BTVSFIC - Slaying Rooney
Title: Slaying Rooney
Author tessarin
Rating: 15
Characters: Faith, Xander, Wayne Rooney
Summary: Xander and Faith are sent to Rustenburg to find an slay a demon. Only problem there's a small football match going on.
Warnings; Language, Faith and Wayne Rooney are in it
Disclaimer: Buffy the vampire slayer is owned by Fox. All characters bar original characters are copyrighted by Fox and Mutant Enemy.
Author's Note: Not Betaed so any errors my own. Plus written to the backing of Vuvuzelas
"These fucking horns are getting on my tits," said Faith. She folded her arms and glared at Xander.
Her don’t fuck with me attitude was sufficient for the smiling crowd to give them a wide berth as they streamed past them into the stadium. The excitement permeating the atmosphere was almost tangible. Everywhere Xander looked he could see smiling faces, painted faces and a sea of red white and blue. Here and there competitive chants of “USA” and “Engerland” broke out.
His attention was drawn away from the unfolding drama as Faith asked, “What are we doing here anyway?"
Xander sighed and turned back to his unhappy companion. “First, they’re called Vuvuzelas. And second we’re here because Giles said the coven got a bead on that Caraju demon they’ve been tracking and that means we’ve got to track the demon down and make sure it’s just here for the game.”
“Fine, still say the other thing would’ve been more fun,” replied Faith. She licked her lips and her dimples made an appearance.
Xander shivered, “No way, not again. The last time I ended stuck up a tree in the middle of nowhere with an angry grizzly trying to eat me.”
“So, admit it, it was fun Harris? And you’ve gotta admit the sex was wicked cool.”
Xander looked away but couldn’t help the smile that twitched his lips. When he turned back Faith was watching him with a knowing smirk.
“Hey, I thought you’d be up with this. I mean if we’re lucky we get to get one over on Giles
when we get back,” said Xander.
“Fine, but if anyone with one of those horns comes anywhere near me then I’ll give them the chance to see if they can blow them from the other end,” said Faith.
“Great, plus it’ll be fun we get to taunt a whole bunch of tweedy’s” said Xander. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a pair of tickets, handing one to Faith they headed towards the stadium entrance.
They handed their tickets over and followed the directions stamped on the stadium walls. As they made their way towards their seats Xander’s danger sense started to kick in. Something wasn’t right they were following a steady stream of red and white towards their seats but there was a conspicuous absence of blue. Worse there were no Stars and Stripes other than that emblazoned across Faith’s too tight tee. As they came out into the Stadium Xander gulped as he took in the expanse of red and white painted faces and flags of St George.
“I’m going to kill him,” said Xander. “I should have known he was up to no good. He knew and didn’t tell us.”
“Who?” Faith pushed her way past a couple of lobster red England fans. She dropped into the seat with a sigh and propped her feet up on the railing in front of her.
“Giles.” Xander hissed sitting down besides Faith.
“Knew what?” asked Faith.
“Look around.” Xander whispered. He had a fake smile plastered on his face.
“Oh fuck,” said Faith. She shrugged her shoulders and nudged Xander with her shoulder. “So what, no one’s going to stop me hollering for my team. Remember Boston girl born and bred.”
Faith turned and smirked nastily at some complaining fans. Fat lobster guy and his buddy were loudly gesticulating and mouthing off in their direction obviously someone had picked up on her accent. “What are you going to do about it?”
Her smile left her lips and her eyes went flinty. “You want to come over here and say that?”
“Oh god, I’m going to die,” said Xander. He buried his head in his hands. As Faith got to her feet Xander gently laid his hand on her arm.
“Later, the mission remember.”
“Fine,” grumbled Faith. She slumped down in her chair but Xander could see the trouble brewing there as every taunt hit home.
At least the entrance of the team distracted the surrounding fans as they were treated to a deafening rendition of ‘God save the Queen’
Faith and Xander bellowed the Star Spangled Banner to the accompaniment of the Vuvuzela drone and hostile stares of the surrounding England fans that made his back feel like it was sprouting daggers.
The game was surprisingly interesting. Xander wasn’t much into sports having spent too much time getting swirly’s from Sunnydale High jocks and his only flirtation with organised sports had almost led to him turning into the creature from the black lagoon. Faith predictably liked her sports on the violent side and thought soccer was a game for girls. When Xander had pointed out that she was a girl she had just rolled her eyes
Suddenly an English player called Terry slipped and Donavan was through to slot the ball past the despairing stretch of the England goalkeeper. Amazingly the United States had taken the lead against the run of play.
The far end of the stadium went totally mad. The end Xander and Faith were in fell into a dejected silence apart from two mad individuals jumping up and down, celebrating like a pair of loons at the top of their lungs.
“Hell yeah!! Take that you limey fuckers.” Faith screamed. She jumped up and down like a mad woman. Xander had lost it too. The goal providing him with such an adrenaline rush plus jumping Faith total bonus. The American players wheeled away in celebration and Xander become suddenly aware of Faith’s lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. Then she broke away and he joined her exuberant chants of “USA, USA.” Then he literally felt the temperature drop as if the sun had been blocked out which it had as a pair of very angry looking England fans loomed over them.
“Hey Yank, park it.”
“What if he doesn’t want to,” said Faith. “You want to make it two nil.”
The fans face coloured and his fist clenched until his mate laid a hand on his arm. “She’s a girl. Just leave it. Sides Rooney’s having a cracker, soon wipe the smirk off.”
“Hey, just some friendly rivalry,” said Xander. “Our friend in England got us the tickets.”
“Fine, just keep your girl in check.”
“Not much hope there,” said Xander. “Besides she’s not my girl.”
“Right.” The fan replied, he smirked as the tension drained from the situation and tipped Xander the wink.
Faith glared at him and gave him a gentle punch in the shoulder.
“Hey, it was just about to get interesting Harris.”
“Yeah, in front of an audience of thousands,” said Xander.
Faith grumbled for a few moments more and kept shooting angry glances at either Xander or other fans who dared to look in their direction. The angry buzzing of the Vuvuzela’s also contributed to a souring of her mood.
“Any sign of our demon?” asked Xander.
“I think it’s the squat balding one,” replied Faith pointing at one of the England players. “He looks evil. Plus we gotta chance of a twofer.”
“What?”
“Well if he’s the demon which looks pretty certain. I mean look how he plays, looks damn supernatural to me. So I say we get with the slaying, plus bonus they lose their best player,” said Faith. She grinned happily at Xander.
“You’re serious?” Xander deadpanned.
“Sure, win, win,” said Faith.
“And how exactly are we going to do that?” asked Xander.
“Jeez, get with the program Harris. You really think I’ll have any difficulty getting access to the changing room. I say we do it at half time. Bonus it tips the game in our favour.”
Suddenly the English player slipped his marker with an exquisite turn, then dinked the ball inside and received the return with just a hint of it brushing accidently against his hand, skipped over the desperate lunge of an American player and coolly slotted the ball past Tim Howard.
The crowd around them went wild and Xander and Faith groaned, slumped in their chairs with disappointment. Faith swore colourfully in the direction of the American defenders. Then the English striker came running over to celebrate in front of the English fans. Fans which unfortunately at that very moment included one very pissed off Slayer.
“Fuck this. I’m slaying his pasty British ass, demon or not, just the knee I promise. Did you see that was fucking handball.” Faith surged forward and was almost over the railing before Xander managed to catch hold of the edge of her tee shirt.
“Let go Harris.”
The English striker his emblazoned shirt proclaiming him to be Rooney suddenly became aware of the disturbance. Shortly afterwards he obviously became aware of the stream of foul language Faith was hurling in his direction and turned and glared angrily in their direction.
She grinned when he finally noticed her and very deliberately gave him the finger.
“Hey, you big fat Scouse bastard that was fucking hand ball.”
“Why don’t you come here and say that,” snapped Rooney. His face flushed red.
“You think I’m scared cause I’m a girl,” snapped Faith.
“No because you’re a Yank and you’re always late to the party,” taunted Rooney.
Xander groaned as Faith lost it. Even his ears started to burn at some of the language his Slayer started to use. Still he couldn’t help but feel that Rooney had what ever was coming to him.
***
“There appears to be some sort of disturbance over on the touch line. Wayne Rooney seems to have got involved with a spectator in the crowd,” said Clive Tyldesley.
“That’s correct Clive.”
The camera zoomed in on a very attractive brunette arguing with the England striker. She was flailing over the railing, clearly straining to get at the England striker who was now being held back by Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole.
“She appears to be being held back by a man in an eye patch,” said Clive.
“Oh dear, it’s looking serious. Wayne has broken free and is heading for the stands.”
“It appears that patch man has lost control of his girl.”
“Wayne’s obviously taken exception to something she has said. I apologise to viewers for the loss of sound but our bleep machine has overloaded.”
“Yes, but he shouldn’t get involved. He runs the risk of a red card.”
“Hang on something else is happening Clive.”
Suddenly the ground around the England Striker erupted and a grey tentacle burst forth wrapping around his leg and lifting him effortlessly from the ground. The rest of the hidden demon heaved itself from the ground. Other tentacles whipped out and plucked screaming stewards and fans from the crowd. It effortlessly snipped the head of a policeman with its beak like mouth.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh my god an Octopus has grabbed Wayne Rooney and is beating him against the ground,” screamed Clive.
“Ouch he’s just been slammed against the ground. That’s got to hurt. There’s a serious risk of knee ligament damage there.”
“This is terrible. The question on everyone’s lips is going to be what exactly does this mean for England’s World Cup chances.”
****
Faith sprinted across the pitch and launched into a flying kick that stunned the demon temporarily causing it to drop a couple of English spectators including Lobster man who with a look filled with panic fled down the tunnel.
Xander was suddenly at her side swinging a piece of broken chair at the tentacle holding Rooney. The tentacle recoiled instinctively as he hit it but not before it slammed the England striker into the ground. He rolled away several times before struggling to his feet.
“Hey, I’ll dummy it,” screamed Rooney in Faith’s direction. He pointed at the corner flag. “Go get the fooking flag while I distract it.”
Faith grinned and nodded at the bloody England striker. She rushed over and wrenched the corner flag from the ground as Rooney raked his studs down the demons side and then head butted the side of the demon’s head.
Xander stepped up besides Rooney as he beat away another tentacle with his piece of football hooliganism.
“Sorry, about earlier. You really shouldn’t have scored,” said Xander.
“I’m about to be eaten by a fucking Octopus and you’re apologising.” Rooney shouted shaking his head in bemusement. He dived out of the way smartly and looked desperately round for the rest of his England team mates who seemed to have done a runner.
“Yeah,” replied Xander. “Just count yourself lucky she’s got distracted.”
Faith practically launched herself at the demon. She flew through the air and stabbed the corner flag down through the skull of the huge grey demon which exploded, showering them in gobbets of flesh and blood.
“Hey, are you alright?” asked Faith as she ran over. She held out her hand and pulled Rooney to his feet.
“Yeah,” said Rooney.
“Cool, still think I was scared?” Faith smirked at the England striker her hand on her hip. “You looked pretty scared to me.”
Rooney smirked, “Nah that wasn’t scary you should see my gaffer’s hairdryer. Now that’s scary.”
Faith grinned and looked round at the empty stadium. Her smile got wider as Xander enveloped her in a hug and she realized that at least the Vuvuzelas had stopped.
***
In far off London in a darkened room Giles groaned as the horrifying images played across the TV screen. Images he was sure were being played the world over of a wildly grinning American girl and a bloody man with a patch celebrating with a wild eyed England striker over the slaughtered remains of a Caraju demon.
He picked up his telephone and dialled Dawn.
“Yes, I think you’re right. We will have to go with the over exuberant goal celebration. Yes I’m sure they’ll buy it.”
Giles sighed and prayed that Dawn would pull it off although he really didn’t doubt it.Still the British press believed anything. At least he could draw comfort that one good thing had come out of this.
At least the game had been a draw.
Author tessarin
Rating: 15
Characters: Faith, Xander, Wayne Rooney
Summary: Xander and Faith are sent to Rustenburg to find an slay a demon. Only problem there's a small football match going on.
Warnings; Language, Faith and Wayne Rooney are in it
Disclaimer: Buffy the vampire slayer is owned by Fox. All characters bar original characters are copyrighted by Fox and Mutant Enemy.
Author's Note: Not Betaed so any errors my own. Plus written to the backing of Vuvuzelas
"These fucking horns are getting on my tits," said Faith. She folded her arms and glared at Xander.
Her don’t fuck with me attitude was sufficient for the smiling crowd to give them a wide berth as they streamed past them into the stadium. The excitement permeating the atmosphere was almost tangible. Everywhere Xander looked he could see smiling faces, painted faces and a sea of red white and blue. Here and there competitive chants of “USA” and “Engerland” broke out.
His attention was drawn away from the unfolding drama as Faith asked, “What are we doing here anyway?"
Xander sighed and turned back to his unhappy companion. “First, they’re called Vuvuzelas. And second we’re here because Giles said the coven got a bead on that Caraju demon they’ve been tracking and that means we’ve got to track the demon down and make sure it’s just here for the game.”
“Fine, still say the other thing would’ve been more fun,” replied Faith. She licked her lips and her dimples made an appearance.
Xander shivered, “No way, not again. The last time I ended stuck up a tree in the middle of nowhere with an angry grizzly trying to eat me.”
“So, admit it, it was fun Harris? And you’ve gotta admit the sex was wicked cool.”
Xander looked away but couldn’t help the smile that twitched his lips. When he turned back Faith was watching him with a knowing smirk.
“Hey, I thought you’d be up with this. I mean if we’re lucky we get to get one over on Giles
when we get back,” said Xander.
“Fine, but if anyone with one of those horns comes anywhere near me then I’ll give them the chance to see if they can blow them from the other end,” said Faith.
“Great, plus it’ll be fun we get to taunt a whole bunch of tweedy’s” said Xander. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a pair of tickets, handing one to Faith they headed towards the stadium entrance.
They handed their tickets over and followed the directions stamped on the stadium walls. As they made their way towards their seats Xander’s danger sense started to kick in. Something wasn’t right they were following a steady stream of red and white towards their seats but there was a conspicuous absence of blue. Worse there were no Stars and Stripes other than that emblazoned across Faith’s too tight tee. As they came out into the Stadium Xander gulped as he took in the expanse of red and white painted faces and flags of St George.
“I’m going to kill him,” said Xander. “I should have known he was up to no good. He knew and didn’t tell us.”
“Who?” Faith pushed her way past a couple of lobster red England fans. She dropped into the seat with a sigh and propped her feet up on the railing in front of her.
“Giles.” Xander hissed sitting down besides Faith.
“Knew what?” asked Faith.
“Look around.” Xander whispered. He had a fake smile plastered on his face.
“Oh fuck,” said Faith. She shrugged her shoulders and nudged Xander with her shoulder. “So what, no one’s going to stop me hollering for my team. Remember Boston girl born and bred.”
Faith turned and smirked nastily at some complaining fans. Fat lobster guy and his buddy were loudly gesticulating and mouthing off in their direction obviously someone had picked up on her accent. “What are you going to do about it?”
Her smile left her lips and her eyes went flinty. “You want to come over here and say that?”
“Oh god, I’m going to die,” said Xander. He buried his head in his hands. As Faith got to her feet Xander gently laid his hand on her arm.
“Later, the mission remember.”
“Fine,” grumbled Faith. She slumped down in her chair but Xander could see the trouble brewing there as every taunt hit home.
At least the entrance of the team distracted the surrounding fans as they were treated to a deafening rendition of ‘God save the Queen’
Faith and Xander bellowed the Star Spangled Banner to the accompaniment of the Vuvuzela drone and hostile stares of the surrounding England fans that made his back feel like it was sprouting daggers.
The game was surprisingly interesting. Xander wasn’t much into sports having spent too much time getting swirly’s from Sunnydale High jocks and his only flirtation with organised sports had almost led to him turning into the creature from the black lagoon. Faith predictably liked her sports on the violent side and thought soccer was a game for girls. When Xander had pointed out that she was a girl she had just rolled her eyes
Suddenly an English player called Terry slipped and Donavan was through to slot the ball past the despairing stretch of the England goalkeeper. Amazingly the United States had taken the lead against the run of play.
The far end of the stadium went totally mad. The end Xander and Faith were in fell into a dejected silence apart from two mad individuals jumping up and down, celebrating like a pair of loons at the top of their lungs.
“Hell yeah!! Take that you limey fuckers.” Faith screamed. She jumped up and down like a mad woman. Xander had lost it too. The goal providing him with such an adrenaline rush plus jumping Faith total bonus. The American players wheeled away in celebration and Xander become suddenly aware of Faith’s lips on his, her tongue in his mouth. Then she broke away and he joined her exuberant chants of “USA, USA.” Then he literally felt the temperature drop as if the sun had been blocked out which it had as a pair of very angry looking England fans loomed over them.
“Hey Yank, park it.”
“What if he doesn’t want to,” said Faith. “You want to make it two nil.”
The fans face coloured and his fist clenched until his mate laid a hand on his arm. “She’s a girl. Just leave it. Sides Rooney’s having a cracker, soon wipe the smirk off.”
“Hey, just some friendly rivalry,” said Xander. “Our friend in England got us the tickets.”
“Fine, just keep your girl in check.”
“Not much hope there,” said Xander. “Besides she’s not my girl.”
“Right.” The fan replied, he smirked as the tension drained from the situation and tipped Xander the wink.
Faith glared at him and gave him a gentle punch in the shoulder.
“Hey, it was just about to get interesting Harris.”
“Yeah, in front of an audience of thousands,” said Xander.
Faith grumbled for a few moments more and kept shooting angry glances at either Xander or other fans who dared to look in their direction. The angry buzzing of the Vuvuzela’s also contributed to a souring of her mood.
“Any sign of our demon?” asked Xander.
“I think it’s the squat balding one,” replied Faith pointing at one of the England players. “He looks evil. Plus we gotta chance of a twofer.”
“What?”
“Well if he’s the demon which looks pretty certain. I mean look how he plays, looks damn supernatural to me. So I say we get with the slaying, plus bonus they lose their best player,” said Faith. She grinned happily at Xander.
“You’re serious?” Xander deadpanned.
“Sure, win, win,” said Faith.
“And how exactly are we going to do that?” asked Xander.
“Jeez, get with the program Harris. You really think I’ll have any difficulty getting access to the changing room. I say we do it at half time. Bonus it tips the game in our favour.”
Suddenly the English player slipped his marker with an exquisite turn, then dinked the ball inside and received the return with just a hint of it brushing accidently against his hand, skipped over the desperate lunge of an American player and coolly slotted the ball past Tim Howard.
The crowd around them went wild and Xander and Faith groaned, slumped in their chairs with disappointment. Faith swore colourfully in the direction of the American defenders. Then the English striker came running over to celebrate in front of the English fans. Fans which unfortunately at that very moment included one very pissed off Slayer.
“Fuck this. I’m slaying his pasty British ass, demon or not, just the knee I promise. Did you see that was fucking handball.” Faith surged forward and was almost over the railing before Xander managed to catch hold of the edge of her tee shirt.
“Let go Harris.”
The English striker his emblazoned shirt proclaiming him to be Rooney suddenly became aware of the disturbance. Shortly afterwards he obviously became aware of the stream of foul language Faith was hurling in his direction and turned and glared angrily in their direction.
She grinned when he finally noticed her and very deliberately gave him the finger.
“Hey, you big fat Scouse bastard that was fucking hand ball.”
“Why don’t you come here and say that,” snapped Rooney. His face flushed red.
“You think I’m scared cause I’m a girl,” snapped Faith.
“No because you’re a Yank and you’re always late to the party,” taunted Rooney.
Xander groaned as Faith lost it. Even his ears started to burn at some of the language his Slayer started to use. Still he couldn’t help but feel that Rooney had what ever was coming to him.
***
“There appears to be some sort of disturbance over on the touch line. Wayne Rooney seems to have got involved with a spectator in the crowd,” said Clive Tyldesley.
“That’s correct Clive.”
The camera zoomed in on a very attractive brunette arguing with the England striker. She was flailing over the railing, clearly straining to get at the England striker who was now being held back by Steven Gerrard and Joe Cole.
“She appears to be being held back by a man in an eye patch,” said Clive.
“Oh dear, it’s looking serious. Wayne has broken free and is heading for the stands.”
“It appears that patch man has lost control of his girl.”
“Wayne’s obviously taken exception to something she has said. I apologise to viewers for the loss of sound but our bleep machine has overloaded.”
“Yes, but he shouldn’t get involved. He runs the risk of a red card.”
“Hang on something else is happening Clive.”
Suddenly the ground around the England Striker erupted and a grey tentacle burst forth wrapping around his leg and lifting him effortlessly from the ground. The rest of the hidden demon heaved itself from the ground. Other tentacles whipped out and plucked screaming stewards and fans from the crowd. It effortlessly snipped the head of a policeman with its beak like mouth.
“I think I’m going to be sick.”
“Oh my god an Octopus has grabbed Wayne Rooney and is beating him against the ground,” screamed Clive.
“Ouch he’s just been slammed against the ground. That’s got to hurt. There’s a serious risk of knee ligament damage there.”
“This is terrible. The question on everyone’s lips is going to be what exactly does this mean for England’s World Cup chances.”
****
Faith sprinted across the pitch and launched into a flying kick that stunned the demon temporarily causing it to drop a couple of English spectators including Lobster man who with a look filled with panic fled down the tunnel.
Xander was suddenly at her side swinging a piece of broken chair at the tentacle holding Rooney. The tentacle recoiled instinctively as he hit it but not before it slammed the England striker into the ground. He rolled away several times before struggling to his feet.
“Hey, I’ll dummy it,” screamed Rooney in Faith’s direction. He pointed at the corner flag. “Go get the fooking flag while I distract it.”
Faith grinned and nodded at the bloody England striker. She rushed over and wrenched the corner flag from the ground as Rooney raked his studs down the demons side and then head butted the side of the demon’s head.
Xander stepped up besides Rooney as he beat away another tentacle with his piece of football hooliganism.
“Sorry, about earlier. You really shouldn’t have scored,” said Xander.
“I’m about to be eaten by a fucking Octopus and you’re apologising.” Rooney shouted shaking his head in bemusement. He dived out of the way smartly and looked desperately round for the rest of his England team mates who seemed to have done a runner.
“Yeah,” replied Xander. “Just count yourself lucky she’s got distracted.”
Faith practically launched herself at the demon. She flew through the air and stabbed the corner flag down through the skull of the huge grey demon which exploded, showering them in gobbets of flesh and blood.
“Hey, are you alright?” asked Faith as she ran over. She held out her hand and pulled Rooney to his feet.
“Yeah,” said Rooney.
“Cool, still think I was scared?” Faith smirked at the England striker her hand on her hip. “You looked pretty scared to me.”
Rooney smirked, “Nah that wasn’t scary you should see my gaffer’s hairdryer. Now that’s scary.”
Faith grinned and looked round at the empty stadium. Her smile got wider as Xander enveloped her in a hug and she realized that at least the Vuvuzelas had stopped.
***
In far off London in a darkened room Giles groaned as the horrifying images played across the TV screen. Images he was sure were being played the world over of a wildly grinning American girl and a bloody man with a patch celebrating with a wild eyed England striker over the slaughtered remains of a Caraju demon.
He picked up his telephone and dialled Dawn.
“Yes, I think you’re right. We will have to go with the over exuberant goal celebration. Yes I’m sure they’ll buy it.”
Giles sighed and prayed that Dawn would pull it off although he really didn’t doubt it.Still the British press believed anything. At least he could draw comfort that one good thing had come out of this.
At least the game had been a draw.