The hazards of having a big mouth...
[ooc: Closed for plot furthering. We're making progress! lol Takes place directly after this post. Beware of angst and Lambo rage.]
IDW Sideswipe
Isolation
*He was really getting tired of feeling this way.... tired of screwing up and getting every little miscalculation thrust back into his face whenever he made a mistake. He admitted to himself that he should have tried harder, but... he didn't. Maybe his reasons were selfish, but they were his own... and they were important; at least to him. Even if no one else thought they were...
Sunstreaker was absent - a lot... and he was having trouble concentrating on anything beyond his concern for his brother's well being, not to mention their bond was still... unstable at best. Sunstreaker... he still wasn't himself - and probably never would be. That was his fault too.
And now this mess with Mirage... Poor Mirage.
How many more times was he going to screw up something good before he got it right?
He wondered if Sunstreaker had the right idea when the golden mech started avoiding him? He really was a train wreck when it came to these things; always seemed to make a mess out of it. It was why he rarely pursued personal relationships beyond friend status, and why everyone assumed he was too free with his affections when he sought something a bit - more... It was just safer that way than to get attached and unintentionally hurt someone he cared about.
But now... he was completely isolated, being forced into a corner with no way out. This was far worse than his self imposed isolation, simply because he was being shunned by the very mechs he came to care for. It wasn't like he'd purposefully gone out of his way to drive Mirage out... and he did try and find him. However, he discovered a long time ago that life had a way of throwing road blocks in your path... and most of the time there was just no easy way around them.
After the twin's return and his and Blue's disastrous attempt to visit Mirage in the medbay, he decided he had to get away from the Shack, just for a little while. He needed to think! And he certainly couldn't do it while drowning in all the anger surrounding him, aimed at him. He thought that if he could find a nice quiet place to rest he'd be able to figure out a way to fix this mess... Not that he thought he deserved any of them. Not now... probably not ever. Not after what he'd done, Siders already confirmed as much; but that didn't mean he wanted to give up on everything he'd worked so hard for....
He'd do anything to go back and prevent any of this from happening, he'd even offer to sacrifice himself if he thought it would save the noble from any more suffering. He'd open up his lines and bleed himself dry if it would make any of the others hate him any less... even just a little. Never mind that he, and Bluestreak, were hurting just as much as the twins were, if not more simply because all of this rested on their heads. The amount of guilt weighing on him, on them both... it made his spark constrict painfully, nearly pulling the air from his intakes.
Sneaking away from the one place he'd considered truly safe... it was like entering Kaon with Sunstreaker to watch the matches all over again. Only this time there were no exciting gladiator matches to look forward to once they got past all the guards... And this time he was doing it alone... There was no Sunstreaker there to look out for him.
He slipped quietly out the side door, trying to avoid any more notice; the last thing he wanted was attention right now... especially considering anything directed at him would likely be very ugly. He'd already gotten more hate filled rage directed at him within the past few days then he had in his whole three years on Earth, he didn't think he could take anymore right now.
Once he reached the road he transformed and sped away, not really caring which direction he took or where he was going, just concentrating on staying clear of the trees on either side of him. He felt bad leaving Bluestreak behind, but the Datsun just wouldn't be able to keep up with the speeds he was capable of reaching... and he needed to run, full ball, in order to shake off the thoughts that were haunting him, even during his recharge.
He sped through the darkness, heedless of the risks he was taking, tearing along rough pavement away from the Shack as fast as his engine would allow. It was dangerous. He knew if he wasn't careful he could very well end up in just as big a mess as Mirage had, but he didn't care and he doubted anyone else would either. It would serve him right to end up deactivated in a ditch somewhere.
It was some time before he finally came to a stop, tires screeching, his rear end drifting sideways and kicking up clouds of dust before all forward momentum finally ceased. He transformed, unsure exactly where it was he ended up but knowing it was far enough away from everything he was familiar with that he was completely on his own now.
He could hear the river not far off, and naturally gravitated towards the sound, weaving his way through the trees until he reached a clearing. Frustrated, hurt and angry, he lashed out at the trees nearest him, smashing his fist through the trunk of one sturdy oak, splintering the wood and toppling it to the ground with a heavy crash. It was soon followed by another, and another still as he struck out blindly at anything close by, trying desperately to quiet the raging maelstrom of emotions within.
Moments passed after the last tree fell, he stood silent, his face shadowed, blank, staring at the ruined trees a few feet away before sinking to his knees with a strut jarring thud. The senseless destruction of nature wasn't enough to ease his guilt, his pain... it wasn't enough to silence the voice haunting him at every waking moment, preventing his recharge cycle from initializing, pushing him closer to his breaking point.
He wasn't sure how much more of this he'd be able to take before his tenuous grasp on sanity slipped away completely.
Something warm slid over his cheek arch, his hand automatically reaching up to brush it away from his face, staring in confusion when his fingers came away wet. The crimson warrior's tired mind struggled to understand what was happening as more warm drops of moisture followed; was he - crying?
The realization only seemed to make it worse; opening the flood gates and allowing more clear cleanser to flow silently along the seams of his face. Horrified, and even more angry at himself, he pawed furiously at his face, trying to wipe the evidence away; the last thing he needed was for Sunstreaker, or someone else from his crew, to stumble across him and see him crying like a sparkling! Not that such a thing was likely way the frag out here - but you never knew what was lurking in the trees.*
IDW Sideswipe
Isolation
*He was really getting tired of feeling this way.... tired of screwing up and getting every little miscalculation thrust back into his face whenever he made a mistake. He admitted to himself that he should have tried harder, but... he didn't. Maybe his reasons were selfish, but they were his own... and they were important; at least to him. Even if no one else thought they were...
Sunstreaker was absent - a lot... and he was having trouble concentrating on anything beyond his concern for his brother's well being, not to mention their bond was still... unstable at best. Sunstreaker... he still wasn't himself - and probably never would be. That was his fault too.
And now this mess with Mirage... Poor Mirage.
How many more times was he going to screw up something good before he got it right?
He wondered if Sunstreaker had the right idea when the golden mech started avoiding him? He really was a train wreck when it came to these things; always seemed to make a mess out of it. It was why he rarely pursued personal relationships beyond friend status, and why everyone assumed he was too free with his affections when he sought something a bit - more... It was just safer that way than to get attached and unintentionally hurt someone he cared about.
But now... he was completely isolated, being forced into a corner with no way out. This was far worse than his self imposed isolation, simply because he was being shunned by the very mechs he came to care for. It wasn't like he'd purposefully gone out of his way to drive Mirage out... and he did try and find him. However, he discovered a long time ago that life had a way of throwing road blocks in your path... and most of the time there was just no easy way around them.
After the twin's return and his and Blue's disastrous attempt to visit Mirage in the medbay, he decided he had to get away from the Shack, just for a little while. He needed to think! And he certainly couldn't do it while drowning in all the anger surrounding him, aimed at him. He thought that if he could find a nice quiet place to rest he'd be able to figure out a way to fix this mess... Not that he thought he deserved any of them. Not now... probably not ever. Not after what he'd done, Siders already confirmed as much; but that didn't mean he wanted to give up on everything he'd worked so hard for....
He'd do anything to go back and prevent any of this from happening, he'd even offer to sacrifice himself if he thought it would save the noble from any more suffering. He'd open up his lines and bleed himself dry if it would make any of the others hate him any less... even just a little. Never mind that he, and Bluestreak, were hurting just as much as the twins were, if not more simply because all of this rested on their heads. The amount of guilt weighing on him, on them both... it made his spark constrict painfully, nearly pulling the air from his intakes.
Sneaking away from the one place he'd considered truly safe... it was like entering Kaon with Sunstreaker to watch the matches all over again. Only this time there were no exciting gladiator matches to look forward to once they got past all the guards... And this time he was doing it alone... There was no Sunstreaker there to look out for him.
He slipped quietly out the side door, trying to avoid any more notice; the last thing he wanted was attention right now... especially considering anything directed at him would likely be very ugly. He'd already gotten more hate filled rage directed at him within the past few days then he had in his whole three years on Earth, he didn't think he could take anymore right now.
Once he reached the road he transformed and sped away, not really caring which direction he took or where he was going, just concentrating on staying clear of the trees on either side of him. He felt bad leaving Bluestreak behind, but the Datsun just wouldn't be able to keep up with the speeds he was capable of reaching... and he needed to run, full ball, in order to shake off the thoughts that were haunting him, even during his recharge.
He sped through the darkness, heedless of the risks he was taking, tearing along rough pavement away from the Shack as fast as his engine would allow. It was dangerous. He knew if he wasn't careful he could very well end up in just as big a mess as Mirage had, but he didn't care and he doubted anyone else would either. It would serve him right to end up deactivated in a ditch somewhere.
It was some time before he finally came to a stop, tires screeching, his rear end drifting sideways and kicking up clouds of dust before all forward momentum finally ceased. He transformed, unsure exactly where it was he ended up but knowing it was far enough away from everything he was familiar with that he was completely on his own now.
He could hear the river not far off, and naturally gravitated towards the sound, weaving his way through the trees until he reached a clearing. Frustrated, hurt and angry, he lashed out at the trees nearest him, smashing his fist through the trunk of one sturdy oak, splintering the wood and toppling it to the ground with a heavy crash. It was soon followed by another, and another still as he struck out blindly at anything close by, trying desperately to quiet the raging maelstrom of emotions within.
Moments passed after the last tree fell, he stood silent, his face shadowed, blank, staring at the ruined trees a few feet away before sinking to his knees with a strut jarring thud. The senseless destruction of nature wasn't enough to ease his guilt, his pain... it wasn't enough to silence the voice haunting him at every waking moment, preventing his recharge cycle from initializing, pushing him closer to his breaking point.
He wasn't sure how much more of this he'd be able to take before his tenuous grasp on sanity slipped away completely.
Something warm slid over his cheek arch, his hand automatically reaching up to brush it away from his face, staring in confusion when his fingers came away wet. The crimson warrior's tired mind struggled to understand what was happening as more warm drops of moisture followed; was he - crying?
The realization only seemed to make it worse; opening the flood gates and allowing more clear cleanser to flow silently along the seams of his face. Horrified, and even more angry at himself, he pawed furiously at his face, trying to wipe the evidence away; the last thing he needed was for Sunstreaker, or someone else from his crew, to stumble across him and see him crying like a sparkling! Not that such a thing was likely way the frag out here - but you never knew what was lurking in the trees.*