A Whale of a FAIL
Sues always seem to go one of two ways: either god-modded and adored by everyone and everything around them...or they have an incredible tragic life in an attempt to make you feel sorry for them.
But there is such a thing as TOO tragic...
A Dolphin’s Story by FlickerFlashlight
Summary: Dolphin has been abused and bullied to the point of suicide. One day, she runs away, and crawls into a cave to bleed out and die, but then Starscream helps. Full summary inside.
Sounds like a doozy... ¬_¬
And the author thinks it necessary to explain the entire story in a paragraph...thrilling!
Summary: Dolphin, A 12 year old girl, victim of child abuse, bullied to the point of suicide, and beaten to the point of a broken rib, runs away from home and hides in the woods. She finds a cave to hide in, but she didn't know it was Starscream's. When Starscream finds her, his view of humans changes. He becomes her guardian (unofficially) and hides her from the Autobots, but Bumblebee finds them. Starscream tells her that it was both bad and good luck that they found them, but Dolphin thinks it was all bad. Dolphin has only seen the bad part of life, so she believes everyone is going to try and hurt her. Starscream is the only one she trusts. So he must show her that everything in life is not always bad.
Now we know what’s gonna happen, what the hell the point in reading this story?! A movie wouldn’t put a five minute explanation of the entire before the next hour and a half, so why?
Chapter 1: A Dolphin Caught In The Net Breaks Free
Somebody was feeling pretentious today
Dolphin laid in the dust covered bed she was provided from her parents.
We’re meant to feel sorry because her parents make her live in a dirty room, but I can’t help but think...couldn’t she clean it? And also, the sort of people who would name their daughter something as “special” and “unique” as Dolphin would generally be the type of parents who would spoil the child rotten rather than neglect them. If they didn’t care about her, they would have given her a normal name.
Her hair covered by layers of dust, never showing it's true color.
Ewwwwww....doesn’t she shower?
Her blue eyes, scarred over.
Again: Ewwwwww...
Her face was all scarred and bloody, just like the rest of her. A huge gash in her stomach bleeded out onto the bed.
You should see a doctor about that.
She felt like taking the knife on her table and slitting her throat to end her life. After all, everyone's life would be better without her, wouldn't they?
There’s a knife on her table? Does that mean she cut herself? Is this an emo? And would everyone be happier if she wasn’t around...well I certainly would because fic wouldn’t exist!
Nobody liked her at school, she was always teased. Her scars made nobody like her.
At the age of 12, most kids would think she was hardcore and cool...and they wouldn’t mess with her.
And are we to understand that the school allows her to come in all dusty, scarred, and bleeding, and to not actually care about her condition, even for thinks like gym?
Her Parents never liked her either. So why not? All she ever sees is the darkness in people… she's always alone… nobody ever comes to take her away from the abuse. No one at all. Not one person has come for her.
Then, Dolphin couldn't take it anymore. She opened the attic window…
And leaped.
If the summary is to be followed here, it was stated she had a broken rib. YOU WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO THAT WITH A BROKEN RIB!!!
She landed on the ground with a thud. Then she ran.
Okay, so if ignore the broken rib, I doubt anyone could land perfectly and instantly run away from that sort of height.
Far away from the house, the abuse, the blood. Then she came across the cave.
That was kinda abrupt...
She crawled to the back. Then she laid there. This was the place where she wanted to die. This place wouldn't be bad to die in. So she laid there, alone, in pain, and suffering.
I’d just like to mention that was an extremely short chapter, it was barely over 200 words without the summary...although, I think that’s a blessing.
Chapter 2: Starscream's Discovery
*Starscream's POV*
He’s so out of character, you need that to know it’s meant to be him.
I had just gotten back from scouting for energon, only managing to find a slagging tiny scrap of it.
That’s because you apparently live in a cave five feet from this girls house
Then, I saw a cave. I decided to go in, but what I found was nearly terrifying.
Yeah, a Sue...I’d be terrified too
It was a human girl. She was bloody and scarred. In fact, every inch of her body was scarred.
Umm...that’s weird and sorta creepy. She either has to be totally naked, or Starscream did one of those full body scans they introduced at the airport to know that...either way, it’s WEIRD.
A huge gash in her stomach bled out into a pool of blood.
Oh, so she bled to death then?
Her face was scarred in every possible way. Over her eyes, on the cheek, across the mouth, and under the eyes, which made it look like she was crying blood.
But her chin fine. And what an emo statement. This chic must be hideous.
Then, she looked at me.
Blue eyes. Bright, big blue eyes. I could see the innocence in them.
She can’t be innocent. A girl who thinks the world is against her and has been contemplating suicide is nowhere near innocent.
One of the eye scars was fresh, bleeding heavily.
WAT? 1) Scars don’t bleed. 2) Is it ON her eye, because if so...EWWWW (and TMI). 3) SCARS DON’T BLEED!
The wounds were so deep, they might leave a permanent scar. In fact, all of her bleeding wounds were deep. She was cornered on the back of the cave. I took one step into the cave, and she cornered herself against the wall even more.
Redundant statement is redundant.
She was weak, defenseless and scared. By the look in her eyes, she didn't trust anything. I took another step, and she whimpered and curled up into a ball. I walked very slowly towards her. The closer I got, the more frightened she'd get. Once I got close enough to touch her, she looked up. She looked as if she were going to scream.
This sounds like a grocery list.
It was thundering and lightning only lit up the cave every once in a while. Her hair was a dull grey. But getting closer, I realized that it was covered in dust. Her skin was fair. It took me a while to figure that out because of all the blood on her face.
If “every inch of her body was scarred” then you wouldn’t know what her natural skin looked like.
"Shh, shh, stay…" I said, in hope to calm her down.
Um...that’s not Starscream, is it?
She stopped shivering and looked at me. Those eyes… they were not any regular blue eyes, they were like lightning. Electric blue.
SUE EYES!
But the way she looked at me… like she'd never heard those words before. I sit on the back wall. She's not confined. She's looking at me like she's making the decision to either run or get closer. Then she moves.
She moves closer towards me. I see she's trusting me a bit more.
This Sue is soooooo untrusting of everyone that she instantly trusts Starscream after one word
So I move closer to her. She moves closer. She looks at me, head cocked to the side in curiosity. I kneel down. She's not scared now… she's curious. This is closest I've ever gotten to a human.
NO IT’S NOT! No matter where in the series this is, Starscream would have already KIDNAPPED FOWLER as that was in Darkness Rising, and he is clearly during his exile from the Nemesis...which by that point, he’d also tried to take Miko who was really close to him.
She acts as if she's never seen anything like the cave or rain.
She’s more fascinated by a cave than a GIANT ALIEN ROBOT.
She walks to the edge of the cave. Then, drops of water hit her nose. She backs away quickly. She goes at it again. This time going a little further out of the cave. She's so curious. I walk outside. She sees the lightning and hears the thunder. At first, it startles her, but she gets used to it. Then, I can't believe my optics when I see it. Her hair color is showing as the dust is washed off.
Was that dust glued to her hair or something? It would have mostly blown off when she “ran”.
The blood on her face is gone and the scars aren't bleeding as much. I see her hair color. It's… white!
Wat? Is this an old bag?...That would be an awesome twist actually, sadly it’s not true :(
This human literally has hair so white it looks like what the humans call snow. And believe me, because I've seen it before. Although her legs are scarred, she's able to walk and run.
Suddenly, she sees a bird. She looks at it like she has no idea what it is. She watches it fly away, and runs under it. She steps in water, stops, and looks at it. Then, it hits me: She's never been outside before.
It’s been stated that she GOES TO SCHOOL. Unless she lives in the attic of a school, then she’d have to GO OUTSIDE to get there.
She dips a foot in the water and the jumps in it. Watching her discover these things… it reminds me of when I was a sparkling. For some reason, this feels like the only time since I left that I've ever had something that trusted me.
Bearing in mind, as this girl runs around, she still has a bleeding stomach wound and a broken rib. Estimated time till death: -7 minutes.
Notice that “Dolphin” has not uttered a single word or sound this entire time. Is she really so bland that she has nothing to say, even in the presence of Starscream? Or maybe she’s mute...but I doubt it.
This seriously reads like a young teenagers “My first EMO fic”. It’s almost as if they saw other people’s abused Sues and wanted to outdo EVERYONE without understand how life works at all. You can but hope they are the same age as their Sue so they’ll grow out of it eventually...this still doesn’t excuse this level of awful.