[FIC] a withering rose - one-shot
Title: a withering rose
Length: one-shot
Author: tftcproductions
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romantic drama. [Death!]
Warning: This fic contains Jaejoong as a woman, yes you heard me; a chick, with boobs.
Summary: "But as blind as bats we stumbled about each other as if we were in a tango, completely oblivious to the truth of the steeps but making them anyways because it was our duty."
The things you are reading now are scribbles in this graveyard soil, the rain and my tears washing it to the underworld for my devil's to read. I can barely remember my life until now. The pointlessness and utter charade of my life wiped out of my mind by my sorrow but today, as i weep in the rain on my angel's grave, my fingers move almost by themselves to write it down
The beginning of the end of my story started on a chilly summer morning. The mornings were colder this season, it seemed, than the last. Even in the middle of spring the light morning dew brought a chill to my warm bone. I tried to rush as i walked along the stone garden path for in my hurry to get to the garden I forgot my coat. Thankfully, the garden was small and I was upon the ring of flower beds before long.
I barely remember the garden itself, but I remember the middle, the rose beds.
Through the soft fog I could see the bench in the middle of the circle, upon it was the figure of a young girl. Her figure was blurred and her face covered partly by the neck of her heavy fur-lined coat, but her beauty was unmistakable. Her hair fell like midnight sea water, the straight strands falling along her face was slow and perfect. Her head was bowed to the tall red roses surrounding the bench, one of her pale hands caressing the petals of a rose like one would a lover. Everything about her resembled an angel, except, of course, the absence of wings.
My breath caught in my throat and for a moment i thought not to disturb her, to just turn back and not corrupt this serene beauty, for it was to perfect for my hurried news, but i continued to her side
"Jaehwa," i breathed her name gently, letting her know i was beside her
She turned from the rose to me. "Yunho," she smiled, "wont you sit down?"
I knew I shouldn't but I did, the cold bench surface chilling me more than the air had.
"You forgot your coat," she noticed then wrapped her ivory hand around my silk shirt sleeve as if she could warm me by the simple touch. "How impractical in this weather."
I smiled and silently awed at her beauty when her smile grew. "Then let us go inside, I do have an important matter of which i must tell you." Jaehwa nodded and allowed me to lift her from the bench and lead her into the old lord's estate
The warmth of the fireplace made me shiver with delight. I turned to Jaehwa and watched as she removed her shoes and coat, every motion languid and enchanting. She turned to me and smiled at my childish staring. I blinked my fascination away and motioned to the hallway. She flowed me silently down the hall, our feet barely making a sound in the quiet house. I don't quite remember the color of the wood, or the layout of the estate though I did at one time, but i do remember the lords meeting room. A small tea room at the end of the hall that was always dimly lit by candle light and smokey from incense and tobacco. I heard Jaehwa slide the door closed behind her and we knelt before the old lord on the small mats in front of the table
"Ah, Young Lord Jung," the man greeted. I bowed to the gold outlined figure respectively. "My dear daughter," Jaehwa also bowed to the old lord
"I am pleased to see you both before me today," he started slowly. "Jaehwa, I do hope you know what I speak of?
From the corner of my eyes I saw her head bow again and a soft "no," leave her rogue lips
The old lord paused for a moment, breathing deeply as though he could get no air, but then he spoke. "Young lord Yunho wished to join in marriage with you," he said
Jaehwa gasped lightly, "Why that is wonderful," she whispered
"But," the lord interjected rudely, his heavy voice darkening the mood of the room. "But, I can not allow you two to join."
The muscles in my legs twitched with the need to jump but I stayed on my knees. "But my lord," I began to argue, but his bone thin hand was in the air faster than my words
"Please, contain yourself Young Lord Jung."
I tried to bite my tongue back but I could not stand it for long. "Please Lord, I implore you, think of this rationally!"
"Young Lord, hold your tongue."
My teeth grounded together but i kept my mouth closed. My gaze did not waver as I looked upon his twitching golden form. His mouth opened slightly, just enough to let the slightest breath through. "Even if you were to wed her," he said, his voice as rough as dirt, "you could never... truly... have her as your own." He paused. The air was thick now, an aura of misunderstanding and secrets that i wanted no part of but needed to know encased us like glaze.
The old lord lifted his arm, the yellow material of his formal gown falling about his thin arm like a wing, and waved at me as though this matter had been dismissed. "I dislike the sound of your voice, and the unquenchable sins in your gut, but i know my daughter is truly fascinated by you, and i am none to disrupt your joy by the ghosts of the past. My sincerest apologies." His hand fell like it weighed a million pounds. "You may leave now, Young lord Jung." I graciously bowed to the man before slipping out of the room. A smirk came across my lips, my mind passing the old man's inner troubles off as his old age and decaying mind, and without a care i stalked off to find my bride.
The wedding ceremony was beautiful, if I remember. It was in the garden so flowers of every color grew in full delightful rays around the guests, my angel, and I. The finest foods, drinks, and servants were brought in to be devoured by the most respectful names in the lands. Their faces i could not memorize, nor did i try. I stared at my lovely bride the entire time. I tried to etch ever fiber of the white garment into my mind for my lifetime, but today it seemed as nothing but a blurred white mass. The speakings are the same, and i wish not to wallow in this memory, because though it's beautiful, it pains me.
Beyond that day everything fell into perfect place. My mind was clear and my pockets full. We lived in the estate of the old lord, I patiently waiting his death for the title of the estate and Jaehwa just basking in the light of our new unblemished life. She spent most of her time in the garden, stroking and admiring the roses she grew ever so obediently. I watched her in the garden from the terras every afternoon. I remember the softness in her hands as she felt and cared for the roses, thinking bitterly sometimes that i wish to be touched by her hands and other times smiling at the sweet feelings.
But those carefree days of my story were short lived, very short lived. Not even by the ending of that next season did i notice a weakness around Jaehwa. She walked slower, she ate less, she awoke later, and she wore heavier coats to the meetings with her roses. For a time i though she was only with child, but i realized it was not the case.
one autumn day, as i leaned against the iron fence of the terras and she was beside her roses, I watched as she doubled over in pain, clutching at her stomach and covered her mouth with both of her ivory hands. I leaned forward on the rail, my bones pressing painfully into the iron but i paid no mind. I could hear her voice as she moaned in pain, a loud, husky, scratching sound i never thought my darling angel could make. With wide eyes I watched as she pulled her hand away from her now still mouth, the flawless palm now painted as red as her rose petals. She let out a soundless whimper and hid the mark in her fist. She gently stood from her bench, slow, i remember, as if she were leaving for anything other than what she was leaving for, and walked quietly into the estate.
That was the first break in the glass of my life, and like any glass that was hit by a stone, it cracked away like a spider web. Her coughing became more frequent, her health less, and her mind wandering. I wondered what she thought of as she looked upon these dark times. Did she think she would die? I did not think she would. I believed it to be nothing more but a small bug, but again, i was wrong.
In less than a year she was forced to retire to our bed. Her body shook with every breath she took as she laid motionless on the velvet sheets. I sat by her side, holding her hand, crying into her pillow, and wondering, pleading, what was doing this and why was it doing this. I never got my answer of course, but it hardly mattered. As i looked upon her weakling sweat covered frosted face scrunching from the pain in her breast i knew it didn't matter, truly. All that mattered was that I didn't want her ripped from my side. I realized i needed her in my life. I understood that i was truly, emotionally in love with her.
The funeral ceremony was not beautiful, as i clearly remember. It was in the garden, but the flowers by this time was blanketed and killed by snow. They stood like ghoulish skeletons watching as the black painted patrons gathered around the small casket. I held myself, whimpering and muttering and crying, in the middle of the crowd. They all whispered condolences but i paid no mind. No empty words could lessen what i have lost. Not now not ever.
Like the sun they left the garden, leaving me alone with the mound of dirt covering my Jaehwa. I fell to my knees and gripped a the loose dirt as the first thunderous clap in the sky sounded before the rain. The heavens wept as i wept, my face contracting like it never had and my nose buried into the soil. I screamed and cried and screamed louder, calling out her name into the night. My fists pounded against the think black marble stone and i knew the flesh around my bone bleed but i could not stop. I screamed louder, louder, louder into the night and convulsed grotesquely into the mud.
Here i lay now, scratching in to the mud of a grave my story as i know it. The vain and materialistic mind that looked upon beauty and wealth as all he ever needed, to accept this 'perfection' with no questions of what might be beyond that. That inside of the shell of beauty lay a girl, an innocent, angelic, flawed girl that wonders for a boy, and that inside of my own sinful demonic shell lay a boy, a boy why wished to be simple and loved and that love was the girl. But as blind as bats we stumbled about each other as if we were in a tango, completely oblivious to the truth of the steeps but making them anyways because it was our duty. The truth that her girl and my boy had fallen in love, childish, foolish, immoral, true love. That until now, until my angel lay dead in the mud beneath my feet, I was so witless and simpleminded.
My hands gripped at the mud, now running like thick cream through my fingers, I clotted the ooze and slammed it on the ground in anger and sorrow, it flatten in to rain and my fingers clawed at it to pick it up again, just to slam it back down.
A/N: I wrote this for a Creative Writing assignment. Please tell me truly what you think of this story. Thank you for reading :]. (PS. sorry I made Jae a girl, but i didn't think she would let me turn in a gay love drama.)