another night at General Medbay

[eerian_sadow]

It's been a good couple of days at the Autobot medbay. For a certain definition of good, anyway. Starscream was gone, Ratchet wasn't bonded to him anymore and their lives were beginning to look like they could get back to something normal. The sun was bright outside, there were bids chirping brightly, Lockdown was getting better and she knew

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[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*Sides was gone... the whole Shack was essentially off-limits as far as the duo were concerned, but now even his one companion had run away, abandoned him, left the Datsun sputtering and crying out into the cloud of dust the Lamborghini left in his wake. Alone, completely, he stares blindly into the distance as the dust clears, trying to shove back the orchestra of voices haunting his thoughts, growing louder in the overbearing silence.

Worthless...

A failure...

Broken little toy...

*Vents hitching as panic sets in, he grips onto his helm, running blind between the trees, muttering loudly as he tries to drown out the noise. The Medbay was further away than it should have seemed, but he seemed a bit detached from reality at the moment, only shaken back to awareness when he bounced off a tree and had to right his course, vents heaving when he finally slumps against the closed front entry, pressing his faceplates against the door as he struggles to steady the cycling of his intakes and dry the tears from his optics. After a moment longer, unable to stand the crescendo of noise in his processor, he staggers inside, vents hitching when he calls out*

R-r-Ratchet...? Ratchet...

[eerian_sadow]

Swoop has been puttering around in the medbay, doing little things to keep himself busy when he wasn't checking on Slipstream and Lockdown's injuries or the status of Ratchet's spark. Lockdown and Ratchet were healing as well as could be expected, but Slipstream didn't seem to be getting better at all.

It worried him, to say the least.

He looked up from his dusting in the waiting room--busy work at its finest--when he hears the sound of someone falling lightly against the door. As a result, he's facing the door when Bluestreak stumbles in and calls for Ratchet.

Bluestreak? What am wrong? He's immediately worried when he sees the other mech's disheveled state and rushes to Blue's side to support him. Him Ratchet in recharge right now. Maybe me Swoop can help?

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*He wobbles slightly, staring up at Swoop and trying to work through the ongoing noise in his head. After a klik or two, he calmly unsubspaces his rifle and offers it out to the Dinobot, optics down as he recites the same phrase he'd grown accustomed to speaking when he found himself in this position... It'd been a while but he could still remember it, and a deep sense of shame crept in, making him grip the offered weapon tighter than necessary, brief second thoughts about giving it up.*

I... I've begun entertaining thoughts of doing myself harm... I am under orders to report to the medical staff in the event of such thoughts appearing, as I am a patient undergoing a long-term therapy regimen...

[eerian_sadow]

Oh. Oh that was not good. He'd obviously missed some of what was going on in the nexus between his duties as medic and helping Other Swoop get settled in. From what he had known--and from what he'd seen at Jazz and Prowl's bonding party and what Wheeljack had told him--Bluestreak had been doing very well here. No, this wasn't good At All.

Okay. He keeps his voice soft as he takes Blue's weapon. Me will keep it safe for you Bluestreak. Can you tell me Swoop what happen? Him Ratchet need stay in recharge long as him can.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*He reluctantly releases his grip on the weapon, shaking harder once it's out of his hands. He curls his fingers into a fist, lowering it to his side to keep himself from making any grabs to get it back*

I... I... there was... M-Mirage... *His vents hitch unsteadily, one arm winding around his abdomen, doors lowered in defense and submission* Mirage... I almost killed Mirage... it was my fault and now... th-they ... they all hate me... I almost killed him...

*He continues to shrink in on himself until he's hunkered down in a crouch, barely balanced on his peds and clinging to his knees, faceplates hidden*

It was my fault... my fault...

[eerian_sadow]

Swoop subspaces the rifle, then crouches down with Bluestreak and wraps him in a hug. He still doesn't really understand exactly what was going on, but Blue has always seemed to react well to physical comfort in the past.

For a moment, he regrets not having gotten to know the other mech better at home so that he could be more helpful now.

Shh... How it your fault? Did you Bluestreak attack him Mirage? Did you Bluestreak do damage by self? Me think there am more to story and that you Bluestreak know that.

You tell me Swoop whole story and us work out what am wrong together.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

I...

*It sounds so weak and pathetic in his own head, reciting what to say, how to explain... he's crying on the medbay floor because his lovers don't love him anymore...? Because he made them not love him...? Because they care more about the mech he almost killed than they care about him... his tanks churn with self-loathing...*

There was a fight... and M-Mirage ran off and he wrecked but Sideswipe was busy taking care of me because I got into a wreck with Maggie and Maggie's okay now but I hurt her too and I made her sick and and and... S-Sides was so busy taking care of me that he didn't chase after Mirage when he ran off and we kept comming him but we didn't know he'd wrecked and I should have come for repairs but I was being selfish and stupid, I guess, and when Siders and Sunny came home they realized Mirage was still gone because we thought he was just avoiding us because he was angry and we found Mirage in the gully all buried in the mud and in stasis lock and Ratchet and Wheeljack have been fixing him and ... S-Siders hates us... we keep trying to apologize, keep trying to see if he's okay but he won't let us anywhere near him and... he... he's never yelled at me like that before, never snarled at me to get out... It's been almost a week and he hasn't... he hasn't even cared the slightest bit about me and Sides and why would he when it was our fault that Mirage ran off, and my fault nobody found him for so long...

[eerian_sadow]

Swoop frowns, but he doesn't release his hold on Bluestreak. The other mech needs to know someone cares right now.

Bluestreak, did you start fight with Mirage? He makes sure to speak more clearly than normal and focus on his sentence structure to make sure the other mech is paying attention.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*offers a small shake of his head, clinging to his knees*

No... Mirage and Sides were home when Ironhide got me and Maggie out of that cave... and I was all banged up and tired and my tires were singed and Sideswipe wanted to give me a bath and Mirage said he just wanted to 'face me in the shower and Sideswipe said that wasn't true and Mirage yelled and Sides yelled back and I couldn't get between them to stop the argument and Mirage said Sides' twin didn't want him anymore and Sides punched him and Mirage got up and told him to hit him again so he did and I fell over and couldn't stop anyone and Mirage took off and... and then he wrecked... and we didn't know...

[eerian_sadow]

So you not start fight and you not make him Mirage chose to leave. You am not to blame for him Mirage getting hurt. That am not you Bluestreak's fault.

He squeezes the other mech more tightly. There am other choices him Mirage and him Sideswipe could make. It not you Bluestreak's fault that they choose bad options.

And you not know that him Mirage hurt. You not wrong to think that him mad and only want stay away. Him do things like that.

Me think everyone make bad choices this time. That make it not you Bluestreak's fault.

Carefully he tries to coax the other mech off the floor. They can at least go upstairs and sit down to talk. And maybe get some energon; Bluestreak probably needs it.

Me think him Sideswipe definitely assuming there, but who else would be nicknamed Siders? not hate you. Me think him am scared and hurt and that him not know what to do. Me remember that him not think good when him worried about him Sunstreaker.

Come on. Me Swoop not think you want stay in waiting room all day.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*He lets himself he coaxed, pushing up onto his peds and scrubbing at his optics... what a pathetic sight he must have been, sobbing on the Medbay floor like a sparkling mourning the loss of their beloved turbo-puppy... and for what...? It all sounded so stupid when he explained it, so petty...*

Even Sunny has been growling and snapping... He wouldn't let us get close to Mirage to help dig him out of the mud... he won't let us in close to the Medbay to see if he's alright... Sides is hurting and he doesn't care and... even Ratchet and Wheeljack are ... th-they won't talk to us either... Ratchet shoved us out of the way...

*He scrubs his optics on his forearms, vents snuffling miserably as he follows Swoop obediently with minimal steering, doors tucked low*

[eerian_sadow]

Even after Bluestreak stands up, Swoop doesn't let go. He keeps one arm around the other mech as he leads him through the medbay and to the stairs.

Me think you am just going have to give them Twins time to settle down. If him Sideswipe upset and scared, that make him Sunstreaker upset and angry and them do stupid things when them like that.

He guides Blue up the stairs and into the office that he borrowed sometimes when he needed to get away from the rest of the medbay. It wasn't "his" really, but he kept a small stash of energon and polymer wafers--which were not nearly as good as Fireflight's cookies--in there. He settles the sniper in one of the guest chairs and fetches the fuel.

Me think him Ratchet probably not know how worried you Bluestreak am. Have you tried talk to him or am you just waiting?

He holds out a cube of energon and a polymer wafer to Bluestreak.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*Accepts the wafer and cube with a quiet 'thanks', staring at them in his hands as if he's not sure what to do with them, not having any appetite to refuel despite the low levels in his tanks.*

Ratchet hasn't left the 'Medbay' at the Shack since we found Mirage... Siders isn't letting anyone in... how can I talk to anyone...?

*He settles the snacks on his lap, staring listlessly at the floor*

It sounds stupid doesn't it... that... that I'm crying like this... I'm sorry, I'm just wasting your time aren't I... You're a medic, you don't need to listen to me sobbing like a ... like a femme because someone doesn't want me around... Primus, it's not the first time mechs haven't wanted me around...

[eerian_sadow]

Swoop sighs. The fact that Blue couldn't even get in to see Ratchet wasn't going to help anything at all. Sideswipe was being an idiot, but there was no good way to say that.

It not sound stupid. You Bluestreak am hurt and scared and want be with people you care about. That am not stupid.

And me Swoop am medic. That mean me take care of all hurts, not just hurts in body.

And if them not want you Bluestreak around, that am them own problem. Me Swoop like have you around.

He take a cube of energon for himself and takes a drink. Drink energon. You Bluestreak need fuel.

[minibot_love]

G1 Bluestreak

*A weak smile struggles its way to the surface for a fleeting moment before he slumps back into his seat with a weary sigh, optics staring down at his cube. He really doesn't have an appetite for it, but he drinks it to appease the medic anyway - best to just get it over with than to risk the medics' wrath. Once drained, he sets the cube on the desk and sits fiddling with the wafer*

Sides is even worse off than I am, I suppose... His twin hasn't been here, and he's ... he's not been acting quite the same since Sunstreaker wandered off to Primus-knows-where, and he feels so guilty for hitting Mirage and driving him off in the first place... I can't blame him for leaving me like that... Primus knows I've had times where I just needed to get away, when I couldn't stand feeling unwanted anymore...

*Lets his head fall back against the chair, staring at the ceiling* I haven't recharged since I begged Ratchet - this Ratchet, the one with the broken chevron? - to sedate me... I can't cycle down... and when I do the nightmares are so bad the berth is overturned when I finally wake up... usually the twins and Siders and Mirage are all there in the berth with me, to keep the dreams away... but now they won't even look at me, and the voices are getting louder...

[eerian_sadow]

Swoop nods at the empty energon cube. Thank you.

Him Sides--that am other Sideswipe? Why you not bring him here? Me not mind, and me think him Ratchet not mind. And me think it help you Bluestreak and him Sides if you am not alone. And one of them might be able to help Other Sideswipe deal with his issues, too.

He sighs. Not recharging is not a good thing, though he definitely understands. Blue's file was full of a history of nightmares, after all. What can me Swoop do help you Bluestreak recharge?