead on.”
Gustav figured he’d better pick his battles with Bill, so he let him trail along behind. Bill didn’t keep up too well, but Gustav cut him some slack after the kind of day he’d experienced. But, when Bill started complaining as he set up camp, Gustav had to keep himself from snapping.
“Gustav, there isn’t nearly enough food here for two of us. You certainly didn’t come prepared.”
“Why didn’t you leave some of the clothes and pack more food? Or any food, for that matter?” Gustav shot back.
“Gustav, you only have one bedroll! Where do you expect me to sleep? I’ll get a chill if I’m not covered properly!”
Gustav had rolled himself in his blanket and put his back to Bill as he pulled out some clothes from his sack for a makeshift pillow and blanket.
“I still can’t believe you don’t even have a horse,” he heard Bill mutter as he drifted off to sleep.
The night was long, but the next day was even longer since Bill didn’t seem to have much motivation or desire to walk and kept asking Gustav what they were going to do when they got there. And if they were there yet. Even though Gustav told him repeatedly he didn’t even know where they were going.
So the day after that, Gustav was happy to see smoke rising from the trees ahead, signaling a dwelling of some kind. He thought it was the perfect opportunity to get rid of Bill - or rather to allow Bill the opportunity to stay with someone who could care for him - no, he was looking forward to getting rid of Bill.
There was no noise coming from the clearing and as soon as Gustav peered out from the trees, he knew something was wrong. It could have been the lingering smell of smoke in the air or the silence from the typically twittering birds and chirping crickets but it was probably the way the cottage was made entirely of gingerbread, icing and sweets.
“Candy!” Bill shrieked and made a break for it. Gustav grabbed him around the waist and held on tight.
“No, Bill! Can’t you see there’s something wrong with it?” Gustav manhandled him back behind a tree.
“I can see that it’s the most beautiful thing in the world!” Bill practically sobbed as he struggled. “I’m so hungry, Gustav!”
Gustav shook him, just to stop his hysteria, then shook him again just because it felt good. Bill’s head bobbled, but he stopped whining. “There is no such thing as free candy, Bill. Something is really suspicious over there.”
“Can’t we just take a -”
“No! Not a single gumdrop. We’re leaving now.” Gustav sighed when a scream sounded from the cottage. Bill whimpered, and Gustav said, “Fine, I’ll go check it out. Don’t touch anything. Stay here and stay out of sight.” Bill huffed but stayed as Gustav crept closer.
The front door of the cottage was standing wide open, and up close the smell of melting candy was overwhelmingly sweet. Gustav’s nose twitched, and it wasn’t hard to ignore the sticky stuff even if he was hungry.
“Hello,” he called into the darkened cottage.
“Hello!” “Hi!” two bright, young voices called back. A young boy and girl - all blond hair, blue eyes and round cheeks - were smiling out at him.
“Uh, hi,” Gustav said, trying to look beyond them. “Is everything okay here? I heard a scream.”
“Yep, sure is,” the boy said. “That was just my sister here. She fell.”
“Okay,” Gustav said. “Are your parents around?”
“Nope, they’re out in the forest working,” the girl said. “But they should be back soon. Why don’t you come in and wait for them? You look all big and strong with those muscles.”
Gustav held back a shudder as the kids looked him up and down. “I don’t think I’ll do that. I just have to ask, why is your house made out of gingerbread and candy?”
The kids shrugged and their smiles took on a strange twist. “Because mama always said you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” the boy said as his sister added, “And you look good enough to eat.”
A weaker shout came from inside the cottage, followed by knocking. Gustav swept past the children, straight to a closet that had a rocking chair pushed in front and a broom wedged under the handle. The children yelled as he opened it, and an elderly woman nearly fell out.
“You little demons!” she screamed at the children who took off running for the ladder to the loft, shrieking the whole way. Gustav helped the woman over to sit in the chair as she caught her breath. “This is the last time I ever watch those brats again! I’ve told Nanny over and over that her grandchildren are evil spawn, but she thinks their little pranks are adorable. See if I ever bake another sweet for either of you again, you filthy little buggers!”
A loud raspberry sounded from the loft, and the other child giggled.
“So, are you okay?” Gustav asked slowly.
The old woman humphed and rocked her chair. “Yes, I’ll be fine once Nanny gets back from mushroom hunting and takes control of those two again.”
“But they locked you in a closet. And threatened to eat me,” Gustav said.
“Well, who wouldn’t want to, a fine, young man like you,” she said, and Gustav was truly horrified for the first time in his whole adventure. Then she cackled. “They’ve just eaten too much siding off my house for the day. Once the sugar’s out of their systems, they’ll take a nap and Nanny will be back to take them off my hands. Sorry for the trouble.”
“No trouble, ma’am,” Gustav said and decided it was time to head for the door.
“Don’t you want a reward for saving a poor, little old woman?” she called out.
“No ma’am, I couldn’t possibly,” he said and, with a final rude gesture from the giggling children poking their heads down through the loft door, he left.
He wasn’t quite bolting for the forest when he realized Bill was standing at one of the side windows, hands full of chocolate trim and bulging cheeks clamped around gummy lattice.
“I thought I told you to stay in the woods! Don’t eat that old lady’s house!” Gustav hissed as he grabbed Bill’s arm to yank him away.
Bill’s mumble didn’t clear up until he swallowed the enormous mouthful of candy. “But, it’s so good! And I’m so hungry! You have to feed me, Gustav.”
Gustav did his best to ignore Bill’s whining as Bill finished his handfuls of stolen housing materials while they walked. It was another long night at camp as Bill moaned about his sugary stomachache, and Gustav let him have the last bit of bread and cheese to try to quell it.
He was happier than ever when they heard music the next morning. Finally, he would be able to get rid of - give Bill the kind of forever home he deserved. Gustav only hoped the poor slob who got stuck with Bill was as truly deserving.
“Where is that music coming from?” Bill shaded his eyes with his hand as he peered from the top of the hill.
“I think probably that tower there,” Gustav pointed out.
The tower in the center of the small valley was the only manmade thing for as far as Gustav could see. It rose stark and menacing right out of the heart of the forest. Even Bill was quiet as they walked closer to investigate. Then the music of a stringed instrument started again, casting its own kind of magic over the valley. Gustav couldn’t help but nod his head along with the rhythm of the song, and he heard Bill start to hum a melody alongside him. They continued until they were right at the base of the stone tower, directly underneath its sole window. The music stopped with a twang of strings.
“Oh, please don’t stop! That was lovely!” Bill called out up to the window.
After a long moment, a voice called back, “You really think so?”
“Yes! You’re an amazing musician! I love that song!” Bill yelled back.
“Really? I wrote it myself, just now.” A head popped up at the window and beamed down at them. Gustav could see black hair, dark eyes, a nice nose, good cheekbones and a pleasant smile. Then he glanced over at Bill.
“Oh, hi!” Bill was practically glowing as he stared up at the head, and Gustav could have sworn he heard a choir in the background as pink sparkles floated through the air. “It’s very nice to meet you. You wouldn’t happen to be a long-lost prince, would you?”
The boy in the tower laughed, and Bill glowed even brighter. “No, not at all. I’m just being held here until my stepfather comes up with the ransom money. What about you?”
“You’ll never believe it! I was being hunted ruthlessly by this mean old queen and I was running through the forest. And who should I meet but a bunch of- ”
While Bill spun his tale, Gustav started exploring the area behind the tower. It wasn’t that big around, so it was only a few minutes’ walk to get back to Bill just as he was describing the horrible abuse he’d suffered at the hands of dwarves. “Can you believe they expected a fresh meal every night? As if I didn’t have enough time during the day to wash all their muddy clothes and take care of my nails. Oh, Gustav, you’re back.”
“Hi,” he waved up at the boy in the window who saluted back. “Who are you?”
“Gustav,” Bill hissed, but the boy didn’t seem put out.
“My name is Tom. My mom and stepfather run a big music school on the other side of the forest. Then mom and my dad had a fight one day because dad wanted to borrow a bunch of money. Mom wouldn’t give it to him, so he took me and put me here until they pay up.” Tom shrugged, just the tops of his shoulders visible from the ground. “It’s been a lot longer than I expected.”
“How do you get food? Do you have any supplies up there?” Bill said.
“Yeah, my dad comes back once a week or so. It’s not too bad. I’ve been playing my lute, writing songs, doing some drawing. It’s kind of peaceful, just boring. I really miss my dog,” he sighed.
“Oh, Gustav, we have to rescue him!” Bill pulled at Gustav’s arm. “We have to build something to get him down from the window. Oh! Or go back and find that witch and get her to magic up a hole in the tower! Maybe we should try that first!”
“Bill, we don’t have to depend on magic,” Gustav tugged himself free and looked up at Tom who was hanging head and shoulders out of the window. “You want out of there?”
“Yes!” Tom nodded so hard that a long lock of his shiny, black hair fell out of the window.
“Your hair is beautiful!” Bill didn’t even sound jealous which told Gustav he must have it pretty bad for this guy. “How long is it?”
Tom smiled and pulled some locks over his shoulder to show them. “It’s down past my waist. I used to wear it in braids, but since Dad took me, I didn’t have anyone to put them in. So, it’s all hanging free and loose now.”
“I bet it is,” Gustav heard Bill mutter under his breath and looked over in time to see him lick his lips. Gustav edged away. “Oh, Tom, maybe we can use your hair and some sheets to fashion a ladder and then I can climb up -”
“That’s ridiculous, Bill. Your weight would yank his hair right out of his head and leave him with a big, bloody bald spot. Or dead,” Gustav ignored Bill’s squawk about his weight and Tom’s indignation about bald spots. “There’s a better way.”
“Fine then, I’m telling you, the witch is the way to go. Tom, you won’t believe what this witch had made her house out of. It was the most -” Gustav took Bill’s distraction as an opportunity to walk to the other side of the tower again. He returned, dragging a thin, rickety ladder behind him. Then he waited while Bill finished his storytelling and the two noticed him.
“You’re back,” Bill said as Tom said, “What’s that?”
“That,” Gustav gestured, “is a ladder.”
“It looks kind of unsafe,” Bill said.
“Well, lucky for you, you don’t have climb it. Tom just needs to climb down.”
“Uh,” Tom had ducked down behind the windowsill until only his eyes and forehead were visible. “I don’t think that will work.”
“Of course it will work. It’s the same ladder your father must have used whenever he came to bring you food,” Gustav said.
Tom’s forehead shook back and forth. “No way. He would just magically appear in the morning when I woke up.”
Gustav sighed. “You never saw him climb in the window?” When Tom’s forehead shook again, Gustav added, “You thought he just popped in.” The forehead nodded.
“Why is this my life?” Gustav muttered under his breath as he went about placing the ladder in two convenient grooves in the ground under the window, Bill and Tom watching him carefully. When Gustav had braced the ladder to his satisfaction, he waved to Tom, “Okay, you’re good to go.”
“I can’t,” Tom said. “I don’t think I like heights.”
“For the love of … you’ve been trapped in that tower for months -”
“Weeks, actually.”
“For weeks, and you want to be free, but now you figure out you’re afraid of heights?”
“That ladder really doesn’t look that safe, Gustav,” Bill pointed out.
Gustav climbed up three rungs and jumped up and down. “See? Safe and secu-oof,” Gustav said as his foot cracked through the wooden rung and landed on the next one down. He looked up to see Tom’s forehead pull back even more. “I’m sure it won’t do that again. You’ll be fine.”
“Well, you are thinner than Gustav,” Bill said. “Why don’t you give it a try? It would be wonderful if you could be free and travel with us.”
Gustav ground his teeth but didn’t say a word. Tom’s head had come up over the windowsill again, and he was gazing soulfully at Bill. “I would really like to be with you,” he said. Bill batted his eyes, Tom sighed, and Gustav had to hold back a snort.
“Please try it, Tom,” Bill implored.
“Okay, I will!” Tom stood up.
Gustav was quick to yell, “Wait! Before you come down, can you share some supplies with us? We’re getting really low on food, and I don’t know where the next village is.”
“Sure,” Tom said and disappeared from sight.
“Also, any extra blankets would be great!” Gustav bellowed up to him. Then Gustav waited a few minutes until he saw a bulging pack come out over the windowsill. “Watch out, Bill. Bill?” Gustav looked around to make sure Bill was out of the way and was promptly crushed under the load Tom had wrapped in a blanket. As he groaned and tried to move it off him, he saw Tom’s head peek out the window.
“Watch out below. I think I got just about everything,” Tom announced.
“Ouch,” Gustav said and managed to sit up, moving the supplies to one side.
“Now it’s just me,” Tom said, still lingering inside the window.
“You can do it, Tom,” Gustav said, getting to his feet and swaying. “I’ll be right here to hold the ladder, and Bill will … do whatever Bill does.”
Tom nodded but didn’t move to climb out the window. Gustav counted silently to sixty-two before Tom nodded again and took a deep breath. This time, he slung a leg out the window and carefully placed it on the top rung of the ladder. He stopped to adjust the lute strapped over his back, then slowly drew his other leg over the sill and onto the ladder. “That’s good,” Gustav praised in a calm voice. “You’re doing great.” Tom climbed down at a slow but steady rate, picking each step carefully, Gustav’s voice guiding him. “You’re almost there, Tom. Just a few more…”
“Tom!” Bill’s voice cut through the tranquility as he ran toward the ladder. Tom’s foot slipped, and Gustav saw it all in slow motion as he fell backward and landed directly on Bill, flattening them both to the ground. Gustav waited a moment before he looked down at them.
“You guys okay?”
Two gasps for air answered him and he nodded. “Good. I’ll get your stuff ready then,” he said as he picked up the ladder to carry it back around the tower.
When he returned, both boys were sitting up, and Bill was handing Tom a bedraggled bunch of flowering weeds. “These are for you, Tom,” he said as he offered them.
Tom grinned and took them. “Thanks, Bill.”
Gustav felt a little twinge as he realized he was watching someone else’s One True Love happen right before his eyes. He expected blue birds to fly down and bequeath flowery tiaras for the two as they frolicked into their Happily Ever After.
Gustav cleared his throat. “Well then, congratulations, you two. I left your supplies over there so you can -”
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Bill scrambled to his feet.
“What do you mean, our supplies? I thought we were all together,” Tom got up to face Gustav, too.
“Well, I just figured since you two found each other, you would want to be alone and I could go …” Gustav tried to finish his thought beneath the onslaught of twin puppy eyes, “be alone?”
“I think we should all stick together,” Bill announced and Tom agreed. Gustav had a sinking feeling that this was setting a dangerous precedent that would only ever end with him being outnumbered.
“Fine,” Gustav gave in, “but we have to do something about his hair. That’s going to be a mess walking through the woods.”
Tom ran his hands through his hair and gathered it to his chest in a protective motion. “What do you mean?”
“You need a haircut,” Gustav said and pulled out his pocketknife. Tom and Bill gave twin shrieks. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll just cut off a little.” Gustav kept his opposite hand’s fingers conveniently crossed.
Tom was still glaring at him when Bill rubbed at Tom’s arm. “Don’t worry about Gustav. If he cuts it, I can fix it for you. Would you like braids again? Oh, or maybe some nice twists?”
“Twists?” Tom repeated.
Bill smiled and rubbed his arm a little more. “I saw this really cool hairstyle on a guy visiting the queen’s court once. It would totally suit you, if you want to try.”
“Well, maybe,” Tom seemed like he couldn’t help but smile under the influence of Bill’s grin. Gustav was just happy the two of them held still long enough for him to cut Tom’s hair from below his waist to mid-back and Bill promised to fix it for him that night when they made camp. He helped Tom gather it into a high tail for the moment, and Tom admired it, whipping his head back and forth. “Thanks, Gustav, it does feel a lot lighter now.”
So, the group of three trooped through the forest, and while Gustav was grateful that they’d found more supplies, the journey was even more uncomfortable for him. Bill and Tom walked close together, giggling at each other’s jokes and ignoring the rest of the world. But, nights at camp were even worse when they snuggled close together, grinning only for each other, the stars in the sky reflected in their eyes.
Gustav did his best to pretend they weren’t there, but it was frustrating. After all, he’d planned to pawn off Bill but somehow he’d ended up with two of them, practically twin menaces who weren’t afraid to gang up on him when they wanted their own way. It was tiresome, and - he would never admit it to another human being ever - a bit lonely.
Next
Author: ???
Pairing(s): Bill/Tom, Gustav/Georg
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Fairy tale violence, one sort-of death (he gets better…), crack
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything associated with this story, and I’m making no profit from it.
Summary: Gustav doesn’t believe in any of that magic fairy tale nonsense.
FQF Prompt: Gustav/Anyone in the band, AU: Fairy tales are full of beauties and charming princes, but what happens when the hero is a no-nonsense, down-to-earth kind of guy like Gustav? How does he handle Snow Bill - with a kiss or the Heimlich maneuver and a stern lecture about eating fruit from strangers? Does he give Tompunzel a mandatory haircut after he gets him a ladder to escape from the tower? And what exactly woke Sleeping Georg? (You can pick any fairy tale you like.) - submitted by zeph317toho
Author's notes: I apologize in advance to lovers of fairy tales for every single one I mauled and slaughtered here. Many, many huge thanks to the wonderful and amazing fyredancer for pulling beta duty for me. You are the best!
Once upon a time, there was a young man. One particular Friday morning, just after sunrise, found him walking the road away from the manor house he had lived in with his stepfather and two stepbrothers. When he’d crested the small hill that gave him the best view of the house, he paused for a moment and adjusted the straps of the heavy bag he wore on his back.
Then he was almost knocked over by a gust of blue-tinted wind that blew past him in a flurry, ruffling his short hair and making his ragged tunic flap. The young man grumbled and hitched his pack back up onto his shoulders. The whirling wind paused partway down the hill then came flying back, making him wonder what was wrong with the atmospheric conditions around here, and if there were such a thing as localized tornadoes.
“Oh, it’s you,” the wind breathed out before it solidified into a pretty blonde woman wearing a blue dress and iridescent wings on her back. “You are Gustav, right?”
Gustav sighed. “Maybe.”
The winged woman waited a moment but when she realized he wasn’t going to add anything, she put on a big smile and reached out to grasp his hands. “Well, hello, Gustav, darling. I’m Natalie, your fairy godmother.”
Gustav thought about all of his beloved late mother’s lessons on acting like a gentleman, so he tried to pull his hands free as gently as possible. “Hello. Nice to meet you. Take care.”
As Gustav turned to leave, Natalie grabbed his shoulder with a far firmer grasp than Gustav thought she’d have.
“Just a minute, mister. I said, I am your fairy godmother, and I’m here to make your wishes come true.” Natalie must have used some magic to spin him back around to face her, and Gustav sighed again when she whipped out a short stick of wood.
“Please don’t point that at me,” Gustav said.
“But, darling, it’s my magic wand. How else are we going to get you in tip-top shape for the prince’s ball tonight?” Natalie started to hum something that Gustav tried his best to block out.
“I’m not going to the ball tonight,” he said as Natalie fluttered around him.
“Yes, I know, but you are now!” she smiled and her wings fluttered so hard her feet left the ground for a moment. “Now, I’ll just need to gather up some small animals and woodland creatures and get them to help you with all your work. It won’t do to infuriate your wicked stepfather today. Then we’ll whip you up the most perfect outfit for the ball - I’m thinking powder-blue tunic and matching hose, maybe some of those glass slippers that are all the rage this season in Paris - and then I’ll just need a pumpkin-”
Gustav clamped a hand over her mouth before she could finish her plans.
“No, ma’am, actually, I’m not going to the ball,” Gustav took his hand off Natalie’s mouth when she’d finally silenced. She opened her mouth again and he hurried to say, “I’m not going to the ball because I’m not going back home again. I’ve saved up enough money, and I’m leaving the house right now.”
“But, Gustav, darling, why would you want to run away? You could go to the ball, win the prince, find your One True Love and live happily ever-”
Natalie looked even more displeased when Gustav interrupted again. “No, I don’t want that. I’m done with all of it. I want to live my own life, away from my crazy, lazy family. I don’t want to obey them or a live out a fairy tale or find my fortune. I am my own man, and I will make my own way in the world.”
“Gustav, that’s not the way the world-”
“I’m sorry, thank you for your time, but I’m done with it. I’m out of here.”
“Gustav, dear,” Fairy Natalie’s voice was as steely as the invisible band that tightened around Gustav so he couldn’t take another step. The magic then pulled him slowly face-to-face with his fairy godmother. “I really must insist you let me take care of this. We need to get you ready for the ball so your wicked stepfather and two foolish stepbrothers will never know what hit them.”
“Too late,” Gustav said, as deadpan as ever as he looked down the hill and across the field to the house he’d left.
“What?” Natalie followed his gaze then frowned at the noises that were carrying the whole way to them.
A voice was yelling, “Oh my god, Dad! Someone cut all the crotches out of my tights! I can’t wear any of these! Gustav, I know it was you because you do all the laundry, you son of a-”
“Dad! There’s a huge pile of horse manure in my room! That’s unacceptable! I haven’t mucked out my own horses in years; not since I started making Gustav do it, that little -”
The final roar of “What is the meaning of this? GUSTAV!” made even Natalie flinch a little. She bit her lip and looked over at the young man in question. “What did you…”
Gustav sighed. “They’ll all be rushing down to the kitchen to see if I have their breakfasts ready.”
A trio of “GUSTAV!” screams agreed with him.
“Now they’ll be yelling and looking everywhere for me.”
More shouts and the noise of doors slamming followed, and one young man wearing only a long tunic dashed into the courtyard for a quick glance around before rushing back inside.
“Now, stepfather will get the bright idea to check the ovens, the ones I’ve had to fire every day, the ones I’ve had to use to make their meals all these years. And in three - two - one…”
The pop was strangely muted even at that distance, but Natalie’s eyes widened. Then the loud boom caught up with it, spurting a mushroom cloud of black smoke out of the chimney just as all the doors blew off the house and the windows shattered.
When Natalie gaped at the sight, her hold on the magic weakened and Gustav slipped free. He took one last glance at his blackened, rather crispy-looking stepfather and stepbrothers wobbling out into the courtyard, coughing and sputtering for air, and then he ran.
He was almost to the trees when Natalie started yelling for him, but he didn’t stop; he didn’t even look back. He just ran to freedom.
Too bad his route took him straight into the middle of the Enchanted Forest.
The first day wasn’t bad. He had the glorious memory of his revenge to keep him moving along briskly, as well as most of the edible food from his stepfather’s kitchen. Even the growing shadows at the corners of his vision and rustling noises weren’t enough to keep a small smile off his lips.
He camped that night with a light heart that wasn’t disturbed at all by the movement and murmuring voices just outside the bright circle of his firelight. When Gustav woke in the morning to find a fawn, still in spots, nosing through his pack along with a baby skunk and a rabbit, he couldn’t even manage proper anger. Instead he shooed them away over their protests and told them to go find their mothers. Then he had to console the sobbing fawn while feeding it some dry bread crusts, earning him nothing but furious glares from the other two.
Once they’d ambled off, Gustav made a breakfast from the food that wasn’t strewn all over the forest floor thanks to the animals, then hefted his much lighter pack. It seemed that he was going to have to find a village much sooner than he’d planned. Although he’d always heard things about the Enchanted Forest, his stepfather would just wrinkle his nose and say that city folk didn’t mess with those people.
Gustav started off, a little unsure of where the nearest village would be, but heartened when he found a fast-moving river around midday. He followed it until night fell and he once again made camp. Once he’d eaten and stoked up the fire, he took out his most valued possession, a small silver locket that had belonged to his mother.
Gustav had loved curling up on his mother’s lap by the fire on cold evenings and listening to her stories about the forest and its creatures. When she’d remarried, thinking she’d give him a father and brothers, Gustav had tried to get them interested in the stories she told. He showed the two younger boys his prize drum that had been passed down from his own father, and even let them play with it using his father’s good drumsticks. But, the boys wanted nothing but to ride their ponies and beat each other with sticks they called swords and pretend they were princes. His stepfather seemed to dote on his mother but spared no time for the young boy when he had businesses to take care of and little enough free time to spend with his own children.
His mother consoled him, stroking his blond curls away from his face as he cried, and told him that someday his One True Love would come and he’d live happily ever after, just the way she’d always envisioned it. When Gustav would rub his wet nose into her apron and say that he’d rather go on adventures or play the drums in a tavern band, she’d hug him tighter and say that maybe his Happily Ever After would include someone that could make that happen, too. And it would be magical.
So Gustav had believed in magic, right up until the winter his mother had become sick with a terrible fever and passed away. After that, his stepfather grew colder, his stepbrothers more obnoxious, and before he really realized it, Gustav was living in the kitchen where he could be by himself and make plans to leave the entire kingdom forever. No more stepfather, no more taking care of spoiled stepbrothers and no more stinking magic.
He woke up to low-hanging gray clouds that reflected his mood. It only got worse when he came upon a village along the riverbank, and after a confused and rather frightening night, he found out that rats were actually attracted to his drumming. Thanks to his muscle stamina, a borrowed bass drum, the innkeeper’s little boy and all his rowdy friends, the rats had followed the racket they made out of town and straight into a murky pond where they all drowned. The village was thrilled to be free of vermin, so Gustav left with a small bag of silver and enough supplies that the good people were able to salvage from their food supplies. It was enough to keep him until he reached a larger village, he was sure, if he took a short-cut through the deepest part of the enchanted wood.
It was going well - he’d only seen two unicorns, an ogre and a troll - until he heard a strange noise coming from the east. He debated going to investigate when the noise turned into more of a wail. He started closer to hear louder heartbroken sobbing.
Gustav was just thinking that he should probably leave it alone when he came into a small clearing that contained a cottage and a small mob of tiny men, all teary-eyed and crying loudly. Before he could creep back into the forest, one of the men spotted him and called out.
The others turned and started running toward him, their mourning seemingly forgotten as they charged.
“Whoa, whoa, what’s going on?” Gustav yelled and held his hands up in a gesture of surrender. The short men - his stepfather would have called them dwarves, but his mother had taught him to call them little people - circled him and cut off his escape to the forest.
“Did you do this?” one said, poking a finger toward his stomach.
“How dare you come back!” Another yelled and pushed his lower back.
“Why did you take him away from us?” A third kicked at his knee.
“What are you talking about? I’ve never been here before in my life! What’s the matter with you little menaces?” Gustav had enough and grabbed the head of the one who was taking a swing with a closed fist. His longer arms gave him the advantage to hold the little person at a distance while he cursed and swung at Gustav’s stomach.
One of the taller men, whose head might have come up to Gustav’s chest, stepped forward. “Ho, stranger. What are you doing in these woods? There is foul treachery afoot today in the Enchanted Forest.”
Gustav had to parse that sentence for a moment but answered, “I have no idea. I was just on my way through the forest when I heard your caterwauling and came to see what was wrong. It seems like I came at a bad time.”
“Yes, that you did,” the taller little person agreed. He motioned for the other men to step back. “Tell us, traveler, have you seen any suspicious folk in these parts today? Did you sense magic most vile?”
Gustav didn’t have to think for more than an instant. “No.”
The man sighed, the others echoing the sound. Gustav tried to get a count of how many of them surrounded him and he thought six, maybe eight, he couldn’t really tell because they kept moving around. It was a little unnerving.
“What happened?” he finally asked when it seemed like they weren’t going to attack him again.
“Someone, a sorcerer of greatest might or a jealous enchantress full of bile, has murdered our most fair beloved,” the little man choked and sobbed. That started a chorus of sobs, some outright blubbering and several of the men crying on each others’ shoulders.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Gustav said. The mourning went on around him, and he really didn’t know what to do other than offer his sympathies, as his mother had taught him. He knew what it was like to lose someone he loved. “May I pay my respects?”
“Yes, of course,” the one he’d designated the leader said. The ring of men led him toward the cottage where Gustav could see something that looked like a long box made of cloudy-colored rock. When he got close enough, he tried to knock on it to determine what it was made of, but the leader saw the movement.
“It’s solid quartz we mined ourselves,” the man said. “We thought that only its beauty was close enough to the immeasurable splendor of our lost, our most fabulous, our most exquisite-”
When the man broke down again and dug out a large handkerchief to blow his nose, Gustav stepped up to the makeshift coffin, took off his hat and peered down. Through the blur of the lid, he could only see a pale, oval face outlined with long black hair. He bent his head for a moment of silence then squinted and turned back to the men.
“Uh, I think this guy’s still alive,” he said.
The lamenting stopped dead. “What?” five, six or seven voices yelled in unison.
“I said, I think he’s still alive. If you look really close, there’s a fog on the quartz above his nose and mouth, like he’s still breathing.”
Gustav was pushed aside by a slew of little bodies, some of whom had to stand on tiptoe to check out what he claimed.
“I think he’s right!” “I told you he wasn’t gone!” “I told you not to screw it shut!” “I told you to check if his heart was beating!”
The taller man drew back at the accusation. “What do you think I am, a doctor? I’m just a miner! It didn’t look like he was breathing, and it’s all your faults that we’ve gone and put him in a coffin!”
The shouting got louder, some shoving followed and Gustav stepped in. “Hey, hey!” he yelled until he got their attention. “Don’t you think you should open the coffin and check on him?”
“Yes!” “Yes, we must open it!” “Get the sledgehammers!”
Several ran off to get their mining tools, and Gustav had to ask, “When did this happen?”
“Sometime this afternoon. We came back from the mine, but our glorious Snow Bill was not waiting for us as usual. We found him slumped over in his favorite chair in the sun, a basket of apples spilled next to him, one fallen from his hand with one perfect bite taken from its rosy flesh,” the leader said, and Gustav could tell he was working himself up to get into the story. “We know it must have been poisoned by someone powerful, a sorcerer jealous of his extraordinary and amazing beauty. So embittered by the fact that no one in the land could possibly be as lovely as Snow Bill, with his skin as white as snow, his lips red as blood, his hair black as ebony -”
“Except for when he dyed it blond.” “ Yeah, and that time he made it gray.” “He always wanted it to be red.”
A bone-jarring crash rang out as the first hammer struck the quartz coffin. Gustav winced and the leader yelled out, “Be careful with that! You just want to crack the lid - not crush Bill!” He went over to bellow directions as the little people took turns swinging the sledgehammers at strategic seams in the quartz of the lid. Gustav watched until it began to crack, then he lent a hand at prying the cracks apart to get the lid off without the huge pieces falling inside.
As soon as it was opened, the little men all reached in to touch the body inside, bickering about what to do next. Gustav rolled his eyes and made his way through to the boy’s head. Ignoring their questions and arguments, Gustav slipped his hand under the shoulders and gently cradling the head with his other hand, pulled him into a sitting position.
“Please be careful with Bill!” “You mustn’t hurt him!” “Please, is Bill really still alive?”
Gustav cupped his hand under Bill’s nose and swore he felt breath. He wondered if… with the hand not holding Bill up, he opened Bill’s mouth and poked inside.
“How dare you!” “You mustn’t touch Bill there!” “You’re not worthy to touch his perfect lips!”
Gustav gave a little nod to himself and maneuvered Bill’s body as best he could, putting Bill’s back against his chest. Bill’s head flopped against his shoulder, but Gustav got both his arms around the boy’s chest, then gave a mighty heave.
A choir of voices screamed out against him, but Gustav did it again. And again. And on the fourth heave, Bill’s head fell forward and Gustav saw something fall out of his mouth. Then Bill pulled in a long, shuddering breath Gustav could feel through his thin chest, and coughed.
“He’s alive!” “It’s true, Bill is alive!” “Oh my goodness!” And two little men had to attend to a third who had fainted in sheer ecstasy.
Gustav still held the boy with strong arms around his chest as Bill coughed and rubbed at his mouth. Then Bill seemed to realize someone was holding him and craned his neck around to look at Gustav.
“You! You saved me. My prince,” he croaked out before coughing again.
“Can you get us some water?” Gustav called out. He let the boy go as Bill started to pull away, still gasping in deep breaths.
“Get me out of here,” Bill said, and Gustav helped him over the edge of quartz box to sit on the ground. “Ugh, that felt totally like a coffin.”
Gustav cleared his throat. “Well, actually-”
“You’re not saying those idiots thought I was… oh shit,” the look on Bill’s face as he shuddered almost made Gustav laugh.
“So, what happened?”
“Here, Bill!” “Drink this, you’ll feel so much better!” “Are you really okay? Can we do anything else for you?”
Bill gave a half-grimace, half-smile to the little man who brought him a cup of water then waved his hand. “I’m fine, now, and I have this brave prince to thank for that!”
Many pairs of eyes glared at Gustav and he felt compelled to say, “Well, actually-”
“Yes, I always knew someday my prince would come! And now he’s here, the dashing, the charming Prince … what did you say your name was?”
“Gustav.”
“Prince Gustav,” Bill sighed, and then reached a hand up to him.
Gustav wasn’t sure if he were supposed to kiss it or what, so he grasped it firmly and lifted Bill to his feet. Bill made an oomph noise that he wasn’t expecting.
“You know, I’m not really a-”
“Gustav dear, can you help me into the cottage? I need to gather my things,” Bill looked down at him with large eyes, still watering from his coughing spell, and Gustav thought that a fawn could have taken lessons in doe eyes from this kid.
The crowd of men followed them, all rushing in trying to touch Bill and asking him over and over what had happened. Bill smiled vaguely at them all until they were all standing inside the cottage watching Bill grab a sack and throw clothes, jewelry and what looked like a lot of hair-styling tools into it.
“Bill, please tell us what happened!” the leader of the little men implored him just as Bill dug out another pair of shoes from under a bed. Bill slumped to sit on the bed and shake his head. “It was a sorcerer, wasn’t it?” the man pressed. “You were given an apple by a witch, one who caught up to you from your dark, mysterious past that you never talk about, and she poisoned you in revenge!”
Bill’s eyes darted from the man to Gustav and back again. Gustav had never seen such a shifty look in his life. “Yes, that was it, that’s what happened exactly, David,” Bill said. “Now, where did I leave my boots?”
The little men were sighing and still clustered around Bill when Gustav cleared his throat for attention. Bill raised an eyebrow at him; Gustav crossed his arms over his chest. “Why don’t you tell us what really happened, Bill?”
“Um, yes, well, I think he summed it up perfectly,” Bill said.
“Really? And your little swoon had nothing to do with that great big bite of apple that was stuck in your throat and you just coughed up. You didn’t choke?”
Bill’s hand motion to him was cut off by the renewed wailing of the men.
“Bill, how many times have we told you to chew your food?” “Bill, you know you aren’t supposed to take such big bites - we warned you you would choke!” “I thought you were allergic to apples!” “You always eat like a pig!”
When Bill whipped his head to glare at whoever had piped up that last comment, Gustav thought he’d better make his escape. He cleared his throat and said, “All’s well that ends well. You take care now,” but he only made it a step before long, thin fingers that felt of the claw-like grip of death clamped down on his arm.
“Where do you think you’re going?” Bill demanded.
“I’m leaving?” Gustav wanted to pry Bill’s fingers off, but his knuckles were already white from the effort Bill was putting into the hold.
“You aren’t leaving without me,” Bill let go long enough to stand up and smooth down his black tunic. It was promptly wrinkled when he was tackled back onto the bed by four of the little men.
“You can’t leave us!” “Don’t go, Bill!” “We need you!” “I love you!”
“Prince Gustav! A little help!” Bill’s voice wheezed out from under the hugs of the men.
“I’m not actually a … oh screw it,” Gustav grabbed the back of the shirts of two of them and hauled them off Bill.
“Let us go!” “We need Bill!” “Biiiiiiiiiiill!”
Bill scrambled to his feet again and snatched his bag. “Let’s get out of here now!”
“Now just wait one minute,” David said. “Bill, why are you so eager to leave us? Haven’t we taken good care of you?”
“Well, sure,” Bill said, looking down at all the teary eyes peering up at him. “But, surely you always knew this day would come. It’s been a wonderful few months staying here with you, and I appreciate you taking me in and letting me hide out, but really, my destiny awaits. I always knew a big, strong prince would come and whisk me away, so I thank you for letting me stay until he arrived to save me.” Bill glanced at Gustav. “Or something. And now, we must away to our Happily Ever After!”
Bill made a dramatic gesture and swept out of the cottage. Gustav resisted the urge to roll his eyes at all the awe that inspired in the little men. They followed Bill outside where he was looking around.
“Where’s your horse, gallant prince?”
“I don’t have a horse,” Gustav said when he realized Bill was talking to him.
“You don’t have a …” Bill pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. “How are we supposed to ride off into the sunset without a horse?”
Gustav shrugged. “I’m walking.”
“Of course you are,” Bill said as he moved closer to Gustav and slung his arm through his. “Thank you all for everything you’ve done. I’ll never forget you all! Take care! Don’t work too hard in the mines!” Bill started pulling Gustav toward the forest as he waved at the little men still trying to console each other.
“Where are you going?” Gustav let himself be pulled since Bill was going in the right general direction.
“Anywhere out of here,” Bill hissed then raised his voice to yell, “I’ll miss you! Good luck with everything!” Then he turned back to Gustav. “Come on, let’s high-tail it out of here before they find out I made off with last week’s haul of gems from that mine.”
Gustav watched him hurry into the forest as quickly as he could under the burden of his pack of clothes and accessories. Gustav picked up his own bag and let Bill lead for a while. It didn’t take long before Bill was sweating and cursing under the weight of his pack so he caught up while Bill sat down.
“What is your deal?” Gustav finally asked. At Bill’s blank stare, he clarified. “I just can’t figure out how you came to be living with that group of guys and then why you were so eager to get out of there.”
Bill fidgeted for a minute. “Let’s just say I had some trouble with a queen and a huntsman and maybe me being a little too beautiful and taking some attention from her at court. But, I mean, come on. I can’t help looking this good,” Bill flipped his hair off his shoulder. “I had to lay low for a while, and these guys were all happy at first with the big smiles and pats on the heads. But, then...” Bill shuddered.
Gustav frowned. “They seemed nice, if a little over-eager. What was so bad?”
“They expected me to clean the house!” Bill wailed. “And do laundry! Cook the food! I’m telling you, if I have to make one more meatloaf, I’m swearing off meat forever! And do you know what housework does to your nails? It was terrible! Not to mention the whole they-put-me-in-a-coffin-and-thought-I-was-dead thing when I wasn’t dead!” Bill shivered. “It’s a good thing that quartz was too big to bury or I would have been dead, for real. What were they thinking!”
“I don’t think that’s very -”
“I don’t really care what you think,” Bill whirled on him. “You’re not even a real prince, are you?”
“Not even close,” Gustav agreed.
Bill huffed and threw himself on his back. “I should have known it. You aren’t very charming. You’re probably not even a count or a lord or something titled.”
“No,” Gustav agreed again.
“So where do we go from here?” Bill lifted onto his elbows, and Gustav tried not to make eye contact.
“I don’t know where you’re going, but I’m getting out of the Enchanted Forest and making my own life. I’m tired of all this magical destiny kind of stuff,” Gustav said.
Bill bounced to his feet. “That sounds good to me! I’m going with you!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am!”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes, I am! Gustav, you wouldn’t just turn me loose all on my own right after a near-death experience, would you?” Bill’s eyes took on that pleading quality that Gustav knew would haunt him the rest of his life.
“You got better,” Gustav pointed out.
Bill stomped his foot. “That’s not the point. You saved me from choking and from those dwarves, so you are going to help me get out of this forest. Now, lead on.”
Gustav figured he’d better pick his battles with Bill, so he let him trail along behind. Bill didn’t keep up too well, but Gustav cut him some slack after the kind of day he’d experienced. But, when Bill started complaining as he set up camp, Gustav had to keep himself from snapping.
“Gustav, there isn’t nearly enough food here for two of us. You certainly didn’t come prepared.”
“Why didn’t you leave some of the clothes and pack more food? Or any food, for that matter?” Gustav shot back.
“Gustav, you only have one bedroll! Where do you expect me to sleep? I’ll get a chill if I’m not covered properly!”
Gustav had rolled himself in his blanket and put his back to Bill as he pulled out some clothes from his sack for a makeshift pillow and blanket.
“I still can’t believe you don’t even have a horse,” he heard Bill mutter as he drifted off to sleep.
The night was long, but the next day was even longer since Bill didn’t seem to have much motivation or desire to walk and kept asking Gustav what they were going to do when they got there. And if they were there yet. Even though Gustav told him repeatedly he didn’t even know where they were going.
So the day after that, Gustav was happy to see smoke rising from the trees ahead, signaling a dwelling of some kind. He thought it was the perfect opportunity to get rid of Bill - or rather to allow Bill the opportunity to stay with someone who could care for him - no, he was looking forward to getting rid of Bill.
There was no noise coming from the clearing and as soon as Gustav peered out from the trees, he knew something was wrong. It could have been the lingering smell of smoke in the air or the silence from the typically twittering birds and chirping crickets but it was probably the way the cottage was made entirely of gingerbread, icing and sweets.
“Candy!” Bill shrieked and made a break for it. Gustav grabbed him around the waist and held on tight.
“No, Bill! Can’t you see there’s something wrong with it?” Gustav manhandled him back behind a tree.
“I can see that it’s the most beautiful thing in the world!” Bill practically sobbed as he struggled. “I’m so hungry, Gustav!”
Gustav shook him, just to stop his hysteria, then shook him again just because it felt good. Bill’s head bobbled, but he stopped whining. “There is no such thing as free candy, Bill. Something is really suspicious over there.”
“Can’t we just take a -”
“No! Not a single gumdrop. We’re leaving now.” Gustav sighed when a scream sounded from the cottage. Bill whimpered, and Gustav said, “Fine, I’ll go check it out. Don’t touch anything. Stay here and stay out of sight.” Bill huffed but stayed as Gustav crept closer.
The front door of the cottage was standing wide open, and up close the smell of melting candy was overwhelmingly sweet. Gustav’s nose twitched, and it wasn’t hard to ignore the sticky stuff even if he was hungry.
“Hello,” he called into the darkened cottage.
“Hello!” “Hi!” two bright, young voices called back. A young boy and girl - all blond hair, blue eyes and round cheeks - were smiling out at him.
“Uh, hi,” Gustav said, trying to look beyond them. “Is everything okay here? I heard a scream.”
“Yep, sure is,” the boy said. “That was just my sister here. She fell.”
“Okay,” Gustav said. “Are your parents around?”
“Nope, they’re out in the forest working,” the girl said. “But they should be back soon. Why don’t you come in and wait for them? You look all big and strong with those muscles.”
Gustav held back a shudder as the kids looked him up and down. “I don’t think I’ll do that. I just have to ask, why is your house made out of gingerbread and candy?”
The kids shrugged and their smiles took on a strange twist. “Because mama always said you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar,” the boy said as his sister added, “And you look good enough to eat.”
A weaker shout came from inside the cottage, followed by knocking. Gustav swept past the children, straight to a closet that had a rocking chair pushed in front and a broom wedged under the handle. The children yelled as he opened it, and an elderly woman nearly fell out.
“You little demons!” she screamed at the children who took off running for the ladder to the loft, shrieking the whole way. Gustav helped the woman over to sit in the chair as she caught her breath. “This is the last time I ever watch those brats again! I’ve told Nanny over and over that her grandchildren are evil spawn, but she thinks their little pranks are adorable. See if I ever bake another sweet for either of you again, you filthy little buggers!”
A loud raspberry sounded from the loft, and the other child giggled.
“So, are you okay?” Gustav asked slowly.
The old woman humphed and rocked her chair. “Yes, I’ll be fine once Nanny gets back from mushroom hunting and takes control of those two again.”
“But they locked you in a closet. And threatened to eat me,” Gustav said.
“Well, who wouldn’t want to, a fine, young man like you,” she said, and Gustav was truly horrified for the first time in his whole adventure. Then she cackled. “They’ve just eaten too much siding off my house for the day. Once the sugar’s out of their systems, they’ll take a nap and Nanny will be back to take them off my hands. Sorry for the trouble.”
“No trouble, ma’am,” Gustav said and decided it was time to head for the door.
“Don’t you want a reward for saving a poor, little old woman?” she called out.
“No ma’am, I couldn’t possibly,” he said and, with a final rude gesture from the giggling children poking their heads down through the loft door, he left.
He wasn’t quite bolting for the forest when he realized Bill was standing at one of the side windows, hands full of chocolate trim and bulging cheeks clamped around gummy lattice.
“I thought I told you to stay in the woods! Don’t eat that old lady’s house!” Gustav hissed as he grabbed Bill’s arm to yank him away.
Bill’s mumble didn’t clear up until he swallowed the enormous mouthful of candy. “But, it’s so good! And I’m so hungry! You have to feed me, Gustav.”
Gustav did his best to ignore Bill’s whining as Bill finished his handfuls of stolen housing materials while they walked. It was another long night at camp as Bill moaned about his sugary stomachache, and Gustav let him have the last bit of bread and cheese to try to quell it.
He was happier than ever when they heard music the next morning. Finally, he would be able to get rid of - give Bill the kind of forever home he deserved. Gustav only hoped the poor slob who got stuck with Bill was as truly deserving.
“Where is that music coming from?” Bill shaded his eyes with his hand as he peered from the top of the hill.
“I think probably that tower there,” Gustav pointed out.
The tower in the center of the small valley was the only manmade thing for as far as Gustav could see. It rose stark and menacing right out of the heart of the forest. Even Bill was quiet as they walked closer to investigate. Then the music of a stringed instrument started again, casting its own kind of magic over the valley. Gustav couldn’t help but nod his head along with the rhythm of the song, and he heard Bill start to hum a melody alongside him. They continued until they were right at the base of the stone tower, directly underneath its sole window. The music stopped with a twang of strings.
“Oh, please don’t stop! That was lovely!” Bill called out up to the window.
After a long moment, a voice called back, “You really think so?”
“Yes! You’re an amazing musician! I love that song!” Bill yelled back.
“Really? I wrote it myself, just now.” A head popped up at the window and beamed down at them. Gustav could see black hair, dark eyes, a nice nose, good cheekbones and a pleasant smile. Then he glanced over at Bill.
“Oh, hi!” Bill was practically glowing as he stared up at the head, and Gustav could have sworn he heard a choir in the background as pink sparkles floated through the air. “It’s very nice to meet you. You wouldn’t happen to be a long-lost prince, would you?”
The boy in the tower laughed, and Bill glowed even brighter. “No, not at all. I’m just being held here until my stepfather comes up with the ransom money. What about you?”
“You’ll never believe it! I was being hunted ruthlessly by this mean old queen and I was running through the forest. And who should I meet but a bunch of- ”
While Bill spun his tale, Gustav started exploring the area behind the tower. It wasn’t that big around, so it was only a few minutes’ walk to get back to Bill just as he was describing the horrible abuse he’d suffered at the hands of dwarves. “Can you believe they expected a fresh meal every night? As if I didn’t have enough time during the day to wash all their muddy clothes and take care of my nails. Oh, Gustav, you’re back.”
“Hi,” he waved up at the boy in the window who saluted back. “Who are you?”
“Gustav,” Bill hissed, but the boy didn’t seem put out.
“My name is Tom. My mom and stepfather run a big music school on the other side of the forest. Then mom and my dad had a fight one day because dad wanted to borrow a bunch of money. Mom wouldn’t give it to him, so he took me and put me here until they pay up.” Tom shrugged, just the tops of his shoulders visible from the ground. “It’s been a lot longer than I expected.”
“How do you get food? Do you have any supplies up there?” Bill said.
“Yeah, my dad comes back once a week or so. It’s not too bad. I’ve been playing my lute, writing songs, doing some drawing. It’s kind of peaceful, just boring. I really miss my dog,” he sighed.
“Oh, Gustav, we have to rescue him!” Bill pulled at Gustav’s arm. “We have to build something to get him down from the window. Oh! Or go back and find that witch and get her to magic up a hole in the tower! Maybe we should try that first!”
“Bill, we don’t have to depend on magic,” Gustav tugged himself free and looked up at Tom who was hanging head and shoulders out of the window. “You want out of there?”
“Yes!” Tom nodded so hard that a long lock of his shiny, black hair fell out of the window.
“Your hair is beautiful!” Bill didn’t even sound jealous which told Gustav he must have it pretty bad for this guy. “How long is it?”
Tom smiled and pulled some locks over his shoulder to show them. “It’s down past my waist. I used to wear it in braids, but since Dad took me, I didn’t have anyone to put them in. So, it’s all hanging free and loose now.”
“I bet it is,” Gustav heard Bill mutter under his breath and looked over in time to see him lick his lips. Gustav edged away. “Oh, Tom, maybe we can use your hair and some sheets to fashion a ladder and then I can climb up -”
“That’s ridiculous, Bill. Your weight would yank his hair right out of his head and leave him with a big, bloody bald spot. Or dead,” Gustav ignored Bill’s squawk about his weight and Tom’s indignation about bald spots. “There’s a better way.”
“Fine then, I’m telling you, the witch is the way to go. Tom, you won’t believe what this witch had made her house out of. It was the most -” Gustav took Bill’s distraction as an opportunity to walk to the other side of the tower again. He returned, dragging a thin, rickety ladder behind him. Then he waited while Bill finished his storytelling and the two noticed him.
“You’re back,” Bill said as Tom said, “What’s that?”
“That,” Gustav gestured, “is a ladder.”
“It looks kind of unsafe,” Bill said.
“Well, lucky for you, you don’t have climb it. Tom just needs to climb down.”
“Uh,” Tom had ducked down behind the windowsill until only his eyes and forehead were visible. “I don’t think that will work.”
“Of course it will work. It’s the same ladder your father must have used whenever he came to bring you food,” Gustav said.
Tom’s forehead shook back and forth. “No way. He would just magically appear in the morning when I woke up.”
Gustav sighed. “You never saw him climb in the window?” When Tom’s forehead shook again, Gustav added, “You thought he just popped in.” The forehead nodded.
“Why is this my life?” Gustav muttered under his breath as he went about placing the ladder in two convenient grooves in the ground under the window, Bill and Tom watching him carefully. When Gustav had braced the ladder to his satisfaction, he waved to Tom, “Okay, you’re good to go.”
“I can’t,” Tom said. “I don’t think I like heights.”
“For the love of … you’ve been trapped in that tower for months -”
“Weeks, actually.”
“For weeks, and you want to be free, but now you figure out you’re afraid of heights?”
“That ladder really doesn’t look that safe, Gustav,” Bill pointed out.
Gustav climbed up three rungs and jumped up and down. “See? Safe and secu-oof,” Gustav said as his foot cracked through the wooden rung and landed on the next one down. He looked up to see Tom’s forehead pull back even more. “I’m sure it won’t do that again. You’ll be fine.”
“Well, you are thinner than Gustav,” Bill said. “Why don’t you give it a try? It would be wonderful if you could be free and travel with us.”
Gustav ground his teeth but didn’t say a word. Tom’s head had come up over the windowsill again, and he was gazing soulfully at Bill. “I would really like to be with you,” he said. Bill batted his eyes, Tom sighed, and Gustav had to hold back a snort.
“Please try it, Tom,” Bill implored.
“Okay, I will!” Tom stood up.
Gustav was quick to yell, “Wait! Before you come down, can you share some supplies with us? We’re getting really low on food, and I don’t know where the next village is.”
“Sure,” Tom said and disappeared from sight.
“Also, any extra blankets would be great!” Gustav bellowed up to him. Then Gustav waited a few minutes until he saw a bulging pack come out over the windowsill. “Watch out, Bill. Bill?” Gustav looked around to make sure Bill was out of the way and was promptly crushed under the load Tom had wrapped in a blanket. As he groaned and tried to move it off him, he saw Tom’s head peek out the window.
“Watch out below. I think I got just about everything,” Tom announced.
“Ouch,” Gustav said and managed to sit up, moving the supplies to one side.
“Now it’s just me,” Tom said, still lingering inside the window.
“You can do it, Tom,” Gustav said, getting to his feet and swaying. “I’ll be right here to hold the ladder, and Bill will … do whatever Bill does.”
Tom nodded but didn’t move to climb out the window. Gustav counted silently to sixty-two before Tom nodded again and took a deep breath. This time, he slung a leg out the window and carefully placed it on the top rung of the ladder. He stopped to adjust the lute strapped over his back, then slowly drew his other leg over the sill and onto the ladder. “That’s good,” Gustav praised in a calm voice. “You’re doing great.” Tom climbed down at a slow but steady rate, picking each step carefully, Gustav’s voice guiding him. “You’re almost there, Tom. Just a few more…”
“Tom!” Bill’s voice cut through the tranquility as he ran toward the ladder. Tom’s foot slipped, and Gustav saw it all in slow motion as he fell backward and landed directly on Bill, flattening them both to the ground. Gustav waited a moment before he looked down at them.
“You guys okay?”
Two gasps for air answered him and he nodded. “Good. I’ll get your stuff ready then,” he said as he picked up the ladder to carry it back around the tower.
When he returned, both boys were sitting up, and Bill was handing Tom a bedraggled bunch of flowering weeds. “These are for you, Tom,” he said as he offered them.
Tom grinned and took them. “Thanks, Bill.”
Gustav felt a little twinge as he realized he was watching someone else’s One True Love happen right before his eyes. He expected blue birds to fly down and bequeath flowery tiaras for the two as they frolicked into their Happily Ever After.
Gustav cleared his throat. “Well then, congratulations, you two. I left your supplies over there so you can -”
“Wait, what are you talking about?” Bill scrambled to his feet.
“What do you mean, our supplies? I thought we were all together,” Tom got up to face Gustav, too.
“Well, I just figured since you two found each other, you would want to be alone and I could go …” Gustav tried to finish his thought beneath the onslaught of twin puppy eyes, “be alone?”
“I think we should all stick together,” Bill announced and Tom agreed. Gustav had a sinking feeling that this was setting a dangerous precedent that would only ever end with him being outnumbered.
“Fine,” Gustav gave in, “but we have to do something about his hair. That’s going to be a mess walking through the woods.”
Tom ran his hands through his hair and gathered it to his chest in a protective motion. “What do you mean?”
“You need a haircut,” Gustav said and pulled out his pocketknife. Tom and Bill gave twin shrieks. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll just cut off a little.” Gustav kept his opposite hand’s fingers conveniently crossed.
Tom was still glaring at him when Bill rubbed at Tom’s arm. “Don’t worry about Gustav. If he cuts it, I can fix it for you. Would you like braids again? Oh, or maybe some nice twists?”
“Twists?” Tom repeated.
Bill smiled and rubbed his arm a little more. “I saw this really cool hairstyle on a guy visiting the queen’s court once. It would totally suit you, if you want to try.”
“Well, maybe,” Tom seemed like he couldn’t help but smile under the influence of Bill’s grin. Gustav was just happy the two of them held still long enough for him to cut Tom’s hair from below his waist to mid-back and Bill promised to fix it for him that night when they made camp. He helped Tom gather it into a high tail for the moment, and Tom admired it, whipping his head back and forth. “Thanks, Gustav, it does feel a lot lighter now.”
So, the group of three trooped through the forest, and while Gustav was grateful that they’d found more supplies, the journey was even more uncomfortable for him. Bill and Tom walked close together, giggling at each other’s jokes and ignoring the rest of the world. But, nights at camp were even worse when they snuggled close together, grinning only for each other, the stars in the sky reflected in their eyes.
Gustav did his best to pretend they weren’t there, but it was frustrating. After all, he’d planned to pawn off Bill but somehow he’d ended up with two of them, practically twin menaces who weren’t afraid to gang up on him when they wanted their own way. It was tiresome, and - he would never admit it to another human being ever - a bit lonely.
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