Comments | tezukaryouma: First Fic post...

obsessive_a101 in tezukaryouma

First Fic post...

Jan 06, 2007 16:34

Hey, this will be my first official contribution, and I am slightly nervous honestly... heh.

Please, read, hopefully enjoy, and please tell me what you think... I'll appreciate any advice or critique given. (^^)"

Title: Pieces of the Broken

Words: 3155

Rating: borderline PG/PG-13

Summary: Slightly AU-ish; Sometimes the past becomes our last legacy... ( Read more... )

Comments 21

kc_evans January 7 2007, 01:34:49 UTC

Absolutely lovely and touching. I loved the look into their past and how their friendship grew from walking home together every day out of convenience to becoming the best of friends and lovers. You did a wonderful job in describing their unchanging closeness despite the flow of time and distance between them. The scene between the bullies and Tezuka and Ryoma particularly stood out to me, partly because of Ryoma's catch-phrase being used and partly because it was the start of their relationship, even if it wasn't verbally acknowledged. The poem was also quite nice, though I'm afraid I know as much about poetry as I know about quantum physics.

I did see a couple of run-on sentences and slightly awkward phrases used but nothing that detracted much from the story. Overall, it was quite touching, especially Ryoma's death -- what a fitting way for him to leave this world. And finally, Tezuka has gone to join him to be together once more.

Wonderful job! Looking forward to more fics from you!! :)

obsessive_a101 January 7 2007, 01:51:41 UTC

Thank you, I'll keep what you said in mind... and yeah, I noticed the awkward phrases too. I'll just keep on trying (^^)". Hehe. I just love tezuryo.

recodes January 7 2007, 04:55:03 UTC

Hey, wait... THAT WAS YOU ON FANFICTION.NET????????????????????????? I commented, didn't I?
*is Angelique Starlight*

obsessive_a101 January 7 2007, 05:57:18 UTC

Yep, that was me there, and I remember your review... I was/am so excited, since I had loved your stories. Your fic was the first I read in this fandom and it was the that got me into Tezuryo in the first place! So thank you... VERY MUCH. Tezuryo is a healthy obsession (^^)". Can I friend you? Will you friend me? I'm still new around here although I am getting more used to it. Oh, and there are some VERY slight changes in the fic, but they probably aren't noticeable.

recodes January 7 2007, 06:57:08 UTC

It's still very much enjoyable XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

Of course you're welcome to friend me. My personal journal is 'siriusangel' and my fanfic journal is 'cland3stin3'. I'll friend you back for sure!!

Yay for more TezuRyo!!!!!!

pinkplasticpen January 7 2007, 06:49:49 UTC

Oh, oh, oh! That was just delightful and heart-wrenching and awesome and sniffly and lots of adjectives all rolled into one. Their growth together was beautifully written, such a steady and consistant upward rise. Ryoma's death was just so perfect and fitting and despairing. I'm curious to know what he died of, though that's just me being morbid.

I also noticed run-on sentences and other strucutral errors, but those are things that can be easily fixed with the help of a good beta, and they were minor enough that they didn't distract.

The only thing that really distracted me - Tezuka's first name is Kunimitsu. :D

obsessive_a101 January 7 2007, 07:08:04 UTC

Thank you... I can't BELIEVE I did that! (^^)"

I apologize to you Tezuka... *falls over from utter disbelief that spelled his name wrong*!

But *chuckles nervously* really, thank you.

surealistic_des January 7 2007, 13:41:55 UTC

YAY!!!!!!!! you posted :)

And faster then I thought >D >D ♥♥

This is interesting...I like the way how you had their relationship evolve from childhood to adulthood. ^^

obsessive_a101 January 7 2007, 22:06:38 UTC

I glad you found it... interesting... and this story... well, I had already posted it before on fanfiction.net so it was already written.
(^^)*

surealistic_des January 8 2007, 11:49:34 UTC

ohhhh.. its on ff.net too? neat neat
:) so this isn't the first fic you wrote then ^^

obsessive_a101 January 8 2007, 22:13:27 UTC

It isn't the first fanfic I have ever written (I wrote some Phantom of the Opera stories), but it is my first for THIS fandom (Tenipuri) and pairing. : )

(The comment has been removed)

obsessive_a101 January 8 2007, 22:11:08 UTC

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. Really, I usually don't have any preference for deathfics either because they make me so sad, but I (don't know if it is weird) like it very much when fics can make me cry or laugh because for me, reading is an experience and it's usually about exploring new worlds and new emotions. I guess that is why I like to focus on emotions and the characters themselves while writing as well. And this plot-bunny just wouldn't leave me alone, and the story pretty much wrote itself. (^^)" Don't know why I went into that line of thought.

I'll work at it to keep it smoother, and thank you very much for your observations : ). I'm glad you like my style though.

(The comment has been removed)

obsessive_a101 January 8 2007, 23:08:17 UTC

No, I understand, really (^^)". Especially with the stress thing... I don't think I need any help to cry either with AP Physics and AP Calc BC looming over me : ). I've read your fics too and really liked them... Actually, I think that
I've pretty much *cough* read all the tezuryo fics in this community and loved them all for their different points, perspectives, and characterizations. : )

Hmmm... I haven't attempted humor in any of my fandoms just yet, but I'm thinking of writing something so-so humorous for Ouran High School (Koukou) Host Club. Have you heard of it before? If not, check it out, it is definitely worth it IMHO. It is uber funny and the characters are very lovable... to me. Hehe. All the epis are on youtube (there's twenty-six).

PS: Can I friend you? Will you friend me? : )

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