night shift again
i am in night shift again...
まったく。。
I was really having a hard time..
It was fine during my first two nights..
but my last night was really terrible..
It almost drained my energy...
I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sleeeeppppppy...
the coffee I drank the night before never wore off my sleepiness,
instead I felt tired and all I wanted to do was to lie down my head for a nap
I was really trying to pretend that I was not really sleepy at all..
because the supervisors and security guards were eyeing on us...
nooooooh...
I barely survive that night...
and before my shift ended..
so many terrible things happened..
to the point I really wanted to quit..
Okay let me tell you the story..
one of our machines did not function well..
since it's an important machine...
we could not start our production..
so what happened...
I called someone who knows a lot about that machine..
and probably helped me in repairing it..
I tried to repair it...
but what the heck,,,
after so many times of initializing and adjusting some parameters.
nothing worked..
It just did the same thing again and again..
I could not even determine the root cause of the error..
so many WHY's already popped up in my head...
I still could not get it..
then yeah.. I finally called someone who is expert..
but I guessed I called the wrong person..
he said something that could hurt my ego..
but I just remained quiet..
I even wanted to respond but I was trying to calm myself and ignored him..
Imagine he asked me if I did really go to church...
what's with that question???
I just realized then that he meant to say I was being followed by some bad luck
because most of our machines are not functioning well..
and he even quipped something like..
"or maybe your really went to church to pray that your machine would have major errors
so that you would not be able to do anything... and to take some rest.."
I really wanted to answer him back....
But I always thought that I should be always respectful..
so I still remained quiet..
and not only that..
the most painful thing he really said was
about my position...
he asked me.. "are you an ?
I nodded...then he said..
"perhaps you don't know about your job description...do you really read our specs???"
I almost exploded but all I could do was to implode..
I wanted to tell him...
"sir, actually I already tried to repair that...and still nothing happened..
if i knew everything about it..I should not have called you"
but I did not know why nothing came out from my mouth..
so I tried to calm myself again..
I just tried to understand him..
and tried to be humble..
It's not good to be haughty...
I am not that really an important person there..
I just thought may be he said that because he was so really busy, tired and sleepy
and I always bothered him while he was doing reports..
perhaps he thought I was becoming too bothersome..
about the machine..???
nothing changed...
even though it was already time for the next shift..
That's not the only bad thing happened that day..
I lost something I borrowed..
nwaaaah the person who lend me that stuff was really getting angry..
I hated that feeling...
I was becoming hopeless looking for it.
to the point I did not notice myself crying..
it would have been okay if that was my stuff..
but that was not mine..
I really hated it when someone would feel bad due to my clumsiness..
Thank GOD.. someone found it..
I still felt bad after that..
I was not able to say sorry to that person..
but promise..
tomorrow.. I will ask for an apology...
nwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ごめんなさい.
I realized so many things after that day...
I have to erase now my stupid mannerisms..
speaking of mannerism..
I have to be serious sometimes...
I must never laugh nor smile when I am going to say sorry to someone I offended.
I don't know why..
There are really times that I do that..
even things went seriously bad..I was still smiling..
I did not even cry when I learned I did not pass my board exam..
(Perhaps I really prepared myself for the outcome that i was not badly affected by it)
I could still dare to smile
even those times the person mentioned above said bad things to me..
I was so furious but what the heck with my Zygomaticus..
I could not help it..
in the end.. I always
.
I only shed tears that time when I already felt how tired, sleepy, hungry and sad I was..
I was so sad knowing that someone was upset because I was so clumsy..
I really hid myself when I was crying..
but someone caught me..
I also don't like it when someone sees me crying.....
anyway,moving on..
I will reflect on those bad things happened,
learn from my mistakes..
and try to change those bad things about me...
and most of all, I really need to pray harder this time.
hahayz.. what a long post...!
まったく。。
I was really having a hard time..
It was fine during my first two nights..
but my last night was really terrible..
It almost drained my energy...
I was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sleeeeppppppy...
the coffee I drank the night before never wore off my sleepiness,
instead I felt tired and all I wanted to do was to lie down my head for a nap
I was really trying to pretend that I was not really sleepy at all..
because the supervisors and security guards were eyeing on us...
nooooooh...
I barely survive that night...
and before my shift ended..
so many terrible things happened..
to the point I really wanted to quit..
Okay let me tell you the story..
one of our machines did not function well..
since it's an important machine...
we could not start our production..
so what happened...
I called someone who knows a lot about that machine..
and probably helped me in repairing it..
I tried to repair it...
but what the heck,,,
after so many times of initializing and adjusting some parameters.
nothing worked..
It just did the same thing again and again..
I could not even determine the root cause of the error..
so many WHY's already popped up in my head...
I still could not get it..
then yeah.. I finally called someone who is expert..
but I guessed I called the wrong person..
he said something that could hurt my ego..
but I just remained quiet..
I even wanted to respond but I was trying to calm myself and ignored him..
Imagine he asked me if I did really go to church...
what's with that question???
I just realized then that he meant to say I was being followed by some bad luck
because most of our machines are not functioning well..
and he even quipped something like..
"or maybe your really went to church to pray that your machine would have major errors
so that you would not be able to do anything... and to take some rest.."
I really wanted to answer him back....
But I always thought that I should be always respectful..
so I still remained quiet..
and not only that..
the most painful thing he really said was
about my position...
he asked me.. "are you an ?
I nodded...then he said..
"perhaps you don't know about your job description...do you really read our specs???"
I almost exploded but all I could do was to implode..
I wanted to tell him...
"sir, actually I already tried to repair that...and still nothing happened..
if i knew everything about it..I should not have called you"
but I did not know why nothing came out from my mouth..
so I tried to calm myself again..
I just tried to understand him..
and tried to be humble..
It's not good to be haughty...
I am not that really an important person there..
I just thought may be he said that because he was so really busy, tired and sleepy
and I always bothered him while he was doing reports..
perhaps he thought I was becoming too bothersome..
about the machine..???
nothing changed...
even though it was already time for the next shift..
That's not the only bad thing happened that day..
I lost something I borrowed..
nwaaaah the person who lend me that stuff was really getting angry..
I hated that feeling...
I was becoming hopeless looking for it.
to the point I did not notice myself crying..
it would have been okay if that was my stuff..
but that was not mine..
I really hated it when someone would feel bad due to my clumsiness..
Thank GOD.. someone found it..
I still felt bad after that..
I was not able to say sorry to that person..
but promise..
tomorrow.. I will ask for an apology...
nwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah ごめんなさい.
I realized so many things after that day...
I have to erase now my stupid mannerisms..
speaking of mannerism..
I have to be serious sometimes...
I must never laugh nor smile when I am going to say sorry to someone I offended.
I don't know why..
There are really times that I do that..
even things went seriously bad..I was still smiling..
I did not even cry when I learned I did not pass my board exam..
(Perhaps I really prepared myself for the outcome that i was not badly affected by it)
I could still dare to smile
even those times the person mentioned above said bad things to me..
I was so furious but what the heck with my Zygomaticus..
I could not help it..
in the end.. I always
.
I only shed tears that time when I already felt how tired, sleepy, hungry and sad I was..
I was so sad knowing that someone was upset because I was so clumsy..
I really hid myself when I was crying..
but someone caught me..
I also don't like it when someone sees me crying.....
anyway,moving on..
I will reflect on those bad things happened,
learn from my mistakes..
and try to change those bad things about me...
and most of all, I really need to pray harder this time.
hahayz.. what a long post...!