(no subject)
back at parents' house. so weird. even weirder and more frustrating is the fact that i have so. much. crap. and that no matter how much i throw away or bring to salvation army shit still ends up in boxes on the floor of my old bedroom because there is no place for it to be put away. ay ay ay. little by little, i guess...
it's really weird coming home to my parents' house now. and also weird that that's weird. i guess because normally when i'm living in chicago i'm living here so coming back here just means i'm in chicago. but now that i've experienced life in chicago without living in this house, it's more like my parents' house and less like my house. and i don't want it to become my house again, i want to move out.
i need another source of income. and the knowledge of where i will be for the next year at least. i still don't know if i will be in chicago. i mean i don't know where else i'd be, but you never know. well you do when you know whether you can transfer into the school you want. but, otherwise, you never know.
today at work i wiped shit - literally, shit - off of one my students' face. long story, but the fact that i only gagged once during the whole ordeal made me feel proud and more ready to be a teacher. and it made me laugh so hard... all day, and probably for the rest of my life.
and i needed that - laughter as well as confidence - because i'm starting to doubt (only slightly) my ability to teach. my kids have been more and more out of control, and it's really getting to me because as their supervisor i should be able to manage them. but i'm losing them, i dont know maybe i dont discipline them enough but they seem to be learning that they can do whatever the fuck they want and it's so disappointing and stressful and upsetting to me that i'm losing control over them. i mean i know that with more experience i will become better at classroom management but... i don't know, i wish it just came naturally. all the kids seem to really like me as a person, they respond well to me one-on-one when we're kidding around or playing or whatever, but as a group or once they're already goofing off they don't seem to respect me as a teacher. and i know better than to take it personally but it still frustrates me because i just don't know what to do. i'm at a total loss. and that hurts my confidence as a child-care providor. which is what i want to do with my life. so it's kind of a big deal. having said that, i'm rational and confident enough to know that with more experience, advice and education i will become a better classroom manager and teacher and disciplinarian; however, this is really bothering/upsetting/frustrating/stressing me out these days. i want help now!!!!!!
went to goose island beer academy tonight with my dad, it was my chanukah present to him. we sampled 13 delicious beers. it was great. it was interesting to look at the crowd, though - out of about 50-60 people, very few were women. of those women, none seemed to be above the age of 30 (the men seemed to be up to mid-60's). and everyone, as far as i could tell, was white. everyone! what is up with that?? is goose island that white/yuppie-ish? it was weird.
having said that, i can't wait for the next one.
should try to go to bed. it's almost 1:30 and i am exhausted from packing and cleaning and very little sleep in the past couple days. UNpacking will be a bitch. a complete, awful, utter bitch.
it's really weird coming home to my parents' house now. and also weird that that's weird. i guess because normally when i'm living in chicago i'm living here so coming back here just means i'm in chicago. but now that i've experienced life in chicago without living in this house, it's more like my parents' house and less like my house. and i don't want it to become my house again, i want to move out.
i need another source of income. and the knowledge of where i will be for the next year at least. i still don't know if i will be in chicago. i mean i don't know where else i'd be, but you never know. well you do when you know whether you can transfer into the school you want. but, otherwise, you never know.
today at work i wiped shit - literally, shit - off of one my students' face. long story, but the fact that i only gagged once during the whole ordeal made me feel proud and more ready to be a teacher. and it made me laugh so hard... all day, and probably for the rest of my life.
and i needed that - laughter as well as confidence - because i'm starting to doubt (only slightly) my ability to teach. my kids have been more and more out of control, and it's really getting to me because as their supervisor i should be able to manage them. but i'm losing them, i dont know maybe i dont discipline them enough but they seem to be learning that they can do whatever the fuck they want and it's so disappointing and stressful and upsetting to me that i'm losing control over them. i mean i know that with more experience i will become better at classroom management but... i don't know, i wish it just came naturally. all the kids seem to really like me as a person, they respond well to me one-on-one when we're kidding around or playing or whatever, but as a group or once they're already goofing off they don't seem to respect me as a teacher. and i know better than to take it personally but it still frustrates me because i just don't know what to do. i'm at a total loss. and that hurts my confidence as a child-care providor. which is what i want to do with my life. so it's kind of a big deal. having said that, i'm rational and confident enough to know that with more experience, advice and education i will become a better classroom manager and teacher and disciplinarian; however, this is really bothering/upsetting/frustrating/stressing me out these days. i want help now!!!!!!
went to goose island beer academy tonight with my dad, it was my chanukah present to him. we sampled 13 delicious beers. it was great. it was interesting to look at the crowd, though - out of about 50-60 people, very few were women. of those women, none seemed to be above the age of 30 (the men seemed to be up to mid-60's). and everyone, as far as i could tell, was white. everyone! what is up with that?? is goose island that white/yuppie-ish? it was weird.
having said that, i can't wait for the next one.
should try to go to bed. it's almost 1:30 and i am exhausted from packing and cleaning and very little sleep in the past couple days. UNpacking will be a bitch. a complete, awful, utter bitch.