Thoughts on 3 people in a relationship/ 2 with Asperger's
Edit: This took a while to read since work was busy and there was the whole New Year's thing in between. Here it is, not necessarily the same thing I was going to write before, but it's is what came out today.
This will probably be long and rambling, as I read this yesterday and saw lots of parallels to my relationship to Pyr, his to Drgn, and mine to Drgn as well. I may not fall on the spectrum as heavily as either of them but the same pitfalls mark areas in which there needs to be work.
Now, I'm not necessarily considered to have Asperger's, I exhibit similar traits but don't actually have enough or severely enough to be considered Aspie. For a visual reference, here is Pyr's test from 2007 when we were first discovering what having Asperger's meant. Here is my test from this morning, since I can't find the one I took at the same time. The earlier one was more centrist, bumping out at communication like it does on the new one.
Things in italics are from the above article.
From the beginning, their physical relationship was governed by the peculiar ways their respective brains processed sensory messages. Like many people with autism, each had uncomfortable sensitivities to types of touch or texture, and they came in different combinations.
Pyr prefers a touch that is firm and sustained, it took me a long time to figure out that that is why he moves away at night if my foot or hand brushes up against him. I still have to remind myself of that, and it is not something that is reflecting on me or our relationship.
To him, kissing felt like what it was, he told her: mashing your face against someone else’s. Neither did he like the sweaty feeling of hand-holding, a sensation that seemed to dominate all others whenever they tried it.
On the other side, this is pretty close to how I feel physically when being in an intimate situation with DRGN. Normally, I like kissing and being affectionate, but for whatever reason with her I have a harder time with these.
Girls with the condition, one theory went, were overlooked because their shyness was tolerated more and “mother hen” friends might shield them from the worst social isolation, as had happened to Kirsten
Yes, this. Looking at my own childhood, I don't wonder if I wouldn't have tested more for having Aspergers when I was much younger than I do now. I was a much less social person, spending most of my time reading - sometimes very specific subjects when I was younger - Greek myths, world myths in general, dinosaurs, Mayans, Egyptian archaeology etc.
“Parents always ask, ‘Who would like to marry my kid? They’re so weird,’ ” she said. “But, like, another weird person, that’s who.”
I love this quote. It's completely the thing everyone of us needs to hear. Being weird isn't a bad thing, finding someone like you isn't difficult. You just need to accept who you are and who they are and how you interact together.
This entry was originally posted at http://textileowl.dreamwidth.org/116554.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
This will probably be long and rambling, as I read this yesterday and saw lots of parallels to my relationship to Pyr, his to Drgn, and mine to Drgn as well. I may not fall on the spectrum as heavily as either of them but the same pitfalls mark areas in which there needs to be work.
Now, I'm not necessarily considered to have Asperger's, I exhibit similar traits but don't actually have enough or severely enough to be considered Aspie. For a visual reference, here is Pyr's test from 2007 when we were first discovering what having Asperger's meant. Here is my test from this morning, since I can't find the one I took at the same time. The earlier one was more centrist, bumping out at communication like it does on the new one.
Things in italics are from the above article.
From the beginning, their physical relationship was governed by the peculiar ways their respective brains processed sensory messages. Like many people with autism, each had uncomfortable sensitivities to types of touch or texture, and they came in different combinations.
Pyr prefers a touch that is firm and sustained, it took me a long time to figure out that that is why he moves away at night if my foot or hand brushes up against him. I still have to remind myself of that, and it is not something that is reflecting on me or our relationship.
To him, kissing felt like what it was, he told her: mashing your face against someone else’s. Neither did he like the sweaty feeling of hand-holding, a sensation that seemed to dominate all others whenever they tried it.
On the other side, this is pretty close to how I feel physically when being in an intimate situation with DRGN. Normally, I like kissing and being affectionate, but for whatever reason with her I have a harder time with these.
Girls with the condition, one theory went, were overlooked because their shyness was tolerated more and “mother hen” friends might shield them from the worst social isolation, as had happened to Kirsten
Yes, this. Looking at my own childhood, I don't wonder if I wouldn't have tested more for having Aspergers when I was much younger than I do now. I was a much less social person, spending most of my time reading - sometimes very specific subjects when I was younger - Greek myths, world myths in general, dinosaurs, Mayans, Egyptian archaeology etc.
“Parents always ask, ‘Who would like to marry my kid? They’re so weird,’ ” she said. “But, like, another weird person, that’s who.”
I love this quote. It's completely the thing everyone of us needs to hear. Being weird isn't a bad thing, finding someone like you isn't difficult. You just need to accept who you are and who they are and how you interact together.
This entry was originally posted at http://textileowl.dreamwidth.org/116554.html. Please comment there using OpenID.