FIC - Dirty Little Secrets (Judy Witwicky, Bumblebee) Rated G
TITLE: Dirty Little Secrets
AUTHOR: kookaburra1701
BETA: toast_guru
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. Please don't sue.
CHARACTERS: Judy Witwicky and Bumblebee
DESCRIPTION: A conversation between Judy and 'Bee.
A/N: I got a little sick of Judy being constantly relegated to "overprotective hen" status in fanfics, with no look at her motivations. The result was this fic.
Judy Witwicky stared at the ceiling. Normally, the patterns made there by the streetlight shining through the leaves of the trees coalesced into soothing shapes as she drifted off to sleep: a rabbit’s ears, a bird, or flower petals.
Up until recently the patterns would give her comfort and peace, but now all she could make out of them were the sharp cruel visages of mechanical monsters, hell bent on destroying her and her family...to kill her son-her baby. Judy knew she should have taken an Ambien earlier; now it was too late to take a pill if she wanted to get anything done tomorrow.
After being taken into custody by those obnoxious men in black suits, she and Ron had been escorted to a military base in the desert. Sam and Mikaela had been waiting for them there, along with a large red and blue Peterbilt that had introduced himself as Optimus Prime. She and Ron sat in stunned silence as the truck unfolded into a very large, inconceivably complex robot. They were then briefed on the events at Mission City, about an alien war that was coming to Earth, as well as the abundant dangers Sam could be potentially exposed to once his part in Megatron’s ultimate destruction became known to those other machines, those…those Decepticons. Judy had to stifle a giggle. She knew that the robots did their best to translate their language - which sounded like so much static to human ears - into English, but the names they chose sounded similar to something out of a cheesy old TV show, not appropriately regal designations for an extremely ancient and advanced race.
Ron snorted in his sleep and rolled over. Judy immediately stilled herself, not wanting to rouse him. She was aware of how hard he was taking their safe, comfortable, suburban life being flipped over onto its head, and made a valiant and conscious effort to fool all outwardly appearances. When one Captain William Lennox, a handsome young man who was ostensibly the official liaison to the Autobots, was attempting to carefully and delicately explain the situation and further reinforce how necessary it would be to keep Sam safe from any and all possible retaliation, Judy could not help but notice Ron spinning his wedding band around his ring finger absently with his thumb; a clear warning to all who knew him well enough that he was about to lose his temper. So, she had done what she always did- she acted slightly hysterical. Judy had found that the act of trying to calm her down always seemed to distract Ron from whatever he was about to start shouting about. She was well aware that it gave her an enduring reputation of being high strung, but it kept Ron calm.
Suddenly, she noticed a blue flicker on the opposite wall across the room. The robot that was assigned to guard Sam and his family, Bumblebee, often scanned the house during the night. Judy was sure that Sam wasn’t aware of the scans, but she was. As the blue grid swept silently across the room, Judy came to a decision; it looked as though she wasn’t the only one who was having trouble sleeping. Or whatever it is that robots do.
Rising quietly, she grabbed her bathrobe and slipped out of the bedroom. She padded silently down the stairs, skipping the fifth one as it made the floor joist under the master bedroom creak (and honestly, Sam was a smart boy, how could he not figure out that was how she and Ron caught him whenever he tried to sneak in after curfew?) Pausing by the front door she put on her moccasins, and stepped outside.
The bright yellow Camaro that wasn’t really a Camaro gleamed in the moonlight. She knew Bumblebee had to be aware of her presence, even though he looked as inert as a rock. The only times she had ever really had a conversation with him was when Sam was present. If they were taking her on an errand, Bumblebee always drove much more slowly than she knew he and Sam normally drove, and was always unerringly polite. He insisted on addressing her as “Mrs. Witwicky” no matter how many times she told him he could call her by her first name if he wished. Even though their conversations had always been pleasant, she was a bit hesitant about approaching him alone, but she needed someone, anyone to talk to tonight.
“Mrs. Witwicky? Is everything alright? Is something the matter with Sam?” The soft voice, overlaid with odd buzzing tones that belied its origin as not-human came from the car.
“Oh, Sam’s fine, Bumblebee. He’s sleeping.” She stammered. “I, ah, I actually came out to talk to you. I couldn’t sleep.” Now that she was out here, she found herself tongue tied. What had she actually expected to talk about with a car that was really an alien robot?
“I’ve detected that you are often awake at this time. Is this normal for human females? I assumed it was.”
“Oh, No, no. Only when…only for human females who are very worried about their families.”
A soft descending tone was Bumblebee’s reply - it was a very good approximation of a human noise of sympathy. Then he did something that was completely unexpected. There was a quiet click and the driver’s side door popped open slightly. It was a clear invitation and she only hesitated a moment before taking it. She slid in to the soft leather seat, and felt it immediately start to adjust to her slightly shorter frame.
“You’re worried about Sam.” It was a statement, and the mechanical voice seemed to come from everywhere, instead of the speakers like one would expect. “I won’t lie to you, Mrs. Witwicky - Sam is in danger. But please remember - he is a hero to the Autobots, and we will protect him with our shells and sparks. We have fought the Enemy before, and we are prepared to do so again.”
“I know that,” Judy sighed. “I mean, my head knows that, but then my head also knows that you almost didn’t win at Mission City.”
There was a brief whirr deep within Bumblebee’s chassis, like a fan had been momentarily switched on. “I wish there was some way I could reassure you.” Bumblebee answered. “But danger will likely come to your planet soon. Because of his brave actions in Mission City, Sam will likely be asked to perform many others in the future. Sam has an exciting path ahead of him, and I know that he wants to please you and Mr. Witwicky. Your pride in him means so much to Sam.”
“I am very proud of him, I’m more proud than I can say. From what I was told about the battle, he acted so bravely. I’m just so worried about my baby.” Judy’s voice broke and a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. Oh hell. She did not come down here just to get all weepy. She brushed the tear away angrily. “I know that Sam thinks I’m ridiculously overprotective, and maybe I am, but I just can’t face losing another son.” She clapped her hand over her mouth when she realized that she had let out more than she had intended.
“Another son? But Sam told me he was an only child. Please clarify what you mean.” Bumblebee’s tone was one of puzzlement and curiosity. Double hell. The Camaro’s soft spoken ways and quiet, encouraging tone made her want to unburden all of her secrets and fears on him. From what she gathered in conversations with Sam, his role in the Robot military was as an intelligence agent and spy. Perhaps that was why she found thing slipping out unintentionally - things that she didn’t even talk about with Ron.
“Sam doesn’t know. Ron and I never talk about it, and I did not mean to bring it up. Please forget I said that.” Judy drew a shuddering breath and pulled herself as upright as she could in the deep leather seat. “I really need to go back to bed.” She put her hand on the door handle when suddenly the locks clicked down. “Hey!” She exclaimed. “What is the big idea young man? Open this door right now!” She tried jiggling the handle but to no avail. It was locked tight.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Witwicky. Please don’t be angry.” Bumblebee said. “But my orders are to protect the wellbeing of Sam and his family. I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t at least try to understand why you are so worried and remove the causes. I would also hazard that your shortened recharge cycles are affecting your operational capacity.” Judy sighed. She had been feeling more run down that usual, and unless she was very much mistaken, she was coming down with a summer cold. “You wouldn’t understand.” She huffed. “How could you? Do you robots even have family? Do you have children to lose?”
There was a long silence. Judy spent it fuming to herself. She was a bit ticked off at Bumblebee’s patronizing tone and actions, but mostly she was angry at herself for how worked up she was becoming.
“You are correct, we do not have biological ties among my kind,” Bumblebee began. “Our closest analog to your species’ concept of ‘family’ would be our teams. In that sense, Prime is the leader of my family. And while I know that humans place a great deal of value on blood ties, my family is held together by friendships that have formed over millions of your years.”
“Oh, I - I didn’t realize…”
“Also, like you,” Bumblebee continued on, more hesitantly, “there are things I haven’t told Sam yet.” His voice took on a distinctively mournful tone and trailed off. Then, before Judy could respond the radio kicked on. The song sounded like something Sam would listen to - all harsh guitars and the singer whining into the microphone. Judy was grateful that Bumblebee was playing it very quietly or it would have woken someone up for certain.
‘Dirty little secrets we all hide/Cause we all have a darker side/A place we keep where no one else will find/Cause everybody wants to hide their secrets away/Nobody wants to stand up to the pain/But I will’
“Before I joined Optimus’ team, I was the leader of my own team. We had been together for a very long time, even by Cybertronian standards. I was closer to them than I am with my new family. As leader, it was my duty to be first into any battle, and bring up the rear on any retreat. It was in my spark and my programming to protect them at all costs. But then we ended up in a situation in a battle where I had no choice but to lead them on a suicide mission. I did everything in my power to keep them from being destroyed, but I was unsuccessful. I know in my core processor that the sacrifice they made ensured the mission’s success, and would save many more lives in the future. But that doesn’t make it any easier to live with.”
“I’m- I’m very sorry Bumblebee,” said Judy, touched and humbled by the depth of emotion she could sense in his voice. “I had no idea.”
“I don’t often talk about them. Prime was always willing to listen when I wanted to, but I think hearing about an entire team being destroyed made the others uneasy. They would always change the subject if it came up.”
“Maybe they were trying to spare you the pain of remembering?” said Judy quietly.
“Perhaps. But not remembering is more painful, in my opinion. When one doesn’t remember someone, it’s as if you are ashamed of the fact of their existence. I could never be ashamed of my previous family. I never want to forget them; even though some of the memories are painful.”
“I suppose you have a point…” Judy said in a small voice. It had been so long since she had examined that part of her life. But almost losing Sam had brought the raw emotions to the surface again. She and Ron had never really grieved; she hadn’t dealt with the emotions when …it…had first happened. Was time to do so now?
‘Just hold on and remember if you need you've got a friend/someone to share your secrets not your lies’ crooned out of the radio. Judy gave a short, dry laugh.
“I’ve dealt with Sam’s wheedling for sixteen years, Bumblebee. You’ll have to come up with something better than that.”
“Then how about we’re just two insignificant beings in a very large universe, who both need to remember for the people who can’t?” Damn, he’s good Judy thought. If we sent him to talk to the Gambinos he’d probably find out where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is in ten minutes.
Judy sat in silence. Everything in her yearned to unburden herself to her unlikely confidant, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words at first. Finally she took a deep breath and began her story. Once the first words were out, she couldn’t stop them, even if she had wanted to. They poured from her like poison from a wound.
“You’re right. Sam thinks he’s an only child, but he wasn’t. There was another- he had a twin.” She drew a long, shuddering breath. “They were both beautiful baby boys. But there was something wrong with Archie. His brain wasn’t fully developed, and he had to go on life support immediately.” Now tears fell freely, and nothing she could do would stop them. She fished a tissue out of her bathrobe pocket and dabbed at her eyes before continuing. “When I was able to be up and about, I was never able to hold both of my babies at the same time - I had to visit Sam in the healthy baby ward, and then Archie in the neonatal ICU. I could only stroke his elbow, because they had hooked him up to so many machines. Finally the doctors said that there was no chance for little Archie to ever survive on his own. Ron and I talked it through, well he talked it through at me, and decided that the best thing to do would be to unhook the life support machines and… let what would happen, happen.” Judy fell silent, her shoulders shaking in grief. “I finally got to hold my first born; he lived for a few minutes after they took him off of life support. I got to hold him when he died. I don’t want to have to hold Sam while he dies!” Her voice trailed away in wracking sobs.
“I am sorry that you had to make that decision, Mrs. Witwicky.” It didn’t seem possible, but Bumblebee’s voice was even softer, and warmer than it had been before. A wave of warmth moved up the back of the car’s seat, feeling like a caring caress.
“Thank you, Bumblebee. I know, logically, that we did the right thing. Archie’s brain was undeveloped, and he would never have had any higher brain functions or been able to leave the hospital. I keep telling myself that, but I still feel terrible. And I know that having to go through that again with Sam would break me. I love him so much.” This time all that answered was a soft trill, as Bumblebee let her cry herself out.
After awhile, she reached the place where she simply couldn’t cry any more, it was a strange state of peacefulness. Her face was pressed against the window, and its coolness made her hyper-aware of how hot her cheeks were. How long had she been out here? The sky was still dark, no sign of dawn yet. A quick glance at her watch told her that she had only been out here for about ten minutes, but it seemed longer.
Bumblebee apparently could sense that she was mostly done. “Why haven’t you told Sam about your other child?” he asked. “For Cybertronians, to be a twin with one half of the spark extinguished would be agony, yet he is happy and healthy.”
Judy laughed quietly as she blew her nose. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Bumblebee. What are sparks?”
Bumblebee, well, chuckled was the only word that fit. It was a series of warm hums that sent subtle tremors through the entire car. “I apologize, Mrs. Witwicky. I forgot that you have not been lectured at by Ratchet about Cybertronian schematics and functioning like Sam and Mikaela have. It is not important, and I can always ask Sam later.”
“No!” Judy almost shouted. “Please don’t tell Sam. I- I don’t know what his reaction would be if he found out that I let his brother die!”
“Please know that I would never betray your trust.” Bumblebee said hurriedly. “I’m sorry I gave that impression, I simply meant that I would find out more about the nature of human twins from Sam. I would not tell him what prompted the curiosity.”
“Oh. Well. I’m sorry I over reacted.”
“However,” Bumblebee continued, “I do think that you should tell him. He doesn’t always understand why you put the restrictions on him that you do-”
“Oh, that reminds me-” Judy interrupted “I’ve been meaning to thank you for getting him home on time. He hasn’t missed his curfew in weeks.” There was another of those strange, yet comforting chuckles.
“-and I think that sitting him down and explaining this to him will make him more willing to follow the guidelines you have set in place for his behavior.”
Judy sighed. “I’ll think about it. It’s just something that Ron and I never, ever talked about again. And I guess that’s what really makes me feel so guilty - it’s as if Archie never existed. But he did. He was my son, and I loved him.” She and Bumblebee sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Judy actually found herself almost nodding off.
“I do not know if I should tell you this,” Bumblebee said, startling Judy out of her daze, “but Sam and I have had similar conversations. He loves you very much, and one of his worst fears is that the Decepticons will come after you and your family.”
“Really?” Judy asked.
“Yes- he’s even come down here after having nightmares about it.”
Judy let out a short laugh. “I didn’t realize your job description included family shrink, Bumblebee. Just let me know if Mojo ever bares his soul to you.” She stroked the dash, wondering if he could feel it. Belatedly she realized that it might be presumptuous to do so, but the action was soothing to her. “Thank you for listening to me, and for being…well, being you.” This time the reaction was a full blown laugh. Still very alien and mechanical, but the feeling behind it was clear as a bell.
“What else could I be, Mrs. Witwicky?” The door unlocked and clicked open again, and Judy stepped out into the cool night air, feeling more peaceful than she had in a long, long time. “And I give you my word; I will protect Sam as if we were spark-siblings. I wish I could give you more assurance, but these are uncertain times.”
Judy rested her hand upon Bumblebee’s hood, feeling the odd warmth that radiated from him that no ordinary car would have. “Thank you, Bumblebee.” She whispered as she walked away and back up the driveway to the house.
Bumblebee’s quiet, “You’re welcome…Judy.” followed her.
Song credits:
Secrets by Good Charlotte
Easy to Arrange by the Kingston Trio
AUTHOR: kookaburra1701
BETA: toast_guru
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine. Please don't sue.
CHARACTERS: Judy Witwicky and Bumblebee
DESCRIPTION: A conversation between Judy and 'Bee.
A/N: I got a little sick of Judy being constantly relegated to "overprotective hen" status in fanfics, with no look at her motivations. The result was this fic.
Judy Witwicky stared at the ceiling. Normally, the patterns made there by the streetlight shining through the leaves of the trees coalesced into soothing shapes as she drifted off to sleep: a rabbit’s ears, a bird, or flower petals.
Up until recently the patterns would give her comfort and peace, but now all she could make out of them were the sharp cruel visages of mechanical monsters, hell bent on destroying her and her family...to kill her son-her baby. Judy knew she should have taken an Ambien earlier; now it was too late to take a pill if she wanted to get anything done tomorrow.
After being taken into custody by those obnoxious men in black suits, she and Ron had been escorted to a military base in the desert. Sam and Mikaela had been waiting for them there, along with a large red and blue Peterbilt that had introduced himself as Optimus Prime. She and Ron sat in stunned silence as the truck unfolded into a very large, inconceivably complex robot. They were then briefed on the events at Mission City, about an alien war that was coming to Earth, as well as the abundant dangers Sam could be potentially exposed to once his part in Megatron’s ultimate destruction became known to those other machines, those…those Decepticons. Judy had to stifle a giggle. She knew that the robots did their best to translate their language - which sounded like so much static to human ears - into English, but the names they chose sounded similar to something out of a cheesy old TV show, not appropriately regal designations for an extremely ancient and advanced race.
Ron snorted in his sleep and rolled over. Judy immediately stilled herself, not wanting to rouse him. She was aware of how hard he was taking their safe, comfortable, suburban life being flipped over onto its head, and made a valiant and conscious effort to fool all outwardly appearances. When one Captain William Lennox, a handsome young man who was ostensibly the official liaison to the Autobots, was attempting to carefully and delicately explain the situation and further reinforce how necessary it would be to keep Sam safe from any and all possible retaliation, Judy could not help but notice Ron spinning his wedding band around his ring finger absently with his thumb; a clear warning to all who knew him well enough that he was about to lose his temper. So, she had done what she always did- she acted slightly hysterical. Judy had found that the act of trying to calm her down always seemed to distract Ron from whatever he was about to start shouting about. She was well aware that it gave her an enduring reputation of being high strung, but it kept Ron calm.
Suddenly, she noticed a blue flicker on the opposite wall across the room. The robot that was assigned to guard Sam and his family, Bumblebee, often scanned the house during the night. Judy was sure that Sam wasn’t aware of the scans, but she was. As the blue grid swept silently across the room, Judy came to a decision; it looked as though she wasn’t the only one who was having trouble sleeping. Or whatever it is that robots do.
Rising quietly, she grabbed her bathrobe and slipped out of the bedroom. She padded silently down the stairs, skipping the fifth one as it made the floor joist under the master bedroom creak (and honestly, Sam was a smart boy, how could he not figure out that was how she and Ron caught him whenever he tried to sneak in after curfew?) Pausing by the front door she put on her moccasins, and stepped outside.
The bright yellow Camaro that wasn’t really a Camaro gleamed in the moonlight. She knew Bumblebee had to be aware of her presence, even though he looked as inert as a rock. The only times she had ever really had a conversation with him was when Sam was present. If they were taking her on an errand, Bumblebee always drove much more slowly than she knew he and Sam normally drove, and was always unerringly polite. He insisted on addressing her as “Mrs. Witwicky” no matter how many times she told him he could call her by her first name if he wished. Even though their conversations had always been pleasant, she was a bit hesitant about approaching him alone, but she needed someone, anyone to talk to tonight.
“Mrs. Witwicky? Is everything alright? Is something the matter with Sam?” The soft voice, overlaid with odd buzzing tones that belied its origin as not-human came from the car.
“Oh, Sam’s fine, Bumblebee. He’s sleeping.” She stammered. “I, ah, I actually came out to talk to you. I couldn’t sleep.” Now that she was out here, she found herself tongue tied. What had she actually expected to talk about with a car that was really an alien robot?
“I’ve detected that you are often awake at this time. Is this normal for human females? I assumed it was.”
“Oh, No, no. Only when…only for human females who are very worried about their families.”
A soft descending tone was Bumblebee’s reply - it was a very good approximation of a human noise of sympathy. Then he did something that was completely unexpected. There was a quiet click and the driver’s side door popped open slightly. It was a clear invitation and she only hesitated a moment before taking it. She slid in to the soft leather seat, and felt it immediately start to adjust to her slightly shorter frame.
“You’re worried about Sam.” It was a statement, and the mechanical voice seemed to come from everywhere, instead of the speakers like one would expect. “I won’t lie to you, Mrs. Witwicky - Sam is in danger. But please remember - he is a hero to the Autobots, and we will protect him with our shells and sparks. We have fought the Enemy before, and we are prepared to do so again.”
“I know that,” Judy sighed. “I mean, my head knows that, but then my head also knows that you almost didn’t win at Mission City.”
There was a brief whirr deep within Bumblebee’s chassis, like a fan had been momentarily switched on. “I wish there was some way I could reassure you.” Bumblebee answered. “But danger will likely come to your planet soon. Because of his brave actions in Mission City, Sam will likely be asked to perform many others in the future. Sam has an exciting path ahead of him, and I know that he wants to please you and Mr. Witwicky. Your pride in him means so much to Sam.”
“I am very proud of him, I’m more proud than I can say. From what I was told about the battle, he acted so bravely. I’m just so worried about my baby.” Judy’s voice broke and a tear slowly rolled down her cheek. Oh hell. She did not come down here just to get all weepy. She brushed the tear away angrily. “I know that Sam thinks I’m ridiculously overprotective, and maybe I am, but I just can’t face losing another son.” She clapped her hand over her mouth when she realized that she had let out more than she had intended.
“Another son? But Sam told me he was an only child. Please clarify what you mean.” Bumblebee’s tone was one of puzzlement and curiosity. Double hell. The Camaro’s soft spoken ways and quiet, encouraging tone made her want to unburden all of her secrets and fears on him. From what she gathered in conversations with Sam, his role in the Robot military was as an intelligence agent and spy. Perhaps that was why she found thing slipping out unintentionally - things that she didn’t even talk about with Ron.
“Sam doesn’t know. Ron and I never talk about it, and I did not mean to bring it up. Please forget I said that.” Judy drew a shuddering breath and pulled herself as upright as she could in the deep leather seat. “I really need to go back to bed.” She put her hand on the door handle when suddenly the locks clicked down. “Hey!” She exclaimed. “What is the big idea young man? Open this door right now!” She tried jiggling the handle but to no avail. It was locked tight.
“I’m sorry, Mrs. Witwicky. Please don’t be angry.” Bumblebee said. “But my orders are to protect the wellbeing of Sam and his family. I would be remiss in my duty if I didn’t at least try to understand why you are so worried and remove the causes. I would also hazard that your shortened recharge cycles are affecting your operational capacity.” Judy sighed. She had been feeling more run down that usual, and unless she was very much mistaken, she was coming down with a summer cold. “You wouldn’t understand.” She huffed. “How could you? Do you robots even have family? Do you have children to lose?”
There was a long silence. Judy spent it fuming to herself. She was a bit ticked off at Bumblebee’s patronizing tone and actions, but mostly she was angry at herself for how worked up she was becoming.
“You are correct, we do not have biological ties among my kind,” Bumblebee began. “Our closest analog to your species’ concept of ‘family’ would be our teams. In that sense, Prime is the leader of my family. And while I know that humans place a great deal of value on blood ties, my family is held together by friendships that have formed over millions of your years.”
“Oh, I - I didn’t realize…”
“Also, like you,” Bumblebee continued on, more hesitantly, “there are things I haven’t told Sam yet.” His voice took on a distinctively mournful tone and trailed off. Then, before Judy could respond the radio kicked on. The song sounded like something Sam would listen to - all harsh guitars and the singer whining into the microphone. Judy was grateful that Bumblebee was playing it very quietly or it would have woken someone up for certain.
‘Dirty little secrets we all hide/Cause we all have a darker side/A place we keep where no one else will find/Cause everybody wants to hide their secrets away/Nobody wants to stand up to the pain/But I will’
“Before I joined Optimus’ team, I was the leader of my own team. We had been together for a very long time, even by Cybertronian standards. I was closer to them than I am with my new family. As leader, it was my duty to be first into any battle, and bring up the rear on any retreat. It was in my spark and my programming to protect them at all costs. But then we ended up in a situation in a battle where I had no choice but to lead them on a suicide mission. I did everything in my power to keep them from being destroyed, but I was unsuccessful. I know in my core processor that the sacrifice they made ensured the mission’s success, and would save many more lives in the future. But that doesn’t make it any easier to live with.”
“I’m- I’m very sorry Bumblebee,” said Judy, touched and humbled by the depth of emotion she could sense in his voice. “I had no idea.”
“I don’t often talk about them. Prime was always willing to listen when I wanted to, but I think hearing about an entire team being destroyed made the others uneasy. They would always change the subject if it came up.”
“Maybe they were trying to spare you the pain of remembering?” said Judy quietly.
“Perhaps. But not remembering is more painful, in my opinion. When one doesn’t remember someone, it’s as if you are ashamed of the fact of their existence. I could never be ashamed of my previous family. I never want to forget them; even though some of the memories are painful.”
“I suppose you have a point…” Judy said in a small voice. It had been so long since she had examined that part of her life. But almost losing Sam had brought the raw emotions to the surface again. She and Ron had never really grieved; she hadn’t dealt with the emotions when …it…had first happened. Was time to do so now?
‘Just hold on and remember if you need you've got a friend/someone to share your secrets not your lies’ crooned out of the radio. Judy gave a short, dry laugh.
“I’ve dealt with Sam’s wheedling for sixteen years, Bumblebee. You’ll have to come up with something better than that.”
“Then how about we’re just two insignificant beings in a very large universe, who both need to remember for the people who can’t?” Damn, he’s good Judy thought. If we sent him to talk to the Gambinos he’d probably find out where Jimmy Hoffa’s body is in ten minutes.
Judy sat in silence. Everything in her yearned to unburden herself to her unlikely confidant, but she couldn’t bring herself to form the words at first. Finally she took a deep breath and began her story. Once the first words were out, she couldn’t stop them, even if she had wanted to. They poured from her like poison from a wound.
“You’re right. Sam thinks he’s an only child, but he wasn’t. There was another- he had a twin.” She drew a long, shuddering breath. “They were both beautiful baby boys. But there was something wrong with Archie. His brain wasn’t fully developed, and he had to go on life support immediately.” Now tears fell freely, and nothing she could do would stop them. She fished a tissue out of her bathrobe pocket and dabbed at her eyes before continuing. “When I was able to be up and about, I was never able to hold both of my babies at the same time - I had to visit Sam in the healthy baby ward, and then Archie in the neonatal ICU. I could only stroke his elbow, because they had hooked him up to so many machines. Finally the doctors said that there was no chance for little Archie to ever survive on his own. Ron and I talked it through, well he talked it through at me, and decided that the best thing to do would be to unhook the life support machines and… let what would happen, happen.” Judy fell silent, her shoulders shaking in grief. “I finally got to hold my first born; he lived for a few minutes after they took him off of life support. I got to hold him when he died. I don’t want to have to hold Sam while he dies!” Her voice trailed away in wracking sobs.
“I am sorry that you had to make that decision, Mrs. Witwicky.” It didn’t seem possible, but Bumblebee’s voice was even softer, and warmer than it had been before. A wave of warmth moved up the back of the car’s seat, feeling like a caring caress.
“Thank you, Bumblebee. I know, logically, that we did the right thing. Archie’s brain was undeveloped, and he would never have had any higher brain functions or been able to leave the hospital. I keep telling myself that, but I still feel terrible. And I know that having to go through that again with Sam would break me. I love him so much.” This time all that answered was a soft trill, as Bumblebee let her cry herself out.
After awhile, she reached the place where she simply couldn’t cry any more, it was a strange state of peacefulness. Her face was pressed against the window, and its coolness made her hyper-aware of how hot her cheeks were. How long had she been out here? The sky was still dark, no sign of dawn yet. A quick glance at her watch told her that she had only been out here for about ten minutes, but it seemed longer.
Bumblebee apparently could sense that she was mostly done. “Why haven’t you told Sam about your other child?” he asked. “For Cybertronians, to be a twin with one half of the spark extinguished would be agony, yet he is happy and healthy.”
Judy laughed quietly as she blew her nose. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, Bumblebee. What are sparks?”
Bumblebee, well, chuckled was the only word that fit. It was a series of warm hums that sent subtle tremors through the entire car. “I apologize, Mrs. Witwicky. I forgot that you have not been lectured at by Ratchet about Cybertronian schematics and functioning like Sam and Mikaela have. It is not important, and I can always ask Sam later.”
“No!” Judy almost shouted. “Please don’t tell Sam. I- I don’t know what his reaction would be if he found out that I let his brother die!”
“Please know that I would never betray your trust.” Bumblebee said hurriedly. “I’m sorry I gave that impression, I simply meant that I would find out more about the nature of human twins from Sam. I would not tell him what prompted the curiosity.”
“Oh. Well. I’m sorry I over reacted.”
“However,” Bumblebee continued, “I do think that you should tell him. He doesn’t always understand why you put the restrictions on him that you do-”
“Oh, that reminds me-” Judy interrupted “I’ve been meaning to thank you for getting him home on time. He hasn’t missed his curfew in weeks.” There was another of those strange, yet comforting chuckles.
“-and I think that sitting him down and explaining this to him will make him more willing to follow the guidelines you have set in place for his behavior.”
Judy sighed. “I’ll think about it. It’s just something that Ron and I never, ever talked about again. And I guess that’s what really makes me feel so guilty - it’s as if Archie never existed. But he did. He was my son, and I loved him.” She and Bumblebee sat in companionable silence for a few minutes. Judy actually found herself almost nodding off.
“I do not know if I should tell you this,” Bumblebee said, startling Judy out of her daze, “but Sam and I have had similar conversations. He loves you very much, and one of his worst fears is that the Decepticons will come after you and your family.”
“Really?” Judy asked.
“Yes- he’s even come down here after having nightmares about it.”
Judy let out a short laugh. “I didn’t realize your job description included family shrink, Bumblebee. Just let me know if Mojo ever bares his soul to you.” She stroked the dash, wondering if he could feel it. Belatedly she realized that it might be presumptuous to do so, but the action was soothing to her. “Thank you for listening to me, and for being…well, being you.” This time the reaction was a full blown laugh. Still very alien and mechanical, but the feeling behind it was clear as a bell.
“What else could I be, Mrs. Witwicky?” The door unlocked and clicked open again, and Judy stepped out into the cool night air, feeling more peaceful than she had in a long, long time. “And I give you my word; I will protect Sam as if we were spark-siblings. I wish I could give you more assurance, but these are uncertain times.”
Judy rested her hand upon Bumblebee’s hood, feeling the odd warmth that radiated from him that no ordinary car would have. “Thank you, Bumblebee.” She whispered as she walked away and back up the driveway to the house.
Bumblebee’s quiet, “You’re welcome…Judy.” followed her.
Song credits:
Secrets by Good Charlotte
Easy to Arrange by the Kingston Trio