Hello
Hi. This is my first post here so let me introduce myself. My story will probably be a familiar one.
For as far back as I can remember, which would be about the age of 8 or 9, I have hated being female and wished I was male as that just made so much more sense to me. I hated my body, refused pointblank to wear anything remotely feminine and had my hair cut as short as I could get away with. I was very pleased when anyone mistook me for a boy.
When I was about 20, a good friend of mine told me he was a transvestite. I did a bit of research to find out exactly what that involved and found out about transsexuals. It struck a chord with me then but I was too embarrassed and too scared to do anything about it and in the end just put the thought out of my mind.
Although I'd pretty much repressed any thought of being anything other than female, I found my greatest escape was online where I could finally be the real me, and took to frequenting chatrooms under the guise of being male. I found my first boyfriend and started to wear makeup and dresses etc. It was partly at his request and partly because I thought I should, even though I'd look at myself in the mirror and think that it just wasn't right - it didn't look right and it didn't feel right. I was still doing the chatting as a male thing but it got to the point about 6 months ago when I started to worry again about what I was doing, knowing that something was wrong but just putting it down to my being weird. I was still not overly happy with being female, but I suppose I had just ended up thinking that when it all came down to it that's what I was and I had to live with it. So I resolved to stop pretending to be male at every conceivable opportunity and get on with my life.
Of course, there's only so long you can repress something before it can't be contained any longer. My moment came about two weeks ago, when I was reading a talkboard that I post on. It has a whole LGBT section and a thread about sexual orientation. Someone made a comment on there about being female but preferring to be male and that just kick-started the whole thing off for me. Luckily K, my bestest friend in the whole wide world was on IM so I poured the whole thing out to her. I finally came out of denial and admitted to myself that there is a rather large possibility that my whole 'I hate being female because I'm actually a boy' thing is indicative of me being transgendered and not just me being weird.
So that's where you find me: confused, and unsure of where to start. I've been looking online and have found reams and reams of information but as of yet, have not actually decided what - if anything - I'm going to do about it.
And it's just taken me 20 minutes to actually be able to hit the 'update journal' button to post this. *sighs*
For as far back as I can remember, which would be about the age of 8 or 9, I have hated being female and wished I was male as that just made so much more sense to me. I hated my body, refused pointblank to wear anything remotely feminine and had my hair cut as short as I could get away with. I was very pleased when anyone mistook me for a boy.
When I was about 20, a good friend of mine told me he was a transvestite. I did a bit of research to find out exactly what that involved and found out about transsexuals. It struck a chord with me then but I was too embarrassed and too scared to do anything about it and in the end just put the thought out of my mind.
Although I'd pretty much repressed any thought of being anything other than female, I found my greatest escape was online where I could finally be the real me, and took to frequenting chatrooms under the guise of being male. I found my first boyfriend and started to wear makeup and dresses etc. It was partly at his request and partly because I thought I should, even though I'd look at myself in the mirror and think that it just wasn't right - it didn't look right and it didn't feel right. I was still doing the chatting as a male thing but it got to the point about 6 months ago when I started to worry again about what I was doing, knowing that something was wrong but just putting it down to my being weird. I was still not overly happy with being female, but I suppose I had just ended up thinking that when it all came down to it that's what I was and I had to live with it. So I resolved to stop pretending to be male at every conceivable opportunity and get on with my life.
Of course, there's only so long you can repress something before it can't be contained any longer. My moment came about two weeks ago, when I was reading a talkboard that I post on. It has a whole LGBT section and a thread about sexual orientation. Someone made a comment on there about being female but preferring to be male and that just kick-started the whole thing off for me. Luckily K, my bestest friend in the whole wide world was on IM so I poured the whole thing out to her. I finally came out of denial and admitted to myself that there is a rather large possibility that my whole 'I hate being female because I'm actually a boy' thing is indicative of me being transgendered and not just me being weird.
So that's where you find me: confused, and unsure of where to start. I've been looking online and have found reams and reams of information but as of yet, have not actually decided what - if anything - I'm going to do about it.
And it's just taken me 20 minutes to actually be able to hit the 'update journal' button to post this. *sighs*