Bunch of random stuff
I am LOVING Eureka. A police procedural set in a town full of supernerds! Plenty of women and people of color who are portrayed as smart, capable, and complicated! It's smart and well-plotted, the time travel plot lines did not piss me off, and it has banter! Win.
Environmental racism: a long, shameful 'Merkin tradition!
Steven Tyler was an impressively arrogant, self-centered, exploitative asswipe in the '70s and he should have gone to jail at some point. Ye holy stars, that poor girl. Part of my reaction is feminist outrage, part of it is pure Southern affrontedness - she could have ruined his life by speaking up and she didn't, and then he digs up all this garbage when she's married and many times a mother and dumps it into a memoir which hits the NYT bestseller list. Yeesh. I had hoped getting sober made him less of an asswipe, but this was a continuation of his previous exploitation of her, and he still votes Republican and plays at their fundraisers, so that hope is gone.
I have serious issues with Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign, but sometimes she does awesome stuff, like have her picture taken hugging a young Muslim girl and give great queer-inclusive relationship advice. Well played, madame!
This piece on white privilege in feminist organizations made me feel ill in that way that true and painful things make my stomach clench up. Ouch. Y'all, if I'm an asshole in this particular way, will you please call me out on it? Thanks.
So this story about a couple who choose not to disclose their child's sex/gender has made several appearances in my Facebook feed. I really like this story and am pleasantly surprised by how sympathetically it was written.
(Side note: Because they are assholes, FoxNews.com published a story under the headline, " 'Genderless' Child Ignites Firestorm in Canada," with the lead paragraph reading, "A Toronto couple raising their 4-month-old without identifying the child as a boy or a girl have created a media firestorm in Canada, where some have likened the scenario to a 'bizarre lab experiment' that seeks to undo thousands of years of social evolution." This story ends with a quote from Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association's policy guy, who is a noted asshole with zero experience in psychology, program evaluation, or policy analysis, saying that, "I don't think there's any question that this is going to do severe harm to this child. That child is either a male or a female, and it's a tragedy that his parents or her parents are apparently unwilling to base their approach on scientific or biological truth… The vast majority of people are motivated by a deep level of concern of what's going to happen to that poor child." Like I said. Assholes.)
Here's the quote that baffles me: The grandparents were supportive, but resented explaining the gender-free baby to friends and co-workers. They worried the children would be ridiculed. Friends said they were imposing their political and ideological values on a newborn. Most of all, people said they were setting their kids up for a life of bullying in a world that can be cruel to outsiders.
"Imposing their political and ideological values on a newborn?" Say it ain't so! I am clutching my pearls in shock!
Seriously, do these folks not understand that every parent does that? That what they're doing when they ask the parents whether a child is a boy or a girl and then treat the child differently ("oh, what a big, strong boy/sweet, pretty little girl") depending on the answer is doing exactly that? That every single person who interacts with a child is, to some extent, doing that? It's called "socialization," and it's happening all the time. You're soaking in it.
Seems to me it's not the imposition of values that friends and family really object to - it's the imposition of values *different from the norm*. It's also the part where the parents are asking *them* to alter really comfortable and familiar patterns of behavior and come up with new ways of behaving.
I get that this is discomforting, and that it's hard to break out of old scripts and change behavior. For example, I've been trying to eradicate ableist expressions from my speech, and damn, it's tough. I catch myself accidentally saying rude shit far more frequently than I'd like, I've embarrassed myself in public a few times, and it's really taking work. But I'm still doing it. Because in my ongoing quest to be less of an asshole, I'm trying to stop doing things that have a relatively low cost to me but actively harm or disrespect others. (And I'm not saying that to puff myself up and be all, look at me, I am a great moral example - I'm just saying, I know it's hard, and I also think it's my duty as a member of a society and of multiple social groups to be less of an asshole.) Criticizing or refusing to abide by people's parenting choices is rude and disrespectful. Even if you disagree with someone's parenting choices, barring abuse or neglect, those choices are theirs to make. And really, how hard is it? Change your pronouns. Instead of buying generic boy or girl presents, call the parents and ask what the kid actually likes. See? Just a little effort, and poof! You're being less of an asshole!
I also think friends and family are probably discomforted by what they feel is implied criticism of the whole system of gender and their complicity in it. I wish they would get over it and stop being assholes about it. People's choices are their choices, not implied criticism of yours.
I like how the mom in the family wrapped up this mess. Good on her for living her values and honoring her kids.
Environmental racism: a long, shameful 'Merkin tradition!
Steven Tyler was an impressively arrogant, self-centered, exploitative asswipe in the '70s and he should have gone to jail at some point. Ye holy stars, that poor girl. Part of my reaction is feminist outrage, part of it is pure Southern affrontedness - she could have ruined his life by speaking up and she didn't, and then he digs up all this garbage when she's married and many times a mother and dumps it into a memoir which hits the NYT bestseller list. Yeesh. I had hoped getting sober made him less of an asswipe, but this was a continuation of his previous exploitation of her, and he still votes Republican and plays at their fundraisers, so that hope is gone.
I have serious issues with Michelle Obama's Let's Move campaign, but sometimes she does awesome stuff, like have her picture taken hugging a young Muslim girl and give great queer-inclusive relationship advice. Well played, madame!
This piece on white privilege in feminist organizations made me feel ill in that way that true and painful things make my stomach clench up. Ouch. Y'all, if I'm an asshole in this particular way, will you please call me out on it? Thanks.
So this story about a couple who choose not to disclose their child's sex/gender has made several appearances in my Facebook feed. I really like this story and am pleasantly surprised by how sympathetically it was written.
(Side note: Because they are assholes, FoxNews.com published a story under the headline, " 'Genderless' Child Ignites Firestorm in Canada," with the lead paragraph reading, "A Toronto couple raising their 4-month-old without identifying the child as a boy or a girl have created a media firestorm in Canada, where some have likened the scenario to a 'bizarre lab experiment' that seeks to undo thousands of years of social evolution." This story ends with a quote from Bryan Fischer, the American Family Association's policy guy, who is a noted asshole with zero experience in psychology, program evaluation, or policy analysis, saying that, "I don't think there's any question that this is going to do severe harm to this child. That child is either a male or a female, and it's a tragedy that his parents or her parents are apparently unwilling to base their approach on scientific or biological truth… The vast majority of people are motivated by a deep level of concern of what's going to happen to that poor child." Like I said. Assholes.)
Here's the quote that baffles me: The grandparents were supportive, but resented explaining the gender-free baby to friends and co-workers. They worried the children would be ridiculed. Friends said they were imposing their political and ideological values on a newborn. Most of all, people said they were setting their kids up for a life of bullying in a world that can be cruel to outsiders.
"Imposing their political and ideological values on a newborn?" Say it ain't so! I am clutching my pearls in shock!
Seriously, do these folks not understand that every parent does that? That what they're doing when they ask the parents whether a child is a boy or a girl and then treat the child differently ("oh, what a big, strong boy/sweet, pretty little girl") depending on the answer is doing exactly that? That every single person who interacts with a child is, to some extent, doing that? It's called "socialization," and it's happening all the time. You're soaking in it.
Seems to me it's not the imposition of values that friends and family really object to - it's the imposition of values *different from the norm*. It's also the part where the parents are asking *them* to alter really comfortable and familiar patterns of behavior and come up with new ways of behaving.
I get that this is discomforting, and that it's hard to break out of old scripts and change behavior. For example, I've been trying to eradicate ableist expressions from my speech, and damn, it's tough. I catch myself accidentally saying rude shit far more frequently than I'd like, I've embarrassed myself in public a few times, and it's really taking work. But I'm still doing it. Because in my ongoing quest to be less of an asshole, I'm trying to stop doing things that have a relatively low cost to me but actively harm or disrespect others. (And I'm not saying that to puff myself up and be all, look at me, I am a great moral example - I'm just saying, I know it's hard, and I also think it's my duty as a member of a society and of multiple social groups to be less of an asshole.) Criticizing or refusing to abide by people's parenting choices is rude and disrespectful. Even if you disagree with someone's parenting choices, barring abuse or neglect, those choices are theirs to make. And really, how hard is it? Change your pronouns. Instead of buying generic boy or girl presents, call the parents and ask what the kid actually likes. See? Just a little effort, and poof! You're being less of an asshole!
I also think friends and family are probably discomforted by what they feel is implied criticism of the whole system of gender and their complicity in it. I wish they would get over it and stop being assholes about it. People's choices are their choices, not implied criticism of yours.
I like how the mom in the family wrapped up this mess. Good on her for living her values and honoring her kids.