late night download
it's late. i've eaten little today and once i could eat [aka had access to food] my stomach wasn't haven't it. it was a weird day. one that i'm not sure there are words for.
woke up early. skipped the planned workout to just work. electrician arrived by 8. no electricity for four hours. and thus, i worked on paper crap. resuming that which was set aside two weeks ago. so frustrating trying to remember the complicated title chain and read my quick notes. also, high emotion as P and I awaited the time to go to the hospital and for P's surgery. then, spending the late afternoon and early evening at the hospital. a place that has such a mixed feeling for me. somewhat homie and somewhat... not. i did have some good conversations learning things about I's story of life that i had never had the chance to hear before. so that was cool. then home to work. because i didn't this afternoon. and i just finished the project i needed to finish. and that is good. because i was really tired of doing brain numbing work.
i do however, have an application to submit for hopeful employement in the Detroit area. my job future is so unknown and that scares me. but grace has gotten me this far and i have faith that it will continue to extend itself. it's grace. i continue to try and understand grace. i have john piper's book on grace that i started to read years ago. put it down. and have yet to go back to it. but i think now is the right time for such a book as i struggle with grace and what that means, how it works, who i am because of it and what it says about El's character. [it is way too late to become theological].
i would like to work out in the am. i am at the point now that it is not so much about weight or sharon's training but that when i don't i feel sluggish and like my body is not preforming at it's best. blah. however, it is late. this would require i get less sleep and possibly feel stressed out about the amount of time i spend working. i feel like my life has been handing me one curve ball after another and that right now i have been taking full advantage of the flexiblity of my schedule to handle these curve balls. the problem is that my life has SOO much flexibility right now that i long for the stability of a routine. of set times. and orderly ways. i am ready for this. and yet i know it must come in it's own time. because without the flexiblity of this time, i would not have been able to be there for a friend, order things in my own life, comfort family, or help sharon with the house. and i am grateful to be able to do these things.
so with my many words i shut my gob.
woke up early. skipped the planned workout to just work. electrician arrived by 8. no electricity for four hours. and thus, i worked on paper crap. resuming that which was set aside two weeks ago. so frustrating trying to remember the complicated title chain and read my quick notes. also, high emotion as P and I awaited the time to go to the hospital and for P's surgery. then, spending the late afternoon and early evening at the hospital. a place that has such a mixed feeling for me. somewhat homie and somewhat... not. i did have some good conversations learning things about I's story of life that i had never had the chance to hear before. so that was cool. then home to work. because i didn't this afternoon. and i just finished the project i needed to finish. and that is good. because i was really tired of doing brain numbing work.
i do however, have an application to submit for hopeful employement in the Detroit area. my job future is so unknown and that scares me. but grace has gotten me this far and i have faith that it will continue to extend itself. it's grace. i continue to try and understand grace. i have john piper's book on grace that i started to read years ago. put it down. and have yet to go back to it. but i think now is the right time for such a book as i struggle with grace and what that means, how it works, who i am because of it and what it says about El's character. [it is way too late to become theological].
i would like to work out in the am. i am at the point now that it is not so much about weight or sharon's training but that when i don't i feel sluggish and like my body is not preforming at it's best. blah. however, it is late. this would require i get less sleep and possibly feel stressed out about the amount of time i spend working. i feel like my life has been handing me one curve ball after another and that right now i have been taking full advantage of the flexiblity of my schedule to handle these curve balls. the problem is that my life has SOO much flexibility right now that i long for the stability of a routine. of set times. and orderly ways. i am ready for this. and yet i know it must come in it's own time. because without the flexiblity of this time, i would not have been able to be there for a friend, order things in my own life, comfort family, or help sharon with the house. and i am grateful to be able to do these things.
so with my many words i shut my gob.