I'm very sorry if you feel like you just can't catch a break with me. I also know we're both undoubtedly on greater edge with each other right now because it's an election year, with all the drama that comes with. I wish there was a better way to do this that didn't involve us already being upset about other stuff before we start talking. But, here we are. And I guess we can either decide to do something about it, or decide that we need a little more time apart--maybe until after the election--so we're not so cranky in the first place.
I do want to have a relationship with you. Honestly. But dammit, it hurts. A lot. My instinct is always going to be to stay away from the stuff that hurts--especially when I'm already stressed out about other stuff. I need that bandwidth to get by, and I can't spend it on endlessly going to battle with you over the same stuff.
Maybe ... I dunno. Maybe what we both need to do is to stop assuming the other intends to be a hurtful jackass and go from there. Because that's true, right? You think I'm being mean to you, I think you're being mean to me, and as long as we think that, we're never going to get anywhere (not to mention it might well become a self-fulfilling prophecy at this rate--maybe it already has.)
Obviously, we're different in a lot of key ways, and that's never going to change. But I think it's our similarities that are actually the sticking point here--particularly the fact that we both have a lot of resentment and scars from having some shitty life stuff, and that's made us stubborn and afraid of showing any weakness. It makes sense that things are like that, but it still sucks.
I wish I could explain how much I want this. I wish I could explain that you're still one of the few people who can make me cry buckets just by thinking about you. But ... for all my damned words, I can't seem to get them right with you. And I don't know if I'll ever learn how.
I'm very sorry if you feel like you just can't catch a break with me. I also know we're both undoubtedly on greater edge with each other right now because it's an election year, with all the drama that comes with. I wish there was a better way to do this that didn't involve us already being upset about other stuff before we start talking. But, here we are. And I guess we can either decide to do something about it, or decide that we need a little more time apart--maybe until after the election--so we're not so cranky in the first place.
I do want to have a relationship with you. Honestly. But dammit, it hurts. A lot. My instinct is always going to be to stay away from the stuff that hurts--especially when I'm already stressed out about other stuff. I need that bandwidth to get by, and I can't spend it on endlessly going to battle with you over the same stuff.
Maybe ... I dunno. Maybe what we both need to do is to stop assuming the other intends to be a hurtful jackass and go from there. Because that's true, right? You think I'm being mean to you, I think you're being mean to me, and as long as we think that, we're never going to get anywhere (not to mention it might well become a self-fulfilling prophecy at this rate--maybe it already has.)
Obviously, we're different in a lot of key ways, and that's never going to change. But I think it's our similarities that are actually the sticking point here--particularly the fact that we both have a lot of resentment and scars from having some shitty life stuff, and that's made us stubborn and afraid of showing any weakness. It makes sense that things are like that, but it still sucks.
I wish I could explain how much I want this. I wish I could explain that you're still one of the few people who can make me cry buckets just by thinking about you. But ... for all my damned words, I can't seem to get them right with you. And I don't know if I'll ever learn how.
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