Family
I started feeling a bit curious about something the other day. I am estranged from my family. I have had no contact with them for fifteen years or so. This is mostly on me. While my family has a few bad eggs, most are good people. I just started drawing away from them in my midteens. A peculiar component of my personality. Anyway, my brother's birthday came last week and I started to wonder about nieces and nephews.
So far as I know, my brother died last year. That really had no impact on me. My brother was one of the bad eggs, a selfish, drug-abusing man who only was looking for what he could leech out of people. At least, that is the person he was when I last had anything to do with him. He had children, but because of our separation, I do not know how many or what their names are or anything else about them. I do not know whether my brother ever became any kind of a man or whether he developed into a good father. I spent some time looking for some information on them. There appears to be no way to find out anything without joining some possibly dubious sites and paying for the info.
I am curious about these nieces and nephews. At least, I would like to know how many there are and their names. I doubt that contacting them would be a good idea. After all, what would I have to offer? I cannot say that I am the kind of man that people are better off for having known. I am just there. People to people connections are largely beyond my abilities. I am not sure whether any of them know I exist.
I have never had any kids of my own. That is the single greatest void in my life, even more so than the fact I have never had anyone to love. The kid thing bothers me much more. A bit odd, I know. At my age, I think about these things and wonder. I guess this is why I was thinking about my brother's children. Had I known them, would it have been beneficial to me and them? Or would it have turned to ashes, the way most of my life has?
So far as I know, my brother died last year. That really had no impact on me. My brother was one of the bad eggs, a selfish, drug-abusing man who only was looking for what he could leech out of people. At least, that is the person he was when I last had anything to do with him. He had children, but because of our separation, I do not know how many or what their names are or anything else about them. I do not know whether my brother ever became any kind of a man or whether he developed into a good father. I spent some time looking for some information on them. There appears to be no way to find out anything without joining some possibly dubious sites and paying for the info.
I am curious about these nieces and nephews. At least, I would like to know how many there are and their names. I doubt that contacting them would be a good idea. After all, what would I have to offer? I cannot say that I am the kind of man that people are better off for having known. I am just there. People to people connections are largely beyond my abilities. I am not sure whether any of them know I exist.
I have never had any kids of my own. That is the single greatest void in my life, even more so than the fact I have never had anyone to love. The kid thing bothers me much more. A bit odd, I know. At my age, I think about these things and wonder. I guess this is why I was thinking about my brother's children. Had I known them, would it have been beneficial to me and them? Or would it have turned to ashes, the way most of my life has?