(no subject)
it's hard to describe the things going on right now. the only words i can think of: heartbroken and confused.
i'm not gonna lie, tonight was really really fun, i'm glad that katie got a kick out of the whole surprise thing. the games and everything were really fun, and the food was friggin good but i just couldnt actually have a good time for a long time, it was more of like sporatic bursts of good times lol. i'm not saying that she ruined the night for me, but just seeing her there with him got me thinking (and me thinking really isnt a good thing at all) "That used to be me" "I used to do that" and a bunch of other stuff along those lines.
I know that trying to "hold back" and take in and accept everything is my plan to attempt getting over this but i just can't do it. it's not that i dont want to get over her, it's just that i cant. i cant just leave all of the feelings i have for her and walk away. no, that's not possible for me. i still have so many feelings that are just waiting to let loose. too many to just drop. i'm not saying that once those feelings are up then i would just leave then, no way. i'm sure that those feelings will never run out. i just dont know what to do about anything right now, it sucks.
(sorry im making short paragraphs to make it easy to read for jacob, lol)
it hurts...a lot...and it just wont stop. the bad thing is that i cant do anything about it. nothing at all. you have no idea hw much i wat it to stop hurting. it literally makes my heart tingle just seeing her with him. i mean yeah i'm glad that she's happy ya know? i just wish that it was with me. i would give almost anything for one more chance. but i've had too many already. i made the changes too slow. it's like that "once in a lifetime" opportunity that you don't mean to pass by, but you do anyway, it sucks. i just want this feeling in my heart to stop.
all i really want is a solution to all of this mess. some sort of epiphany that makes things so much better. i could use one of those.
Love is a promise, love is a souvenir, once given never forgotten, never let it disappear. -John Lennon