Frustration
Maybe in my last entry I wrote a little bit too much about Spencer. Haha. Oh well. At least he won't ever read it :P.
Mom has lung cancer. She was diagnosed in either January or February, I can't remember which. My best friend Ashley moved in with us (my mom, dad, I and our cat, Klutzie) on February 23, 2005. Ever since these activities (i guess you could call them that) took place, EVERYthing has been going downhill since. Mom was going for sooo many tests that it didn't even make sense and neither did they seem to be helping. She was feeling crappier by the day and I was getting mad because she is much too weak to be going from one doctor to another. It really bothered me. One doctor put her on an anti-depressant. Another doctor put her on something for her to gain her appetite back so she could gain so weight and feel better. Another doctor was giving her a shot or sending her in for surgery or for one thing or another. Ah, hell, I can't even keep up with all the crap they are doing.
But anyway, that was just a brief overview of what she is going through. Now for my side of the story. First of all, my dad bought me a car last year in September and as of now it is the best car in our lot. It's the newest one we own starting out at a wopping 1996. Wow, yeah I know. But what an AWESOME first car. Nothing fancy though. The other cars, a 1990 and a 1991 Cadillac (another AWESOME car **evil grin**). So anyway. The best car in our lot. Of course for all of the tests that mom has to go in for I am driving her because I have the nicest car, damnit. Okay, so driving her isn't that bad, I confess. However one of the most aggravating things in my life right now is the fact that she has a torn knee ligament meaning that we have to either park as close to the door as possible, or I have to drop her off and fetch the car when we come back out. Just a pain in the ass that I had to make note of.
Then there is that little Welbutrin pill. The anti-depressant that I spoke of. HOLY HELL! Nobody wants there mom on an anti-depressant. The worst thing is: she's also an alcoholic. In the documentation of this pill we find that she can not abruptly stop drinking alcohol. Okay, of course she doesn't have a problem not quitting. But even when she DOES drink, the anti-depressant seems to work to no avail. When I think anti-depressant, I think a more pleasant person and one that can be happier and live a better life. But HELL NO! This psychotic bitch has been putting me through hell ever since she started taking those damn things. My sister (who lives 300 miles away and is ten years older than me) told me that part of the way I feel is because of my age (17). Possibly, however mom must be having an age thing too because there is no way that I am influencing the way she thinks at all. The only thing that my age should be affecting is how I felt. My mom makes me feel like shit. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, yes, but she should be helping me and I just want to kill her (not literally).
So I'm rambling. Agh. And I totally lost my train of thought. Huh, well that sucks. More on her later I guess. I hate it so much how my mind jumps around. I wish I could outgrow it. Blah.
I could say a little about Ashley... She is my best friend in the whole entire world. However, once you move in with someone you learn a whole WORLD of things that annoy you that you never EVER knew about before.
1) I hate getting phone calls 35 times a day and jumping up for every one hoping its my boyfriend and its some fruit that she met online. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This drives me CRAZY!
2) I hate it when the lights are left on when we leave for school in the morning. Its good practice to learn to control the bills before you actually have to PAY FOR THEM! This one probably only bothers me because of all the times I got yelled at for leaving the light on during the day and not using it. Your parents really do rub off on you. Damn.
3) We talk about everything. Something that guys think that girls like to do. There are just a few things that you don't wanna know about another girl, and I'm sure she feels the same way toward me. :\
4) Did I mention the phone thing?
5) Her cousin. This girl named TIffany is only like 19-21 years old. She has two kids, one was taken away shortly after birth, and she has had two abortions now. YET she still seems to refuse birth control, condom or ABSTINENCE! I don't get it.
6) She is so nosy when I'm on the computer or talking on the phone. Even writing this out I have to watch my back. When she is talking on the phone or using the computer, I try to make it a point and leave her alone so she will think about that when I am doing these things. But Noooooo. She pokes her flippin' nose.... agh, nevermind.
7) Her room is a big HUGE chunk of mine. The whole upstairs became mine when I moved here with my family. Its divided into two main sections and I took the smaller section (closed off by a door) knowing that I would want to be alone more often than she. We all get in our isolated moods. Now I will admit to saying that my room can be very messy sometimes but I don't even own enough things to fill up the whole upstairs. To get to my room, I have to walk through HER mess to get to mine. The thing that bothers me the most is that Dad won't yell at her but he used to ALWAYS come down on me hard to keep my room clean. He won't approach her at all.
8) Unfair treatment. This has to be the number 1 thing that I hate the most. Dad thinks she is so pretty and such an awesome daughter that he will buy her stuff and everything she wants and she goes wherever she wants and hes always asking where she is and she gets to use the cars and the list goes on and the list goes on. She was spending the night at Tiffany's the other night and he was waiting for her call because she went over late the night before so dad wouldn't let her take the car (alas, a little justice). So when she called her for him to go get her he turned to me and said "i have to go get my daughter." Nobody else may see why I hate this so much. He used to NEVER care where I went or what I did and all of a sudden he has to go get his "daughter" and make sure she makes it home. I took the car out a few nights ago like I always USED TO DO and i walked in and he got pissed off at me because the car was gone and she needed it for work. WTF?!
9) Not to mention, all the phone calls.
Not all of my hate is toward her. In fact, when it comes down to it, the unfair treatment coming from my dad is what makes me the maddest and is probably the reason why I see all these flaws in her. Maybe if I didn't have to deal with Father Asswhole I wouldn't be irritated with the phone calls or the loud annoying voice of hers. I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy.
I think I should go. This entry is WAY too long, especially considering I didn't even wanna write. Haha.
Spencer thinks I'm awesome. ;)
Mom has lung cancer. She was diagnosed in either January or February, I can't remember which. My best friend Ashley moved in with us (my mom, dad, I and our cat, Klutzie) on February 23, 2005. Ever since these activities (i guess you could call them that) took place, EVERYthing has been going downhill since. Mom was going for sooo many tests that it didn't even make sense and neither did they seem to be helping. She was feeling crappier by the day and I was getting mad because she is much too weak to be going from one doctor to another. It really bothered me. One doctor put her on an anti-depressant. Another doctor put her on something for her to gain her appetite back so she could gain so weight and feel better. Another doctor was giving her a shot or sending her in for surgery or for one thing or another. Ah, hell, I can't even keep up with all the crap they are doing.
But anyway, that was just a brief overview of what she is going through. Now for my side of the story. First of all, my dad bought me a car last year in September and as of now it is the best car in our lot. It's the newest one we own starting out at a wopping 1996. Wow, yeah I know. But what an AWESOME first car. Nothing fancy though. The other cars, a 1990 and a 1991 Cadillac (another AWESOME car **evil grin**). So anyway. The best car in our lot. Of course for all of the tests that mom has to go in for I am driving her because I have the nicest car, damnit. Okay, so driving her isn't that bad, I confess. However one of the most aggravating things in my life right now is the fact that she has a torn knee ligament meaning that we have to either park as close to the door as possible, or I have to drop her off and fetch the car when we come back out. Just a pain in the ass that I had to make note of.
Then there is that little Welbutrin pill. The anti-depressant that I spoke of. HOLY HELL! Nobody wants there mom on an anti-depressant. The worst thing is: she's also an alcoholic. In the documentation of this pill we find that she can not abruptly stop drinking alcohol. Okay, of course she doesn't have a problem not quitting. But even when she DOES drink, the anti-depressant seems to work to no avail. When I think anti-depressant, I think a more pleasant person and one that can be happier and live a better life. But HELL NO! This psychotic bitch has been putting me through hell ever since she started taking those damn things. My sister (who lives 300 miles away and is ten years older than me) told me that part of the way I feel is because of my age (17). Possibly, however mom must be having an age thing too because there is no way that I am influencing the way she thinks at all. The only thing that my age should be affecting is how I felt. My mom makes me feel like shit. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, yes, but she should be helping me and I just want to kill her (not literally).
So I'm rambling. Agh. And I totally lost my train of thought. Huh, well that sucks. More on her later I guess. I hate it so much how my mind jumps around. I wish I could outgrow it. Blah.
I could say a little about Ashley... She is my best friend in the whole entire world. However, once you move in with someone you learn a whole WORLD of things that annoy you that you never EVER knew about before.
1) I hate getting phone calls 35 times a day and jumping up for every one hoping its my boyfriend and its some fruit that she met online. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This drives me CRAZY!
2) I hate it when the lights are left on when we leave for school in the morning. Its good practice to learn to control the bills before you actually have to PAY FOR THEM! This one probably only bothers me because of all the times I got yelled at for leaving the light on during the day and not using it. Your parents really do rub off on you. Damn.
3) We talk about everything. Something that guys think that girls like to do. There are just a few things that you don't wanna know about another girl, and I'm sure she feels the same way toward me. :\
4) Did I mention the phone thing?
5) Her cousin. This girl named TIffany is only like 19-21 years old. She has two kids, one was taken away shortly after birth, and she has had two abortions now. YET she still seems to refuse birth control, condom or ABSTINENCE! I don't get it.
6) She is so nosy when I'm on the computer or talking on the phone. Even writing this out I have to watch my back. When she is talking on the phone or using the computer, I try to make it a point and leave her alone so she will think about that when I am doing these things. But Noooooo. She pokes her flippin' nose.... agh, nevermind.
7) Her room is a big HUGE chunk of mine. The whole upstairs became mine when I moved here with my family. Its divided into two main sections and I took the smaller section (closed off by a door) knowing that I would want to be alone more often than she. We all get in our isolated moods. Now I will admit to saying that my room can be very messy sometimes but I don't even own enough things to fill up the whole upstairs. To get to my room, I have to walk through HER mess to get to mine. The thing that bothers me the most is that Dad won't yell at her but he used to ALWAYS come down on me hard to keep my room clean. He won't approach her at all.
8) Unfair treatment. This has to be the number 1 thing that I hate the most. Dad thinks she is so pretty and such an awesome daughter that he will buy her stuff and everything she wants and she goes wherever she wants and hes always asking where she is and she gets to use the cars and the list goes on and the list goes on. She was spending the night at Tiffany's the other night and he was waiting for her call because she went over late the night before so dad wouldn't let her take the car (alas, a little justice). So when she called her for him to go get her he turned to me and said "i have to go get my daughter." Nobody else may see why I hate this so much. He used to NEVER care where I went or what I did and all of a sudden he has to go get his "daughter" and make sure she makes it home. I took the car out a few nights ago like I always USED TO DO and i walked in and he got pissed off at me because the car was gone and she needed it for work. WTF?!
9) Not to mention, all the phone calls.
Not all of my hate is toward her. In fact, when it comes down to it, the unfair treatment coming from my dad is what makes me the maddest and is probably the reason why I see all these flaws in her. Maybe if I didn't have to deal with Father Asswhole I wouldn't be irritated with the phone calls or the loud annoying voice of hers. I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy.
I think I should go. This entry is WAY too long, especially considering I didn't even wanna write. Haha.
Spencer thinks I'm awesome. ;)