Feb Challenge Fic: Frozen Bumblebee/Optimus Prime
Title: Frozen
Author: ashion
Universe: Prime
Rating: PG
Pairing: Bumblebee / Optimus Prime
Music: Madonna - Frozen
Summary: Bumblebee watches over his Prime silently wanting to break through the thick ice that encased their spark, locking away from him and the world.
Notes: Yeah real creative title there. Started drabbling on taking some inspiration from the song in general and points from each part of the song. May go back sometime and tweak this. Sorry second fic won’t be finished by deadline… work being insane making me brain dead and now friends surprise visit kinda shot that one out the window. UNBETA'D like everything i do atm.
Yellow hued door wings languidly swiveled outwards and inwards in a soft motion. Miko had gleefully told him the movement reminded her of a resting earth butterfly. Large bright optics watched and studied from a distance taking in every line and detail of the large red, silver and blue form laid out on the low level berth. Frame shifting ever so slightly every now and again betraying the restlessness of their recharge.
Releasing a slow, even out-vent the young mech silently debated with himself. The same old arguments for and against what he wanted waged a mini war within his processor that had been going on since well before they had come to this planet.
He’d ‘tested the waters’, as humans said, a few times. Never fully displaying his intentions to the other, just testing to see how they might respond to the hints of wanting more than just a very close friendship. So far each attempt had had the same result.
A strategic emotional retreat, walls going up so fast one could physically see as well as feel the instant change.
You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
The mech he was observing was compassionate, strong, warm sparked and caring, if sometimes a little distant. They always put everyone’s welfare and needs before his own, always making sure he knew the name of every mech and femme under his command earning great respect and loyalty from his Autobots. But when things got well beyond the realms of commander/subordinate/comrade-in-arms the cracks started to show.
When he tried to get under that thick metaphorical layer of emotional armor that warm spark seemed to freeze. Once always softly glowing optics turned hard and the normally calm energy they gave off turned cool and withdrawn. Before he could even start to ask what he had done wrong or apologize for his forwardness, in his own inhibited manner, the other had all but bolted from the room with some half spoken excuse they were needed elsewhere.
Bright optics dimming, blunt fingers curling against the edge of the divider wall the small yellow mech’s door wings droop as a familiar heavy feeling that settles in the pit of his tanks.
He’d learned from Arcee some orns later of the spark breaking loss the Prime had suffered. The death of his two bond mates though she wouldn’t elaborate on who they had. She’d flatly stated that was something up to the Prime himself to disclose when he felt comfortable with it. Which so far had proven to be not any time remotely soon.
It amazed and humbled him to know that they had survived the kind of spark wrenching loss that sent most others spiraling into an all encompassing pit of depression and grief. A dark well so deep and suffocating they either took their own life or simply lie down and give up, already weak spark fading out.
Guilt had flooded his spark upon learning this, guilt at being so single minded and for unintentionally hurting them bringing up memories of the Prime’s lost bondmates. But it almost brought him better understanding of the imposing mech. Where that he used to great effect in battle came from, but also showed that they carried much more than just leadership on their broad shoulders adding to the list of things burdens and pains the mech wouldn’t share with others.
You're so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You're broken
When your heart's not open
Door wings stilling, Bumblebee watched as the large mech bodily jolted, dark grey fingers resting upon their chest curling into fists so tight his sensitive audios could pick up the groaning metal from strained joints. Any mech could see the memory purge the Prime was experiencing was bad enough to leech passed the locking protocols. These recharge activated programs were meant to keep ones body relaxed and still during recharge to facilitate minor repairs and reduce wasteful energy consumption. Something none of them could spare with their already limited resources.
Nodding to himself decision made, the small mech strode into the shared recharge area expressive door wings set in a high V formation. Ever so carefully he lowered his weight down on the edge of the metal surface, large bright optics watching the other occupant very carefully.
None of them could say they hadn’t had a few bad recharge memory file purges in their time. One could only stay ignorant of the horrors of war for so long, but the kind of purge the Prime was experiencing was clearly more than just some random data file recall that sometimes occurred during recharge.
Being this close the small scout could now feel the sharp, barbed edges of their energies boiling and twisting with too many negative emotions for him to follow. Just being near them left his spark feeling smothered in a shadowed of fog. Phantom pangs of a type of pain he couldn’t describe tingled across the expanse of his plating almost making it itch.
Reaching out a much small dark hand came to rest over much larger, painfully tensed ones. More than ever he wanted to take away that hidden grief and hurt and feel more than the distant echoes of the great spark buried under layers of armor. He just had to find a way to break the thick emotional ice layered around that spark.
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You hold the key
It took a disconcertingly long few seconds before optics snapped open alighting a blazing cyan blue instantly flicking to lock with those of the young scout. Sitting up the large mech shifted aside giving the smaller more room while regarding them with some confusion.
“Is there something wrong, Bumblebee?”
Shaking his helm in the negative he simply threw himself into the large mech’s side prompting them to lift their arm allowing him to loop his arms around their narrow waist, helm coming to against curved scarlet plating.
The red and blue warrior immediately stiffened at the extreme close proximity and the more than friendly press of the yellow scout’s energy field against his own. As expected the Prime’s energies retreated back deep under protective armor well out of reach, the frequency created by the plates blocking Bumblebee from following.
He could see their processor ticking over working out a way to tell the young scout he couldn’t accept their obvious want for intimate attention without hurting their feelings. The request for a private comm. connection caught the large mech off guard and he accepted without question. This was something that his extremely limited vocal abilities could convey.
‘You were hurting. It hurts me to see you in so much pain, especially when I know I can help.’
Again his energies flowed out, much more softly this time, expressing his need to help and give them something better to dwell on even for just a short while. The large frame seemed to tense even harder for a few seconds before slowly, very slowly beginning to relax. Overlapping plates that had been pulled tight slowly loosened. A warm rush of air signified their equivalent of a sigh.
Now there's no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken
Bumblebee already knew the pain the mech lived with and used to great effect in battle. It was a kind of spark deep physical and mental pain combined in a way he could never fully grasp, but spark still hurt too. His spark hurt recalling the memories of those he couldn’t save, of those gone. Cliffjumper now amongst those he grieved for. He knew deep in his spark that despite how it hurt to loose Cliffjumper, loosing his Prime would surely destroy him.
“I appreciate what you’re trying to do, Bumblebee but I’m this is not something you should concern yourself with …and I… I’m sorry I can’t give you want you seem to truly want. If you are in need Bulkhead or Arcee may accommodate you if you ask them.”
The ‘I don’t want to hurt you or be hurt again’ went unsaid. Nuzzling into the warm metal he tightened his grip, locking his arms in place to prove he wasn’t going anywhere and a simply polite brush off wasn’t going to deter him. They needed something to distract them from what had obviously been an upsetting, deeply painful memory purge and one way or another he was determined to help.
Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You're frozen
When your heart's not open
A soft trilling sound emitted from the yellow mech’s damaged vocals as he wriggled in a little closer, molding himself against the larger frame when they made no move to remove him. Dark fingers stroked very carefully against silver and red side plates.
‘Please. Can I please just stay with you, recharge with you? I know it helps me when Bulkhead stays with me after a particularly bad memory purge.’
It’s not what he really wants to say he wants to tell them how much they mean to him as more than just his commander, how he wants to show them this. He wants so badly to tell them of everything he wants to give them of himself, of the pain he wants to ease. Prior experience and their recent response stilled him. They were clearly not ready for such things and pushing it would only drive them deeper within themselves.
Letting out another soft sigh, a large hand came to rest between yellow door wings, thick digits returning the gentle strokes.
Bumblebee had to fight down the sudden flush of excitement, spark fluttering in its casing when he finally felt the hesitant brush of the others energies against his own. It was cautious, testing his true intent against his words. A little disconcerting though it was progress none the less.
Several seconds passed before they fully relaxed, energies easing out to carefully blend companionably with that of the young scout. The trilling turned into a please almost purring hum.
If I could melt your heart
We'd never be apart
Give yourself to me
You hold the key
Laying against Optimus’ side, helm pillow in the natural dipping curve just below the centre of his Bumblebee clicked softly to himself. The large mech had been in recharge for 2 hours now and so far there had been no more signs of that horrible memory purge returning.
He’d been hoping foolishly for a little more than this, especially once they returned his touch and allowed their energies to cross. He’d been eager for it would to evolve into a brief shared cleansing of spark and body to ease both their pain. His from the loss of yet another close friend theirs from the deep seated old pain of a broken spark.
The disappointment that briefly quelled the growing flame in his spark was tempered by the hope in the small bit of progress they had made. He was sharing a berth with his Prime bodies laid snuggly frame to frame. The yellow mechs arms looped around a silver waist, the comfortable, protective weight of one much larger red arm resting across his shoulders.
Fingers lazily following the rise and drip of the edges of lightly scratched overlapping plates he basked in the warmth from their frame. The even flow of their energies mingling with his and the barely audible crackling pulse of the still mostly closed off spark made his beat fondly within its casing.
One day the ice encasing that spark would melt away. One day the war would be over and he could give them the love and care they needed. Until then he would remain their loyal scout, strive to prove himself as a warrior and be all he could be for his Prime.