(no subject)
im contemplating weather or not ive hit my all time low.. i know i could get worse.. but will i?
chances are i will unfortunatly.. unless of a miracle and at the moment im not in as much need of a miracle as someone else i know..
she went in for day surgery.. they fucked it up.. she had a stroke.. they couldnt handle it.. they have now had to put her in an induced coma. her brain has swollen.. she does not respond.. chances are she wont make it.. and if she does she may not be 'the same person' again.
its sad.. really sad. most sweetest ever. but their are some strange things sourrounding this .. mum and i spoke about it, it was a really good talk.. one of those ones that leave you wondering what is god doing.. not as in wat is he doing hes shit.. but as in what is he doing hes amazing yet, works in such strange ways. we MUST have faith.. she gave her life to help people. so much so she had to get away but this happened b4 she could.. and we feel she may not be fighting to recover.. hence her no response. helping people to the brink of your own depression is pretty amazing.
my sister has had a setback, shes not as bad as the start of the year but we think shes stoped taking her tablets.. so shes quit her new job (that lasted a whole 2 maybe 3 weeks max. b4 she did her usual paranoia which is a worry.. it used to be about 6 months at the job b4 the paranoia set in) it angers and upsets me at the same time.. her medication is so damn expensive she cant afford it.. so she opts not to buy it, but as an on looker i see it as an essential for her to live a normal life.. what happened to her b4 when she reached rock bottom.. no one could even begin to imagine how it felt for her.. so so so alone. we see how she is on the outside.. but we will never know how bad it is for her on the inside. then i see her.. i know her.. shes my sister.. she doesnt belong in an institution.. she could contribute to society so so so so much ... but it all goes back to those damn little tablets that are so expensive to buy.
but you can only help those who want to be helped. she might think shes better.. but i can see it comming back and im scared. will she ever make it? who knows.
brighter news.. had kieras baby shower today.. so many cute little tops.. hes got one that says 'i love boobies' so damn cute.. and little addidas booty things haha so exciting.. i want him to come out already!!!
life changes so quickley eh!
im so different now then to what i used to be who would have thought!
anyways i have a perminant thursday nite and saturday job at mg's skin and beauty in the towers.. part of a big hair salon too its fun.. such happy people.
you only get out of life.. what you put in. and i dont wanna be at the butchers for the rest of my life.. i want a career well something i can say i can do.. not just a job that any kid can pick up ..
also ive decided hopefully next year i will go travel at the end of the year.. to ireland.. id love to stay for a while but im only gona go for a couple weeks then come back then if i like it move over their and work for a bit.. but thhats if i like it over their.
i have big dreams i wanna do things i just hope i can commit to them and stay focused!
all up today has been a bad/good day.. just things keep going bad.. but its nice to look forward to a new little life.. blood related to me.. ill be hte best auntie i can!!!!! and hes got a lot of love and support! yay
x0x
chances are i will unfortunatly.. unless of a miracle and at the moment im not in as much need of a miracle as someone else i know..
she went in for day surgery.. they fucked it up.. she had a stroke.. they couldnt handle it.. they have now had to put her in an induced coma. her brain has swollen.. she does not respond.. chances are she wont make it.. and if she does she may not be 'the same person' again.
its sad.. really sad. most sweetest ever. but their are some strange things sourrounding this .. mum and i spoke about it, it was a really good talk.. one of those ones that leave you wondering what is god doing.. not as in wat is he doing hes shit.. but as in what is he doing hes amazing yet, works in such strange ways. we MUST have faith.. she gave her life to help people. so much so she had to get away but this happened b4 she could.. and we feel she may not be fighting to recover.. hence her no response. helping people to the brink of your own depression is pretty amazing.
my sister has had a setback, shes not as bad as the start of the year but we think shes stoped taking her tablets.. so shes quit her new job (that lasted a whole 2 maybe 3 weeks max. b4 she did her usual paranoia which is a worry.. it used to be about 6 months at the job b4 the paranoia set in) it angers and upsets me at the same time.. her medication is so damn expensive she cant afford it.. so she opts not to buy it, but as an on looker i see it as an essential for her to live a normal life.. what happened to her b4 when she reached rock bottom.. no one could even begin to imagine how it felt for her.. so so so alone. we see how she is on the outside.. but we will never know how bad it is for her on the inside. then i see her.. i know her.. shes my sister.. she doesnt belong in an institution.. she could contribute to society so so so so much ... but it all goes back to those damn little tablets that are so expensive to buy.
but you can only help those who want to be helped. she might think shes better.. but i can see it comming back and im scared. will she ever make it? who knows.
brighter news.. had kieras baby shower today.. so many cute little tops.. hes got one that says 'i love boobies' so damn cute.. and little addidas booty things haha so exciting.. i want him to come out already!!!
life changes so quickley eh!
im so different now then to what i used to be who would have thought!
anyways i have a perminant thursday nite and saturday job at mg's skin and beauty in the towers.. part of a big hair salon too its fun.. such happy people.
you only get out of life.. what you put in. and i dont wanna be at the butchers for the rest of my life.. i want a career well something i can say i can do.. not just a job that any kid can pick up ..
also ive decided hopefully next year i will go travel at the end of the year.. to ireland.. id love to stay for a while but im only gona go for a couple weeks then come back then if i like it move over their and work for a bit.. but thhats if i like it over their.
i have big dreams i wanna do things i just hope i can commit to them and stay focused!
all up today has been a bad/good day.. just things keep going bad.. but its nice to look forward to a new little life.. blood related to me.. ill be hte best auntie i can!!!!! and hes got a lot of love and support! yay
x0x