Beauty of the Forbidden - 9/? - Jonghyun x Kibum
Title: Beauty of the Forbidden
Paring: Jonghyun/Kibum, Jonghyun/Jessica
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17 (PG-13)
Genre: AU, romance, angst, smut
Chapter: Chapter 9: Never Forget
Warnings: Pervy stuff?
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine except from the plot.
Beta: kpoppets
Summary: Jonghyun is bored, Kibum is curious and lust is sinful
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Beauty of the Forbidden
Chapter 9: Never Forget
Kibum's mind was empty, his throat dry and his eyelids heavy. He was sitting in his couch, taking up as little space as possible in the corner of it; knees up to his chest and one elbow on the armrest. He was hiding himself clumsily in his thick, baby blue cover; covering everything except his nose, eyes, forehead and hair. The happy music from the kids' show he was watching didn't change his mood at all, even though they sang about things that was supposed to make you smile like sunshine and friendship and ice cream. He felt sick, almost violated and even dirty. Not because he had done something against his will, quite the opposite. The fact that he had actually enjoyed what had happened, the fact that he didn't do anything to stop it, that was what disgusted him. The screen in front of him showed a cartooned boy with a big head and big eyes. The boy had a baseball cap on and he was sitting on the little stairs, a few feet in front of the outer door to a big, white house. He was sulking at first and then started crying because his mother hadn't allowed him to have a sleepover. The boy started mumbling between his sobs, calling his mother mean and wishing for the day he would be old enough to make his own decisions. He said when was he would have sleepovers every night and mum wouldn't be allowed to say anything about the matter.
When Kibum was a kid he too used to long for the day he would become and adult, when he could do anything he wanted without grandma interfering. He used to dream of the day he would be so independent and, also, have sleepovers every night and eat a bowl of M&M's for breakfast and only shower once every second week. This was the first time Kibum questioned why the heck he would want that, why kids in general would want to experience this; to be independent, have responsibilities, be capable of feeling the way he was feeling right now.
He started to remembered a sunny morning, only a few days after his 5th birthday. Little Kibum had been running on the street with a huge, stupid grin with his kite high in the blue sky. But then Kibum suddenly tripped over his feet and when he was trying to land on his hands as he fell he let go of his kite. He had been lying there on the ground, watching how his precious kite slowly disappeared into the sky until it was completely out of sight. He had cried, just like the little boy on TV who wasn't allowed to have sleepovers. His knee had been bleeding, his kite was gone and Kibum had been crying like there was no tomorrow, loudly and painfully. That was, of course, until granny would come out with band-aids and a lollipop and a promise of getting him a new kite if he would stop crying. But Kibum wasn't a child any more. His wish had been granted: he was an adult now. A mature and independent and strong adult and Kibum knew adults don't cry. No matter how much it hurt or how many times you would scrape your knee or how many kites you'd lose, adults don't cry.
Kibum didn't want to be an adult any more.
Reaching out for his cellphone on the round coffee table, Kibum called the one and only who could make him forget he was supposed to be a responsible grown up. At least for a second. Maybe she wouldn't offer Kibum a lollipop any more, but she would certainly have something to say that would calm Kibum's nerves. Granny's “hello” was what it took for Kibum to let the tears flow.
Kibum didn't lie, he hated both lying and liars. So when granny asked what had happened he didn't lie. However he didn't tell her the whole story, he might have skipped one or two details but leaving out a few things was definitely not the same thing as lying. He told her he had met someone he he didn't have a chance on but still really liked. He told her where he had met this person and how he had thought this could be something despite some... obstacles. He also told her this person didn't appreciate him and was probably one of the densest people Kibum had ever met.
Granny said the person Kibum was talking about didn't deserve someone like him. She said things like this - wanting it or not, avoiding it or not - would happen in life but she also said that it was the other's loss, not Kibum's. Kibum shouldn't let something like this break him, he was so much better than this. “Don't forget who you are, Kibumie,” she said and Kibum just nodded and sobbed. Eventually grandma's gentle voice managed to calm him down, with words of love and pride of having a grandson like Kibum. She assured him she would always be there and that he would always be her Bummie, no matter how old he was.
They didn't hang up until Kibum had calmed down almost completely, when the last sob left his body. When it did Kibum felt a lot better and his mind felt a lot clearer now. He returned the phone to the small white table in front of him before running his hands over his wet eyes; giving himself a moment to think over what grandma had said. He suddenly realized she never asked why Kibum had said “person” instead of “she”, but he got the feeling granny didn't ask because she already knew why. He also realized grandma had talked about Jonghyun in such a bad way, almost as if she thought Kibum was telling her he was trying to give up on this guy. But why would he? Right now, Jonghyun's attention was focused on Kibum, obviously a lot more than his own girlfriend. Kibum was one huge step ahead of her. Besides, every sane person would choose something new over something old, right? Jonghyun wasn't in love with his girlfriend, he had said it himself, and that changed things, right? He couldn't be that serious about her or care about her that much anyway or else he wouldn't be doing something like this - cheating on her - to begin with.
Kibum was fully aware he was giving himself into something stupid and dangerous. Something that could end up with his his heart ripped in two, like a worthless, light piece of paper. But at the same time, maybe he wasn't? He would never find out unless he went for it.
Grandma's words were echoing in his head. "Don't forget who you are, Kibumie". Kibum promised himself he wouldn't, not even for someone like Jonghyun.
* * *
Kibum woke up, startled, from the vibrations of his phone on the coffee table. The television was still on and before answering he reached out for the remote and turned it off. The cover was keeping him a little too warm because he had even started to sweat. When he removed it he sighed at the cool air against his neck and chest.
“You're not supposed to answer,” Jinki said on the other line as soon as Kibum had pressed the green button.
Kibum raised an eyebrow. “Then why are you calling?”
“I was going to leave a message and ask you to call me back. Don't you have work today?”
Kibum glanced over at the clock on his wall, above his television and realized it was just a little past lunch.
“I called in sick. Are you busy now?” Kibum asked. “Do you wanna come over? I could use someone to talk to.”
Kibum didn't sound hurt or sad but just tired. Jinki asked him to give him an hour, he still had a few things to take care of at work but that he would be there as soon as he was done. After they hung up Kibum got back to his previous position, with the cover over him again - ignoring the fact that his body was warm enough already - before closing his eyes. The best way to run away from everything and everyone at least for a moment was to sleep.
* * *
Jinki came around 2 p.m and woke Kibum up with his clumsy knocking. Kibum sighed and rolled his eyes as he wondered if Jinki tripped or something and ended up knocking the door with his head. It wouldn't surprise him. They spent almost an hour doing nothing, just dozing in Kibum's couch and having the television on without really looking at it. Two glasses of lemonade were standing on the table in front of them. Every now and then they would say something, mention the weather or what happened at Jinki's job since Kibum's day hadn't been that exiting.
Usually they enjoyed being like that; satisfied with the thought of not being alone but still not feeling the responsibility to entertain the other. Kibum knew that if there was anyone where awkward silence didn't exist then it was with Jinki. They didn't have to chat about insignificant things, because neither of them were scared of silence. But this was different. Kibum was silent even though he wanted to talk, he just didn't know where to start. He wanted to tell Jinki everything because he needed someone to know, someone that would give him comfort and advice whenever things would get out of Kibum's reach. Deciding to not be dramatic and start with the classical “I need to tell you something”, Kibum just opened his mouth and let his heart speak freely without even giving Jinki the time to realize Kibum had something important to say.
He told Jinki everything. When Kibum told him he was gay Jinki's eyes got the size of two plates (figuratively speaking of course, Jinki's eyes weren't that big) and when Kibum told him that he was seeing a taken man, the poor male choked with his soda. Kibum had to take the glass in his hand away from him to make sure Jinki wouldn't spill it over his couch. He also told him yesterday he had sex for the first time, with that male, and that's when Jinki placed a hand on Kibum's mouth to shut him up and just give him a second to understand what the heck Kibum was saying.
Jinki's mind was on the edge of overheating. If he was a machine he would have exploded already. First of all, he didn't mind Kibum being gay, but he didn't see that coming. Sure, Kibum wasn't the stereotypical male with hair on his chest and boobs constantly in mind, but who is? He was indeed quite feminine but Jinki knew a lot of straight guys who were in touch with their feminine side. But now that he thought about it, he had noticed a lack of interest in girls on Kibum's part. Secondly, he couldn't really see why Kibum would date someone that was already taken. Kibum simply wasn't the type to take or touch other peoples' things just because he really wanted them. Out of all people, out of all guys in Seoul, why would he choose someone that wasn't single? Thirdly, did he just say they had sex yesterday? How the heck does that even work?!
“Okay,” Jinki said and swallowed. “Give me a second”. But Kibum gave him six minutes because that's what it took for Jinki's train catch up with Kibum's.
Kibum was sad when telling Jinki everything, Jinki knew it. He didn't have to be a genius or a childhood friend to understand and see that, because the young male's eyes were speaking so much more than his mouth; telling Jinki what Kibum's mouth wasn't allowed to say. He was sad.
“If you want to cry you should,” Jinki said but Kibum just chuckled.
“Right,” he said, sounding almost offended - as if that wasn't what he had been doing the whole morning. “I'm not a helpless little princess, you know.”
“That wasn't what I meant. Keeping your feelings to yourself is the worst thing you can possibly do.”
To that Kibum just shrugged his shoulders. He got up from the couch, obviously not wanting to talk about it any more. When he asked Jinki if he wanted something to eat Jinki just sighed at the stubborn young boy.
Kibum was the type to talk a lot without caring, he was an expert in speaking freely. So Jinki didn't ask about what Kibum had told him, because he knew Kibum had said what he wanted to say for now. If Kibum would want to talk about it again or add something to it then he would do it whenever he felt he was ready. Jinki wouldn't even try forcing it out of him, he knew it was impossible anyway. But he did remind Kibum one last time that if he wanted to talk Jinki would listen and Kibum had just smiled, saying a low “I know.”
* * *
Jinki stayed at Kibum's place the whole day and Kibum assumed it was because the elder, being the hyung he was, was still slightly worried about him. He appreciated that - of course he did - but Jinki should know Kibum was old enough to take care of himself. He enjoyed having Jinki here nonetheless so he didn't complain. Besides, he was thankful Jinki succeeded in giving his mind some rest from a certain someone. When the two males were sitting at Kibum's table, talking and eating the cookies Kibum's had made a few days ago, someone knocked on the door. Jinki asked if Kibum was expecting someone because Kibum immediately turned to look at the clock on his wall. He said he wasn't expecting someone, skipping the part about him hoping someone would come.
And yes, when opening the door there was a gorgeous, brown haired man standing in the doorway with head tilted a little to the side without his knowledge, round eyes looking up at Kibum. But Kibum knew this guy could be the complete opposite of a cute puppy, and images from yesterday were in a second dominating Kibum's mind. He asked himself if he would ever see Jonghyun the same way again after what happened. His own cheeks seemed to get a little hotter at just the sight of the other.
“Hi,” Jonghyun smiled and Kibum's 'hi' was not even half as happy as the one he received. “I just wanted to check up on you,” he said and walked inside the apartment after Kibum stepped aside. “You didn't come to work today.”
The fact that Jonghyun had noticed made Kibum's heart dance wildly in his chest. Had Jonghyun been looking for him? There had been times before where they had both been at work without having seen each other during the whole day, but that had never been a reason for Jonghyun to come visit him. Or could Jonghyun hadn't been looking for him at all, but still knew Kibum wasn't at work because he was just so predictable? To be honest, he didn't seem to be surprised about Kibum not going to work today.
“I wasn't feeling very well,” Kibum replied as he closed the door. When he called for Jinki, Jonghyun raised his eyebrows in surprise at the unexpected visitor.
Jinki and Jonghyun shook hands as Kibum introduced them to each other. When Jinki said in a surprised voice that he had seen Jonghyun before Jonghyun laughed a little awkwardly and said that remembering faces wasn't a strong point of his. Kibum knew that by experience. When talking to Jinki earlier, Kibum hadn't mentioned Jonghyun's, but still couldn't believe Jinki wouldn't notice something so obvious. Behind Jonghyun's back Kibum would try to use his body language to say Jonghyun was that guy, but Jinki remained clueless. For a brief moment Kibum wondered why he seemed to hang out only with idiots.
* * *
They spent a long time doing what Jinki and Kibum had been doing, sitting at Kibum's kitchen table talking. Jonghyun and Kibum were sitting next to each other and Jinki opposite them; all three with cups in front of them. Jonghyun had one hand around his cup and the other under the table, on Kibum's left knee, his fingers moving in circles, inching their way up just a little but not enough to imply anything sexual.
Jonghyun asked about Jinki's work and Jinki told him about the small coffee shop downtown. He told him Kibum used to work there.
“Really?” Jonghyun asked surprised, his head turning to look at Kibum beside him. His fingers tapped Kibum's knee to gain his attention (as if he didn't have it already) and make the younger look at him. “And you quit to become a cleaner?”
Kibum shrugged his shoulder and took a sip from his tea before answering. “I like to change jobs. Work at different places, meet new people and stuff.”
Jonghyun grinned at him and Kibum tried to ignore the way his stomach clutched at the sudden urge to caress Jonghyun's sweet and playful face. Even though Kibum hoped to be alone with Jonghyun - because it wasn't like they had all the time in the world to be together - he was actually enjoying this. It felt so natural and casual, how the three of them would get to know each other even more, asking each other random questions and talking about things that weren't even that important.
“I'm sure being a waiter at a coffee shop is better than cleaning offices though,” Jonghyun said and Kibum just shrugged his shoulders again.
“You know, Amber-shi quit,” Jinki said. “We could use someone taking her place.”
Kibum felt his muscles tense and he immediately went silent, his breathing even faltering for a second. He didn't smile at the friendly offer. Jonghyun, on the other hand, smiled widely and removed his hand from Kibum's knee.
“That's great, isn't it?” he said to Kibum and the younger man had to force an awkward smile to avoid any questions about his sudden change of mood. “A job like that suits you more than cleaning.”
Kibum wasn't happy over the fact that Jonghyun thought he deserved a better job. Instead he got anxious. Why was he saying that? Did Jonghyun want to get rid of him? Changing jobs meant that they wouldn't see each other as often and if Jonghyun wanted they wouldn't have to see each other at all. Was this his way of telling Kibum they were finished? But Jonghyun didn't show any signs of being relieved or that his head would be filled with either “finally!”s or “about time!”s. He did look genuinely happy but Jonghyun was the type that almost always looked genuinely happy with that stupid grin of his. Also, hiding that feeling of relief wouldn't be so hard, even Kibum with his acting skills would be able to do that.
Kibum had no idea what to think. However what he did know was that there were only two possible answers; either Jonghyun really wanted him to have a better job or he just wanted to get rid of him and saw this as an opportunity. “Uh, I'll think about it,” he said in a low voice, eyes looking into his almost empty cup before glancing down at his abandoned knee. He tried to ignore the weird looks he got from the two males.
* * *
Jinki left shortly after he had finished his coffee. Kibum made a note to self to send him a text message after Jonghyun would leave, something like “It was him, you stupid tofu”.
“So he's my neighbour? The one you visited that day on the balcony?” Jonghyun asked after a couple of minutes in silence.
Kibum nodded and got up from his seat in the couch, where they were both sitting, and walked into the kitchen. He started washing the dishes, because always having his sink clean and flawless was an old habit of his. A dirty kitchen was one of the many things Kibum detested.
“I'm might move out,” Jonghyun suddenly said, and to Kibum it sounded like he said that mostly to himself rather than to Kibum. “We found a house for a decent price in a nice area. It's pretty.”
We, Kibum thought and felt himself getting sick at that disgusting word. We.
“I see,” he responded, and really, he didn't intend to sound so arrogant, so obvious that he didn't give a fuck. But seriously, why the hell did Jonghyun have to mention her in Kibum's apartment?
The tap was freely letting water pour down and his hands were covered in white foam, when he suddenly felt two hands on his hips. The action startled him, dropping the plate in his hand because he didn't even hear Jonghyun entering the kitchen. Jonghyun chuckled against his neck.
“I missed you,” he whispered, his lips stroking the exposed area of Kibum's neck and shoulders, the part his loose T-shirt didn't hide. Kibum tilted his head a little to give Jonghyun's soft lips more room, but didn't stop what he was doing. What would you say now, you clueless bitch?, Kibum thought with a smirk and he wasn't referring to Jonghyun.
“How many people are you seeing behind your girlfriend's back?” he asked and tried to sound as casual as possible. He started washing the cup Jinki had used.
“Just you.”
Of course Kibum wouldn't deny that answer was exactly what he wanted to hear, and that it made his heart warm when knowing that he was special at least in that aspect. But was it true?
“Why?”
Kibum knew a few things about Jonghyun, the things he had heard at work and the things Jonghyun had personally told him. But he barely knew anything about the older one's life. He knew what kind of job Jonghyun had and that he had a girlfriend who he most likely shared a gorgeous apartment with. He knew that Jonghyun's girlfriend was a model, therefore obviously really pretty, and that she was blonde. He also knew she and Jonghyun shared a bed every night, that she probably knew Jonghyun's body and personality like the back of her palm. Kibum wasn't sure if he wanted to forget the fact that she existed, forget that Jonghyun actually had a “special someone” (Kibum chuckled at that thought. “Special”, my ass) that was waiting for him every day after work. Or if he wanted to know everything about her, her good and bad habits, her voice, her taste in clothes, everything, so he at least had an idea of what kind of a person he was competing with.
“'Why'?” Jonghyun repeated and guided Kibum's hands under the tap to remove the foam before turning the tap off, obviously not wanting Kibum to waste time doing the dishes while he was there. “I'm not the type who does these things.”
“Then why now?” Kibum pretended he didn't intend to sound so pushy. He almost sounded as if he had the right to demand answers. Jonghyun pretended he didn't notice.
“Because it's you,” Jonghyun whispered, his hands moving to Kibum's waist to pull him closer. Kibum let out a low, shaky breath at the body contact. “Because you bring excitement in my life,” he heard Jonghyun whisper against his shoulder, one hand snaking its way under Kibum's shirt, his thumb stroking the soft skin of Kibum's stomach. “Because you make me feel alive.” His free hand moved to touch Kibum between his legs, his mouth moving to place a kiss behind Kibum's left ear. “And because you're just so hot I can't keep my hands off you.”
Kibum didn't know if the weak moan that left his parted lips was a result of Jonghyun's hand or because of his voice. Probably both. Leaning his head back against Jonghyun's shoulder and pressing his body against his hyung, Kibum wasn't gonna deny he couldn't resist the other no matter how hard he tried. Jonghyun was just manipulating him, he knew that. Jonghyun seemed to know exactly what to say and where to touch to make all doubts and hesitation disappear. And Kibum seemed to be masochist, giving in each and every time. Whatever he decided to do, resisting or not, Kibum knew at the end of the day he would be the one getting hurt. But Kibum was playing a part - a tiny, tiny part - in Jonghyun's life now when Jonghyun was here. When he was here with him in his home, Jonghyun would only see Kibum and only feel Kibum and only think about Kibum.
It was obvious, Kibum wasn't even going to deny he needed Jonghyun. He needed those few, short moments of attention and care. Kibum wouldn't let those moment slip out of his grip for anything in the world.
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A/N: Okay, I felt that this was going nowhere but I finally got a hold of where this story is heading. Next chapter will be up in a week to get this story moving~ Also, it doesn't look like there's that many chapters left.
And a little side note: I love Jessica. Usually when she's mentioned it's from Key's perspectiv, he's the one thinking she's a bitch, not me! D:
Thanks everyone for reading and comments are ♥ ~