she dies at the end
Title: She dies at the end
Chapter: 1
Pairing: Alex/Mitchie
Rating: R
Summary: Alex wants to know why.
^^**She dies at the end.**^^
It’s like a dull feeling inside when someone close to you dies. Its like a part of you, well over a half of you has died as well. Nothing can make it right again and the sun never shines again, no matter how hot your face gets from its rays. Its pouring hard outside and I’m sitting almost lifeless, letting words enter and leave my head as they please, the words just won’t stick. My heart was beating fast yesterday, I couldn’t sleep. And now today its beating extremely slow, I feel numb like I can’t process anything.
“To this daughter, this friend, this lover….”
I stare up at the priest. He’s dressed in all black, his head deep inside the book he’s reading, he doesn’t care. He sees death almost everyday, so why would this day be any different to him? I try to swallow but a lump that has sat in my throat for the past ten minutes won’t let me. Just like…
I stare ahead, my face is getting baked by the sun, and yet, I can’t feel it at all. But when was really the last time I truly felt something. To the outside world it’s when she left. If she were here she would know.
My fingers pluck the dark fabric I’m in. I was sitting in a dress, it’s what she would have wanted. I would have pleased her. Now nothing can. Nothing can hurt her, nothing can even scare her. I guess we now have more things in common that we ever did. I try to laugh at my joke but realize don’t even have the energy to breathe. My hair was pinned up, that too was something she loved.
“It’ll be okay baby,” her words shake. I don’t want to break down, she would hate if I did that. She would hate if I would have let tears fall right there in the middle of an amazing speech.
“Alex a few words?!” the priest stops speaking and I can’t breathe any longer. My heart stops, I can spot all eyes on me, but none of which I cared about at that moment. A room full of one hundred people, most I didn’t know, and many I made enemies with over the years. My mom pats my arm.
“It’ll be okay baby,” she whispered before her lips fall against my forehead. I can’t feel it, I don’t feel anything. I hold in my hands a beautiful speech, one that she would have wanted, but I can‘t move. I take in a gust of air into my lungs, the pressure burns my eyes and that’s when the first tear fell onto my cheek. I shake my head and fumble with the cards before facing my mom. She understands and pulls them from my fingers before standing and walking towards the stage. I watch her pass everyone. They all are in black as well or a dark blue, my eyes fall against the white casket and they never move. The words I was meant to read fills the air.
“You are my life…” I smile. Those words were familiar to the both of us, she would smile every time I said she meant the word to me. Cute dimples on either side of her cheeks.
“now were both dead,” I whispered but no one heard. I gave my mom a quick glance before I ran out the ‘ceremony‘. Cries filled the air as dad ran after me. He called, “Alex! Alex!” I had to remind myself that I was Alex, but that didn’t make sense. How can there be an Alex without a Mitchie? A boat without an ocean to travel on. “Conspiracy“, Mitchie would say. Alex would have laughed but I can’t exactly say what this stranger would do.
After everyone left I walked back to her. Hoping that this time she would remain on the grass, not below it, waiting for me. Breathing.
I know several hours had passed it was dusk I think. And of course Mitchie wasn’t were I wanted her to be but instead tuck about eight feet under soil. That’s where I wanted to be, with her, next to her. I wanted to grow paw and like a mad dog dig my way to her, open her casket and hug her like I did before. Like I couldn’t do now. I wanted her to touch me again, kiss me again, love me again, and never stop. My eyes trailed to the roses on her floor. A white rose meant purity. Mitchie’s purity remained eight feet under. Intact.
“I can’t,” I let out. I felt as if she wanted me to say goodbye to her. I couldn’t. “I’m sorry Mitchie but I just cant.” I squeal the last past. Like I did that time went to a Linkin Park concert with Mitch and lost my voice. “You’re supposed to be here, Mitch. You’re supposed to be in my room and were supposed to cry at the sad ending. Not the other way around Mitchie.”
I paused waiting for her response frustrated at the lack of words.
“I don’t want to miss you Mitchie.” Keeling to the floor I clutch the grass in agony and just let m y head drop to the grass. Right in front of Mitchie’s tomb. I probably soak the entire soil ten seconds in. If I didn’t let them out I would choked.
“Alex,” My mom touched my shoulder and I faced her, I finally felt it. That rush of pain like a thousand needles stabbing me all over, burning every time I breathed. The thick lump in my throat never leaving.
“She wouldn’t want this. Not to be buried in the ground. I can’t leave her,” Mom only nodded and took a couple of steps back.
The rain picked up . I couldn’t feel it. Mom knelt down to me.
“Let’s go, baby.” Drunk and possibly dehydrated I mumbled something. I let her lift me. I was leaving Mitchie. Leaving her.
“NO!!!” I screamed but my mom held me back, soon my dad joined in. I kicked, screamed, but one of it worked. And soon enough the environment was out of sight, She was gone. But only physical as mom buckled my seatbelt, although I was laying in the back seat, she played the same melody over and over in my head. It burned to hear her smile, but not to find the root of it. It burned to know that when I smelt her perfume she wasn’t at the end of it smiling at me. I broke down on my way home. At home and I won’t even bare to retell my night. My stomach burned, my heart didn’t want to work, and my body was stiff.
The rain that did creep through the cracked window only blended with my tears. I couldn’t hear the soft and gentle music coming from my mp3 player, the rain tapping against the window, or the sniffling from my dad. All I could hear was Mitchie’s laugh, and her saying…
“When life gives you lemons, make bestie juice and move on,” her sayings were confusing, but I loved her for it. That’s what made her the person she was. Was. I knock my head against the glass hard. Justin who’s sitting next to me, and who I’ve ignored all morning slowly wipes a few strands of hair from my place.
“Don’t worry Alex, all of her pain is gone now,” He kissed my cheek and my heart wanted to burst again, but I wasn’t sure if it was there anymore. I just knew I was feeling pain with no sign of it stopping.
“When life give you lemon, make bestie juice and move on” I whisper before grabbing the incriminating metal. Sharp and tempting. Like candy to a toddler. I chuckle at the irony. I had stolen this from Mitchie making her promise to never use it again yet here was I. “Hypocrite…You lied.”
Best friends forever. “I never knew how short forever meant.” I slice the metal again and again horizontally. Just the way she did in hope of feeling something but not this lament, this pain.
After sliding the blade a couple times or so I collapse on the floor smiling at the blood dancing out my wrist. I drop my newly favorite item and spot Mitchie’s favorite shirt on my floor. Without hesitation I drop my clothes and slide her shirt on and inhale it. It smelt just like her. Every particle, her odor. She was here. I held on tightly to the shirt and slid into my bed hitting myself with something uncomfortable. I lift my pillow to remove my shoe or what ever is under my pillow not hoping to find a worn envelope.
Letter #1
To: Alex
From: Mitchie