oder ein Schmetterling
you know vacation's going well when you update your livejournal on a friday night. but i've been wanting to for a while anyways so i might as well get it done with.
life seems to be simultaneously slowing down and speeding up these days. school has become considerably less demanding, and i now find myself with several hours of free time every day, a luxury that i was unfamiliar with only six months ago (and definitely all of junior year). i actually have time to relax and pursue interests that too easily get swamped amid the bullshit of everyday obligations i.e. getting to the gym, learning german, getting out on weeknights, etc. they're the things that sometimes are the most important because they're what i want to do, not what i have to do. just having the time to sit and think about my day is enough to relax me and is something i have learned to appreciate... which i suppose is bad because when the time inevitably comes that i no longer can do that, i will remember how much i once appreciated it haha. but yes, school is a smaller and smaller aspect of life right now, which seems counterintuitive considering we will soon be so caught up with graduation and savoring our last few days inside those very walls. and i guess that's where it seems that life is speeding up- the countdown to graduation and the next step, outside of merrimack (for most of us). it will fly by, i'm sure, and i genuinely do my best to enjoy it. but it is unavoidable, and i remind myself that the rest of the adult world graduated from high school at some point and survived. i try to avoid the mindset that it's the very end... seems too dramatic. i mean, come on.
i should probably start working on my valedictorian speech too. i have a general idea of what i want to do so i might as well buckle down and get a rough draft hammered out. i really, really want it to be memorable/amazing/funny/nostalgic and all that good stuff but most of all i just want everyone to like it and feel well represented and happy. i've heard some pretty shitty valedictorian/salutatorian speeches (no names) and the fact that those people probably thought "wow, this will be stunning" affirms the fact that i need to work extra dilligently to really make it awesome. i don't want to regret it.
it seems funny that as school gets easier, it some how gets more difficult to do work. i've become a person of contradictions, and on several different levels. i know it's a phase but its fascinating nonetheless. i'm a valedictorian who doesn't really give a shit any more. i need to get out of my house but know that i'll feel guilty when i get phone calls at school from my parents. i support environmentalism yet still pay $3.50 a gallon to drive my shitbox around. i know i'm not unique in this way, that everyone deals with this stuff, but maybe identifying it is some how beneficial. i don't know if my self-analysis is really much better than anyone else's, i mean everyone knows their vices. maybe it's a matter of admitting them. i'm not really one for denial, rather keeping quiet. then again, is there a difference? i'd like to think so... there's plenty of things that i would talk about, if i wanted to. i usually just don't. jokes are easier to tell anyways.
Heute, sah ich eine Raupe
life seems to be simultaneously slowing down and speeding up these days. school has become considerably less demanding, and i now find myself with several hours of free time every day, a luxury that i was unfamiliar with only six months ago (and definitely all of junior year). i actually have time to relax and pursue interests that too easily get swamped amid the bullshit of everyday obligations i.e. getting to the gym, learning german, getting out on weeknights, etc. they're the things that sometimes are the most important because they're what i want to do, not what i have to do. just having the time to sit and think about my day is enough to relax me and is something i have learned to appreciate... which i suppose is bad because when the time inevitably comes that i no longer can do that, i will remember how much i once appreciated it haha. but yes, school is a smaller and smaller aspect of life right now, which seems counterintuitive considering we will soon be so caught up with graduation and savoring our last few days inside those very walls. and i guess that's where it seems that life is speeding up- the countdown to graduation and the next step, outside of merrimack (for most of us). it will fly by, i'm sure, and i genuinely do my best to enjoy it. but it is unavoidable, and i remind myself that the rest of the adult world graduated from high school at some point and survived. i try to avoid the mindset that it's the very end... seems too dramatic. i mean, come on.
i should probably start working on my valedictorian speech too. i have a general idea of what i want to do so i might as well buckle down and get a rough draft hammered out. i really, really want it to be memorable/amazing/funny/nostalgic and all that good stuff but most of all i just want everyone to like it and feel well represented and happy. i've heard some pretty shitty valedictorian/salutatorian speeches (no names) and the fact that those people probably thought "wow, this will be stunning" affirms the fact that i need to work extra dilligently to really make it awesome. i don't want to regret it.
it seems funny that as school gets easier, it some how gets more difficult to do work. i've become a person of contradictions, and on several different levels. i know it's a phase but its fascinating nonetheless. i'm a valedictorian who doesn't really give a shit any more. i need to get out of my house but know that i'll feel guilty when i get phone calls at school from my parents. i support environmentalism yet still pay $3.50 a gallon to drive my shitbox around. i know i'm not unique in this way, that everyone deals with this stuff, but maybe identifying it is some how beneficial. i don't know if my self-analysis is really much better than anyone else's, i mean everyone knows their vices. maybe it's a matter of admitting them. i'm not really one for denial, rather keeping quiet. then again, is there a difference? i'd like to think so... there's plenty of things that i would talk about, if i wanted to. i usually just don't. jokes are easier to tell anyways.
Heute, sah ich eine Raupe