Late afternoon, a weekend

[tezcatl_ipoca]

It's a cold afternoon, and grey. Nothing like the last afternoon Al and I spent in the woods, but it doesn't matter - we're not out here for the weather. In the rucksack on my back the whiskey bottle is buried under a blanket and torch and matches. Our winter coats have been brought out of storage now, and I think later I'll be glad to have mine

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[tezcatl_ipoca]

"We don't hafta go jes' yet. Still got some time, I mean." Syl doesn't sound quite herself either; she's got the same uncertain note in her voice she had after Al yelled at her. "Al? S'your turn."

Al's really not looking happy. He's poking at the fire again, not really looking at either of us. "Why - that dare. Were you just curious, or... I suppose that would be asking you for a truth out of turn, wouldn't it?" I'd like to know the answer to that, too. I remember her rocking her hips and biting her lip, and have to bite my own.

He looks at her at last, and at least he's smiling. I shift over on the blanket and brush my fingers against his, just a tiny bit, almost like I'm afraid someone will see. And I take another long swallow of the whisky, in the hope that I'll stop feeling so horribly horribly self-conscious.

"Alright... Truth."

None of the things I would have asked him earlier seem right now. And I can't remember whose turn it is to ask him, anyway, not after all that...mine, I suppose, since I did the dare. But then I jumped in before, didn't I? I look between him and Syl helplessly.

[syl_thorn]

Al looks almost sick. I mean, really, 'e looks 'bout ready t'puke. 'm startin' t'feel'at way m'self. Dammit, dammit, we didn't do nothin' wrong...

...did we?

'e pokes't th'fire. "Why - That dare. Were you just curious, or..." 'e stops, "I suppose that would be asking you for a truth out of turn, wouldn't it?"

"Y'c'n ask anyway," I says, kinda shruggin'. Truth is I ain't s'sure m'self. But I don't go on, 'cuz Al looks't me'n kinda smiles, an't ain't so good bu's better than a couple minutes ago. "Alright... Truth."

I wanna ask if'n'e's sorry. I wanna ask if'n we's still friends. But'at sounds bloody drippy even'n m'head, an'm thinkin' mebbe we oughta jes' move past allovit... "If'n y'could be anywhere in th'world wit' anybody doin' anythin', what'dja choose?"

[al_shairan]

"If'n y'could be anywhere in th'world wit' anybody doin' anythin', what'dja choose?"

I'm a bit surprised by her question, though I suppose she wants to change the subject. Which is probably a good idea. I look into the fire thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure," I say. "Somewhere - warm, I think. Maybe Greece," I say, glancing up at Tez and smiling a bit. "Somewhere warm, and old, with ruins and olive groves and the sea." I swallow. "I'd - like Tez to be there. I... wouldn't much mind what we did, as long as we were together." I feel my ears burn a bit, admitting that. It sounds awfully wet. "We could have our own place..." I look up at Syl. "With space, you know, for a friend to stay."

[tezcatl_ipoca]

I suppose she's not going to answer Al's question, now - it looks like we're all going to pretend it didn't happen. I'm not sure if I'm relieved or disappointed.

Al's smiling at me, though: "I'm not sure," I say. "Somewhere - warm, I think. Maybe Greece. Somewhere warm, and old, with ruins and olive groves and the sea. I'd - like Tez to be there. I... wouldn't much mind what we did, as long as we were together."

I feel my stomach turn the most ridiculous sort of flop at that, tenderness and happiness and relief. I take his hand properly and give it a squeeze. It sounds...perfect.

"We could have our own place... With space, you know, for a friend to stay."

And that sounds better still. Not least because it means that Al's not mad at her. "I'd like that," I say, a bit shyly. I turn and look at Syl: it's her turn now, and I'm half-hoping and half-fearing that she'll choose truth.

[syl_thorn]

Al's quiet ferra minute, lookin' inta th'fire, buttis face don't havvat sick, pale look no more, so'm thinkin's a good thin'. "I'm not sure. Somewhere - warm, I think. Maybe Greece, Somewhere warm, and old, with ruins and olive groves and the sea." Pauses'n swallows, an' says what've already guessed, "I'd - like Tez to be there. I... wouldn't much mind what we did, as long as we were together." An'en'e looks up't me. "With space, you know, for a friend to stay."

An' sudd'nly'm warm all over 'gain. S'okay. We's okay. An'm smilin' attim, cuzzi dunno if'n'e gets jes' how much hearin'at means t'me.

"I'd like that," Tez says, an'I nod.

"Me too," I says, "sounds jes' 'bout perfect."

Tez's lookin't me. Blody hell, my turn 'gain. Think we's had nuffa dares ferra bit... "Truth."

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Truth."

The tension's eased, but I can't let it go. I just can't. Otherwise it'll be there, the whole time, waiting to ruin everything. So though it's really Al's turn to ask the question, I blurt out, "Syl - why did you - that dare. I thought you didn't - like boys. Was I wrong?"

[syl_thorn]

It's Tez who asks, even if'n't's Al's turn. Syl - why did you - that dare. I thought you didn't - like boys. Was I wrong?"

Okay, well, I did say'd answer't..."I...don't. I don't think so. 'mean...'ve thought about it. Wit' boys." Jesus, here comes'at stomach churnin' again. Fuckin'ell, keep't t'gether, bitch. "But I go fer girls. So I dunno. But th'two've you look so nice t'gether...." Quiet ferra few minutes, pick uppa stick 'n poke't th'fire. "An'I don't really know why I said't. I mean, ain't gonna lie'n say I wuzn't cur'ous, cuzzi sure's hell wuz. But I think..." take th'bottle. We got mebbe a third ovvit left, an'I take a swallow, "I think's cuz you guys looked like you really wanted to, an't wuz say't 'r leave. An'I didn't wanna - " be alone " - go."

[al_shairan]

Tez takes my hand and squeezes it, and Syl looks happy, and things are - if not exactly right again, they are getting there. I think the whisky is starting to wear off. My mouth is dry, and there's a low ache in the back of my head. But it's alright. I take a sip from the bottle to help steady my still racing nerves, and then I put it down again.

Then Tez, of course, asks Syl about her interests. I can't help my mouth turning down a bit at that. I think I'm - disappointed, though more in myself than Tez. Because what happened here - it's probably encouraged him to want -

And then Syl says she doesn't like boys, and I feel my shoulders relax. And she sounds so... bally sad about things that I move around the fire and put my arm around her shoulder.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"I...don't. I don't think so. 'mean...'ve thought about it. Wit' boys." I feel a stupid little breath of hope at that. If she's thought about it - and all three of us were here, and she...enjoyed it - "But I go fer girls. So I dunno. But th'two've you look so nice t'gether...."

...It's probably for the best. Al's wasn't looking too happy about me asking, and I feel guilty about that - though that last bit, about us looking nice together, I never thought anyone would say anything like that, like her earlier you're amazing.

She picks up Al's stick and pokes at the fire. One of the charred logs falls down in an upwards shower of sparks. "An'I don't really know why I said't. I mean, ain't gonna lie'n say I wuzn't cur'ous, cuzzi sure's hell wuz. But I think...I think's cuz you guys looked like you really wanted to, an't wuz say't 'r leave. An'I didn't wanna - go."

Al moves round and hugs her. I would, but I'm not sure Al would take it the right way. Syl sounded so folorn when she said that, about not wanting to go. I suddenly think it must be difficult for her, seeing the both of us together, and she doesn't have anyone... No wonder she wanted to - to be a part of it, somehow, if she could.

"I'm glad you didn't leave," I say quietly. Because she's my friend, because I don't want her to be alone and sad - and more than a little because knowing she was there, knowing we were doing it because she told us to...well. It's not doing much to reassure me that I'm not totally depraved, really.

[syl_thorn]

'm lookin' inta th'fire, so't kinda startles me when Al comes 'round 'n sits b'side me, huggin' me. Startles me...but inna real good way. He jes' hugs me, an'I smile attim, an' lean inta'is shoulder a bit, an'm glad, so damn glad that we's friends.

"I'm glad you didn't leave," Tez says, annat makes me feel good too, cuzzi ain't sorry't happened, it wuz nice, annit wuz fun, an' we all hadda good time...why th'hell should we be 'shamed?

"Thanks guys." I says, smilin' both ovvem, an'I lean m'head on Al's shoulder ferra minute. "Really. Thanks."

We sit like'at ferra few minutes. Really is startin' t'get dark now, an'I sigh's I sit up. "One more 'round b'fore we go back? Al?"

[al_shairan]

It's nice, sitting like this. Syl's warm against my side, and though it doesn't feel like it does when I sit like this with Tez, it's... comforting.

"One more 'round b'fore we go back? Al?"

"I think it's Tez's go, isn't it?" I say, looking at him.

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"I think it's Tez's go, isn't it?"

I look at them both, and smile - and not just because they look lovely together, but because they both look happy. Comfortable. I think I could look at them all night.

"Truth," I say, thinking that we should probably avoid dares, and then feel a little stab of panic.

[syl_thorn]

S'better now, allovus calmed down 'n talkin' 'gain. 'round us th'crickets're startin' up, an' th'fire's cracklin'. S'nice. Think I could stay out'ere all night.

"Truth." Tez says.

I glance't Al, cuzzi asked last time, but'e ain't sayin' nothin'. So I go ferrit, "Why'd you agree t'do't?"

[tezcatl_ipoca]

"Why'd you agree t'do't?"

I swallow a bit, and don't quite look at Al. I could forfeit, I suppose, but then we're back to something close to dares. And really, she answered me...I suppose she deserves an answer.

And Al does, too.

"He - I. His hand...I didn't want him to stop. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk the whisky. But I - Al, you know how hard I find it to resist you," grin a bit, wonkily, "and we get so few chances, not anywhere safe."

I pick at the blanket some more, and swallow. It's not the whole truth, is it? But oh god, what will either of them think of me? When I manage to speak, I can hardly make my voice work. I don't know that I've ever been so ashamed in my life. "I...wanted to. Having someone - you - watching, it was..." Oh hell, I can't even finish, my voice dries up completely.

"I'm sorry," I manage to force out at last. I'm thinking of getting up and just walking away, because I can't face either of them. There really is something wrong with me.

[al_shairan]

"Al, you know how hard I find it to resist you," Tez says. I return his grin, amused.

But Tez continues.

"I...wanted to. Having someone - you - watching, it was... I'm sorry."

I'm not sure how I feel about that, exactly. I think for me there was a bit of excitement at first at Syl being there, about doing something taboo... Or even more taboo. But before long it was just about me and Tez.

I don't know if that means that Tez and I think about - us - differently. I chew my lip. But I don't like seeing Tez look so... down in the mouth.

"I - it's alright."

[syl_thorn]

Tez looks a li'l shaky again. "He - I. His hand...I didn't want him to stop. Maybe I shouldn't have drunk the whisky. But I - Al, you know how hard I find it to resist you," an' Al smiles back attim. Damn, but'ey's cute. "and we get so few chances, not anywhere safe. I...wanted to. Having someone - you - watching, it was..." Fuck, 'e looks awful. Wuzzit really so bad for'em? Didn't seem like't wuz, not'n th'heat ovvit... "I'm sorry,"

Al looks like'e's thinkin', gnaws onnis lower lip. Fin'lly'e says, I - it's alright."

Kinda frown, 'n shift m'weight. "Can't speak fer you'n Al, a'course...I mean, don't wanna interfere'n yer relationship none. But Tez...so far's'm concerned, y'don't need t'be sorry." Pause ferra sec, an'en jes' come out'n say't. "I ain't sorry. I mean, I am if'n you guys really feel bad, cuzzi sure's hell didn't want'at...but I ain't sorry cuzza what we did, an'I don't think we got any reason t'be."