(no subject)
This weekend I partied like there was no tomorrow, and I fear I must tell someone so I will put this in my journal.
Amber, the name sends shivers down my spine. The girl I loved for 5 years with no comfort of a hug or kiss. The lips that I dreamt of touching mine has walked back into my life.
Thursday morning: I recieve a call, it is her. I think I should not answer it, but my heart tells me otherwise. I should've listened to my brain.
Thursday night: I meet her at the airport and we go to dinner. In her words "I am sorry for what I did, please let me take you to dinner." Later we go to a friends house, I drink till I pass out hoping to take the pain away. I wake up and I'm suddenly in the bathroom, no idea how I got there, I throw up and go back to sleep.
Friday: I am supposed to leave for Amarillo to visit my step-dads family. She begs me to stay, I think I should not, but my heart tells me otherwise. I should've listened to my brain. She says she needs to tell me something and whats to do it in person. I drink till I pass out.
Saturday Morning: I wake up with a note by my head. It reads "Since I'm too big of a pussy to say it verbally, I think I'll write it. Maybe we should try taking things one step at a time. Take it slow to see how it goes. If you still want, its cool if not" And then some other small talk. My heart began to race, I was so excited I thought I was going to cry. I didn't. I listened to my brain and sat there for hours watching her sleep and thinking about the consequences of what might be.
Saturday Night: I tell her I have to think about what I should do. She agrees and laughs with me as we go to a gay club to dance and hang out. I spent most of the night thinking about it till I finally fell asleep.
Sunday: I took her to the airport and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, told her I had decided to open my heart once more. She said I will call you, and also told me she would be coming again next weekend to see me.
This was at 11:00 am. I am worried that either something happened to her, or she has crushed my heart again. I am undoubtadely scared to death that I have spelled my demise a m b e r. Love is my everlasting foe.
Amber, the name sends shivers down my spine. The girl I loved for 5 years with no comfort of a hug or kiss. The lips that I dreamt of touching mine has walked back into my life.
Thursday morning: I recieve a call, it is her. I think I should not answer it, but my heart tells me otherwise. I should've listened to my brain.
Thursday night: I meet her at the airport and we go to dinner. In her words "I am sorry for what I did, please let me take you to dinner." Later we go to a friends house, I drink till I pass out hoping to take the pain away. I wake up and I'm suddenly in the bathroom, no idea how I got there, I throw up and go back to sleep.
Friday: I am supposed to leave for Amarillo to visit my step-dads family. She begs me to stay, I think I should not, but my heart tells me otherwise. I should've listened to my brain. She says she needs to tell me something and whats to do it in person. I drink till I pass out.
Saturday Morning: I wake up with a note by my head. It reads "Since I'm too big of a pussy to say it verbally, I think I'll write it. Maybe we should try taking things one step at a time. Take it slow to see how it goes. If you still want, its cool if not" And then some other small talk. My heart began to race, I was so excited I thought I was going to cry. I didn't. I listened to my brain and sat there for hours watching her sleep and thinking about the consequences of what might be.
Saturday Night: I tell her I have to think about what I should do. She agrees and laughs with me as we go to a gay club to dance and hang out. I spent most of the night thinking about it till I finally fell asleep.
Sunday: I took her to the airport and gave her a light kiss on the cheek, told her I had decided to open my heart once more. She said I will call you, and also told me she would be coming again next weekend to see me.
This was at 11:00 am. I am worried that either something happened to her, or she has crushed my heart again. I am undoubtadely scared to death that I have spelled my demise a m b e r. Love is my everlasting foe.