Fanfiction
Title: Learning How to Walk
Author: th0rns_n_r0ses
Fandom: The Hobbit (2012)
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1287
Summary: Kili has problems adjusting after the Battle of Five Armies.
Warnings: Character death
Other Stuff: Possible spoilers for The Hobbit; AU; Written for The Hobbit kink meme over at hobbit_kink
Dwalin found them in the middle of the battle field, covered in dirt and gore. He stood there for a full minute, watching Kili stare into the distance, fingers carding aimlessly through lank blond hair. He knew without asking that Durin’s line had lost one more that day.
“Kili, we’re moving everyone to the mountain. Thorin’s been looking for you.”
Kili didn’t look at Dwalin, but his fingers stopped moving. “I won’t leave him here.”
Dwalin shook his head, even though he knew Kili wouldn’t see it. “Of course not, lad. Let me get you back to the mountain and I’ll come back for-”
Kili’s head whipped around, eyes flashing. “No,” he spat out. “I’m not leaving him here alone for one second. We go together or we don’t go at all.” He looked down at Fili's head in his lap and resumed running his fingers through his brother's hair.
Dwalin sighed. “Can you walk? If you can walk, I’ll carry him for you.” Kili looked up at him and nodded.
“I think I could manage that.”
Dwalin moved forward, bent down, and gently lifted Fili off of Kili and cradled him to his chest. It felt strange, holding him like this; it had been seventy years since the last time he'd carried Fili in such a way. What have we done to the two of you? he thought to himself. So wrapped up in his thoughts, he missed it when Kili winced and stumbled getting up.
It was impossible to miss Kili collapsing right in front of him, though.
“Dush baruk Mahal,” Dwalin swore. He started to lay Fili down, but Kili stopped him.
“My leg gave out, is all. I can make it. Give me a moment.” Now that he was looking for it, Dwalin could see that the leg in question had been broken in several places. He didn't even want to consider the blow it would take to do that type of damage to a dwarf.
“You can't walk on that, lad. I promise I'll come right back for him. Let me help you.”
“No.” Kili paused, and added quietly, “Dwalin, please.”
Dwalin thought about arguing, trying to talk sense into the boy. He thought of his own brother, and what he would do if someone had asked him to leave Balin's lifeless body on the bloody ground. Thorin's going to skin me alive. “As you like.” Side by side, they made the slow, painful trek to the mountain. It took three times as long as it should have, but Kili never complained, and Dwalin did not suggest leaving Fili behind again.
With the exception of Fili's burial, Kili spent the next month in bed, waiting for his leg to heal. Dwalin went to see him as often as possible, in between helping with the rebuilding of Erebor. He expected Kili to be angry and hurting. Instead he found a perfectly pleasant, if bored, dwarf. He talked easily, laughed much, and complained often of being stuck in a bed with “nothing but books and my hand for company”.
The one time Dwalin saw a crack in the joviality was the night he asked about the pile of Fili's things in the corner. Kili's face darkened for a just a moment before he shrugged. “They're fine where they are. So Bofur came to see me this morning...”
After much poking and prodding by Balin and Oin, Kili was finally released from bed rest with admonishments of caution, leg splints, and a walking stick. He limped through the halls of Erebor with a smile and cheerful words for everyone he passed. At the evening meal he told ribald jokes that had the other dwarves roaring with laughter. He was loud and brash and boisterous, and quickly made himself the center of attention in every situation.
Dwalin was on his way to find Thorin one day when he saw Kili coming from the other direction, Bofur and Ori at his side. He wasn't watching where he was going, too focused on the story he was telling, and managed to trip over his own walking stick. Down he went, splinted leg jutting out to one side at an odd angle.
Bofur and Ori immediately jumped into action, leaning over to help Kili up, expressing worry and fear.
“Kili, are you alright?”
“Did you hurt your leg? Do you need anything?”
Kili pushed them both away and climbed to his feet, brushing off their protests. “I'm fine, I'm fine, Ori, stop it, I can walk by myself.” He glanced over at Dwalin, and his face crumpled. He looked back to Ori and Bofur. “I've just remembered, I have - something I need to do.” Before anyone could say anything more, he took off down a side hallway.
Bofur and Ori looked at each other, then at Dwalin. Dwalin shook his head. “I'll check after him. Go on.”
Dwalin found Kili sitting on one of the old lookout ledges, staring out over what had been the battlefield. They stayed like that for awhile, one sitting, one standing, just being. Kili spoke first.
“I'm not broken, you know. I'm healing. I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm crippled or ruined.”
“They don't think you're broken or ruined. They just don't want anything else to happen to you. You've been through enough, for now.” They were both quiet for a moment; then-
“Fili would have laughed.”
“Aye, lad, he probably would have. And called you a fool, as well.”
Kili snorted at that. “He would have told me to learn how to walk like a proper dwarf and hidden my walking stick.” He looked over his shoulder and up. Dwalin could see the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes. “You're too tall. You should sit.” Dwalin did as requested, settling down onto the rocky surface next to Kili, and waited.
“He's never coming back.”
“Did you really think otherwise, lad?”
Kili shook his head. “No, I knew it here,” he said, pointing to his head. “But I don't think I really felt it here until now.” He clenched his hand in a fist over his heart and started to cry.
Dwalin did and said nothing. This was something that had been coming for a long time. Kili had been hiding from the pain, covering it with cheerfulness and good humor. Now the healing process could begin.
After a long while, Kili's sobs died down. He wiped his face on his sleeve and dropped his head into his hands. “I don't know what I'm going to do without him.”
Dwalin clapped him on the back. “You'll go on. You'll live your life, and you'll do your best to make him proud of you. And one day, you'll meet again, and he will tell you himself that tripping over your walking stick makes you a fool.”
“And that I need to walk like a proper dwarf.”
Dwalin grinned. “Aye. And that you need to walk like a proper dwarf.” He clapped Kili on the back again. “Come, lad. Let's go back inside.”
Kili shook his head. “I'll be in later. I have some thinking to do.”
That night Dwalin saw Kili sneaking off towards the tombs. Bofur saw, too, and brought it up with Dwalin.
“D'ya think we should send someone after him?”
Dwalin shook his head. “Leave him be. This is something he needs.”
Dwalin never did find out exactly what Kili was doing down there, and he never asked. But the next morning the walking stick was gone, and wrapped around Kili's wrist was a braided bracelet made of blond and brown hair.
Author: th0rns_n_r0ses
Fandom: The Hobbit (2012)
Pairing: None
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1287
Summary: Kili has problems adjusting after the Battle of Five Armies.
Warnings: Character death
Other Stuff: Possible spoilers for The Hobbit; AU; Written for The Hobbit kink meme over at hobbit_kink
Dwalin found them in the middle of the battle field, covered in dirt and gore. He stood there for a full minute, watching Kili stare into the distance, fingers carding aimlessly through lank blond hair. He knew without asking that Durin’s line had lost one more that day.
“Kili, we’re moving everyone to the mountain. Thorin’s been looking for you.”
Kili didn’t look at Dwalin, but his fingers stopped moving. “I won’t leave him here.”
Dwalin shook his head, even though he knew Kili wouldn’t see it. “Of course not, lad. Let me get you back to the mountain and I’ll come back for-”
Kili’s head whipped around, eyes flashing. “No,” he spat out. “I’m not leaving him here alone for one second. We go together or we don’t go at all.” He looked down at Fili's head in his lap and resumed running his fingers through his brother's hair.
Dwalin sighed. “Can you walk? If you can walk, I’ll carry him for you.” Kili looked up at him and nodded.
“I think I could manage that.”
Dwalin moved forward, bent down, and gently lifted Fili off of Kili and cradled him to his chest. It felt strange, holding him like this; it had been seventy years since the last time he'd carried Fili in such a way. What have we done to the two of you? he thought to himself. So wrapped up in his thoughts, he missed it when Kili winced and stumbled getting up.
It was impossible to miss Kili collapsing right in front of him, though.
“Dush baruk Mahal,” Dwalin swore. He started to lay Fili down, but Kili stopped him.
“My leg gave out, is all. I can make it. Give me a moment.” Now that he was looking for it, Dwalin could see that the leg in question had been broken in several places. He didn't even want to consider the blow it would take to do that type of damage to a dwarf.
“You can't walk on that, lad. I promise I'll come right back for him. Let me help you.”
“No.” Kili paused, and added quietly, “Dwalin, please.”
Dwalin thought about arguing, trying to talk sense into the boy. He thought of his own brother, and what he would do if someone had asked him to leave Balin's lifeless body on the bloody ground. Thorin's going to skin me alive. “As you like.” Side by side, they made the slow, painful trek to the mountain. It took three times as long as it should have, but Kili never complained, and Dwalin did not suggest leaving Fili behind again.
With the exception of Fili's burial, Kili spent the next month in bed, waiting for his leg to heal. Dwalin went to see him as often as possible, in between helping with the rebuilding of Erebor. He expected Kili to be angry and hurting. Instead he found a perfectly pleasant, if bored, dwarf. He talked easily, laughed much, and complained often of being stuck in a bed with “nothing but books and my hand for company”.
The one time Dwalin saw a crack in the joviality was the night he asked about the pile of Fili's things in the corner. Kili's face darkened for a just a moment before he shrugged. “They're fine where they are. So Bofur came to see me this morning...”
After much poking and prodding by Balin and Oin, Kili was finally released from bed rest with admonishments of caution, leg splints, and a walking stick. He limped through the halls of Erebor with a smile and cheerful words for everyone he passed. At the evening meal he told ribald jokes that had the other dwarves roaring with laughter. He was loud and brash and boisterous, and quickly made himself the center of attention in every situation.
Dwalin was on his way to find Thorin one day when he saw Kili coming from the other direction, Bofur and Ori at his side. He wasn't watching where he was going, too focused on the story he was telling, and managed to trip over his own walking stick. Down he went, splinted leg jutting out to one side at an odd angle.
Bofur and Ori immediately jumped into action, leaning over to help Kili up, expressing worry and fear.
“Kili, are you alright?”
“Did you hurt your leg? Do you need anything?”
Kili pushed them both away and climbed to his feet, brushing off their protests. “I'm fine, I'm fine, Ori, stop it, I can walk by myself.” He glanced over at Dwalin, and his face crumpled. He looked back to Ori and Bofur. “I've just remembered, I have - something I need to do.” Before anyone could say anything more, he took off down a side hallway.
Bofur and Ori looked at each other, then at Dwalin. Dwalin shook his head. “I'll check after him. Go on.”
Dwalin found Kili sitting on one of the old lookout ledges, staring out over what had been the battlefield. They stayed like that for awhile, one sitting, one standing, just being. Kili spoke first.
“I'm not broken, you know. I'm healing. I don't want anyone to treat me like I'm crippled or ruined.”
“They don't think you're broken or ruined. They just don't want anything else to happen to you. You've been through enough, for now.” They were both quiet for a moment; then-
“Fili would have laughed.”
“Aye, lad, he probably would have. And called you a fool, as well.”
Kili snorted at that. “He would have told me to learn how to walk like a proper dwarf and hidden my walking stick.” He looked over his shoulder and up. Dwalin could see the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes. “You're too tall. You should sit.” Dwalin did as requested, settling down onto the rocky surface next to Kili, and waited.
“He's never coming back.”
“Did you really think otherwise, lad?”
Kili shook his head. “No, I knew it here,” he said, pointing to his head. “But I don't think I really felt it here until now.” He clenched his hand in a fist over his heart and started to cry.
Dwalin did and said nothing. This was something that had been coming for a long time. Kili had been hiding from the pain, covering it with cheerfulness and good humor. Now the healing process could begin.
After a long while, Kili's sobs died down. He wiped his face on his sleeve and dropped his head into his hands. “I don't know what I'm going to do without him.”
Dwalin clapped him on the back. “You'll go on. You'll live your life, and you'll do your best to make him proud of you. And one day, you'll meet again, and he will tell you himself that tripping over your walking stick makes you a fool.”
“And that I need to walk like a proper dwarf.”
Dwalin grinned. “Aye. And that you need to walk like a proper dwarf.” He clapped Kili on the back again. “Come, lad. Let's go back inside.”
Kili shook his head. “I'll be in later. I have some thinking to do.”
That night Dwalin saw Kili sneaking off towards the tombs. Bofur saw, too, and brought it up with Dwalin.
“D'ya think we should send someone after him?”
Dwalin shook his head. “Leave him be. This is something he needs.”
Dwalin never did find out exactly what Kili was doing down there, and he never asked. But the next morning the walking stick was gone, and wrapped around Kili's wrist was a braided bracelet made of blond and brown hair.