Secrets Post Forty Three
Hey y'all. Time for a friendly reminder. Please remember to always ensure that you post your secrets anonymously. Thanks so much!
WARNING:Potentially triggering secrets under the cut.
Submissions Post Forty Four will open shortly.
--------------------------------
One.
I haven't had sex in almost seven years, and I feel really good about that fact.
---------------
Two.
I feel really slutty when I think about how many people I've slept with. The only thing that makes me think I'm not is because I can honestly say that I had feelings for every single one of them.
---------------
Three.
I'm scared that whatever I come up with for my section of the report won't be good enough or smart enough. I feel like whatever I contribute will be dumb...and it makes me want to cry every time I see my group.
---------------
Four.
tas, i love you more than i've ever loved anyone in my life. you are my best friend and soul mate. but if you go back to him, i dont know hom much longer you'll be alive. and it scares me so bad that i think about killing him just so that you will be safe.
---------------
Five.
I hate being really drunk but every now and again I give in to my darkness and drink myself blind. Its like I'm taken over I can't control myself every once in a while I lose the ability to stop drinking. I don't enjoy it I just have to do it. I am a stumbling example of why manic depressives shouldent be mixed with alcohol when manic.
---------------
Six.
Dear Boyfriend,
You're sensitive, discreet, funny, and openly in love with me.
But you can't hold down a job. That makes you a liability to marry.
So why am I eyeing the charming bad boy?
Because I know he'll go further than you ever will. And I feel horrible for being shallow.
---------------
Seven.
I still love her, and this will never change. I'm just better at dealing with it now.
I feel horrible for deserting her when I did, but I couldn't watch, couldn't deal with her boyfriend, he didn't deserve her. He swore he wouldn't add to her scars but he did and I feel horrid for not being there.
And so, I will be her friend through and through. I never want to have to hear that she's been hurt again and I wasn't there for support. I never want her hurt again.
All this doesn't change the fact that I love my boyfriend, and he is more than I could have hoped for. They are different people, and so I love them different ways. I have more than enough love in me to love them both.
---------------
Eight.
He doesn't seem to care, but I still feel self consious when we're cuddling and his hand ends up on my fat stomach.
---------------
Nine.
I've never been as suicidal as I am right now. I've thought about it before, but this is the first time I've ever formulated a plan. There's a bottle of sleeping pills in the next room and there's nothing keeping me from going and swallowing them all except for a tiny doubt. I know that the fact I called a helpline is a good sign, but I can't seem to convince myself that it'll get better. I really want to go to sleep and never wake up.
---------------
Ten.
that's not my name; i've told you want i want to be called [it's too male for you, isn't it mom?].
---------------
Eleven.
phallic packing makes me feel happier and more right than i've ever felt.
---------------
Twelve.
Why do I have the sinking suspicion that since we're going to be sharing working space again, that I'm going to see even less of you than I do now?
I really miss you, you know.
Is there still no chance of......? Or are you telling me that you're still interested?
---------------
Thirteen.
I'm afraid my severe insecurities are going to ruin every little good thing in life.
---------------
Fourteen.
The anxiety and the insomnia are both coming back. what if the depression does too? :(
---------------
Fifteen.
i was standing above my boyfriend and he reached up and layed his hand on my stomach. i got butterflies thinking about when he will do this again only i'll be pregnant with our child. and then he called me baby and i teared up.
---------------
Sixteen.
On Saterday at a wedding my dad told my that he is terrified that he will die without telling the people he loves that he loves them.
---------------
Seventeen.
I just compleated my final project for university. yet I feel like I've achived nothing. I could have done a degree in maths or physics in the same amount of time I just wastedand I would have probably got a better grade but I desided it was more important to chase a dream than to build a life.
---------------
Eighteen.
I can't wait for my new sex toys to arrive, I have nothing to do but read fanfiction and play computer games. I actually think I bought sex toys as something new to do :)
---------------
Nineteen.
I'm tired of waffling.
I've spent too many years on this relationship already.
I just need to stick to my guns when I say it's over.
--------------------------------
Please feel free to respond to the secrets in the comments by referring to their secret number. You may comment anonymously, and IPs will not be logged. Please follow the rules.