Musings
I've recently acquired an obsession with these. Whatever. It's not all funny, but some of it is clever. I also find the convensions and inside jokes....comforting I guess. So I'm a silent party, but I'm still in the "in-group." What can I say? Fuzz and cuteness make me happy.
So little does these days. I always thought that being in love would be like this magic pill...a cure all for everything that stressed me. HA! Not that it isn't great. And upon reflection, perhaps without love I would have gone completely crazy by now. Surely I would have given up on this ill-fated part of my academic journey and crawled back to my mother's house. Or worse, stuck it out at the chimp lab and ended up on an even more desparately awful path toward nowhere in Reno.
Bleh. When did I get so serious?! My live journal used to read like a tamish episode of Sex in the City. Now adays, if I even bother to post at all, it sounds more like the begining of MacBeth -- foreboding and anxious.
I wonder what it is about me or my past....or both....that causes me to see my current situation as so unsettled. It seems as if I'm always working toward doing something else -- going somewhere other than here. Why? I like to think that I'm at least partly grounded in the moment, that I consider the journey and make the most of the twists in the pathway......
I don't know. I've just been plaguing my mind with doubts about what I want to do in life again. My mother is no model of career satisfaction or stability -- a new job nearly every 2 years since I was 8. For her that just means an uncertain retirement. For me? eh. I don't want to change careers, jobs, whatever over and over...so I work or at least have been working toward this nebulous goal of high academic achievement. People ask if I enjoy teaching. Sure, some parts of it -- and god do I love it when they learn. When my psuedo-rhetorical questions aren't met with half-interested blink-blink, blink-blink, but with answers. It's amazing. But more often there is the blinking and the "what do we need to know for the test?" questions. Can I blame them? I was all about the grade too -- not that learning wasn't part of the point, but it wasn't the only thing I was in it for either. What a balance! So may be I like it -- some. Maybe I'd like something else more...but what? Does anybody ever know?
Alright, I gave myself til 11 to muse. Now onto the daily grind.....perhaps I'll post more light-heartedly next time.
So little does these days. I always thought that being in love would be like this magic pill...a cure all for everything that stressed me. HA! Not that it isn't great. And upon reflection, perhaps without love I would have gone completely crazy by now. Surely I would have given up on this ill-fated part of my academic journey and crawled back to my mother's house. Or worse, stuck it out at the chimp lab and ended up on an even more desparately awful path toward nowhere in Reno.
Bleh. When did I get so serious?! My live journal used to read like a tamish episode of Sex in the City. Now adays, if I even bother to post at all, it sounds more like the begining of MacBeth -- foreboding and anxious.
I wonder what it is about me or my past....or both....that causes me to see my current situation as so unsettled. It seems as if I'm always working toward doing something else -- going somewhere other than here. Why? I like to think that I'm at least partly grounded in the moment, that I consider the journey and make the most of the twists in the pathway......
I don't know. I've just been plaguing my mind with doubts about what I want to do in life again. My mother is no model of career satisfaction or stability -- a new job nearly every 2 years since I was 8. For her that just means an uncertain retirement. For me? eh. I don't want to change careers, jobs, whatever over and over...so I work or at least have been working toward this nebulous goal of high academic achievement. People ask if I enjoy teaching. Sure, some parts of it -- and god do I love it when they learn. When my psuedo-rhetorical questions aren't met with half-interested blink-blink, blink-blink, but with answers. It's amazing. But more often there is the blinking and the "what do we need to know for the test?" questions. Can I blame them? I was all about the grade too -- not that learning wasn't part of the point, but it wasn't the only thing I was in it for either. What a balance! So may be I like it -- some. Maybe I'd like something else more...but what? Does anybody ever know?
Alright, I gave myself til 11 to muse. Now onto the daily grind.....perhaps I'll post more light-heartedly next time.