Not Deanna Troi
Thanks to a link from darkhorse_99, I took this empathy quiz, which is apparently related somewhat to ASDs. Got a 28--on the high side of low. For the record, I've taken similar quizzes before for Aspie markers, and scored in the "yeah, probably" range, so I can't say as it's surprising. But I also think, in my case at least, the results may be a little misleading.
First off, a lack of understanding nonverbal cues in communication isn't the same thing as a lack of understanding of emotion, and definitely not the same thing as lacking compassion. I'm actually incredibly sensitive to others' pain and joy, even if I'm not great at reading subtleties in individual situations. I get that some ASD folks are low-emotion to begin with, and therefore don't have a good point of reference to use for empathy, but that's definitely not the case for me. Hell, I'm a big ol' bleeding-heart progressive. Hardly someone who's incapable of caring for others who are experiencing a crisis, even if they're different from me and I don't know exactly what they're going through.
Secondly, preferring plain-spoken communication to passive, coded stuff doesn't make me a bad person. It just means I'm nowhere near fluent in Cisgendered American Woman. This often leads to major social weirdness when I'm with women who expect me to speak their language; I'm interpreted as cold or rude when I'm actually just communicating more like a guy.
Also, I'm perfectly fine with reading people so long as I'm just an observer. I'd even say I'm pretty good at it. It's only when you put me in the middle of it that that goes out the window. I get very wound up in trying to monitor my own feelings and behavior (given that I'm chronically un-self-aware) and then my ADD kicks in, and can't sort through the mountains of incoming data to get to the important bits. If I'm just doing chitchat/banter with someone who's good at it, I'm fine. Same with situations where I'm in a leadership position, and people are predisposed to listening to me babble (lectures, performing, answering questions, etc.) It's when I'm in a personal social situation and we get beyond initial small talk that things get weird for me, because I don't have a road map for that.
FWIW, if I'm with someone I know well, and am already familiar with their personal language (and they also know not to expect me to talk Girl), then I'm fine. Also helps that I'm less worried about major consequences if I screw something up. I figure if someone's been friends with me for at least a couple of years and haven't dumped me yet for something wonky that escaped my big mouth, then we're good. ;)
It is frustrating for me that this isn't easier. I'm such a social person that knowing I'm so bad at the intitial getting-to-know-you dance makes me want to scream sometimes. But I spose it's also an asshole filter, too. If people can get beyond the weirdness long enough to see that I have a good heart, it usually means they're good people.
First off, a lack of understanding nonverbal cues in communication isn't the same thing as a lack of understanding of emotion, and definitely not the same thing as lacking compassion. I'm actually incredibly sensitive to others' pain and joy, even if I'm not great at reading subtleties in individual situations. I get that some ASD folks are low-emotion to begin with, and therefore don't have a good point of reference to use for empathy, but that's definitely not the case for me. Hell, I'm a big ol' bleeding-heart progressive. Hardly someone who's incapable of caring for others who are experiencing a crisis, even if they're different from me and I don't know exactly what they're going through.
Secondly, preferring plain-spoken communication to passive, coded stuff doesn't make me a bad person. It just means I'm nowhere near fluent in Cisgendered American Woman. This often leads to major social weirdness when I'm with women who expect me to speak their language; I'm interpreted as cold or rude when I'm actually just communicating more like a guy.
Also, I'm perfectly fine with reading people so long as I'm just an observer. I'd even say I'm pretty good at it. It's only when you put me in the middle of it that that goes out the window. I get very wound up in trying to monitor my own feelings and behavior (given that I'm chronically un-self-aware) and then my ADD kicks in, and can't sort through the mountains of incoming data to get to the important bits. If I'm just doing chitchat/banter with someone who's good at it, I'm fine. Same with situations where I'm in a leadership position, and people are predisposed to listening to me babble (lectures, performing, answering questions, etc.) It's when I'm in a personal social situation and we get beyond initial small talk that things get weird for me, because I don't have a road map for that.
FWIW, if I'm with someone I know well, and am already familiar with their personal language (and they also know not to expect me to talk Girl), then I'm fine. Also helps that I'm less worried about major consequences if I screw something up. I figure if someone's been friends with me for at least a couple of years and haven't dumped me yet for something wonky that escaped my big mouth, then we're good. ;)
It is frustrating for me that this isn't easier. I'm such a social person that knowing I'm so bad at the intitial getting-to-know-you dance makes me want to scream sometimes. But I spose it's also an asshole filter, too. If people can get beyond the weirdness long enough to see that I have a good heart, it usually means they're good people.