year of breakdowns.
I hate writing stuffs like this, seriously.
but I just have to. because LJ is like, the only place where I can type everything I want. well, I often write things like this, but I set it to private. but I won't this time. not that I'm being an attention whore, but I just want people to read this so they can understand how I feel. because telling people how you feel is not easy.
as you might know, I'm not a person who can freely tell everyone how I feel. I don't know if this is because of my period or whatsoever annoying stuffs like that. I have mixed feelings with me, but these words do represent all:
1. worthless
2. exhausted
3. lonely
you got it right?
I'm feeling worthless. for my previous 13 years-- I NEVER EVER feel worthless. let's just say this, I'm an optimistic. but this year, it feels like I was being dumped by everyone, I was being left, it feels like you're being stared disgustingly by everyone around you. everyone laughs at you, you are cornered, mentally crying.
exhausted, because I'm crying all the time, but not literally. in fact I can't cry. I can't let it all out that it fucking bothers me, so so much. I always try to lighten up my mood with something that I believe can light it up, but after it all ends, everything turns black again. and the word exhausted can also be because of school. fuck it.
lonely, of course I am. with new friends, new life. exciting things, but with great potential of mood ruin-ers. same thing also happened with my cyber friends. everything has changed.
I don't know, maybe I should start smashing everything?
for those who read this, thank you. and those who are offended, please don't be. because I'm not offending certain someone. this story of mine has got a lot of characters, so it doesn't have to be you. thank you.
I'm actually feeling better now.
but I just have to. because LJ is like, the only place where I can type everything I want. well, I often write things like this, but I set it to private. but I won't this time. not that I'm being an attention whore, but I just want people to read this so they can understand how I feel. because telling people how you feel is not easy.
as you might know, I'm not a person who can freely tell everyone how I feel. I don't know if this is because of my period or whatsoever annoying stuffs like that. I have mixed feelings with me, but these words do represent all:
1. worthless
2. exhausted
3. lonely
you got it right?
I'm feeling worthless. for my previous 13 years-- I NEVER EVER feel worthless. let's just say this, I'm an optimistic. but this year, it feels like I was being dumped by everyone, I was being left, it feels like you're being stared disgustingly by everyone around you. everyone laughs at you, you are cornered, mentally crying.
exhausted, because I'm crying all the time, but not literally. in fact I can't cry. I can't let it all out that it fucking bothers me, so so much. I always try to lighten up my mood with something that I believe can light it up, but after it all ends, everything turns black again. and the word exhausted can also be because of school. fuck it.
lonely, of course I am. with new friends, new life. exciting things, but with great potential of mood ruin-ers. same thing also happened with my cyber friends. everything has changed.
I don't know, maybe I should start smashing everything?
for those who read this, thank you. and those who are offended, please don't be. because I'm not offending certain someone. this story of mine has got a lot of characters, so it doesn't have to be you. thank you.
I'm actually feeling better now.