State of the Texty: Home Alone Edition
Six weeks into my summer sabbatical, and enjoying it, for the most part. Currently parked in the back yard on a lovely afternoon enjoying the fresh air and sunshine and birdsong and dragonflies and bumblebees. And my spiffy laptop and our awesome wireless. ;) There's something really calming about having my own green space to chill out in--at least when the weather's nice. Even enjoying doing a bit of tending of my little kitchen garden. This year, in addition to the herbs, we have tomatoes, two kinds of peppers, lemon cucumbers, yellow watermelon, Hubbard squash and raspberries, blueberries and strawberries. Oh, and a little tree that's supposed to produce something called a limequat. So far, the only thing that we've harvested is strawberries--the plant we have is very prolific--but we have tomatoes and peppers growing, the blueberry bush is absolutely bursting with stuff that should be ripening in the next few weeks, and everything else has at least flowered. Hoping there's enough summer left to get at least something out of most of them.
***
I think I've gotten past the initial panic about not having enough time to do everything before I have to go back to work/start raising a youngun (more on that in a bit), so now I'm just taking it easy and doing what I want/need to do as the mood strikes me.
***
In the last few days, at least, that's meant some writing. I've been doing a fairly extensive project of assembling all of my fics in a particular storyline into a single-narrative novel form, to eventually be turned into an ebook (among other formats.) At the moment, there are about 90,000 words in the thing, and it'll probably get up to 100k by the time it's all finished. I've also been spending quite a bit of time editing it. Even though most of the existing fics are already live elsewhere, I'm doing a bit of nip and tuck on this version both to fit the narrative form and to clean up a few things here and there (British spelling, for instance. I keep forgetting the U's and S's and such. Bleh.)
Given how thoroughly trashy this thing is, it's not like I'm considering it a magnum opus or anything, but I am, in some strange way, kind of proud of it. Naughtiness aside, I think I've written a pretty decent--if somewhat angsty and soap-opera-y---story, and also managed to weave it into the existing canon fairly well, which is somewhat unusual for fic. Not because fic writers aren't skilled enough, mind, but because most people just chuck canon out the window and write what they want. Me, I love fanfic because I like filling in the gaps and telling the stories that don't get told. I like thinking about the behind the scenes and character studies and such that just didn't make it to the screen. I like expanding the canon world into three dimensions. And yes, I like the mental images. Sue me. ;) I suppose there are better things I could do with my time and writing, depending on whom one asks. And what I'm writing is an unusual enough scenario that even within the fandom it's not got a lot of interest. But in its purposes for both writing practice and keeping me off the streets, this stuff's done its job, so I'm relatively content with it.
***
The editing process on this thing has been made somewhat easier the last 24 hours by the fact that both M and D are out of town at the mo, so I have the house all to myself for the weekend. D is off camping with his boyfriend and M's in PDX for a quasi family reunion. Technically, I probably should've joined, but I can't help it. I just can't take being around his family for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer, and I risk saying what I really think to his dad, which would do a lot more harm than good. One of these days, I need to meet my niece (especially as his sister already has another kid on the way) but it'll have to be under different circumstances.
***
And speaking of kids, I think I'm past that initial WTF am I doing thing as far as the adoption's concerned. In a weird way, the conflict I had on this subject a few days ago actually sort of lit a fire under me, and now I'm determined to do it just because there are plenty of people who think I shouldn't. My trepidation really hasn't been on whether I have the ability to do it. I know I can, even though I'll need a bit of help early on and I know I'll make rookie mistakes like anyone else. No, mostly it's been about whether I really want to dedicate the next 5-10 years of my life to doing that and only that. Or at least mostly that. I've kind of gotten spoiled a bit by the DINK thing, and just wasn't really sure I wanted to trade my quiet life of easy spontenaety for diapers and screaming. After all, one of the biggest reasons we have cats instead of dogs is that they're largely self-sufficient, and if we feel like suddenly taking off for a weekend, we can. My fear was that if I do this, I'm saying goodbye to that forever, as I don't expect to have a very long lifespan.
But then I got to thinking: Even with the health problems I have, I also genetically take after my dad and his family. And those people? Live forever, even if they theoretically seem like they shouldn't. My grandfather died at 71, but grandma made it to 92, and my dad and all his siblings are still alive (knock on wood), despite having a large assortment of just about every health problem known to mankind. If my dad can make it to 71 despite all the terrible things his body's been through (too numerous to list), then I probably can, too. I may be fat and slow and have a bunch of other stuff going on, but most of that's well-managed (the surgery, btw, was a terrific success) and tolerable, if not great. And really: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine, don't eat mammals, get plenty of sleep, have full access to health care and a happy marriage. I'm way ahead of most Americans and most of the rest of my family just on those things alone. So, yeah. Chances are pretty good that my health-nut mom will outlive me (barring accidents) but I still have more than 20 years left, I think.
So, that being the case? Hey, why not do the parenting thing? We can start traveling again once the kid's old enough to be reasoned with, we should be able to afford at least a little help for the early months, and between the three of us, we can keep the rest of the domestic situation under control. (If we don't scare off D with the kid, that is. ;) ) I may not live to see any grandkids, but I should be able to see the kid through college, and have a decent career/rest of my adult life as well. And I think that's good enough.
So, now we're just waiting to see what M's annual review numbers look like so we can get an idea of budget for this, and then we're going to start the process. Probably another six weeks out, maybe, barring any unforeseen delays.
***
Gotta admit: I'm actually enjoying 40 so far. It's kind of like having a license to not give a shit what the world thinks anymore. Yeah, they still do care, but I'm out to pasture as far as the must-be-decorative pressure goes just based on age alone, so the rest of it doesn't matter as much. I think I've been a brassy old broad since I was 20. Nice to finally be the right age for it. :)
***
I think I've gotten past the initial panic about not having enough time to do everything before I have to go back to work/start raising a youngun (more on that in a bit), so now I'm just taking it easy and doing what I want/need to do as the mood strikes me.
***
In the last few days, at least, that's meant some writing. I've been doing a fairly extensive project of assembling all of my fics in a particular storyline into a single-narrative novel form, to eventually be turned into an ebook (among other formats.) At the moment, there are about 90,000 words in the thing, and it'll probably get up to 100k by the time it's all finished. I've also been spending quite a bit of time editing it. Even though most of the existing fics are already live elsewhere, I'm doing a bit of nip and tuck on this version both to fit the narrative form and to clean up a few things here and there (British spelling, for instance. I keep forgetting the U's and S's and such. Bleh.)
Given how thoroughly trashy this thing is, it's not like I'm considering it a magnum opus or anything, but I am, in some strange way, kind of proud of it. Naughtiness aside, I think I've written a pretty decent--if somewhat angsty and soap-opera-y---story, and also managed to weave it into the existing canon fairly well, which is somewhat unusual for fic. Not because fic writers aren't skilled enough, mind, but because most people just chuck canon out the window and write what they want. Me, I love fanfic because I like filling in the gaps and telling the stories that don't get told. I like thinking about the behind the scenes and character studies and such that just didn't make it to the screen. I like expanding the canon world into three dimensions. And yes, I like the mental images. Sue me. ;) I suppose there are better things I could do with my time and writing, depending on whom one asks. And what I'm writing is an unusual enough scenario that even within the fandom it's not got a lot of interest. But in its purposes for both writing practice and keeping me off the streets, this stuff's done its job, so I'm relatively content with it.
***
The editing process on this thing has been made somewhat easier the last 24 hours by the fact that both M and D are out of town at the mo, so I have the house all to myself for the weekend. D is off camping with his boyfriend and M's in PDX for a quasi family reunion. Technically, I probably should've joined, but I can't help it. I just can't take being around his family for more than a few minutes at a time. Any longer, and I risk saying what I really think to his dad, which would do a lot more harm than good. One of these days, I need to meet my niece (especially as his sister already has another kid on the way) but it'll have to be under different circumstances.
***
And speaking of kids, I think I'm past that initial WTF am I doing thing as far as the adoption's concerned. In a weird way, the conflict I had on this subject a few days ago actually sort of lit a fire under me, and now I'm determined to do it just because there are plenty of people who think I shouldn't. My trepidation really hasn't been on whether I have the ability to do it. I know I can, even though I'll need a bit of help early on and I know I'll make rookie mistakes like anyone else. No, mostly it's been about whether I really want to dedicate the next 5-10 years of my life to doing that and only that. Or at least mostly that. I've kind of gotten spoiled a bit by the DINK thing, and just wasn't really sure I wanted to trade my quiet life of easy spontenaety for diapers and screaming. After all, one of the biggest reasons we have cats instead of dogs is that they're largely self-sufficient, and if we feel like suddenly taking off for a weekend, we can. My fear was that if I do this, I'm saying goodbye to that forever, as I don't expect to have a very long lifespan.
But then I got to thinking: Even with the health problems I have, I also genetically take after my dad and his family. And those people? Live forever, even if they theoretically seem like they shouldn't. My grandfather died at 71, but grandma made it to 92, and my dad and all his siblings are still alive (knock on wood), despite having a large assortment of just about every health problem known to mankind. If my dad can make it to 71 despite all the terrible things his body's been through (too numerous to list), then I probably can, too. I may be fat and slow and have a bunch of other stuff going on, but most of that's well-managed (the surgery, btw, was a terrific success) and tolerable, if not great. And really: I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do caffeine, don't eat mammals, get plenty of sleep, have full access to health care and a happy marriage. I'm way ahead of most Americans and most of the rest of my family just on those things alone. So, yeah. Chances are pretty good that my health-nut mom will outlive me (barring accidents) but I still have more than 20 years left, I think.
So, that being the case? Hey, why not do the parenting thing? We can start traveling again once the kid's old enough to be reasoned with, we should be able to afford at least a little help for the early months, and between the three of us, we can keep the rest of the domestic situation under control. (If we don't scare off D with the kid, that is. ;) ) I may not live to see any grandkids, but I should be able to see the kid through college, and have a decent career/rest of my adult life as well. And I think that's good enough.
So, now we're just waiting to see what M's annual review numbers look like so we can get an idea of budget for this, and then we're going to start the process. Probably another six weeks out, maybe, barring any unforeseen delays.
***
Gotta admit: I'm actually enjoying 40 so far. It's kind of like having a license to not give a shit what the world thinks anymore. Yeah, they still do care, but I'm out to pasture as far as the must-be-decorative pressure goes just based on age alone, so the rest of it doesn't matter as much. I think I've been a brassy old broad since I was 20. Nice to finally be the right age for it. :)