An incredably long slew of colorful metephores (work safe)
well (metephore for the act of human procreation inserted here)!!! My car spiraled down in to the bowels of that really hot place under ground. it surged twice last night, then the check oil light came on. (uh oh) two seconds later, the engine temp light came on. (well {metephore for human waste expulsion}) Three seconds after that, the "service engine soon" as well as the "Stop Engine Now" light came on, and the car started dinging at me rather insistantly. (METEPHORE FOR THE ACT OF HUMAN PROCREATION!!!!!!!!!!!)
So I pulled over right away, (on tower road south of the library) put it in park, then turned off the engine. Radiator was bone dry. Oil pan was bone dry as well. Engine was smoking badly. (excrement.) Brother-in-law, brought out two gallons of water. It took both gallons. Then took me to walgreens to get oil. It took all five quarts. Was finally able to nurse the car to my sister's house, with bro-in-law following for the in case factor. Got Becca Sue and all her stuff. Suffered a (act of procreation metephore) lecture from my (same metephore inserted here as well) sister who knows precisely (slang term for the male genital) about cars, about how I need to check my oil on a regular basis, and how this is messing up her plans for the evening. Excuse me oh miss mechanical genius who has her husband do absolutely everything on her car except drive it, and put gas in it. I put oil and coolant in the car two (metephore for being cursed) weeks ago. This was a case of a burst hose, or crack in the block. Not exactly something you can check on a (act of procreation) dipstick Sis! Anyway, limped the caddy home, got becca in to bed, and had SEVERAL beers. So now I am Sans transportation, except for life and death emergencies, until either the car is 100% fixed, or my boss pays that ticket off so I can get my license back to normal, and get my truck registered, taged, and on the road. All it needs is a bypass surpanteen belt put on it, and probably a jumpstart by the time all this happens. It has a full tank of gas, five brand new tires, and a good engine. bah. humbug. oh heck! (AN INCREDABLY LONG SLEW OF VERY VERY VERY COLORFUL METAPHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
So I pulled over right away, (on tower road south of the library) put it in park, then turned off the engine. Radiator was bone dry. Oil pan was bone dry as well. Engine was smoking badly. (excrement.) Brother-in-law, brought out two gallons of water. It took both gallons. Then took me to walgreens to get oil. It took all five quarts. Was finally able to nurse the car to my sister's house, with bro-in-law following for the in case factor. Got Becca Sue and all her stuff. Suffered a (act of procreation metephore) lecture from my (same metephore inserted here as well) sister who knows precisely (slang term for the male genital) about cars, about how I need to check my oil on a regular basis, and how this is messing up her plans for the evening. Excuse me oh miss mechanical genius who has her husband do absolutely everything on her car except drive it, and put gas in it. I put oil and coolant in the car two (metephore for being cursed) weeks ago. This was a case of a burst hose, or crack in the block. Not exactly something you can check on a (act of procreation) dipstick Sis! Anyway, limped the caddy home, got becca in to bed, and had SEVERAL beers. So now I am Sans transportation, except for life and death emergencies, until either the car is 100% fixed, or my boss pays that ticket off so I can get my license back to normal, and get my truck registered, taged, and on the road. All it needs is a bypass surpanteen belt put on it, and probably a jumpstart by the time all this happens. It has a full tank of gas, five brand new tires, and a good engine. bah. humbug. oh heck! (AN INCREDABLY LONG SLEW OF VERY VERY VERY COLORFUL METAPHORES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)