the first entry where i haven't been worried about hurting people's feelings:
so i'm really glad a lot of you found the time to hang out last night, on such short notice.
Melinda- I was happy to pick you up, and take you, but it wasn't fair to me to ask me to leave early, especially when you didn't say before hand that i would have to take you home. that's the only reason i asked if someone else could take you home, that was leaving at the same time. and i thought someone did offer. then we got seperated, and i didn't get your messages until 1:30- my phone was being weird. but i noticed that you sent them around 10:30. but the thing is- i didn't hear from you, so i thought you were ok. believe me i was worried that you wouldn't get home in time. and you know that if you were still in a desperate situation at the last moment, i would have been there in an instant, and i could have just come back. i'm really sorry :( i felt terrible when your messages finally did come through- and by messages, i think more than one wastrying to be sent, but i only got one. that told me to get my as up here. lol.
Renee- it was a nice surprise to see you. i was glad that you could make it, even though it was your mom's birthday. you must really love hanging out with your friends. i wanted to thank you for taking melinda home. that was nice of you. and if you were upset with me, i'm really sorry.
to every one else who didn't have a good time, or who were upset at the other people there listen- i was just trying to be fair. as jp put it, i know i mixed elements that didn't fly, but i was just looking forward to seeing everyone i called. i didn't think about who would get along, and who wouldn't. i just saw it as a big party, and everyone would find a way to do something exciting, and have stories to tell the next day. i didn't think about how newport was such a big place, with several places to split up. it was like people were going out of their way to avoid eaachother. it just proves- that nothing can void any cliques and perspectives on people that existed in highschool. i guess college doesn't mean that you necessarily grow up or out of anything. people keep saying how much we have changed, but in reality, that night just proved that none of us have changed at all. and that's sad. so stop blaming me for inviting people who didn't get along. because frankly, i was happy to see everyone of you people, even the ones i didn't know were coming (frank, nick, and taylor's other friend). i just wish i could have seen more of you all. it sucked when people just seperated, and went off into different corners, because it made me sad, that all of you could be excited to come, and then when you get there, you are like "why is he/she here?" because did you ever think about how they would feel if they weren't there? i hate being the one left out. why would anyone expect me to do that to any one else? in that perspective, that's how i was trying to be fair. to blame me for not having a good time, is completely ridiculous! it is your fault for being so immature. that is the concluding statement. and you know who i am talking to. the others of you, who were being good sports about it all, i appreciate it. afterall, i did my best, and i hope someone recognizes it.
to the people who wanted to come, but couldn't namely kim, and bridget, nathan, katie, and vanessa, kyle, et alia. i wish you could be there, and i'm sorry. maybe things would have worked out better if you guys were there. but you know, you can't guarentee anything with a group like that. i swear it was crazy. i was so worried/ upset that no one else was having fun, that it completely ruined my time. but does it sound like you missed much?
JP thanks, i know it was crazy, but thanks for making the best of it and helping with everything.
Christian you were right. if people weren't having a good time, they would have just left. but in a way, they kinda did, you know? i'm sorry i didn't get to say goodbye. i didn't know where you left to. i'm guessing starbucks though. oh well. thanks for coming.
Charlie i had the mostt fun with you. you reassured me on a lot that i needed to hear. i appreciate your honesty. and i'm glad you are such a great friend... we should hang out more often.
Neil your finger was gross. lol. no i didnt have sex with the cop. yes, i am cool, and people will read that. lol. cox.
to everyone it seems like everyone has a differnt opinion about the night. but everyone has a saying. "half straight, half good". "sorry about last night, it was a bit bizarre". "strange start" when i asked hank, he signed off/ or blocked me. "odd twists" "not going to happen again anytime soon". "i'd go back and do it again if i had the choice".- which has been the best statement so far- because that means that even knowing how things would turn out, it couldn't have been taht bad to want to do it again, yo know? [the total tally of comments as of now: good time vs. bad: 5:3. that is not a good thing.] it was one of the most controversial nights of my life.
i stopped obsessing over how everyone was doing, when i had another score to settle with sean. i can't go into the detail, but i was kinda surprised the way we handled it. i was happy with the outcome though. he fixed a lot. actually they're all promises right now, but he has never broken a promise to me yet. which makes me happy. and i thought we were in danger of breaking up. sheesh. he knows how to keep me on the edge and not suspecting- that's for sure, but that's all i can go into without a kiss and tell kind of report.
then i got lost, and had to call sean and tell him to come back and find me. and when he found me, i pulled out off the side of the road to follow him, and managed to hit a cop who was changing lanes at the same time. he turned on his lights, told me to pull over and and called for back up. he asked if i was drunk, and made me tell him how many fingers he was holding up. told me that i was lucky that i passed his drunk test, cursed all unattentive woman drivers, and threatened to give me a ticket for not using my blinker. my leg was shaking the entire time, and i was about to faint, only cause i hadn't eaten anything all day. sean made me pull over and eat an orange. that was nice of him for some reason, as he waited with me.
so that was my night. that was your night. this was not my get-together. you have to realize that.
this has been really tearing me apart, i am really sorry. about everything. but i do desperately want to try again. if i said something offensive, i'm sorry, but i took a lot personally.
makes you wonder what our reunion is going to be like. doesn't it?
Melinda- I was happy to pick you up, and take you, but it wasn't fair to me to ask me to leave early, especially when you didn't say before hand that i would have to take you home. that's the only reason i asked if someone else could take you home, that was leaving at the same time. and i thought someone did offer. then we got seperated, and i didn't get your messages until 1:30- my phone was being weird. but i noticed that you sent them around 10:30. but the thing is- i didn't hear from you, so i thought you were ok. believe me i was worried that you wouldn't get home in time. and you know that if you were still in a desperate situation at the last moment, i would have been there in an instant, and i could have just come back. i'm really sorry :( i felt terrible when your messages finally did come through- and by messages, i think more than one wastrying to be sent, but i only got one. that told me to get my as up here. lol.
Renee- it was a nice surprise to see you. i was glad that you could make it, even though it was your mom's birthday. you must really love hanging out with your friends. i wanted to thank you for taking melinda home. that was nice of you. and if you were upset with me, i'm really sorry.
to every one else who didn't have a good time, or who were upset at the other people there listen- i was just trying to be fair. as jp put it, i know i mixed elements that didn't fly, but i was just looking forward to seeing everyone i called. i didn't think about who would get along, and who wouldn't. i just saw it as a big party, and everyone would find a way to do something exciting, and have stories to tell the next day. i didn't think about how newport was such a big place, with several places to split up. it was like people were going out of their way to avoid eaachother. it just proves- that nothing can void any cliques and perspectives on people that existed in highschool. i guess college doesn't mean that you necessarily grow up or out of anything. people keep saying how much we have changed, but in reality, that night just proved that none of us have changed at all. and that's sad. so stop blaming me for inviting people who didn't get along. because frankly, i was happy to see everyone of you people, even the ones i didn't know were coming (frank, nick, and taylor's other friend). i just wish i could have seen more of you all. it sucked when people just seperated, and went off into different corners, because it made me sad, that all of you could be excited to come, and then when you get there, you are like "why is he/she here?" because did you ever think about how they would feel if they weren't there? i hate being the one left out. why would anyone expect me to do that to any one else? in that perspective, that's how i was trying to be fair. to blame me for not having a good time, is completely ridiculous! it is your fault for being so immature. that is the concluding statement. and you know who i am talking to. the others of you, who were being good sports about it all, i appreciate it. afterall, i did my best, and i hope someone recognizes it.
to the people who wanted to come, but couldn't namely kim, and bridget, nathan, katie, and vanessa, kyle, et alia. i wish you could be there, and i'm sorry. maybe things would have worked out better if you guys were there. but you know, you can't guarentee anything with a group like that. i swear it was crazy. i was so worried/ upset that no one else was having fun, that it completely ruined my time. but does it sound like you missed much?
JP thanks, i know it was crazy, but thanks for making the best of it and helping with everything.
Christian you were right. if people weren't having a good time, they would have just left. but in a way, they kinda did, you know? i'm sorry i didn't get to say goodbye. i didn't know where you left to. i'm guessing starbucks though. oh well. thanks for coming.
Charlie i had the mostt fun with you. you reassured me on a lot that i needed to hear. i appreciate your honesty. and i'm glad you are such a great friend... we should hang out more often.
Neil your finger was gross. lol. no i didnt have sex with the cop. yes, i am cool, and people will read that. lol. cox.
to everyone it seems like everyone has a differnt opinion about the night. but everyone has a saying. "half straight, half good". "sorry about last night, it was a bit bizarre". "strange start" when i asked hank, he signed off/ or blocked me. "odd twists" "not going to happen again anytime soon". "i'd go back and do it again if i had the choice".- which has been the best statement so far- because that means that even knowing how things would turn out, it couldn't have been taht bad to want to do it again, yo know? [the total tally of comments as of now: good time vs. bad: 5:3. that is not a good thing.] it was one of the most controversial nights of my life.
i stopped obsessing over how everyone was doing, when i had another score to settle with sean. i can't go into the detail, but i was kinda surprised the way we handled it. i was happy with the outcome though. he fixed a lot. actually they're all promises right now, but he has never broken a promise to me yet. which makes me happy. and i thought we were in danger of breaking up. sheesh. he knows how to keep me on the edge and not suspecting- that's for sure, but that's all i can go into without a kiss and tell kind of report.
then i got lost, and had to call sean and tell him to come back and find me. and when he found me, i pulled out off the side of the road to follow him, and managed to hit a cop who was changing lanes at the same time. he turned on his lights, told me to pull over and and called for back up. he asked if i was drunk, and made me tell him how many fingers he was holding up. told me that i was lucky that i passed his drunk test, cursed all unattentive woman drivers, and threatened to give me a ticket for not using my blinker. my leg was shaking the entire time, and i was about to faint, only cause i hadn't eaten anything all day. sean made me pull over and eat an orange. that was nice of him for some reason, as he waited with me.
so that was my night. that was your night. this was not my get-together. you have to realize that.
this has been really tearing me apart, i am really sorry. about everything. but i do desperately want to try again. if i said something offensive, i'm sorry, but i took a lot personally.
makes you wonder what our reunion is going to be like. doesn't it?