Smells Like Teen Spirit
Yesterday, of a sudden, our building began to stink of ass.
Bad ass.
It was ass all over, both upstairs and down, in every nook and cranny, everywhere there were vents. Everywhere there were doorways. Everywhere there were people. The stench was damn near palpable; I could practically feel it oozing across my skin. The effect was so real that I had to fight the intense desire to take a wire brush to all exposed body parts in order to rid myself of the stink.
It was everywhere.
A-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S
Ass, no matter which direction we turned but, apparently, "nearly unbearable scent of ass" isn't considered reason enough to go home, so at work we stayed, and at work we suffered (moreso than usual). Every door was thrown open and matches were struck by the thousands in the inevitably vain effort to kill the noxious odor (or at least coax it to move on to other targets). Candles were lit in an attempt to combat it, but my boss sneakily nabbed the most potent in my collection (dark blue in color and overwhelmingly floral in nature) (also: THAT BITCH!) so I was left with only my sunny yellow honeysuckle jar and the dubious ability to hold my breath for thirty second intervals, but all that opening doors and lighting candles really accomplished was that we now worked in an area with a chilly arctic breeze that helped to better consolidate the stench in my office space, an office space that still stank of ass, but with the added bonus of a delightful dash of honeysuckle on the side.
Honeysuckle dashed ass.
Nice.
I think I'll suggest that the next time they decide to snake the urinals, they not do so during office hours....
(Although I do think I deserve bonus points for bidding our external auditor adieu with the statement "I hope that tomorrow you get to work in a building that doesn't smell like ass" and standing by, a wide-eyed and totally innocent bystander, as she snarfed her coffee in response.)
Bad ass.
It was ass all over, both upstairs and down, in every nook and cranny, everywhere there were vents. Everywhere there were doorways. Everywhere there were people. The stench was damn near palpable; I could practically feel it oozing across my skin. The effect was so real that I had to fight the intense desire to take a wire brush to all exposed body parts in order to rid myself of the stink.
It was everywhere.
A-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S
Ass, no matter which direction we turned but, apparently, "nearly unbearable scent of ass" isn't considered reason enough to go home, so at work we stayed, and at work we suffered (moreso than usual). Every door was thrown open and matches were struck by the thousands in the inevitably vain effort to kill the noxious odor (or at least coax it to move on to other targets). Candles were lit in an attempt to combat it, but my boss sneakily nabbed the most potent in my collection (dark blue in color and overwhelmingly floral in nature) (also: THAT BITCH!) so I was left with only my sunny yellow honeysuckle jar and the dubious ability to hold my breath for thirty second intervals, but all that opening doors and lighting candles really accomplished was that we now worked in an area with a chilly arctic breeze that helped to better consolidate the stench in my office space, an office space that still stank of ass, but with the added bonus of a delightful dash of honeysuckle on the side.
Honeysuckle dashed ass.
Nice.
I think I'll suggest that the next time they decide to snake the urinals, they not do so during office hours....
(Although I do think I deserve bonus points for bidding our external auditor adieu with the statement "I hope that tomorrow you get to work in a building that doesn't smell like ass" and standing by, a wide-eyed and totally innocent bystander, as she snarfed her coffee in response.)