Late afternoon, a weekend
It's a cold afternoon, and grey. Nothing like the last afternoon Al and I spent in the woods, but it doesn't matter - we're not out here for the weather. In the rucksack on my back the whiskey bottle is buried under a blanket and torch and matches. Our winter coats have been brought out of storage now, and I think later I'll be glad to have mine
( Read more... )
"Is this right?" asks Tez, after we've walked about a mile into the woods.
"I think so," I say, looking around the glade. It's very quiet here, the day too overcast for many people to want to go out walking, and I'm glad. I drop my own bag, which contains a couple of books of poetry and sandwiches. I know I feel hungry all the time, so I think they'll come in handy. "It seems a good spot." I move over to Tez, all wrapped up, and put my arms around his neck so I can kiss him. I grin and step back. "Should I look for firewood?" I say. "It's been dry the last couple of days, which is good... I hate trying to light wet firewood."
Reply
I drop my bag and start unpacking it. Syl can sit on the blanket, if she hasn't brought anything - the ground will be old. "Light a lot of fires, do you?" I grin. I imagine his house has plenty of fireplaces, but I can't imagine they make him light the fires. "And it'd be a good idea. We should find some rocks, too, or heavier logs - keep the fire contained - "
I'm reminded of being a boy again, building forts in the woods, cooking sausages on sticks. Just a bit different now, though, because I'm hauling the bottle of whiskey out the bottom of the bag. "Fancy a nip to warm up?"
Reply
"And it'd be a good idea. We should find some rocks, too, or heavier logs - keep the fire contained - "
"Those sound like the words of a Boy Scout," I say. "Come on, then, show me how it's done."
He passes me the whisky and I take a swig from the bottle. It feels quite exciting, standing out here in the fresh air, drinking and planning to read illicit literature. I pass the bottle back and look about for some fallen branches.
Reply
I raise my brows right back at him. "If Syl wasn't on her way, I'd challenge you to prove that." I don't think it would really be appropriate for her to show up and find us - in flagrante delicto - even if the idea of her seeing that does make me even warmer. I pull my coat off and drop it on the ground.
"Those sound like the words of a Boy Scout."
I laugh at the idea, drinking from the bottle and gasping a bit at the burn. "Not at all. But it was one of the few things, when I was young, that my father used to do with us." One of the good memories from childhood, that. "Now, we'll need some kindling - see if you can find small stuff, twigs and things, and moss or dry grass or something for tinder."
I start sweeping away the dead leaves from a patch of ground, and finding dead branches for fuel. I'd forgotten how much fun this is.
Reply
"If she doesn't get here soon, maybe I will," I say over my shoulder teasingly, picking up some twigs. I come across a patch of moss and tear at it, trying not to get mud my nails. I know I am fastidious, but I do hate to be dirty.
...At least in an outdoorsy sort of way.
I come back to Tez and dump what I've found at his feet. He's taken his coat off, which means I can catch at the belt loops of his trousers and kiss him again, because being here in the woods I can't not think about how we were three weeks ago...
Reply
Crunch through th'woods, down th'path. Tez gave me d'rections butte ain't much good attem. Good thin' I hear voices. Smile 'n pick up th'pace. Can't wait t'see'em, an'...
..an'ey's kissin'. Think 'bout leavin'em be ferra minute, an'en grin. 's mean, but I can't bloody resist. Wait 'til'ey's both really inta't, an'en jump out th'bushes yellin'; "POLICE! Get your hands up!"
Reply
He brings it back, and I know that gleam in his eye by now. His fingers hook through my belt loops and he pulls me into him, and I forget all about fires and books and let my mouth open under his. Get my arms round his waist and oh, when I press myself close I can feel him starting to stiffen....
"POLICE! Get your hands up!"
First thing I think about, before anything else, is Al. Push him behind me as I turn - maybe they haven't seen him - hiss "Run!" as I raise my hands, even as everything's going slow and pale, because god, it's finally happening, I knew it would. Thank god Syl's not here, with her books, and I'm thinking of jail and oh god my father, and please let Al have got away ( ... )
Reply
"POLICE! Get your hands up!"
I feel my heart practically jump out of my mouth, and Tez pushes me away and hisses "Run", but I don't, because if someone's found us I'll stand with him -
"Syl?"
I look at her standing there grinning, feeling cold sweat on the back of my neck, and as I take in the pallor of Tez's face I use a word I've never done before:
"What the fuck did you think you were doing?"
The panic beginning to ebb away, I can feel furious. Oh, very funny, Syl. It's not like you would get arrested for kissing a girl... But about the only thing that would save me and Tez from a charge of public indecency is that we're under eighteen, and maybe who my father is.
Reply
"...scarin' ya." I says, settin' m'bag down. "'m sorry. I jes' thought't'd be funny. 're you guys okay?" Stupid, stupid, stupid bitch. Go'n fuck up th'one friendship y'got...
Reply
The first thing I think, stupidly, is that I've never heard Al swear like that. The second...I'm not sure I've ever felt so angry or so disappointed. Syl, you were meant to understand these things, you were meant to be one of us.... How could you do this to us?
"...scarin' ya. 'M sorry. I jes' thought't'd be funny. 're you guys okay?"
"No," I say, sitting down on my coat because my legs are shaking now, relief and the sick aftertaste of panic. "No, not really." My hands fumble around and find the bottle of whisky, get the top off because otherwise I'm going to yell at her. "Do you realise - the police - we could go to prison - "
She's drooping now, like a puppy that knows it's done wrong. I don't want to shout at her. I don't. I take a long sip of the whisky, set it carefully on the ground, put my head down in my hands and let myself shake.
Reply
"Funny -" I start, and then Tez is folding up on the ground and I stop thinking about her. "Do you realise - the police - we could go to prison - "
I move to his side at once. My own hands stop trembling when I see how hard he's shaking. I crouch by his side and put my arms round him.
"Tez - love - " I don't care that Syl hears that. "It's alright." I put my head against his. "I won't ever let anyone hurt you," I say very quietly, but fiercely. I hold him until he's still, and then I look up at Syl.
"It's different for girls," I say simply. "Not that it wouldn't be awful if you got caught, but for us -" I shake my head.
Reply
....prison?! I didn't...I mean...fuckin'ell, prison?!
Al sits down wittim, holds'im, "Tez - love - It's alright. I won't ever let anyone hurt you," They's quiet ferra minute, an'en Al looks up't me. "It's different for girls. Not that it wouldn't be awful if you got caught, but for us -"
Aw Jesus. "Aw, guys, aw hell, 'm sorry. I didn't think..." I feel sick now, when I see jes' how bad I scared'em. "It wuz jes' meant t'be a joke. 'm really, really sorry." I wanna huggem both, but figure'ey don't want me near'em, so I wrap m'arms 'round m'self. "'re y'okay? Aw, guys, I didn't know, I didn't mean t'scare y'so bad. 'm really sorry." 'm almost cryin' now.
Get so used t'havin' nothin' t'lose, ferget not ev'rybody's th'same. Stupid cunt.
Reply
...It's alright, because Al's got his arms round me, he's talking softly, calling me love in that tone. "I wanted - I told you to run. You should have got away...." I get my arm round him and lock my fingers into the back of his jacket like I'm never going to let go.
When I manage to look up, Syl's the one who looks like she's going to be sick now. "Aw, guys, aw hell, 'm sorry. I didn't think... It wuz jes' meant t'be a joke. 'm really, really sorry. 're y'okay? Aw, guys, I didn't know, I didn't mean t'scare y'so bad. 'm really sorry."
That's what stands out: she didn't know. She's got her arms locked round herself and she sounds...sounds like she's going to cry. I still feel sickly shaken, but I can't stand her looking like that ( ... )
Reply
Tez's fingers are tight around my back.
"You fool," I say fondly. "As if I'd ever leave you behind."
Syl's talking now, looking on the verge of tears, and I feel a sharp sort of satisfaction at that. She should feel upset. But when she says sorry again I can tell she means it, and Tez catches at her skirt.
"Alright," I say. "I accept your apology." I smooth Tez's hair and then I stand up so I can offer Syl my hand. It's a formal sort of gesture, but it's how I was brought up to make up after fights. I don't want to apologise on Tez's behalf, but I think he'll forgive Syl. I reach for the bottle of whisky and take a sip from it, wincing a bit at the warmth spreading through me. I hold out the bottle to Syl.
Reply
An'en Tez, eaches out blind 'n catches m'skirt, hauls me over t'th'two ovvem, an'en I do getta bit choked up, cuzzit's okay. I didda stupid, nasty thin', bu's gonna be okay, an'I c'n stay. An'm so damn glad I could jes' bawl.
"Alright. I accept your apology." says Al, an'e stands up t'shake m'hand. I scrubbat m'eyes 'n take't. An'at's eas'er somehow...mebbe cuzze's treatin' me like 'nother guy. Nonovvat weepin'n caterwaulin't comes when girls fight 'n make up...jes'a handshake anna drink an' we's okay. Seems a helluva lot more sens'ble t'me, an' by th'time've taken a swigga whiskey I feel one helluva lot calmer.
Wipe m'eyes 'gain 'n cough't th'burn. "Where'd you guys gettis stuff?" I says, cuzzit's eas'er'n safer t'change th'subject.
Reply
"Where'd you guys gettis stuff?" Changing the subject, but that's all right. She's decent, is Syl, pulling herself together like that. I always imagined a girl would need a lot more comforting when things went wrong, and then I laugh inwardly, because really, I was the one who ended up being hugged and reassured ( ... )
Reply
Leave a comment