[Fourteen]

[teutonictraitor]

[[[Backdated to Christmas.]]]

[[Come Christmas morning, one particular Medic was not so lucky with his letter to Santa. It was a childish thing to do, but he had just figured...why not? And he had even tried to get Fritz's eye back. That was one of the better things he'd done in a while, that, and look where it got him--one eye gouged out. Great,

Comments

[Phone]

[teutonic_terror]

[You hear this? This is a tone of INTENSE WORRY.]

Guntram? Are you being hurt? Ach! Terrible! I vhill be right over, und ja, I vhill bring my Kritz. Tsk. You poor thing.

[Phone]

[teutonictraitor]

[[...what the]]

[[okay, that's seriously weird. Still, now is not the time to be picky.]]

As fast as possible, bitte. Zhis is...decidedly unpleasant.

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

[And soon, Fritz is there, kicking in the door and fully prepared to Gently Scold whoever is hurting his erstwhile partner. Only. Er. It's just Guntram?]

Herr Korbinian?

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[Oho, just the person he wanted to see. Guntram is right up in Fritz's face, a bit disheveled and looking kiiinda...well, not so great at the moment. There's some blood around the socket of his right eye, though it's dried--that's from Mayfield going 'OH HEY yeah we're just gonna gouge that out so you can put your partner's eye all up in there, enjoy~'. Seriously, screw this town.]]

[[Guntram grabs on to the front of Fritz's shirt and pulls him in close before pointing to his right eye.]]
Take it back. Now.

[[He does not look like he's kidding around here, Medbro.]]

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

Vhaaaaat?

[Fritz backs away just a bit. Ew. That blood is kind of gross, and the eye looks like it was kinda just... jammed in there and that's... ew. Ew ew ew.]

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[He's closing that distance again. You aren't getting out of this, Fritz.]]

Zhis is yours, und do you know vhat it has been doing for zhe past--[[Oh hey, hold up here, watching himself get slaughtered. For the three hundredth or so time. After a few seconds he just shakes his head and goes right back at it.]] --all it does is show me you und I killing each ozher. Over und over, in vays I did not even zhink vere manageable. [[And ways that he might have to reenact if you don't TAKE YOUR GODDAMN EYE BACK RIGHT NOW.]]

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

[O-oh. Er. Well. That sucks?]

Can you not remove it yourself? I vhould think zhat vhould be fairly easy to do...

[And not require him to gouge out his partner's eye with his bare hands, because EW EW EW.]

I understand zhe problem, however. You, like me, heff realized zhe error of your ways. You see how terrible murder truly is. I am proud, Herr Korbinian. I vhill help, if only because of zhat.

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[...he has no idea what you're talking about with that whole 'error of your ways' thing, he just killed his drone wife for about the eighth time this morning. But still, you are really missing the point there, Fritz. He is not even going to go there right now.]]

Just take it back before I heff to show you vhat is more terrible zhan murder. [[He might not have his Ubersaw on him, but there are plenty of sharp objects around the house that he can use. Plenty.]]

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

Take it -- no, no! You misunderstand, mein freund. I am going to make cookies. Cookies are alvhays helpful, und zhey may cheer you up! You are acting so grumpy.

[He taps Guntram on the nose with a smile.]

Now, just let me go, und zhen I vhill see if you have zhe good kind of mix or if I heff to run to zhe store.

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

...vhat. [[This is...totally weird and he just kind of lets go of Fritz because it might be infectious, whatever it is the other Medic's got.]]

[[--HOW IS THIS GOING TO HELP, FRITZ. HOW.]]

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

[COOKIES ALWAYS HELP, GUNTRAM.

To his credit, Fritz doesn't skip to the kitchen, but there is a very odd spring in his step.]

Oh! Und feel free to use zhe Kritz, if you need it. It may help vith zhe pain.

[Rummage rummage AH COOKIE MIX.]

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[Man, you just halfway redeemed yourself. It takes him all of two seconds to get that thing going before he huffs it, not even caring what the heck Fritz is doing in his kitchen. Or why he's all happy and cheerful--maybe it'll make sense after a few huffs.]]

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

[Fritz hums and mixes batter and is generally the best manwife Guntram could ever ask for. Unfortunately, he's not a great baker, so these cookies are gonna be... interesting. But it's the thought that counts?]

Vhell? Is zhe Kritz helping?

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[Guntram just exhales, watching the vapor dissipate. He does look a good bit less all over the place now, and he flops down onto the couch.]]

[[Wait, he was supposed to answer. He stiffens back up and fiddles with his glasses.]] ...ja.

[Action]

[teutonic_terror]

[Fritz puts his lumpy, terrifying cookies into the oven to bake. It's probably on way too hot and he doesn't actually know how long they're supposed to be in there but OH WELL.

He then comes back into the living room and flops down next to Guntram.]

Good. Pass zhat, vhould you?

[Action]

[teutonictraitor]

[[Guntram looks down at the Kritzkrieg, hesitating. After another quick huff, he hands it over to the other Medic.]]

Zhis is vhat it took for zhis to happen, hm? [[He chuckles.]]