Circle spinning round and round / Fire burning, circle turning ever faster round and round
Day 118, Saturday, September 26
Sun's so high I can't see nothin' but shadow
The Thiess Farm
Pa was all set on Johnny 'n me stayin' 'round 'till the harvest was in, and maybe longer. But there ain't no way. I seen Johnny gettin' twitchy this week, havin' t'put up with Paul's jabs 'n Pa's looks. He's got that look where his skin's gettin' tight and he wants t'go runnin'. But we heard the sounds at night in the last week. Woods have been quiet this past few days, but he dunt seem t'want t'take the chance.
And fer me, I just dunt feel as at home here as I did. Sure, fer the first couple days it was nice. But then all the little things started buildin'. It's mostly Pa. He's so judgin', all the time. I hardly got that feelin' off 'a any 'a the folks I talked with in town. I seem t'have made more friends than Johnny in my short time there, too. 'Cept fer that boy he dunt want t'talk 'bout, the one as went out t'the Carnival with him. And 'cept fer the hound god, 'cause he dunt sound like no-one's friend. Syl's probably some pissed that I ain't showed up at all. I got some 'a the journals copied out this week, and I figure I'll show her a few things from 'em t'make peace.
And Kate. I still ain't sure how I feel 'bout her. Okay, I'm sorta sure, but I dunt think she feels like that. She's such a proper lady, but even though she's so kind it's hard seein' her doin' anythin' that most folk'd consider unnatural. I think I kept everythin' hidden from Pa, but I know Ma's seen me bein' more affectionate 'n normal with a friend before. She ain't said anythin' though, so maybe she figures I grew out 'a it.
We managed t'come t'agreement with everyone in the end. Johnny 'n I are goin' back tomorrow after service. First though, I got t'try callin' on the Family. We told them some 'a what the folk in town suspect, 'bout the thing livin' in the tower. Even if it ain't that, it's the most important thing any 'v us hav heard. I read through the journals too, and none 'a the family's ever bin this close t'it. Not since the oldest stories, 'bout where it all started fer us. And it's only us girls who know anythin' 'bout that. Let the boys have their book, and their kind myths. There's such they ain't ready to hear, not it they're goin' t'fight proper. Always bin like that.
So it's brightest noon, and here I am out in the grove. The chapel's good, but it's too closed off fer this kind 'a work. Might be safer, but I done most 'a my work in this clearing, just on the edge 'a the fields past the chapel. I've laid a cord out 'round the edge, and there're bottles hangin' from branches, kept level by their cords. Worked long 'n hard on what's in 'em. Lots 'a the easiest things fer me in the journals was this kind 'a thing, creatin' a space fer workin' or livin'.
I light the fire, feedin' it before castin' the powder on it. The smoke shows red at it starts t'spark 'n burn. I breathe the fumes in deep before startin' the chant. Long, rollin' phrases, like nothin' I seen outside 'a the journals. The smoke's makin' my throat itch 'n I'm startin' t'sweat, but I keep chantin', movin' now.
"Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna, Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna, Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna..."
I'm twirlin' now, spinnin' in circles, simple dress swirlin' out 'round as I move, not dancin' just movin'. My gaze is followin' the smoke as it rises and it seems like I rise with it, steppin' between sunbeams, steppin' on smoke. There's pictures in my head, images formin' in the air, women in the fields 'r in a shop 'r tendin' a babe, woman pickin' flowers and women pickin' poisons. Girls not even to their first blood lookin' up at me risin' in their heads, seein' somethin' we hardly ever do. Some fair, some dark, but all Family. Blood callin' t'smoke callin' t'blood. I can feel the heat from the flames through it all. I know it'll hurt when I'm done. There's always a price t'pay fer this.
And then it goes wrong.
I open my mouth 'n mind t'speak, t'give warning and the call t'gather when I choke. I can't breathe can't move can't see can't hear there a hand pullin' me down pushin' me down pressure like a storm buildin' and I can feel the flames and there's somethin' wet on my face and then it's gone.
I'm layin naked in ashes. The fire's burned down t'ash. The grove, ash. The rope's ash. I can't sit up yet, the memory of a hand pushin' m down holdin' me down too strong fer me t'move.
I lick my lips 'n taste blood. Iron and salt and it frees me enough t'sit up. There's broken, charred glass all 'round. Half 'a my life is gone in an instant, and I'm not hurt but fer a bloodied nose. Everythin' ash. There's a message here. It could have killed us all. Turned the whole farm to cinders with a thought.
But it didn't. It wants something. And God and Lady help us, there's just us. No Family. No help, no warriors, no wolves, no witches. Just us.
Sun's so high I can't see nothin' but shadow
The Thiess Farm
Pa was all set on Johnny 'n me stayin' 'round 'till the harvest was in, and maybe longer. But there ain't no way. I seen Johnny gettin' twitchy this week, havin' t'put up with Paul's jabs 'n Pa's looks. He's got that look where his skin's gettin' tight and he wants t'go runnin'. But we heard the sounds at night in the last week. Woods have been quiet this past few days, but he dunt seem t'want t'take the chance.
And fer me, I just dunt feel as at home here as I did. Sure, fer the first couple days it was nice. But then all the little things started buildin'. It's mostly Pa. He's so judgin', all the time. I hardly got that feelin' off 'a any 'a the folks I talked with in town. I seem t'have made more friends than Johnny in my short time there, too. 'Cept fer that boy he dunt want t'talk 'bout, the one as went out t'the Carnival with him. And 'cept fer the hound god, 'cause he dunt sound like no-one's friend. Syl's probably some pissed that I ain't showed up at all. I got some 'a the journals copied out this week, and I figure I'll show her a few things from 'em t'make peace.
And Kate. I still ain't sure how I feel 'bout her. Okay, I'm sorta sure, but I dunt think she feels like that. She's such a proper lady, but even though she's so kind it's hard seein' her doin' anythin' that most folk'd consider unnatural. I think I kept everythin' hidden from Pa, but I know Ma's seen me bein' more affectionate 'n normal with a friend before. She ain't said anythin' though, so maybe she figures I grew out 'a it.
We managed t'come t'agreement with everyone in the end. Johnny 'n I are goin' back tomorrow after service. First though, I got t'try callin' on the Family. We told them some 'a what the folk in town suspect, 'bout the thing livin' in the tower. Even if it ain't that, it's the most important thing any 'v us hav heard. I read through the journals too, and none 'a the family's ever bin this close t'it. Not since the oldest stories, 'bout where it all started fer us. And it's only us girls who know anythin' 'bout that. Let the boys have their book, and their kind myths. There's such they ain't ready to hear, not it they're goin' t'fight proper. Always bin like that.
So it's brightest noon, and here I am out in the grove. The chapel's good, but it's too closed off fer this kind 'a work. Might be safer, but I done most 'a my work in this clearing, just on the edge 'a the fields past the chapel. I've laid a cord out 'round the edge, and there're bottles hangin' from branches, kept level by their cords. Worked long 'n hard on what's in 'em. Lots 'a the easiest things fer me in the journals was this kind 'a thing, creatin' a space fer workin' or livin'.
I light the fire, feedin' it before castin' the powder on it. The smoke shows red at it starts t'spark 'n burn. I breathe the fumes in deep before startin' the chant. Long, rollin' phrases, like nothin' I seen outside 'a the journals. The smoke's makin' my throat itch 'n I'm startin' t'sweat, but I keep chantin', movin' now.
"Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna, Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna, Isis Astarte Hecate Demeter Kali Inanna..."
I'm twirlin' now, spinnin' in circles, simple dress swirlin' out 'round as I move, not dancin' just movin'. My gaze is followin' the smoke as it rises and it seems like I rise with it, steppin' between sunbeams, steppin' on smoke. There's pictures in my head, images formin' in the air, women in the fields 'r in a shop 'r tendin' a babe, woman pickin' flowers and women pickin' poisons. Girls not even to their first blood lookin' up at me risin' in their heads, seein' somethin' we hardly ever do. Some fair, some dark, but all Family. Blood callin' t'smoke callin' t'blood. I can feel the heat from the flames through it all. I know it'll hurt when I'm done. There's always a price t'pay fer this.
And then it goes wrong.
I open my mouth 'n mind t'speak, t'give warning and the call t'gather when I choke. I can't breathe can't move can't see can't hear there a hand pullin' me down pushin' me down pressure like a storm buildin' and I can feel the flames and there's somethin' wet on my face and then it's gone.
I'm layin naked in ashes. The fire's burned down t'ash. The grove, ash. The rope's ash. I can't sit up yet, the memory of a hand pushin' m down holdin' me down too strong fer me t'move.
I lick my lips 'n taste blood. Iron and salt and it frees me enough t'sit up. There's broken, charred glass all 'round. Half 'a my life is gone in an instant, and I'm not hurt but fer a bloodied nose. Everythin' ash. There's a message here. It could have killed us all. Turned the whole farm to cinders with a thought.
But it didn't. It wants something. And God and Lady help us, there's just us. No Family. No help, no warriors, no wolves, no witches. Just us.