State of the Texty: Marching Ahead Edition
Haven't done one of these in a while!
Digest version, for those in tl;dr mode: I wrote another book, our adoption process marches on, I have yet to get an offer for a W2-earning job and I'm dying for a proper vacation.
The long version:
I finished it! Not that one. The other one. The one I started writing for NaNo. I'm currently doing the second of two content edits, after which I'll have a rough draft available for beta readers. Holla if you'd like to take a look.
Current wordcount is around 82,000, the last 30k of which came in the last few weeks. Am quite exhausted, actually, but I feel amazingly accomplished.
Now if I could only stop looking up info on other books/TV/movies/blah blah that have similar characters, plots, world elements, etc., and freaking out about how that means I'm never going to get this thing published.
I keep telling myself that yes, it's been done before, but it hasn't been done by ME, so it's still new. Still keep doubting, though. I realize the point of writing is to get stories out of your head so they're not cluttering up your brain. I do that. But I'm also a practical person, and I do like the idea of getting this out there so a lot of other people can read it, too (and, I hope, give me money for the pleasure.) So I'm still looking at it with a publishing/marketing eye, and getting nervous.
The worst part about it is that I'm second-guessing the bit about having a bi protagonist. On the one hand: holy shit, my story stars an 18-year-old bi dude with a male love interest. That's awesome, right? On the other hand, there are wrestling Mean Girls in my head telling me that A) No one will read it because they can't identify with him or B) No one will read it because the queer protagonist thing is so last decade.
Which ... OK, fuck both of those things, because they're both based in bigotry.
I get that the first one is a genuine consideration, especially for YA publishers. The book already has a ton of swearing, violence and some PG-13 sexual references involving a kid who's barely of age. The m/m aspect of it may well make it a too-hot potato for most publishers. This sort of stuff DOES get published, though, so it's not like it can't happen. I just have to find the right agent and/or publisher to get it done, and hope that they like my writing. Challenging, but not impossible.
The second Mean Girl, though ... that's the harder part. It truly pisses me off that the very idea of having a unicorn protagonist--especially one who isn't just incidentally a unicorn--is going to be seen by some as a gimmick or a Political Statement. I know some people are going to look at it and assume I only wrote it to have a book with a unicorn protagonist, and to say something about the state of unicorns in our modern society. I didn't. But people will think that, because they have been conditioned to believe that any mention of a character being something other than a straight, white dude is the author shoving that stuff in the reader's face.
They will also be more inclined to think that because said unicorn protagonist does face some issues with that part of himself. He's freshly out, and he's 18, FFS, so of course he's going to be a little unsure of himself just yet, and might face some backlash. That's the real world. We don't yet live in unicorntopia, so baby unicorns still have moments of angst. I don't think I've EVER met a queer kid, no matter where they live and how much support they have, who doesn't angst about it at least now and then. Throw in some of the stupid shit aimed specifically at bi folk and specifically at bi GUYS? Yeah. He's not going to be Captain Confidence: Bisexual Warrior.
HOWEVER.
That's not the book's plot. That's not the character's central motivation. That is not the entire definition of who he is. There are maybe a dozen mentions of his orientation angst in the entire 82,000 words of this story. It's not an A plot. It's not even a D plot. It's just one element of who he is and the journey he's on. He's also biracial, too, and that gets mentioned in passing a few times. That's ALSO not a gimmick. He likes guys and he has dark hair and eyes. Oh, and he's a fucking harpy who's trying to figure out how to save the world. And get laid in the process. *koff*
As a queer person, of course I want more stories with People Like Me in them, and of course, since there aren't enough of them to make me happy, I thought it would be nice to write one. But I didn't write a fucking Afterschool Special, and I'm kind of annoyed at the reality that some folks will assume that's what this is just because he's a unicorn who has some moments of "hey, being a unicorn has some challenges." I also didn't write about a unicorn just to make my story Different! and therefore theoretically more marketable.
Or, in short: My unicorn is not a unicorn just to be an attention whore or make a political statement. He's just a unicorn, facing occasional moments in which his unicornness poses challenges. Like every other damned unicorn on the planet.
Which leads me to a similar issue, regarding my other book.
---
So, when I finally get book #2 into beta hands, I'm going to leave it alone for a while, and go back and do any necessary surgery on book #1. I did pitch it to an agent last summer, and got turned down, but I think that was just a "not her genre" thing. Still, I want to go back over it after 8 months of leaving it alone and make sure that there aren't any big things I need to fix. Once I've got that sewn up, I'll start doing the agent hunt again.
I just hope I don't fall into a marketing trap when I do.
As with my above rant on book #2, there are some big elements of this story that some people are going to think are mere gimmicks and/or overused tropes just because of what they are, not how they're used. Nevermind that there are, at last accurate count, 6 gazillion fantasy novels that follow a Journey of the Misunderstood Hero template with a male protagonist. The fact that mine is A) Female B) Young C) A born warrior and D) Lives in a quasi-Medieval sexist culture is going to make people say, "Oh, so you're writing a novelization of Brave, yeah?"
As Amy Berg said on Twitter yesterday, regarding Sony suing CBS for a show premise they had: Dude, you don't own young female hackers. OK, so my hacker uses an axe instead of a computer. Point stands.
Also, I finished this book before I even heard about Brave. So. Yeah. My original concept of the story was, "Hey, you don't hear much about female dwarves, do you?" not, "I'm going to copy this female fantasy protagonist idea because clearly, There Can Be Only One."
Meh. Don't mind me. Just slightly fussy because if I was writing a Magical Orphan story with a white male protag, no one would remotely think I was only copying something that's been done before. There IS room on the bookshelf for more than one story about women, queer folks or PoCs. Really.
---
On to other things which are just as fraught with Social Bullshit angst, but a different kind, at least.
We couldn't get it scheduled right away, but we do finally have our adoption agency intake meeting coming up in a couple of weeks. Hoping that we can get the home study started shortly thereafter. Maybe mid-April, if we're lucky.
Have been going through the house, trying to figure out what all we need to do to make sure it qualifies as a safe foster home as far as the state is concerned (since adoptions aren't finalized until after you have the kid at home, the state requires you to be a certified foster home. It's weird, but w'ev.) So far, we've stashed the booze, bought a couple more fire extinguishers and an escape ladder and have started looking into safety gates. Given our Giant Staircase of Doom, making that sucker toddler-friendly is going to be a challenge. Otherwise, it's just a matter of getting a crapload of outlet covers and door handle locks and other such gizmos. I think the rest of the place should pass muster.
Oh, and I think we have to be CPR-certified, too. Need to look into that.
---
Social-bullshit angst part the third (fourth?):
I think I've decided not to go back to chorus next term. I enjoyed getting back into singing, but I really do need more of a challenge, musically. I also miss singing with guys, and I've seen hints of some quasi-political drama in the group that I really just don't want to get involved with. Had enough of that with my previous chorus.
Also, and I get that this might sound bitchy, but ... I really, really disliked how unprofessional this group is in rehearsals. Being in a room full of 200 treble voices is rough on my ADD and my hearing to begin with. When they decide to chatter during every single rehearsal pause? It's maddening. I get that most of them are in the group for the social aspect, and that's awesome for them. But those of us who primarily want to sing are kind of SOL. Rehearsal and even performance protocol there is frustratingly lax, and I just can't deal with that. Of course, being in a chorus is supposed to be fun, but for me, the fun part comes in making amazing music and having fantastic performances with other talented, dedicated folks. And this group? That's just not their core motivation. Not a value judgment, mind. Just my boat needing a different kind of float.
So, I think my next order of business along those lines will be to start taking voice lessons again. Once we have the home study done and are in a waiting-to-be-picked holding pattern, I'll probably get back into that. If I'm back up to speed by late summer, I'll prolly audition for symphony chorale or something along those lines, if I have the bandwidth for it.
---
Must admit, all of the above has been a considerably easier job what with me still not being officially employed. I am getting a smidge nervous about that, though.
My agency's put me in for about 10 different gigs since my mandatory break was up in October (well, technically since December, since I asked for November off to do NaNo instead.) No bites, yet. Other than a brief phone interview with my old team for a gig that should've gone through but didn't (and why, I don't know) there's been nothing. No interviews, nada. So I've now officially been unemployed for eight months, half of which time I've been eligible to do gigs at The Company again. That's starting to push the envelope for me. If I were taking a year off to raise a kid or do something I could add to my resume, then it wouldn't worry me so much. But I now have a growing blank spot there, and the longer I'm out, the harder it will be to get back in.
Technically speaking, I could go try to hunt down something else, but that's not as easy as it might seem, either. Problem is, for my particular field, virtually every job around here is contract. Trying to go outside my agency to get work isn't likely to get me anywhere. Any non-contract gig I could get would likely be either a) soul-crushing or b) not pay enough to make it worth the stress. Pretty much the only thing that's going to pay me what I'm worth for doing something with my brain is something I'd get through this agency. So my only choice is to sit around and wait for them to feed me stuff, and hope someone bites. Unpleasant.
If some horrid thing happened and I absolutely had to go to work or we'd lose the house or something, I'd just dive right back in to something I'm even vaguely qualified for, no matter if it would make me want to make Drano cocktails after work each day. But since I don't have to work and since I'm hoping to sell at least one of these books this year, I'm not going to knock myself out just yet. I just do kind of see the Sword of Damocles moving into position, and it's unnerving.
---
Being employed would help with one thing, however: the travel I'm dying to do this year. Managed to get Comic-Con tix (for me, at least) so I'll be doing that at least. And I dearly hope there will be some awesome folks to see there this year. But I'm also dying to go back to London, as a couple of my lovelies are doing a play there, plus they're also going to be doing the con thing, too. That's quite rare for them, so I'm really hoping I can somehow manage to put together the cash to go back for at least a weekend.
And there are other things I wanna do, too. Need to hit Hawaii again--been too long--been wanting to do a cruise, want to go run around New England, blah blah. Travel is probably my one big money-sink vice, and I want to do as much of it as possible while I'm still young/healthy enough to enjoy it. So it is kind of annoying that we're cash-limited right now and really can't. Poop.
Damn, buying babies is expensive, yo.
---
Other than all that, life goes on. Still playing video games, hanging out in various fan circles, grousing about politics, getting annoyed at the cats, blah blah. Getting things together for spring back-yard mucking, too. Slightly angsty and irritated at the world for big meta stuff, but otherwise in good nick.
Digest version, for those in tl;dr mode: I wrote another book, our adoption process marches on, I have yet to get an offer for a W2-earning job and I'm dying for a proper vacation.
The long version:
I finished it! Not that one. The other one. The one I started writing for NaNo. I'm currently doing the second of two content edits, after which I'll have a rough draft available for beta readers. Holla if you'd like to take a look.
Current wordcount is around 82,000, the last 30k of which came in the last few weeks. Am quite exhausted, actually, but I feel amazingly accomplished.
Now if I could only stop looking up info on other books/TV/movies/blah blah that have similar characters, plots, world elements, etc., and freaking out about how that means I'm never going to get this thing published.
I keep telling myself that yes, it's been done before, but it hasn't been done by ME, so it's still new. Still keep doubting, though. I realize the point of writing is to get stories out of your head so they're not cluttering up your brain. I do that. But I'm also a practical person, and I do like the idea of getting this out there so a lot of other people can read it, too (and, I hope, give me money for the pleasure.) So I'm still looking at it with a publishing/marketing eye, and getting nervous.
The worst part about it is that I'm second-guessing the bit about having a bi protagonist. On the one hand: holy shit, my story stars an 18-year-old bi dude with a male love interest. That's awesome, right? On the other hand, there are wrestling Mean Girls in my head telling me that A) No one will read it because they can't identify with him or B) No one will read it because the queer protagonist thing is so last decade.
Which ... OK, fuck both of those things, because they're both based in bigotry.
I get that the first one is a genuine consideration, especially for YA publishers. The book already has a ton of swearing, violence and some PG-13 sexual references involving a kid who's barely of age. The m/m aspect of it may well make it a too-hot potato for most publishers. This sort of stuff DOES get published, though, so it's not like it can't happen. I just have to find the right agent and/or publisher to get it done, and hope that they like my writing. Challenging, but not impossible.
The second Mean Girl, though ... that's the harder part. It truly pisses me off that the very idea of having a unicorn protagonist--especially one who isn't just incidentally a unicorn--is going to be seen by some as a gimmick or a Political Statement. I know some people are going to look at it and assume I only wrote it to have a book with a unicorn protagonist, and to say something about the state of unicorns in our modern society. I didn't. But people will think that, because they have been conditioned to believe that any mention of a character being something other than a straight, white dude is the author shoving that stuff in the reader's face.
They will also be more inclined to think that because said unicorn protagonist does face some issues with that part of himself. He's freshly out, and he's 18, FFS, so of course he's going to be a little unsure of himself just yet, and might face some backlash. That's the real world. We don't yet live in unicorntopia, so baby unicorns still have moments of angst. I don't think I've EVER met a queer kid, no matter where they live and how much support they have, who doesn't angst about it at least now and then. Throw in some of the stupid shit aimed specifically at bi folk and specifically at bi GUYS? Yeah. He's not going to be Captain Confidence: Bisexual Warrior.
HOWEVER.
That's not the book's plot. That's not the character's central motivation. That is not the entire definition of who he is. There are maybe a dozen mentions of his orientation angst in the entire 82,000 words of this story. It's not an A plot. It's not even a D plot. It's just one element of who he is and the journey he's on. He's also biracial, too, and that gets mentioned in passing a few times. That's ALSO not a gimmick. He likes guys and he has dark hair and eyes. Oh, and he's a fucking harpy who's trying to figure out how to save the world. And get laid in the process. *koff*
As a queer person, of course I want more stories with People Like Me in them, and of course, since there aren't enough of them to make me happy, I thought it would be nice to write one. But I didn't write a fucking Afterschool Special, and I'm kind of annoyed at the reality that some folks will assume that's what this is just because he's a unicorn who has some moments of "hey, being a unicorn has some challenges." I also didn't write about a unicorn just to make my story Different! and therefore theoretically more marketable.
Or, in short: My unicorn is not a unicorn just to be an attention whore or make a political statement. He's just a unicorn, facing occasional moments in which his unicornness poses challenges. Like every other damned unicorn on the planet.
Which leads me to a similar issue, regarding my other book.
---
So, when I finally get book #2 into beta hands, I'm going to leave it alone for a while, and go back and do any necessary surgery on book #1. I did pitch it to an agent last summer, and got turned down, but I think that was just a "not her genre" thing. Still, I want to go back over it after 8 months of leaving it alone and make sure that there aren't any big things I need to fix. Once I've got that sewn up, I'll start doing the agent hunt again.
I just hope I don't fall into a marketing trap when I do.
As with my above rant on book #2, there are some big elements of this story that some people are going to think are mere gimmicks and/or overused tropes just because of what they are, not how they're used. Nevermind that there are, at last accurate count, 6 gazillion fantasy novels that follow a Journey of the Misunderstood Hero template with a male protagonist. The fact that mine is A) Female B) Young C) A born warrior and D) Lives in a quasi-Medieval sexist culture is going to make people say, "Oh, so you're writing a novelization of Brave, yeah?"
As Amy Berg said on Twitter yesterday, regarding Sony suing CBS for a show premise they had: Dude, you don't own young female hackers. OK, so my hacker uses an axe instead of a computer. Point stands.
Also, I finished this book before I even heard about Brave. So. Yeah. My original concept of the story was, "Hey, you don't hear much about female dwarves, do you?" not, "I'm going to copy this female fantasy protagonist idea because clearly, There Can Be Only One."
Meh. Don't mind me. Just slightly fussy because if I was writing a Magical Orphan story with a white male protag, no one would remotely think I was only copying something that's been done before. There IS room on the bookshelf for more than one story about women, queer folks or PoCs. Really.
---
On to other things which are just as fraught with Social Bullshit angst, but a different kind, at least.
We couldn't get it scheduled right away, but we do finally have our adoption agency intake meeting coming up in a couple of weeks. Hoping that we can get the home study started shortly thereafter. Maybe mid-April, if we're lucky.
Have been going through the house, trying to figure out what all we need to do to make sure it qualifies as a safe foster home as far as the state is concerned (since adoptions aren't finalized until after you have the kid at home, the state requires you to be a certified foster home. It's weird, but w'ev.) So far, we've stashed the booze, bought a couple more fire extinguishers and an escape ladder and have started looking into safety gates. Given our Giant Staircase of Doom, making that sucker toddler-friendly is going to be a challenge. Otherwise, it's just a matter of getting a crapload of outlet covers and door handle locks and other such gizmos. I think the rest of the place should pass muster.
Oh, and I think we have to be CPR-certified, too. Need to look into that.
---
Social-bullshit angst part the third (fourth?):
I think I've decided not to go back to chorus next term. I enjoyed getting back into singing, but I really do need more of a challenge, musically. I also miss singing with guys, and I've seen hints of some quasi-political drama in the group that I really just don't want to get involved with. Had enough of that with my previous chorus.
Also, and I get that this might sound bitchy, but ... I really, really disliked how unprofessional this group is in rehearsals. Being in a room full of 200 treble voices is rough on my ADD and my hearing to begin with. When they decide to chatter during every single rehearsal pause? It's maddening. I get that most of them are in the group for the social aspect, and that's awesome for them. But those of us who primarily want to sing are kind of SOL. Rehearsal and even performance protocol there is frustratingly lax, and I just can't deal with that. Of course, being in a chorus is supposed to be fun, but for me, the fun part comes in making amazing music and having fantastic performances with other talented, dedicated folks. And this group? That's just not their core motivation. Not a value judgment, mind. Just my boat needing a different kind of float.
So, I think my next order of business along those lines will be to start taking voice lessons again. Once we have the home study done and are in a waiting-to-be-picked holding pattern, I'll probably get back into that. If I'm back up to speed by late summer, I'll prolly audition for symphony chorale or something along those lines, if I have the bandwidth for it.
---
Must admit, all of the above has been a considerably easier job what with me still not being officially employed. I am getting a smidge nervous about that, though.
My agency's put me in for about 10 different gigs since my mandatory break was up in October (well, technically since December, since I asked for November off to do NaNo instead.) No bites, yet. Other than a brief phone interview with my old team for a gig that should've gone through but didn't (and why, I don't know) there's been nothing. No interviews, nada. So I've now officially been unemployed for eight months, half of which time I've been eligible to do gigs at The Company again. That's starting to push the envelope for me. If I were taking a year off to raise a kid or do something I could add to my resume, then it wouldn't worry me so much. But I now have a growing blank spot there, and the longer I'm out, the harder it will be to get back in.
Technically speaking, I could go try to hunt down something else, but that's not as easy as it might seem, either. Problem is, for my particular field, virtually every job around here is contract. Trying to go outside my agency to get work isn't likely to get me anywhere. Any non-contract gig I could get would likely be either a) soul-crushing or b) not pay enough to make it worth the stress. Pretty much the only thing that's going to pay me what I'm worth for doing something with my brain is something I'd get through this agency. So my only choice is to sit around and wait for them to feed me stuff, and hope someone bites. Unpleasant.
If some horrid thing happened and I absolutely had to go to work or we'd lose the house or something, I'd just dive right back in to something I'm even vaguely qualified for, no matter if it would make me want to make Drano cocktails after work each day. But since I don't have to work and since I'm hoping to sell at least one of these books this year, I'm not going to knock myself out just yet. I just do kind of see the Sword of Damocles moving into position, and it's unnerving.
---
Being employed would help with one thing, however: the travel I'm dying to do this year. Managed to get Comic-Con tix (for me, at least) so I'll be doing that at least. And I dearly hope there will be some awesome folks to see there this year. But I'm also dying to go back to London, as a couple of my lovelies are doing a play there, plus they're also going to be doing the con thing, too. That's quite rare for them, so I'm really hoping I can somehow manage to put together the cash to go back for at least a weekend.
And there are other things I wanna do, too. Need to hit Hawaii again--been too long--been wanting to do a cruise, want to go run around New England, blah blah. Travel is probably my one big money-sink vice, and I want to do as much of it as possible while I'm still young/healthy enough to enjoy it. So it is kind of annoying that we're cash-limited right now and really can't. Poop.
Damn, buying babies is expensive, yo.
---
Other than all that, life goes on. Still playing video games, hanging out in various fan circles, grousing about politics, getting annoyed at the cats, blah blah. Getting things together for spring back-yard mucking, too. Slightly angsty and irritated at the world for big meta stuff, but otherwise in good nick.