Shadows shouldn't exist in the darkness.......

[tgunnz]

I'm not worth it. I don't deserve that title "Brother". My eyes have become fixed to the floor. Our picture, now face down on my desk. Even now as I type my hands quiver and shake, my heart races and my mouth is dry. I've been cold since last night even as I rest beside my radiator. Even as I lay awake sleepless beneath my blankets staring at my ceiling fan. I dreamed that your body was found with a knife in it's back. And my White-T and cutoffs were stained with blood and blood covered my hands and I tried to hide it from the world. You see, part of being a man is owning up to your mistakes, but being a man is entirely about loyalty. I am no man. How dare I ever tell you to man up. You are a man, you've always been. I wish that I could be half the man you are. Maybe then I'd have some sort of dignity. Maybe I could look you in the eye like I used to. Maybe one day I could prove to you or you could begin to understand how sorry I am, and how much you truly mean to me. Because I am as well off as I am to day because of you. Hell, I'm still here today because of you. I don't know if what I did could be made up for in one lifetime, but I am determined to spend a lifetime trying......

-Ashamed