And all the kids, they hold a grudge; You fail them and they won't forget it
I have this dire need for some kind of accomplishment. Something impressive. Mostly for some selfish emotional reasons, give a reason for some admiration.
I'm feeling like I'm slipping here, which is weird because it was just a couple months ago that I felt like I had far more footing than I had ever did these past 5 years.
I think I defined this kind of feeling before with a Wikipedia theft:
Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s perceived superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." It can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been him or her who had the desired object.
I'm half to blame, for sure, because of all this inaction I've been committing, but at the same time it's glaringly obvious that the real reason I've never had a chance was "just because". I've been kidding myself thinking I could beat that line of reasoning, beat the odds, but in reality the concept of "just because" is probably more unstoppable than God.
Of course, I'm gonna hold onto it regardless. Something about being a glutton for punishment.
I need to become something special. Don't try to convince me that I already am. I've got no legs to stand on right now.
I need to do a 180, starting tonight.
I'm feeling like I'm slipping here, which is weird because it was just a couple months ago that I felt like I had far more footing than I had ever did these past 5 years.
I think I defined this kind of feeling before with a Wikipedia theft:
Envy (also called invidiousness) may be defined as an emotion that "occurs when a person lacks another’s perceived superior quality, achievement, or possession and either desires it or wishes that the other lacked it." It can also derive from a sense of low self-esteem that results from an upward social comparison threatening a person's self image: another person has something that the envier considers to be important to have. If the other person is perceived to be similar to the envier, the aroused envy will be particularly intense, because it signals to the envier that it just as well could have been him or her who had the desired object.
I'm half to blame, for sure, because of all this inaction I've been committing, but at the same time it's glaringly obvious that the real reason I've never had a chance was "just because". I've been kidding myself thinking I could beat that line of reasoning, beat the odds, but in reality the concept of "just because" is probably more unstoppable than God.
Of course, I'm gonna hold onto it regardless. Something about being a glutton for punishment.
I need to become something special. Don't try to convince me that I already am. I've got no legs to stand on right now.
I need to do a 180, starting tonight.