An angel called Carla
Carla represented everything that was stable in my life. As 'chaotic' as her own life was, she has always given me peace and security. She was my in case of emergency contact. As an expat, that is HUGE. I had no second thoughts about it. I knew Carla had my back whatever happens to me. I was secure in the thought that, if I died, my daughter will have a home with her.
That is how much I trust Carla. Not only do I trust her with my life, I would entrust my own daughter's life with her.
Now that Carla has passed on, It's like the carpet was swept beneath my feet and there is no floor. I am falling. I am off-kilter. It is a loss so profound and I am still trying to wrap my head around it.
I look at all the nice words and memories that people close to Carla have been posting on fb. It's all so beautiful and it brings me to tears. I look at all of Carla's photos and my brain still won't believe the fact that she is gone. Somehow I am still hoping this is one long nightmare or it's all a mistake or I am in some warped twilight zone and any moment now I'm gonna wake up to a world where Carla didn't leave.
People tell me that I have to accept it. And maybe in time I will. Maybe in time the tears will stop.
But tears won't stop me from celebrating the life that Carla has lived. A decade of which I've been lucky enough for her to share with me.
Whenever she would introduce me to people, she would say 'This is Tessa, my best friend'. This makes me so proud and happy. That someone loves me enough to label me their best friend. I look at the other people who she calls 'best friend' and see how great they all are. All weirdos, but great nonetheless. I always have a little doubt, though, do I even deserve that title? I don't know. What matters is, Carla thinks I do. And this is enough for me.
There won't be another Carla in my life. Two Carlas in one lifetime is like winning the lottery twice. One can't be THAT lucky.
I am sure my broken heart will mend in time. Until that time, I wish Carla peace and wish to see her again when my time comes.
I love you forever my dear friend. Please prepare a place in heaven for me. Sa ating muling pagkikita.
That is how much I trust Carla. Not only do I trust her with my life, I would entrust my own daughter's life with her.
Now that Carla has passed on, It's like the carpet was swept beneath my feet and there is no floor. I am falling. I am off-kilter. It is a loss so profound and I am still trying to wrap my head around it.
I look at all the nice words and memories that people close to Carla have been posting on fb. It's all so beautiful and it brings me to tears. I look at all of Carla's photos and my brain still won't believe the fact that she is gone. Somehow I am still hoping this is one long nightmare or it's all a mistake or I am in some warped twilight zone and any moment now I'm gonna wake up to a world where Carla didn't leave.
People tell me that I have to accept it. And maybe in time I will. Maybe in time the tears will stop.
But tears won't stop me from celebrating the life that Carla has lived. A decade of which I've been lucky enough for her to share with me.
Whenever she would introduce me to people, she would say 'This is Tessa, my best friend'. This makes me so proud and happy. That someone loves me enough to label me their best friend. I look at the other people who she calls 'best friend' and see how great they all are. All weirdos, but great nonetheless. I always have a little doubt, though, do I even deserve that title? I don't know. What matters is, Carla thinks I do. And this is enough for me.
There won't be another Carla in my life. Two Carlas in one lifetime is like winning the lottery twice. One can't be THAT lucky.
I am sure my broken heart will mend in time. Until that time, I wish Carla peace and wish to see her again when my time comes.
I love you forever my dear friend. Please prepare a place in heaven for me. Sa ating muling pagkikita.