stress!
I don't even know what exactly I'm here to say, so I'll just start talking/typing.
I NEED to stop what I am doing to myself. I think I have a disease......
CHRONIC STRESS.
Every day I feel like crying. I feel like I am piled in over my head with things to do. It makes me feel so discouraged, that half the time I just end up lying down and trying to sleep so I don't have to think about anything. Which of course, only makes things worse.
My school work demands so much.
My job demands so much.
My relationships demand so much.
I want to get my PhD. I like learning, and I like my work.
What I don't like is feeling like I have absolutely no control over anything.
I've been very slowly reading this book called, "Brain Rules". It's all stuff I know, but it's a lay-man read about the brain that explains key points about learning and memory. Last night I read the chapter on "stress". I've always known (chronic) stress was bad, but after reading a whole chapter about how it affects you, it really kicked my butt and made me want to focus on getting rid of that stress asap.
I know one good step is exercise. Of course since school, I haven't done it nearly enough. This is a time when I need it more than ever...to realize some stress, to release natural endorphins of feel-goodness, and just make my body happy and healthy.
It's been really hard for me, but I've stepped down from some things. I've put some church activities on hold so that I may focus on school and work. For now it stinks, but I know overall in the next 2-3 years, it'll actually give me MORE time in the long run to help out at church. Just not right now.
I know that I get constant tension headaches which 99% of the time turn into migraines. What is the number one cause of migraines? Stress. What are constant stress and frequent migraines signs of? They are signs of a higher likelihood of having a STROKE. Isn't that ironic? I do medical research on it, and my chances of getting it are sky-rocketed.
Good thing this stress is while I'm 23 (well, really? lol) than when I'm 43. I may be safe for now...
But this can't continue. I literally make myself sick with stress. It does nothing good for me, at all. Why stress? What's the point? It's so aggravating. When I try not to be, my thoughts just keep turning over and over to the things I have to do. Even when I try to force myself to think of other things, it always finds its way back to the same things....
I got some of my BEST sleep in YEARS in the Philippines. I wasn't thinking about any of my responsibilities. In fact, I didn't even have to know what I was doing each day, no plans. Just spend the day enjoying life and resting. Mentally and physically. (I got some headaches there, but I think that was to dehydration, definitely not because of stress.)
At the end of the day, there really is only one honest solution...
give up my worries to God. I am not in control of my life, even if I want to pretend I am. Thank goodness I am NOT, because why would I ever think I know what is best for me? I have an idea, but it's never for sure. I don't know where my life will be tomorrow even. But God does, so he knows the right steps to guide me.
I am going to try something new.
Any time I feel stressed or out of control, I am going to read my Bible for a few minutes. I should be reading it anyway...but that would be such a great habit to develop! To learn to turn to God when I feel helpless and understand that I am taken care of, and I am not given anything I can't handle. That I can't rely on myself or any other person on this earth. It's tough, but I'm okay with it.
All I know is that what I am doing to myself with this stress is NOT healthy and NOT okay.
Wish me luck....
I NEED to stop what I am doing to myself. I think I have a disease......
CHRONIC STRESS.
Every day I feel like crying. I feel like I am piled in over my head with things to do. It makes me feel so discouraged, that half the time I just end up lying down and trying to sleep so I don't have to think about anything. Which of course, only makes things worse.
My school work demands so much.
My job demands so much.
My relationships demand so much.
I want to get my PhD. I like learning, and I like my work.
What I don't like is feeling like I have absolutely no control over anything.
I've been very slowly reading this book called, "Brain Rules". It's all stuff I know, but it's a lay-man read about the brain that explains key points about learning and memory. Last night I read the chapter on "stress". I've always known (chronic) stress was bad, but after reading a whole chapter about how it affects you, it really kicked my butt and made me want to focus on getting rid of that stress asap.
I know one good step is exercise. Of course since school, I haven't done it nearly enough. This is a time when I need it more than ever...to realize some stress, to release natural endorphins of feel-goodness, and just make my body happy and healthy.
It's been really hard for me, but I've stepped down from some things. I've put some church activities on hold so that I may focus on school and work. For now it stinks, but I know overall in the next 2-3 years, it'll actually give me MORE time in the long run to help out at church. Just not right now.
I know that I get constant tension headaches which 99% of the time turn into migraines. What is the number one cause of migraines? Stress. What are constant stress and frequent migraines signs of? They are signs of a higher likelihood of having a STROKE. Isn't that ironic? I do medical research on it, and my chances of getting it are sky-rocketed.
Good thing this stress is while I'm 23 (well, really? lol) than when I'm 43. I may be safe for now...
But this can't continue. I literally make myself sick with stress. It does nothing good for me, at all. Why stress? What's the point? It's so aggravating. When I try not to be, my thoughts just keep turning over and over to the things I have to do. Even when I try to force myself to think of other things, it always finds its way back to the same things....
I got some of my BEST sleep in YEARS in the Philippines. I wasn't thinking about any of my responsibilities. In fact, I didn't even have to know what I was doing each day, no plans. Just spend the day enjoying life and resting. Mentally and physically. (I got some headaches there, but I think that was to dehydration, definitely not because of stress.)
At the end of the day, there really is only one honest solution...
give up my worries to God. I am not in control of my life, even if I want to pretend I am. Thank goodness I am NOT, because why would I ever think I know what is best for me? I have an idea, but it's never for sure. I don't know where my life will be tomorrow even. But God does, so he knows the right steps to guide me.
I am going to try something new.
Any time I feel stressed or out of control, I am going to read my Bible for a few minutes. I should be reading it anyway...but that would be such a great habit to develop! To learn to turn to God when I feel helpless and understand that I am taken care of, and I am not given anything I can't handle. That I can't rely on myself or any other person on this earth. It's tough, but I'm okay with it.
All I know is that what I am doing to myself with this stress is NOT healthy and NOT okay.
Wish me luck....