Softness in a hard world.
I had another job interview today and was week in transistor theory so they want to interview several more candidates before making a decision. I’m starting to feel depressed thinking I’ll never find a job.
I’ve been having just a tad bit of trouble lately with the world not being as solid and reliable as I expect it to be. Last week I observed a wall breathing, a doorframe slowly moving back and forth, icons on my computer running in small little circles, things with solid fixed positions moving slightly, a table sagged briefly. So far, this all has just been minor perceptual distortions, that is, I know very well that what I’m seeing isn’t real. I’ve had this sort of thing happen before, and it has never been a problem, just something to take note of. I don’t think it is medication related because all my life there would be the occasional object that would “go soft.” In my early years soft things had to be touched to make them hard again, then I learned they would get better without my intervention. In recent years it would just be one thing with a long span of time between, but I am always watching for these events. Now that I’ve had one every day for a week, I’m starting to think it might be more than a simple visual sensory overload problem. At what point does a standard autistic trait become psychosis? Common factors in each occurrence are that I was tired at the time, and I was in an unfamiliar environment.
I’ve been having just a tad bit of trouble lately with the world not being as solid and reliable as I expect it to be. Last week I observed a wall breathing, a doorframe slowly moving back and forth, icons on my computer running in small little circles, things with solid fixed positions moving slightly, a table sagged briefly. So far, this all has just been minor perceptual distortions, that is, I know very well that what I’m seeing isn’t real. I’ve had this sort of thing happen before, and it has never been a problem, just something to take note of. I don’t think it is medication related because all my life there would be the occasional object that would “go soft.” In my early years soft things had to be touched to make them hard again, then I learned they would get better without my intervention. In recent years it would just be one thing with a long span of time between, but I am always watching for these events. Now that I’ve had one every day for a week, I’m starting to think it might be more than a simple visual sensory overload problem. At what point does a standard autistic trait become psychosis? Common factors in each occurrence are that I was tired at the time, and I was in an unfamiliar environment.