I kinda thought Tezuka's reasons as to why he liked Ryoma's family better was kinda weak but I figured even he would get tired of quiet traditions and if he didn't, well, that would ruin the whole premise of the story.
Hmmm, I suppose the only problem you seem to have is with the flow -- something seems a bit hitched and off, somehow. That aside, your writing is lovely! And you captured the quirkiness and seriousness of both families very well. ♥ I ROFL'ed profusely at Tezuka and Ryoma's contemplating their own families. Well, the grass always does seem greener on the other side... Wonderful piece of work you have here. Will be looking forward to reading more of your stuff in the near future. =D
This fic, as short as it was, underwent much changes and it still didn't feel right -- thank you for telling me what was bothering me! Now it's going to annoy me until I fix it but I don't think I know how! >.<
I can foresee many couples having to argue about where to spend the holidays and there's no way our favorite couple could avoid doing the same thing. I'm glad I wasn't too far off writing about it.
So glad you enjoyed it despite the problem with the flow. Quite relieved, in fact. I think I'll reward myself with some chocolate now. ;)
*patpat* No problem. There's no need to be that hard on yourself. xDDD Take it easy, and it'll come to you. I think the main problem with the flow itself is, ah, the change from the description of the setting to the dialogue. For example:
In the meantime, there was that one last nagging problem about which house to go to.
“Maybe they can come over to our house for once?” Ryoma suggested.The transition from the first line to the 2nd is strange, because it seems like the fic'd suddenly jumped from that first point to the other. To fix it, I personally think you should, I don't know, do something like... ah, adding something like 'Ryoma leaned back in his chair, and sighed in defeat.' or... something, after that first line. A bit of description, to keep the flow
( ... )
Thank you for the idea on how to fix the issue!! I think you're right and I will try to avoid doing it. Although I can totally see it in my other stories. >.<
You write stories as well?? Must read! There's no such thing as too much TezuRyo love! :D
And you are so right, writers are never satisfied with their work. I know I'll always criticize mine, even if someone writes such lovely compliments like you did. :)
I did enjoy the chocolate, thank you. And then I started writing loopy comments to people so I stopped eating them. Boo.
Awww, not at all. This was awesome. They seem very comfortable, very together - I love the note of confidence here, in each other and their relationship. Lovely job. You don't seem at all rusty! WRITE MORE, WRITE MORE!!!! :D
I actually have another story I finished but there's still problems with it. Probably the flow since I couldn't figure out what was wrong with that one either. Grr.
Anyway, I'm quite relieved you enjoyed reading this. I pictured them having this relationship not just with each other, but each other's families and being like every other couple. Only they like each other's families better. That happens a lot, right? Some people like their in-laws a lot better than their own family. If not, let's pretend it's fairly common; otherwise this story won't make much sense.
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Glad you enjoyed it! :)
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no, this is pretty good piece of writing...
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as the harshest critic is often yourself right? ^^
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I can foresee many couples having to argue about where to spend the holidays and there's no way our favorite couple could avoid doing the same thing. I'm glad I wasn't too far off writing about it.
So glad you enjoyed it despite the problem with the flow. Quite relieved, in fact. I think I'll reward myself with some chocolate now. ;)
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In the meantime, there was that one last nagging problem about which house to go to.
“Maybe they can come over to our house for once?” Ryoma suggested.The transition from the first line to the 2nd is strange, because it seems like the fic'd suddenly jumped from that first point to the other. To fix it, I personally think you should, I don't know, do something like... ah, adding something like 'Ryoma leaned back in his chair, and sighed in defeat.' or... something, after that first line. A bit of description, to keep the flow ( ... )
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You write stories as well?? Must read! There's no such thing as too much TezuRyo love! :D
And you are so right, writers are never satisfied with their work. I know I'll always criticize mine, even if someone writes such lovely compliments like you did. :)
I did enjoy the chocolate, thank you. And then I started writing loopy comments to people so I stopped eating them. Boo.
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Awww, not at all. This was awesome. They seem very comfortable, very together - I love the note of confidence here, in each other and their relationship. Lovely job. You don't seem at all rusty! WRITE MORE, WRITE MORE!!!! :D
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I actually have another story I finished but there's still problems with it. Probably the flow since I couldn't figure out what was wrong with that one either. Grr.
Anyway, I'm quite relieved you enjoyed reading this. I pictured them having this relationship not just with each other, but each other's families and being like every other couple. Only they like each other's families better. That happens a lot, right? Some people like their in-laws a lot better than their own family. If not, let's pretend it's fairly common; otherwise this story won't make much sense.
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Glad you liked it! :D
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